December 24
"It's your first Christmas… I know, I can't believe it either!"
Sam woke slowly to Eli's soft coos to one or both of their babies.
She could feel that the bed was empty, and moved slightly to see him holding both twins on his shoulders, back towards her.
"It's very early though… so can you go back to sleep for a little? So me and mama can sleep a little more? You guys did a good job eating this morning," he said with a smile in his voice.
Setting them down carefully, he smiled when EJ leaned his head into his sister's.
"The best brother already huh? Good boy… always gotta take care of her okay? Mama, too," he whispered, cupping his head with his whole hand.
"Can't wait to see what you both will be like…" he thought aloud.
"Kind, smart… protectors and loyal, just like their daddy," Sam whispered from the bed.
Turning, he smiled small and moved towards her when she patted the spot beside her.
"Take your sweats off?" she asked softly.
He did as he was told, stripping to his boxer briefs and climbing in beside her.
Putting her hands on his cheeks, she leaned in for a soft kiss that he happily returned, pulling their bodies flush.
When the beginnings of his hard on poked her stomach, he pulled his hips back a little and buried his head in the crook of her neck.
"The doctor cleared me I've just been nervous," she whispered into his chest after he enveloped her in his increasingly muscular arms.
"I know," he chuckled softly. "Don't be nervous with me ever… I'll wait as long as you need."
"Promise?" She asked, looking up at him.
"I'm not here for just sex," he said, giving her a small frown.
"I know I just…"
"I'm here for your heart and your personality and to watch you be a mama and on top of that? I get you as my best friend, too…"
She blinked quickly. "I love you.."
"I love you more.. you doing okay?"
"I miss her," she whispered, tears forming in her eyes.
"Oh baby… c'mere," he sighed softly, his heart breaking as he pulled her close again and let her cry it out.
"God I miss her so much," she gasped softly, tears streaming down her face and wetting his chest.
"I know… I know baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered into her ear, rubbing her back gently as her whole body wracked with sobs.
"She should be here Eli… she should be here and I feel like," she gasped, "I feel like it's all my fault," she sobbed, shaking her head.
"S'not your fault at all… it's not…"
"I-If I didn't…" she was coughing from how hard she was crying, so he pulled them up into a sitting position, holding her close to his body.
"Breathe… breathe for me, Samaroo… I'm here…"
She splayed against chest, trying to get her breathing under control as he rocked her.
"Sammi, I'm here baby… I'm here, alright? And your babies are here… and your family that loves you so damn much… we're all here babe… we love you so fucking much and ever single one of us would give anything to take this pain away… and I know that doesn't change anything but I just pray every day that deep down you know that."
She gasped into his chest, moving to straddle him fully to lay against his chest.
"Listen to my heartbeat okay? Breathe and listen to my heartbeat and think about how loved you are… how much your mom loved you and how damn proud of you she is."
Teddy had woken up early, and Liv was in the kitchen getting herself a small snack as she fed him when she heard Sam crying.
Abandoning her food, she walked over to knock gently on the door.
"It's mom," she called softly. "Everything okay?"
"Come in," Eli replied, and she walked in frowning at the state of her bonus daughter.
"Oh baby girl," she sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Feeling a little sad this morning about her mom…"
"I can imagine… you've got ever right to feel sad," Liv said softly, rubbing circles on her back. "I'm glad you're finally letting it out, honey."
Nodding quickly, she buried her head further into his chest, her tiny figure swallowed by his large sweatshirt she had on.
"Mama I'm gonna stay home with her this morning if that's okay?"
"My gosh yes," she whispered, reaching to hold his hand.
"N-no Eli you have to g-go."
"Olivia Benson junior? Would you stop being so damn stubborn and let me take care of you?"
Both women chuckled, and she clutched at his bicep, rolling her head to the side.
"It's your mother…" she whispered, and he moved a hand up to the back of her head, running his fingers through her hair lightly.
"It's my egg donor… my mother is sitting at the end of the bed and the most important mother in my life is in my arms, crying. And that's the only mother I wanna be with today. Okay?"
She nodded quickly, sucking in a stuttered breath and squeezing him.
Teddy, having finally registered Eli's voice, unlatched and tipped his head back to look at him with a big, lopsided smile.
"Don't get distracted," Liv whispered to him, coaxing him back to her breast as both Eli and Sam chuckled.
"Plus, with this massive snow storm? We may not even make it out today," Liv said. Putting her free hand in Sam's back, she smiled small. "You okay?"
"Yeah I'm okay," she whispered, nodding.
"Okay… get some rest okay? How about you let us get the babies when they wake up, yeah?"
"Th-that's…"
"…perfect mom. Thank you," Eli nodded with a small smile.
She kissed both of their heads and made her way back into the living area, peaking over at Peter and Liz, still asleep on different couches.
They were two days post meeting Peter, and she closed her eyes remembering the conversation from the previous morning.
"He kept kissing her when they were skating," El grumbled as he watched Liv settle in to feed Teddy once Emma had left their bed in the wee hours of the morning for more comfortable sleeping arrangements.
She laughed softly. "I knew there was more…"
"It's just disrespectful, her father was there I mean come on."
"Elliot our 18 year old is asleep in his bedroom with his two children and 17 year old girlfriend."
"I know but she's my baby girl," he sighed, not actually meaning much of what he was saying, just being overly dramatic as a defense mechanism.
"Emma is your baby girl… Liz is 28. He was respectful and went home last night. Everyone had a blast making cookies with him… it's okay, El."
"Why are you so smart," he sighed, laying on the other side of her chest and laughing when Teddy put his hand on his head and pushed him away.
"You Stabler boys are so possessive," Liv laughed, "my God."
"Is he coming back today?"
"Yes, you invited him," she reminded him.
"Why do I feel like he's gonna end up staying the night."
"Cause he should be allowed to… he doesn't have any family, it's just him. And he's so sweet with Liz… even when she's being, well, Liz."
"Why does he have to be 48, though?"
"If that's the worst thing about him in your eyes, I think he's doing alright."
"Liv," came a soft voice, pulling her from her memories and causing her to open her eyes.
Peter was standing before her, stretching his back uncomfortably and looking half asleep.
"Sorry, didn't want to scare you," he whispered. "Just needed to stretch and use the restroom."
"All good," she gave a small smile, motioning towards the half bath off their living room.
"I think snow should be cleared up by this afternoon… I can head home after dinner tonight."
"Don't be ridiculous… it's Christmas," she nodded, absentmindedly rubbing Teddy's hair in effort to cover herself just a bit from the semi-stranger in her home.
"Elliot didn't seem too happy last night… I don't wanna intrude."
"No, he didn't," she conceded, laughing to herself. "But, Liz was incredibly happy, and that's what matters. Dickie is gonna run home when the snow clears to get a spare air mattress, as long as you don't mind bunking with Katie and Beau."
"Not at all," he nodded, "thank you… I really appreciate you guys."
"I appreciate you making my daughter happy. Get some more sleep, though," she nodded. "Gonna be a long day."
He gave her a salute and she chuckled softly, grabbing her snack and water and heading back to her room.
Elliot was doing a piss poor job at pretending to be asleep, and she rolled her eyes as she shut the door.
Sensing where they were, Teddy pulled away smiled upside down at his daddy, reaching his arms out.
Setting him down, she laughed as he power crawled into Elliot's arms, who had no choice but to catch him and give away his ruse.
"You're not subtle," she said, crawling beside him again and getting comfy with all her pillows, knowing Teddy was no where near done nursing.
He watched her adjust herself, tucking away the breast he'd drained and pulling free her other one.
"Was I too harsh last night?"
She gave him a look as he burped Teddy.
"I told you he'd end up spending the night," El said as he pulled down a spare blanket and pillow from their closet.
"Baby, he can't control the weather," she sighed and he turned, facing her.
"Am I being a dick?"
"Very much so, and I'm starting to want to stab you," she said, brow raised.
"Well don't do that… you'll go to prison and we'll lose your NYPD pension."
She laughed. "You act like our kids won't help me hide your body."
"You think so?"
"Oh definitely," she smiled, putting her arms around his neck when he stepped flush to her.
"Even Noah?"
"'Specially Noah," she said, ghosting his lips.
"They're distracted," he commented as laughter rang through the condo from whatever game they were playing.
"Oh no. You're not getting annnny ass until you stop being one and start being kind to our future son in law."
"I just shriveled up into myself," he said, shaking his head at the thought.
"He's not terrible, El."
"He left you and the kids."
She gave him a look.
"Ouch," he muttered with a frown.
"Baby… it's not about me or them. They were so little, and yeah it hurt when he left but it opened up an amazing door for Sonny at the DA's and besides, our daughter is happy, the kids are fine, and I have you."
"Alright, alright… but he's still sleeping in the couch," he mumbled.
"Until Dickie can get the air mattress tomorrow."
"We'll see," he mused.
"Keep it up and me and Lizzie will have a sleepover while you two bunk on the couch," she sang playfully, walking away from him, only to be pulled back.
"I'm sorry," he tried.
"Talk to your daughter," she said, pecking his lips and escaping from his arms to the living room.
"You've been worse," she finally said when Teddy let out a loud burp and pushed himself up off his dad's chest, looking to his mommy with an expressive pout.
"Well come here," she said with a smile, holding out her arms.
He rolled slowly off El and crawled over to Liv, but not before having forced a big fat tear down his cheek for effect, and reached for her breast.
Getting him settled, he stretched his small arm up to hold her face and snuggled in, hungrily eating while El watched.
"She has seemed happy…"
"Happiest I've seen her in a long time, Elliot."
"Especially since Dickie told us everything.. and stop calling me Elliot," he pouted.
She laughed and looked to him. "I'm just trying to make you understand how serious I am about this, babe."
"I knooooow," he drawled, carefully laying against her.
Unlatching quickly, Teddy looked up at his dad and squeaked.
"Listen you can't monopolize mommy like this," he said with a smile.
"Go back to eating," Liv chuckled, coaxing him back to her breast, though he kept an eye on his father.
"The drama."
"Lot like his daddy…"
"I'm really being a jerk huh?"
"A little…"
"Can we have Christmas Eve sex if I'm nice today?" He asked softly, looking up to her.
"If you're nice today and welcome him into the family, you can do whatever you want to me tonight," she said, laughing when his eyes glinted devilishly.
"I don't wanna see Kathy today," he said after a few beats of silence.
"Emma and I will go… you don't have to."
"I'm their father I need to protect them."
"Their mom can protect them just fine… okay?"
"I love you," he said, looking up at her.
"I love you, more."
"Even when I'm being a jerk to our daughters boyfriends for no reason?"
"Especially then."
Liv's phone buzzed with a message from Eli that the twins were still dead to the world and that Sam had finally fallen back asleep.
Squinting to read it, Elliot frowned. "She okay?"
"Missing her momma… glad she's finally expressing her damn emotions," she nodded.
"Little wins," El whispered, wrapping his arm around her, below where Teddy rested.
"He's gonna stay home with her today… but you know what he said?" She asked, hint of pride in her voice.
"Hm?"
"She was like 'it's your mother,' and he said 'she's my egg donor. That's my mother and the most important mother in my life is in my arms right now.'"
"How did he get so kind? It's definitely not from me."
"I think it's from you," she said, moving her hand off Teddy's leg to rub his head.
"You give me too much credit."
"Or maybe you just always see the worst in yourself?"
"It's too early to be this emotional with me, Benson."
"Then let's try and sleep a little more, yeah?" She smiled, and the three drifted off for another hour or so, until soft giggling from the living room woke them.
"He hates me," Peter mused softly.
Liz covered her mouth to muffle her laugh as Peter clearly struggled to get off the couch.
"I thought I was in shape for an old man until your way fitter father made me sleep on a couch," he whispered, ending in quiet laughter that made their daughter giggle harder.
"He's kinda a freak," she said, reaching for him as he sat on her couch with a huff.
"Next Christmas I'm renting this whole family a massive cabin with beds enough for every couple."
"Next Christmas?" She asked with a grin. "He hasn't scared you away?"
"If the scariest thing about your dad is that his love for his kids makes him a little crazy, I'll take it," he smiled, pecking her nose.
She beamed, wiping her eyes and looking up at him.
"I'm glad… cause I really love you," she said, suddenly emotional.
"Good… cause I really love you too."
Her phone buzzed in the family group chat with a message from Sarah:
S: We can hear you and Dickie is crying.
D: Oh my God Sarah shut up
Eli: I figured he would be
O: Daddy is too.
E: Shut up Liv!!!!
Sam: Hahahahaa!!!
Em: Why is softy 1 & 2 crying?
M: Cause Peter and Lizzie are having a moment and it's making the bullies get emotional
Liz was laughing out loud now, knowing that everyone was awake, and looked up to Peter who was laughing too.
"They all this nosey all the time?"
The phone buzzed again with messages from Carl and Beau.
C: Yes.
B: Mhm. Welcome, brother.
N: Can someone take me to play in the snow? There's so much!!!
El: Sure buddy, Peter can.
O: Lolololol
P: Come on dude let's go
Everyone laughed when they heard Noah fling open the nursery door where he, Emma, and Bernie were staying. "Are you coming too, Liz???"
"Sure buddy," she smiled, standing. "Let me just get dressed."
"Woah Liz is playing in the snow?" Dickie said, coming out with Anna Kate.
"Maybe we should keep him around after all," Beau said stretching.
"Wait can everyone come play?!" Noah asked, bouncing up and down as everyone else emerged from their rooms.
"I think that me and daddy should stay inside with the twins and Teddy while you guys all go play," Liv said with a nod. "We'll have warm breakfast and hot chocolate and coffee waiting for you."
"Why can't Teddy come????" Noah groaned, trudging over to his mom and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, looking up.
She laughed and shook her head. "Fine, who wants to be in charge of Teddy?"
"Me, duh," he said with a raised brow, taking him. "Come on, let's go change!!!"
El laughed and shook his head, wrapping and arm around his wife and giving Peter a nod.
"Ahhh I remember when I got my nod of approval," Carl said, leaning against the door frame.
"What?" El asked, laughing.
"Oh yeah your approval nod, you've even done it to Jake," Beau said.
"Nuh uh," El exclaimed, crossing his arms.
"Hate to break it to you, but yes," Sam smiled, coming out with the babies and handing them to him. "Go see your crazy papa," she cooed.
"Papa isn't crazy, don't listen to her," he pouted, effortlessly taking them.
"Mama what time are we going to Kathy's?" Emma asked, coming out already dressed to play in the snow.
"I told her like 10:30, but you know what? I think I'm gonna go by myself," she said, brushing her hair back.
Everyone stopped to look at Liv who just kept talking right to Emma. "Eli needs to stay home with his family, and daddy wants to stay with you guys. So you know what? I want you to enjoy them and not worry about the big kid stuff today."
"But mom it was my idea," she said, feeling a little regretful, "I suggested it, I should go," she sighed.
"And you're still so kind for suggesting it and I'll make sure she knows who it's from," she winked.
"I'm glad you suggested it," Dickie piped up, smiling at his little sister.
"Me too," Kathleen agreed, subconsciously putting a hand on her belly.
Mo gave her a look and then glanced to Beau, curiously.
"Me and Mo, too," Liz added. "But mom is right… be a kid with us today and let mama prove to dad that she's the more over protective parent," she smiled, pulling her sister in for a hug.
"I don't know if that's an insult but I'm taking it as a compliment," El said from where he'd taken a seat with the twins and their bottles.
"Alright let's goooooo," Noah said, coming out with a sufficiently bundled up Teddy. "He just needs his snow suit."
"He looks like Ralphie's brother from A Christmas Story," Beau wheezed, doubling over in laughter as everyone joined in.
The oblivious baby just giggled hysterically along with his siblings, and Noah enthusiastically got him into his snow suit, making everyone laugh harder.
"See if he can crawl," Dickie said, unable to catch his breath.
Noah set Teddy down, who squeaked and rolled to the side with a big pout when he realized he couldn't move.
"I'm gonna pee!!!" Mo cried, rushing into the bathroom in hysterics as Carl snapped several photos. "Oh this is amazing," he laughed before scooping him up.
"Come on people!" Noah announced, slipping his boots on and opening the door.
All the kids played outside for a while, delighted when Bernie joined them with a chair and several blankets.
Mo and Sarah were helping Anna Kate build a snowman while the rest of the gang picked teams and began to build forts for a snowball fight, just there on the sidewalk.
Beau brought a shivering Teddy up after an hour or so, taking him right in for a diaper change and some warm and dry clothes.
"I doubt they're coming in any time soon," he said to his mother in law after stealing a pancake and setting Teddy in his high chair.
"I figured, I'll cover the food over and say bye before I head out. Roads okay?"
"I mean plowed and sanded but they say another storm is coming by 1, so just be back by then."
"If I'm there for longer than an hour or two, send my squad in," she laughed, handing their southern boy a hot cup of coffee which he gladly took.
"Where's El?"
"Passed out in our bed with the twins," she laughed.
"Some help he is!"
"I know right! How do you like Peter?"
"I like him a lot… I've never seen Liz like this."
"Any bad feelings?" she asked, turning to face him.
"Not at all… I don't know if that's good or bad."
"I feel the same way… I'm just happy she's happy."
"All of us too, I just pray he doesn't hurt her."
"Don't think he will… I think it'll be the other way around. Kate and Mo agree. And how is Katie," she asked, noticing how he bit the inside of his cheek to hide his smile.
"Tell her yet?" Liv asked with a hidden grin or her own.
"How do you know everything?"
"I didn't become a Captain by luck," she laughed. "Congratulations."
"Thank you," he breathed, giving Teddy a tiny piece of pancake. "Was gonna tell her tomorrow morning. She's been better the last few days, coming down from the episode… I think she knows."
"You usually do," she winked, nodding to Teddy. "I knew with both him and Emma right away."
"Really?"
"Really," she smiled.
He ran his hand through his hair and nodded.
"You're gonna be a good dad, Beau."
"Thanks mama," he smiled, nodding. "Gonna go back out there before they come looking," he laughed. "Thanks for the coffee."
"Course, son," she smiled, waving as he walked out.
"Dadadadada," Teddy whispered, seeing El peak around the corner with a shit eating grin on his face.
"Keep your mouth shut," she directed with a big smile that made him laugh as he sprinted to pick her up and set her on the counter, kissing her slowly.
"Seriously???"
"So he says," she laughed, kissing him several times and smiling. "Papa looks so damn good on you," she said seductively. wrapping her legs around the back of his.
"Don't tempt me with a good time," he growled, dropping his head to her neck to kiss and suck at the spot behind her ear.
A soft moan filled the room, and she let her hands run down to his waist band. "Twins?"
"Sleeping… middle of the bed. I think we should put Teddy on the floor in our room with a toy while I fuck you against our wall?"
"I have to leave soon," she said, her breath quickening and her pulse racing.
"Mhm… and I want you to leave to go see that bitch with my cum dripping out of you."
"Elliot Stabler," she scolded breathlessly, unable to even fake her displeasure through the intense arousal coursing through her veins. "Let's go then."
Everyone was beat red from the cold and their laughter when Liv walked outside to say bye before leaving.
"Air mattress, what else? Anyone need anything?"
"You got the tequila right mom?" Dickie called and she laughed. "Yes baby I have the tequila."
He shot her a thumbs up and smiled.
"Good luck," Eli said, kissing her cheek.
"Don't waste too much time on her okay?" Katie said, squeezing her.
"Seriously," Mo nodded, pulling her in for a hug next.
"Smack her around," Liz called and Dickie snickered.
"You guys be good! Someone check on daddy on a bit and make sure grandma gets warmed up!"
"I'm fine!" Bernie called from her chair where she was wrapped up.
Liv laughed and blew kisses, heading off to the garage.
Kathy was sitting in a booth at a small diner halfway between their homes when Liv walked in.
She gave her a half hearted wave, and Liv made her way over, taking off her coat and hat and sitting across from her.
"Thank you for meeting me alone," Kathy said softly.
"You lucked out…was an easy convincing."
"Snow helped, I bet…" she offered a small smile.
"Yeah… yeah it did," Liv sighed, accepting the coffee a waitress brought her.
"Even convinced Teddy to stay home?" She asked, referencing Liv's text that the mama's boy might tag along.
"Kath are we small talking or are we hashing this out?"
"Just trying to break the ice," she said, looking down and fiddling with her mug.
Liv stayed silent a moment before nodding slowly. "I was able to sneak out… his brothers and sisters had him outside playing for an hour… he was exhausted and went down for a nap early."
The explanation was the tiniest olive branch, and made Kathy's blue eyes drift up to Liv's.
"Mama's boy phase?" She asked, and Liv chuckled, sitting back in her seat and exhaling her nerves.
"Past few days when El has tried to snuggle us while I've been nursing him, he pushing him away and given him the Stabler scowl."
Kathy couldn't help her laugh before the anxiety of the situation reentered her body and the two women went silent again for a moment.
"Dickie used to be that way… mama's boy…"
"Still is… they both are."
"'S'different," Kathy said looking up.
"Everything is, Kath…"
"Which one of them hates me more?" She half laughed.
Liv gave her a sad smile. "That's a long story."
"You said you'd give me two hours…"
"It's Christmas… you're sure?"
"What do I have to celebrate today, Liv? Besides the stories and accomplishments of my kids that I didn't get to see."
Liv took a sip of her coffee and nodded. "Well… I guess we start from the beginning then."