Chapter 6 – The Litmus Test

A/N: Sorry this took so long. My flying schedule has been busier than normal and Thanksgiving added to it as well. I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks again to nevr for being my beta, he was pretty excited after going through this chapter. And to my wife, for taking the time to make sure all these words make sense when put together.

Time-wise, this chapter takes place immediately after the end of chapter 5.

I don't own Chuck and make no money, but if I did, Zachary and Yvonne would know where to go for a great burger in Wisconsin.

Sarah started to smile as she turned away from Chuck. 'How does he do that…charm me, even during hard moments?' She was kicking herself, though, because she hadn't wanted it to come out this way that she was a pilot. When she had seen how strong the attraction was between them, she had gotten it in her head to surprise him at some point by flying a contract trip when Morgan was on vacation. It hadn't worked out that way and now it looked like she had hidden the fact that she was a pilot. Good intentions that hadn't played out the way she had hoped.

Sarah was trying to figure out where to start when Chuck cleared his throat, bringing her back to the moment. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, Sarah. I mean, at some point we should talk about it, but with everything going on I understand if you want to wait."

'He's giving me an out, again.' Sarah could see that he was a little nervous, and his deep brown eyes darted back and forth between the road and her. "It's alright, Chuck, I appreciate you giving me an out, but I don't want to wait. I think now is as good a time as any. I'm just trying to put it together in my head."

"Or I could go first if you want," Chuck blurted out.

She snorted a little, "Seriously, Chuck, it's fine." Sarah put her hand on Chuck's, which was resting on the shifter of the car. She waited until he looked over at her and gave him the smile that she knew he liked. "Really, it's ok."

She knew that it was going to be hard for her to get through her story without breaking down at some point and didn't want to burden Chuck emotionally any more than she had so far. "I might get emotional, Chuck, and I don't want to pile more on you than I have already."

Chuck turned his hand and intertwined their fingers squeezing lightly. He didn't even have to say anything because she could already see it in his face. He peeked over at her and she could feel herself settle in the warmth of his calm demeanor.

"Alright, well, I was a late bloomer in high school. I played volleyball, but I wasn't that tall until my senior year. Prior to that, the boys really didn't notice me and I was fine with that. I had one close guy friend, Bryce, but we're not close anymore and I'll explain why later."

Sarah paused when she realized that she hadn't eaten since breakfast because of all the craziness. "Sorry, but can we stop somewhere to eat?"

Chuck's eyes shot open, "Oh, yeah, for sure," he said, glancing over at her, "Do you like hamburgers?"

With a raised eyebrow, she replied, "Uh, I love hamburgers, with extra pickles. Where are you taking me, Chuck?"

"In about an hour you'll find out." Her hand suddenly was getting squeezed repeatedly, almost like Chuck was pumping her hand. "Sorry. Got a little excited there." A stupid grin plastered his face.

She shook her head. "You're such a goof. Let me continue."

"Right, right. Sorry."

With a mock sigh, she continued, "So I stayed away from boys in high school altogether. Carina and I had become good friends our junior year, so it was easy for me to ignore the boys since she was the one who always caught their eye because she flirted so much. After our senior year, we both ended up going to Spartan College in Riverside that fall. Freshman year we were so busy getting our ratings that we didn't have time for much of anything, but my sophomore year wasn't pleasant. You know how they say "sophomore" means "wise fool"? Well, that was me. I thought I knew it all. I started flight instructing my sophomore year and one of my students was a young, rich, good-looking businessman. He ran a venture capitalist company that his dad had started, Kirk Holdings."

Chuck had a surprised look. "Lon Kirk? Sarah. Don't tell me you dated Lon Kirk?"

"Yeah, I did, and it was stupid. I can tell already you're not impressed."

"I'm not judging you, but he seems like a sleazeball to me."

"He was a sleazeball, I just didn't see it right away. He was relentless in asking me out. Gave me nice tips after each flight lesson." Chuck's eyebrows shot up. "I know, right? But I was blinded by the attention and money he gave me. My parents tried warning me about him, but I wouldn't listen. I thought I loved him. I was never pursued like that before and I liked it. But then I found out he was seeing someone else. I was doing some night training with a student and Carina was out with some friends at a club. Carina saw Lon with another woman, closer to his age, so she took a pic of them and texted it to me. I didn't see the text until I was done flying. Good thing, I was a wreck after."

Chuck cut in, "Sorry, but I, mmm…" Sarah saw Chuck shake his head and clench his fist, ready to take Lon on.

"Chuck, it's fine. It was years ago and I got over him pretty quick when I really looked at "us" from a realistic point of view. It still hurt."

"You didn't keep him as a student, did you?"

"Uh, no way! When he came in for his next lesson, the owner of the flight school talked with him and told him that he had a new instructor. When Lon started questioning why, the owner handed him a piece of paper with a picture of him at the club. I told my boss to tell him, 'If you're wondering why she is not your instructor anymore, this might be a clue.' He didn't say a word and walked out."

"Shut up! A pic from the club?! Sarah, that's awesome!" Sarah giggled at Chuck's antics.

"What's so funny?"

"You sounded like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy when you said that." Chuck beamed.

"He was a funny guy."

"He was, but we digress."

"Sorry. Sorry."

"Uh huh. Can I continue?"

Sarah "zipped" his lips and started to laugh when Chuck gave her a pouty lip.

Sarah smacked his shoulder. "You crack me up, Bartowski." though his lips were zipped, he had a smile which warmed her. Even though she was reliving some painful parts of her past, Chuck just made it easy. Comic relief in a way that she didn't get so emotionally bogged down in it all.

"SO ANYWAYS," Sarah put her elbow on the door and rested her head in her hand, "I'm going to continue now if that's okay with you?"

Chuck nodded. His eyes were smiling.

"I realized how poorly I had handled the Lon situation with everyone and decided I wasn't going to get involved with any guy while I was in college. It may have been a bit of an extreme, but I didn't need the distraction of having someone in my life that was any more than a friend. I wasn't used to the attention, so I focused on flying and school. During my senior year my dad's real estate company really took off. He started asking questions about jets since he would have to travel more across the country. Just before graduation, Dad asked both Carina and I if we would like to be pilots in the jet he was seriously thinking about buying. Neither of us could believe it. On top of that, he asked us what we thought of the jet and wanted us to do some research to make sure it fit what he wanted to do for the price range he wanted to stay in."

"Was it weird for you or Carina that your dad asked you guys to be his pilots?"

"Hey! I thought you weren't going to talk!"

Chuck wiggled his eyebrows at her. She could feel her heart skip a beat. Sarah was falling hard for him, faster than any guy she had ever met. She was in the middle of her story about why she was spooked to tell him that she was a pilot and he continued to prove to her that it had been a mistake that she hadn't told him sooner.

"It was weird that my dad asked. Both Carina and I were surprised because we were coming out of college, with no jet experience at all. Apparently, Dad did some legwork before asking us and talked to our instructors. After explaining the situation, he got them in contact with the insurance agent for the jet and, after some discussion, agreed to insure us."

"Are you serious?!" Chuck burst out.

Sarah quickly pointed at him with a flirtatious smile. "Hey, no talking."

Chuck squeaked out, "Sorry," eliciting a snicker from Sarah.

"It was a pretty awesome deal and of course we took it. Flying a super-midsize jet right out of college?! You'd be dumb to say no. So, Carina and I said yes and told him it was the right jet for the missions he would be flying. It was also during this time that I met Cole Barker. He was a pilot at the Burbank airport who Carina and I had run into when we were asking around about the Sovereign. When we told him why we were asking, he took a special interest in our investigation and helped us out quite a bit. After Carina and I were satisfied with our research, Cole asked me out and I agreed. We did hit it off well and I thought 'why not'. After going out for dinner we ended up at a club and it was there that Cole made his intentions very clear. He brazenly told me that I "owed" him for helping us and tried to force himself on me. When I questioned his behavior, he said that as a young female pilot just out of college that I should learn the ropes the right way. The shift in Cole's attitude really threw me because he had been a gentleman up to this point."

"Was this guy from the 70s or something?" Chuck questioned. Sarah could see his frustration and decided it was not the time to joke. "I mean, there might have been a stigma back then for the pilots and flight attendants to hook up when on the road, but this was different. Also, times have changed and there is, or at least should be, a mutual respect between male and female pilots and crew."

Sarah squeezed his hand. "I know, Chuck. I thought we had moved on from that Stone Age thinking, but apparently there are some still out there that think that way. Let's just say that by the time I had walked out the door, by myself, Cole had my drink all over his face and a pretty sore sack as well."

"That's my girl!"

Sarah wasn't sure if she had just heard correctly, but had he just said…

"Uhhhh, sorry. I don't own you Sarah and I hope that you understand that I didn't mean that in a possessive way." His eyes were desperate.

Sarah unbuckled and leaned over to place a warm kiss on Chuck's cheek. She whispered, with a teasing voice, "I appreciate the clarification. Unneeded, but still appreciated. I will say that I didn't mind hearing you say that I'm your girl." She could feel Chuck freeze as she pulled away. "You need focus on driving, Chuck," she said and let out a laugh when she saw his stunned expression.

She stared at him as she buckled back in and let herself get lost in him for a moment. He really did have a calming effect on her unlike anyone she'd ever met. And she didn't have to wonder if he had a hidden agenda, he'd been very open and honest with her.

"What?"

Sarah was shaken from her thoughts and realized that Chuck had spied her staring at him.

Sarah could feel the heat on her cheeks. "I don't know. You have a way with words that really affect me." She had to collect herself. "Let me finish and we can talk."

Chuck's eyes smiled.

The feelings inside of her made her heartbeat quicken. She wanted to embrace them, but needed to focus so that she could just finish the last part of the story, about Bryce.

"Towards the end of my junior year I met Bryce Larkin. He had transferred from California Aeronautical University in San Diego. There were four or five of us instructors that hung out quite a bit and Bryce kinda fit right in. He and I became close friends and it stayed that way for a few years."

"He was there when everything with Lon and then Cole went down. He was my male sounding board about men. He was sympathetic and we talked through my frustrations about men being so self-absorbed sometimes. As time went on, Bryce and I naturally grew closer. I asked Carina if I had a blind spot with Bryce when I started to have feelings for him. Carina didn't think I did and gave me the green light about going out with him. And so I did. He didn't pressure me, I just gave him hints that I was interested in more."

Sarah hesitated because she knew she had reached the part that would determine if Chuck Bartowski was the real deal. She had made the decision, after getting hurt by Cole, that she was going to wait until she was married before she gave herself away. Carina had mocked her back then, calling her old fashioned, but apologized afterwards when Sarah explained in more detail. Sarah had given herself away emotionally to two men and was left with only hurt and emptiness. If she would have given herself away physically, she felt it would have been for nothing. She didn't want that. Carina had never looked at it that way, but respected her friend's position.

Sarah continued, "We started to date and took it slow. Bryce knew where I had been emotionally with both Lon and Cole, so he didn't press me. After about a year I noticed Bryce started to get frustrated with me about not wanting to move forward physically with him more than we had at that point. We talked about it and I told him that I had promised myself that until I was married, I wasn't crossing that line. He relented, but when I look back, I can point to that conversation where things with Bryce changed. We started to argue more after that about petty things and I would get blamed somehow. Everything came to blow when, after a great evening together, Bryce tried to push again. I refused and he yelled at me, calling me a tease, and stormed out. When I tried calling him the next day, my call went to voicemail, but later that day he texted and said that he had been busy and would call back…he never did. Instead, he texted me that things weren't going to work out because he needed someone that would meet his physical needs as well as his emotional needs. The icing on the cake was when he said I needed to spread my legs a little and maybe I could keep a guy around."

There was silence after Sarah finished. Chuck seemed deep in thought. Sarah stared out the window afraid to think about what Chuck's silence meant.

"What an asshole!" He suddenly growled under his breath.

Sarah snapped her attention to Chuck, whose face and neck were red.

"I'm sorry for judging him like that, but, seriously, all because he couldn't get into your pants he leaves you? That is so…I mean…" Chuck huffed, "Sarah, he didn't deserve you. If Bryce couldn't respect the physical boundaries that you put up and threw away the relationship the two of you had because you wouldn't fulfill some conquest or something, well then, screw him. If he couldn't see how remarkable of a person you are, then Bryce didn't deserve you."

Sarah looked at Chuck, mouth agape. What Sarah had been thinking before he responded was so opposite of what he actually said, she was speechless. Chuck froze her. That thought was what came to mind when she began to laugh, causing Chuck to wrinkle his forehead in bewilderment.

"Well, I definitely didn't expect laughter from you after my comment. Why are you laughing?"

She gave him a soft look, loving she could probably admit to herself. "Oh Chuck, you warm my heart. You say the perfect thing when a girl needs to hear it. And I definitely needed to hear that."

Chuck dropped his head a little in embarrassment. "Sorry, not sorry?" flashing her a smile.

Sarah, without thinking, reached out and stroked Chuck's jaw. She jerked back quickly when she realized what she had done.

He looked over at her and stared for a second, a smile still on his face. "I liked your hand on my face." Then he turned back to focus on driving.

Sarah was reeling. Simple words. Simple gestures. Chuck made them feel so big. So important.

Gazing out the window, Sarah noticed that that they were nearing Milwaukee. How did the time go so quick? She was having a hard time finding her balance around Chuck at the moment. He kept reacting to her in ways she didn't expect, yet, the ways he did seemed to click another piece into place about how she felt about him. It was hard not to think long-term with him, and all in the span of less than two weeks! It scared her and excited her at the same time.

"Are you okay over there? I'm not scaring you off, am I? Kinda hard to escape when you're in a car I guess. Sooo, I'm sorry about that."

"Chuck," she said, as his mouth snapped shut. "It's true, I'm not going anywhere. I also don't want to go anywhere." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I do want to ask though, do my physical boundaries concern you at all? No matter how close we may get, will they be a stumbling block for you?"

She thought she already knew the answer, judging by the reaction he gave, but she wanted to hear it plain and simply.

"No, Sarah, it's not, and honestly, it takes the pressure off of me to have to worry about whether or not I'm doing enough in that department."

She looked away and bit her lower lip. 'It's his comments like that that could break my resolve,' she thought.

"Did I answer your question?" Chuck sounded concerned.

She waved her hand at him while she stared out the window. "I'm fine, just thinking." 'I want you so bad, Chuck Bartowski,' she thought. Sarah's mind was racing. She needed to get a handle on herself.

Sarah felt more relaxed now that she had gotten her "past" out of the way and suddenly realized how hungry she was. "Chuck, are we there yet?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? How old are you?"

She lowered her chin and gave him a flat look.

"I mean, hang on, I think I have a nookie in my back pocket for you."

Sarah playfully punched his shoulder. "I'm hangry, don't."

"Ok! Ok! Five more minutes and we'll be there." He rubbed his shoulder and gave her a sadder expression than was necessary.

She swiped his hand away and started to rub the spot she had hit. "Oh puh-lease, don't be such a drama queen." She swore she felt him shudder a little as she rubbed.

A couple minutes later, they pulled off onto the Silver Spring Drive exit in Glendale, a Milwaukee suburb. Chuck turned into the driveway and Sarah was confused by the sign, "Chuck, I thought we were getting burgers? This place has frozen custard."

"Don't worry, they have burgers here too and they're pretty awesome. In fact, I've never had their custard, but my friends who have say that Kopps frozen custard is some of the best in southeast Wisconsin. I tell them they have one of the better burgers that I've ever had and they look at me like I lost a limb, questioning me why I'd have a burger over custard."

"That is a fair question, Chuck, but I'm not sure if I had real frozen custard before. I mean, we are in Wisconsin, so I think we need to try that too, don't you think?"

"Well, full-disclosure, their malts are the pretty good too. I'm not sure if it's the custard or the chocolate syrup, but their malts are…." Chuck sudden stopped talking and nodded his up and down.

"Wow, you're getting pretty excited. First the burgers, now the malts. Do you need a moment?" Sarah shoved him as he turned the car off and opened his door.

"Come on, let's go, Miss Behavior."

Sarah let out a mock gasp, pointing to herself. "Me?"

Chuck grabbed her hand, "Come oooonnnn." Sarah looked down and at the sight of her hand surrounded by Chuck's. "Is this ok?"

Sarah leaned into him, "Oh, it's very ok."

When they walked in, Sarah noticed there was nowhere to sit and a lot of people stood around waiting for their orders. In the middle of the waiting area was a huge cherry, at least three feet in diameter, Sarah guessed, with a big spoon cutting into it. Strange, but it made her want some custard with a cherry on it. She snickered to herself, strange but effective.

Chuck pointed out the burger menu and the different malt flavors. She was overwhelmed by how many flavors there were, so decided on chocolate with her cheeseburger with extra pickles after Chuck said that was his favorite. Chuck ordered a cheeseburger with "The Works" and a chocolate malt. After he paid, Sarah and he stood by a bar table to wait for their order, holding hands.

"So how far of a drive is it from here to your buddy's house?"

"Oh, Chris's place is about an hour north. My guess is we'll get there around 8:30. Actually, I'm going to give him a quick call to let him know we're coming. I'm going outside for a minute, here's the order number if they call it before I come back."

She watched him walk out the door and talk animatedly to his buddy. She loved that his nose would wrinkle when he laughed and the twinkle in his eye showed the playfulness that encompassed the person of Chuck Bartowski.

Suddenly, Sarah froze. She glanced up at Chuck to make sure he didn't see her sudden change. She had just used the word "love" to describe something about him. It didn't scare her, but the thought had come so easily that it caused her pause.

Why did it come so easily? But that was a dumb question considering how easy the conversation had been with Chuck when she had poured her heart out to him. He hadn't judged her, actually, he had defended her and how she had handled everything with her past. She felt her pulse quicken a little at how compassionate he was towards her. He seemed to feel the hurt Sarah had when she was talking about the pain from her past.

"Did they call our number yet?"

Sarah jumped when she heard his voice right next to her. "Uhm, no, not yet. I didn't see you come back in."

"Sorry. I did notice you seemed to be somewhere else, but I didn't think you were really somewhere else." She could see he was giving her a hard time.

She was about to smack his shoulder again when their number was called and Chuck scooted away to grab their food. "You're lucky, Bartowski," she said. He turned around and stuck his tongue out at her. She covered her face and shook her head in exasperation.

Once in the car, Chuck handed her burger to her and just waited.

"What?"

Chuck had an expectant look. "I want to see what your reaction is to the burger and malt."

Just before she bit into the burger Sarah shrugged, "It's just a burger." And then she took a bite and before she knew it, she was moaning.

Chuck's eyes popped, and his face flushed. He opened the door, and said, "I'll leave you two alone."

Sarah was having a hard time from not choking and laughing because of the amazing flavors that elicited the embarrassing noise from her lips. "Get back in here."

"I don't know, Sarah, that was uh…"

"Just shut the door and your mouth and start eating your burger." She looked at her burger and then back at Chuck. "I'm not going to question your burger expertise ever again."

"Try your malt, your experience isn't over yet."

"Thank you for prepping me." She took her sip and still moaned, but with her mouth closed, and then she giggled. "Chuck Bartowski, you are going to be the death of me. Is it your goal for me to make these noises?"

Chuck did his eyebrow thing, then started into his hamburger.

In no time, crumbs were all that remained.

Sarah licked her fingers, "Mmm-mmm, that was amazing."

Chuck had been staring at Sarah licking her fingers. "Uh, let's get going, we can finish the malts on the way up."

She saw a tinge of red on his cheeks and smiled to herself. "Sounds good. Chuck, that was quite an experience."

They both were sitting in companionable silence, enjoying the food experience they had just had.

"So, the reason why you didn't tell me you were a pilot was you thought I'd look at you different and assume things about you?"

Sarah noticed that Chuck didn't look over when he asked her the question. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, feeling suddenly shallow because she had thought that's what would happen. "Sadly yes, Chuck, and that wasn't fair of me at all. I don't want to use my past to say it's what jaded me to go down that road of thinking, but I did." She shrugged, "Self-preservation? I don't know. There's nothing you did that should have let me think that about you. I thought you were too good to be true and I defaulted to norm - not saying anything at all when I'm talking to guys. I'm sorry, Chuck, for allowing myself to think that way about you."

This time Chuck brushed his finger along Sarah's cheek, causing her eyes to close. She leaned into his touch. "There's nothing to forgive, Sarah. If I were in your shoes I would have done the same thing, no matter what all my friends were telling me. But I'll accept your apology because you didn't want to judge me the way you did."

Just when Sarah had thought she had given him an obvious out, he had turned it on his head and told her why he understood why she hadn't told him. How could he do that? He could have had a reason to hold this above her head, but he didn't.

And then it hit her. Chuck was the one. Chuck was the man that she wanted to spend her life with. She was so overwhelmed that she looked out the window to hide the tear that was running down her cheek.

"What's wrong, Sarah? Did I say something wrong?"

Sarah could hear the panic in his voice because she had turned away from his touch. "No Chuck, you did nothing wrong. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with you and I can't and that's a little scary to me."

"Oh, there's plenty wrong. You just can't see it yet."

Sarah turned to Chuck, a little put off that he had put himself down. "Why would you say something like that? You could easily hold it over me that I didn't tell you that I was pilot and instead you say that you understand. I'm not sure I would have been so understanding, Chuck. So whatever issues you have, I hope I can be as understanding to you as you are to me."

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to the kind words that you use to be directed at me. I'm just trying to understand your perspective and I can understand. In the past, for me, that was taken advantage of and I was hurt because of it. With you, I don't know, I know you aren't going to hurt me and I feel myself coming out of my shell again." Chuck ran his hand through his hair which made his curls do funny things.

"You don't have to apologize for that, Chuck, you never do." Sarah took his hand, kissed the back of it, and put it in her lap. She gazed out the window and let out a contented sigh.

After a few moments, Sarah quietly asked, "Chuck, can you tell me about your past?"

She saw the hesitation and the hurt briefly flash across his face. "I can, but bear with me. It's not something I talk about often because of the pain and shame I feel." As if reading her mind he said, "And I want to tell you because…I trust you."

Sarah could feel her heart swell. For him. For them. She wasn't sure what he was going to say, but Sarah was certain that there was very little that could chase her away from the man sitting next to her. Even though she hadn't surprised him the way she had wanted, she would, somehow.