"Liv I need you to calm down…" El cautioned, putting his hand out to her in effort to bring her down.
She was pacing in their bathroom, the furthest point away from the living room, on the verge of a panic attack.
"I'm so angry. I'm so angry for them and for you and for… Fuck I hate her," she breathed, shaking her head. "She cheated on you!!!"
"The entire time we were in Italy I… I know baby, listen… I need you to calm down."
"I can't… I'm so fucking mad," she was gasping for air now.
"Okay… okay come here. Come here, you're done," he whispered, wrapping her in a tight hug and sinking down against the bathtub with her. "I'm here… calm down, I'm here Liv."
She wrapped her legs around his hips and her arms tightly around his neck, letting out a sob. "I'm here. I'm here…"
"She's… she's evil… she's so evil I," she choked out, unable to catch her breath.
He rocked gently with her, shushing her softly. "'Livia…. I'm here… I'm here. Breathe…"
Gasping in deeply several times, she tried to catch her breath fully and relaxed into him. "I'm here… I'm here baby. Oh fuck you're such a good mom. Our kids are so lucky to have you. All of them, Olivia."
She let out another sob into his chest and nodded slowly.
"You're everything they've all needed. Watching them come out if their shells, Olivia, it's been incredible. Where do I even begin, Liv? Dickie… Dickie is a new person. Eli, too. Lizzie is kinder and more involved with the family, and Mo finally feels like she doesn't have to be the strongest and… Katie? Katie has always been your number one fan, baby."
She started to relax as he spoke, so he continued.
"All you did in raising Emma and Noah… how you are with Teddy… you've made us all better. You make me a better dad and husband- friend and co worker. I'm mad at Kathy, Liv… what she did was fucked. But I've been mad at her for a long time, Liv, and I'm not mad cause I miss her or wish it was different, ya know, I'm mad for my sons and daughters, and I'm mad for you."
"I'm mad for them and you," she whispered and he breathed out a soft chuckle.
"We're a hell of a team… and that's what is different about my relationship with you versus the one I ever had with her. We're a team and always have been."
"I'm s-sorry I got so mad I just…"
"Hey… no… I love that you got mad," he said… cause listen to them yelling and getting their frustrations out, Livie. They saw your raw emotion and how much you love them and it's given them the strength to be angry, too."
She nodded quickly into his chest and took a few stuttered breath, trying to calm herself fully while listening to their kids, whose voices were raising even more.
"You mentally abused and manipulated my baby brother for years!!!!" Maureen yelled. "And you boarder-line neglected Eli."
"And honestly, don't even try this shit with dad cheating with mom. Like what the fuck? You had a different guy in the house every other week in Italy," Eli scoffed.
"Even if you didn't, you kept a child from her father. An innocent child who did nothing but having a mother and father you can't stand," Lizzie said, and Emma nodded slowly.
"Why did you even stay with dad? Seriously?" Katie asked. "Cause I know it wasn't for Eli."
"It was for Eli."
Eli scoffed. "Kathy."
"In… in my mind it was for you."
"But actually?"
"I don't know… I don't know," she said, holding her head.
"You didn't even get alimony cause Kathy Stabler was declared legally dead," Beau said, crossing his arms.
"I wanted an out. I just wanted an out. I don't know why I just did," Kathy said finally after several painful minutes of silence.
"Were we really that terrible?" Dickie asked, his voice small.
"No," she breathed out. "No, Dickie not at all I.. I was and it was like… I finally realized it. When I went away and my head was clear I realized how horrible I was and I just… stayed. So was it freedom? Yeah it was. But was it that I hated you guys? Or do hate your guys? No. No it wasn't."
"I don't believe you," Emma said.
At the sound of their daughter's small and nervous voice, El and Liv made their way slowly out of their bedroom, listening to her powerful words.
"I think you're full of hate… full of anger and resentment… and I think that started a long time ago and has nothing to do with my mom and dad…I mean I'm sure it didn't help but um you know…"
"I don't think you ever got help after you got pregnant with Mo so young… like mental help," Eli said, helping her out.
Emma nodded quickly. "Eli had only been a dad for like… two weeks but when he and Sam found out Sam was pregnant I mean," she laughed a little, "there was some craziness, but they both got help and still see therapists and that has helped them-"
"-Not view their twins as burdens. They've made a plan and… I know you grew up in a different time, but you stayed married and continued to have kids so, I guess it's just hard to comprehend anything you're saying," Sarah said, speaking for the first time.
"And now those feelings and mental issues are being taken out on your children and affecting them," Beau added.
"Thankfully, and I know you don't wanna hear this, but they have Olivia. I mean, before her they all took on this insane burden of taking care of themselves and not dealing with things, but now that Olivia has been in their lives- I mean I've seen them all mellow out and lean on her like, have a mother. Kathy, Mo and I had been having fertility issues for like, so many years and she never once told you cause you weren't never that person for her," he sighed.
"But she told mom… confided in her and cried to her. I mean… I think you can become that person but I think you need help, first... like so much help," Emma said softly, finally looking at a speechless Kathy.
"I think," Olivia said softly, causing all the kids to look back to her, "I think what the kids are trying to say is that… they were starving for love," she said, walking slowly to sit beside Kathy. "Motherly love and I can… relate to that so much? And I think that's part of the reason that when they thought you were gone they clicked with me so quickly. Because I knew what it was like to have a mother who tried but couldn't get away from her own anger and narcissism."
"It wasn't easy," El said and Dickie nodded. "Took a while. Lots of fights and emotions and therapy but uh…. I mean we did it. And having a…" he sucked in a deep breath looking to Dickie for help.
"Motherly presence that understood our issues… who had a mother with similar resentments I mean… it was new and helpful and…"
"We didn't know, mom," Maureen whispered. "About… you and Dick knowing about Emma. Not until probably two years after he left."
"We just missed you mom… I mean… the girls missed you," Liz said and Kathleen and Mo nodded.
"The anger didn't come until we found out… I hate that we did but also… I'm so glad that we did cause," Katie sighed softly, "Dickie was carrying a horrific burden."
"And the truth there validated a lot for me about our relationship, Kathy," Eli added. "I had an instant bond from the moment I was born with Liv and you hated it."
"I did," Kathy whispered.
"I know… And I've come to terms with that and, for the sake of not going in circles I mean, I don't know what your future with me or my family holds but it's not a relationship anytime soon," he sat back looking at his siblings, specifically his sisters. "If you guys want the relationship, I support and love you guys and it's okay. But for me and my kids and Samantha I just," he shook his head. "I have a family and they have a family," he nodded to Liv and Elliot.
Emma looped their arms together and she leaned against his shoulder sighing softly.
"Same," Dickie said, nodding. "I can't right now, if ever but… I mean, you're gonna need a lot of help and proof of it before I let you meet either of my kids," he said, stopping short when Sarah whipped her head to look at him and he blushed.
"Shut up," Eli said, a grin forming in his face for the first time.
"Wait really?!" Maureen cried with tears in her eyes.
"Due dates a month apart," Sarah whispered with a small smile. "Just hit 4 months we were gonna uh tell you tomorrow at family dinner but…"
Suddenly, Kathy was completely forgotten about and the family rushed to excitedly hug Sarah and Dickie, tears flowing freely.
"Wait is it a girl or a boy?" Emma asked excitedly, bouncing with Liz.
Sarah bit her lip and Dickie laughed a bit, looking at Eli. "Poor EJ," he chuckled as Eli groaned playfully and Emma and Lizzie hugged one another, grinning huge.
The entire family was shedding fresh tears at the new beginning that was coming into so much love.
"Noah is gonna freak," Liv laughed softly, sitting beside Kathy again.
The atmosphere in the room lightened significantly and Kathy was even smiling a little as she watched the family's excitement.
"N-Noah seems good with the little ones," Kathy said softly to Liv.
"That's an understatement," she said with a smile. "He begged us for a baby brother- put it on his Christmas list and everything."
"Oh man when they told him he was gonna be a big brother and that it was a boy…" Eli trailed off with a grin.
"Best moment," Dickie said, putting his arm around Sarah.
"I thought he was gonna have a heart attack from excitement the first time he met Anna Kate," Sarah chuckled, wiping her eyes. "But God... I'll never forget how hard he cried and how long he hugged Dickie after we found out about the miscarriage," she sighed softly.
"He's her favorite," Emma said, "but no one ever admit that to him." Everyone nodded and laughed.
"I can't even imagine the things he and Ted and EJ are gonna get into." Katie smiled.
"Or the things he's gonna let all the girls get away with," Carl teased.
"Yes gonna be worse than me and Emma!" Liz cried, and everyone laughed harder.
The sudden lightness dropped again just a little when they remembered who asked the initial question.
They all looked down, letting out deep breaths and staying quiet until Katie spoke once more.
"Mom… you need to get help… I… it's not gonna be overnight and I… I don't know how longs itself gonna take but I can see you being part of this one day but I mean… I'm gonna take my brother's lead."
"Same," Mo said and Liz nodded. "Definitely. You need to get help and we need to process and heal but until then… none of us can be dragged through your shit anymore," she whispered.
"I understand and… I didn't deserve this but I'm thankful that… thankful you guys let me come in and hear you," she said, clearing her throat.
"I'll walk you out," El said, standing with a nod to Liv.
Kathy awkwardly stood and Liv watched Elliot escort her out. Stopping short, she turned and looked at her kids, nodding. "I'm so sorry. A-and I love you and… I'm gonna fix this."
None of them responded and Elliot opened the door for her, ushering her out.
When the door slammed shut, they all looked to Olivia who was slumped back with her hands covering her face. "Well I know two of you are pregnant but do the others want alcohol? Cause I want alcohol."
"Yes."
"Oh my god yes."
"We're sleeping here," Sarah announced, looking to Dickie who nodded.
"Big kids sleepover," Lizzie said, standing and making a beeline to the liquor cabinet.
"I'm down," Katie nodded.
"Eli call Sam and see if you can stay for a little," Beau directed, and he nodded quickly, disappearing from the room after giving his mom a big hug.
Outside, Kathy turned and looked to Elliot with a quivering lip. "I'm sorry…"
"Kathy… I agree with what my sons said and I'm following their lead. Go get some help, and don't you dare contact any of them until you do. Understood?"
It was an order that wasn't meant to be disobeyed, and she nodded quickly.
"Take care of yourself," he muttered. "Only thing you're good at," he said, turning on his heel and disappearing back into their building.
His entire body was on fire during the walk back inside, ride up the elevator, and short walk to their apartment.
The kids had already started drinking, Emma, Eli, Mo and Sarah sipping on Shirley Temples, and Liv was at the bar fixing herself and him a scotch.
They all watched him approach Liv and turn her gently, wrapping his arms around her and pressing his lips to her's in a passionate and needy kiss.
Dickie whistled and Katie laughed. "Get it guys," she teased, laughing as Eli covered Emma's eyes.
The noise around them faded, and he pulled back to look down at her.
"What was that for?" She asked softly in that low tone that drove him insane and indicated she felt the same.
"Everything, Liv. That was for everything."