A/N: This is the chapter I have wanted to write since OOTP came out. If it sounds familiar, I did not intentionally plagiarize anyone. I think we all want to say some of the same things to Harry about what has happened to him. My apologies if I accidently used someone else's words.

I own nothing concerning Harry Potter. I don't even own the books, my kids do.

A/N 2: Thanks to my beta, Jestana. She has been a very large help in keeping me on the straight and narrow. Thanks also to Silvana, whose comment about last chapter was, "It's about bloody time!"

Chapter Twelve: First, You Have to Stop Digging

The following week, Harry showed up for his first Occlumency lesson with Dorian in a grand sulk. He didn't want to do this, even though he knew it would help in the long run. Harry was feeling put upon, and he wanted everyone to know.

When Harry walked into the classroom, Dorian knew that tonight was the night. He had to confront Harry, and he still wasn't sure exactly how he would do it.

"Have you been clearing your mind the way it said to in the books?"

"Yes, sir."

"Very well. Legilimens!"

Harry held out for a short while, but eventually Dorian was able to force his way into his mind. Once Dorian was in his mind, he went looking for specific memories; the ones of Cedric Diggory, and Sirius Black. He found the actual memories of what happened, as well as Harry's memories of the nightmares he had had since those incidents, showing that Harry still believed it was his fault that the two of them had died. Dorian kept looking, waiting for Harry to get upset enough with him to throw him out of his head.

Finally, it happened. With a muttered spell Harry shoved Dorian out.

"Good. You were able to get me out, but it took too long, and I was able to see too much. We need to work on you building shields to keep people out altogether."

Harry was slumped at one of the desks. "I've tried, but I can't figure out how to do it, and when I do get something built, it isn't very strong, and just falls down the first time you or Professor Snape pushes on it."

"I believe one of your problems is that you have no energy, no passion, to put into building a wall. You are depressed, and that has sapped the energy that fuels your magic. We must deal with the depression before you will be able to succeed with your Occlumency."

Harry immediately got defensive. "Well, if you had to deal with everything I've had to deal with over the last couple of years, you might be a little depressed, too!"

"Harry, I did not say you weren't entitled to be depressed. You are. In fact, you have held up remarkably well under the burden you have had placed on your shoulders. I would be worried if you weren't depressed, especially with losing your godfather last school year. You do not get over things like that in just a few months. But, those feelings must be dealt with. You cannot do what you need to do to keep Voldemort out of your mind with your feelings in the turmoil they are currently in."

"How do I do that? How do I keep everything from constantly running around in my head? How do I stop the nightmares? How do I keep Cedric and Sirius and Mum and Dad and all the others I've seen in my visions from invading my dreams? They keep saying it's all my fault. And I agree with them. How do I keep myself from wanting everyone to just leave me alone, and then when they do, I'm so lonely I just want to curl up in a ball. I feel like I'm losing whatever grip I have on myself. I'm ready to fall off my broom, and all that's below me is black." Harry's dam had burst. All the negative feelings he'd been trying to suppress were boiling up inside of him, demanding expression. Dorian was the trigger, but he was also the safest outlet for Harry.

"Harry, the first thing you need to do is to accept that it was not all your fault. Yes, it is a shame your parents died, and left you alone. But, it was not your fault! You were only a year old. Yes, I know about the prophecy, but you must realize something. The prophecy says that the parents had already defied Voldemort three times. That means they were already a target! Voldemort would have been after them no matter what. You were an added bonus for him. You were not the main reason he was after James and Lily. James was an auror, and Lily was a muggleborn. They were targets in their own right. Did you know the Goblet was a portkey?"

"No."

"Did Dumbledore know?"

"No."

"How do you think you, as a fourth-year, would know better then Headmaster Dumbledore? If he didn't know, how would you?"

"But . . ."

"You were trying to be fair to Cedric. You both finished, and you wanted to share the limelight. That was a good impulse. The fact that the results were bad does not negate the fact that you were making a generous gesture, out of the fairness of your character. Voldemort is the only one to blame for Cedric's death, he and Wormtail. You could have done nothing to stop them. How long was it from the time you arrived until the time Wormtail cursed Cedric?"

"Only a couple of seconds."

"And you were supposed to see what was going on, deduce what was going to happen, and protect Cedric in only a couple of seconds?"

"When you put it that way, no."

"And did you do what Cedric asked you to, bringing his body back, at a risk to yourself?"

"It was his last request of me. It was the least I could do."

"Exactly. You did what he asked you to. You risked yourself to bring comfort to his parents. Did he or your parents' ghosts blame you when they came out of Voldemort's wand?"

"No."

"Then how do you feel they would blame you?"

"I . . . just feel there should have been something I could have done."

"What?"

Harry again lost his hold on his emotions. "I don't know! Just . . . there should have been something I could do!" His emotions were too high. Harry had to stand up and pace the classroom. He couldn't just sit still.

"You are not God! You do not have the gift of precognition! Unless Voldemort had sent you a vision of what he was going to do ahead of time, there was no time for you to do anything!" Dorian had to get through to Harry.

Harry sat on the floor. His legs wouldn't support him anymore. "I know. I just feel I could have done something more."

"You did what you could. All you could do was escape, so Voldemort couldn't kill you. You brought Cedric back to his parents the way he asked you to. That was all you could do."

"What about Sirius?"

"There, you do have some blame. But, so does Professor Dumbledore, so does Professor Snape, so does Sirius himself. The lion's share of the blame, though, again goes to Voldemort, and Bellatrix Lestrange. Voldemort was the one who sent you the vision. Bellatrix is the one who actually threw the curse that knocked Sirius backwards into the Veil."

"If I had asked Professor Snape, and waited for him to contact Sirius, I would have known Sirius was safe."

"Yes, and if Professor Snape had overcome his irrational feelings toward you, and taught you Occlumency, Voldemort would never have been able to send you the vision. If Headmaster Dumbledore hadn't shut Sirius up in that nightmare of a house, he would have been more willing to stay put. There is plenty of blame to go around. You do not need to take the bulk of blame on yourself. Sirius would be the last one to want you take the blame all on yourself."

Harry started to shake. Dorian moved toward him, and knelt down next to him. He took Harry in his arms, and held him as he finally began to cry.

"Harry, it's okay. You are not to blame. You cannot take all the burdens of our world on your shoulders. You are one person, and you are still a student. You have been given more than you ever should have."

After about fifteen minutes, Harry slowly stopped crying. He felt drained, but he also felt better than he had since the Triwizard Tournament. Someone had told him he didn't need to be strong for everyone. It was okay to not be Atlas. He drew away from Dorian, suddenly embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure you didn't need a student blubbering all over your shoulder."

"It was my privilege. I have a slightly different perspective on things, because I haven't been here all the time, but I am aware of what happened, both from what I heard, and what I saw from you. You are a teenager fighting a battle that by all rights you should be almost unaware of. The adult wizards of our society should have taken the responsibility many years ago to keep Voldemort from gaining power. Instead, they waited for 'The Boy-Who-Lived' to fight their battle for them. You came into our society not even knowing we existed, and we immediately pinned all our hopes of victory on your eleven-year-old self. You never had a chance to just be a wizard, to learn your place in our world. I know you never craved popularity. You just wanted a chance to be one of us, to learn how to be a wizard in peace, and you were never allowed that. I think our society owes you a chance to heal."

Harry began to cry again. He had not been able to cry all summer, and through the first part of the year. Now, he couldn't seem to stop for long. He felt embarrassed and ashamed to be doing it here in front of a teacher he had never met until a few months ago, but Professor Grey was lancing a wound that had festered for over five years, and had only been added to in the last two.

Dorian again held Harry and let him express the anger and sorrow he had been holding inside for way too long. He simply rubbed his back, and provided a shoulder.

Again, Harry stopped crying after about fifteen minutes. This time he simply sat in the circle of Dorian's arms. When he was fully calm, he drew away and stood up. Dorian stood up as well.

"Thank you. I guess I needed to hear what you said. Others have said similar things, but I couldn't accept them. Why did I hear it when you said it?"

"Sometimes it's easier to listen to a comparative stranger than someone you know well. With friends, you think they're simply saying it to make you feel better. Someone on the outside is more objective."

"Makes sense. It's almost curfew, so I'd best be getting up to the dorms."

"Yes. If you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on, you know where I am."

"Thanks, Professor. I might take you up on the offer."

With that, Harry turned and left the classroom. Dorian sat limply down at his desk. He felt totally drained, but hopeful. Maybe he had helped Harry turn the corner to recovery and acceptance. He hoped so. He didn't think he would have the energy to do this again.

As Harry lay on his bed, drifting to sleep, it suddenly occurred to him. 'How did he know all those things about everything that happened?'