I'm Sorry
By: mysterychic
Disclaimer: I've informed my relative's that I would like Sam and Dean Winchester for my birthday.
Summery: Mary's thoughts as she sees Sam and Dean at the end of 'Home'.

I walked through the house, the house that I know so well, for all the years that have passed since I last walked these halls.

I know they can see me now, though Sam doesn't recognise me as he pulls the girl from her bed, the girl's brother in his arms. My brave Sammy. I know I must look strange, but I can't tell. You lose senses when you die.

I can feel the children leave my house, but my Sammy's still inside, being hurt by the thing that has dared to invade my house. Dean rushes to save him.

Dean. So protective of his little brother. Ever since the night I died, he's always taken good care of my baby. "Sam! Sam!"

Dean rushes in now, waving a gun around, trying to protect his younger brother from harms way.

Strange. I can feel something probing me…Sam? No, it can't be, he doesn't have what I had, I didn't pass it on…

"No! Don't! Don't!" says Sam to his brother

"What? Why?"

Even though it is taking so much of his strength to turn to look at me, he does. "Because I know who it is. I can see her now."

I suppose I should try to help Sam explain by finding a form that Dean would know. The form I wore it life. I feel the fire melt away, until I am human again or at least, I look it.

"Mom?" Dean lowers the gun, instantly guilty at having pointed the gun at me.

But I am proud, so very proud of him. He taught my Sam all the things that I wasn't there to teach. He looked after Sam all the times I wasn't there to look after him. I couldn't be more proud of him, and I hope he knows. But I don't have time to tell him these things. I hope he can tell how proud I am with the one word I can give him.

"Dean."

I smile, looking into his eyes for that split second before turning to Sam. He knows.

"Sam."

My little baby boy, all grown up. He tried so hard to get away from all this, but he's back now. It's not the life I would have chosen for my boys, but it's the best John could do under the circumstances.

I probe into Sam's mind as I did Dean's. I frown at what I discover.

"I'm sorry"

I can see tears in Sam's eyes. "For, for what?"

I'm sorry for giving you my gift. It makes life so hard.

I'm sorry for what happened to Jessica. You finally had the life you had always wanted, but it was cruelly snatched away.

I'm sorry you never knew me. It made you an outsider in your own family.

But I can't say these things; I can only turn away, doing the only thing possible to protect my boys. I destroy myself to protect them both, this time. To give them life.

To save them, I have to leave them again.