Warning: This chapter deals with dubious consent and has heavy flash-back scenes of Sasuke and Sakura.
Flashbacks are italicized.
Sandal clad feet firmly hit the Uchiha training ground, followed by the loud thudding of planks of unpolished wood.
Sasuke pays no heed to the wooden wreckage at his feet, mind in the past, far from his present surroundings.
"I wish you never came back!"
Sarada's words stingingly reverberate, pulling loose his tightly woven façade of stoicism.
Trudging forward a few feet, his body finds respite against a maple tree, the dense branches provide shelter from the cool evening breeze.
Nervous greetings, mistrustful glances are the only form of acknowledgement he receives from the life he helped create. His own flesh and blood. The only kin alive feared him, and worse – she barely knew him. He was but a stranger.
This is not the life he envisioned in his youth. But Sasuke believes it's the life he deserves.
He doesn't deserve happiness nor does he deserve a happy family. But Sakura does and so does his daughter.
Nights like this, huddled under the dark sky, alone and miserable, he fights against blaming others for his failed life and dysfunctional marriage.
Tonight, a single scapegoat comes to mind. The person who has given him her all. The one who has stuck by his side and tried her best to fill in the pieces of his broken existence.
Sasuke has never understood her love for him. Or why she continues to make excuses for his wretchedness.
He is humbled by her love and attempts to replace the family he lost. He, however, is under no illusion about the reason for their civil union - it is simply an agreement to placate her wants and needs, not his. Even someone as young as their daughter can tear apart this thinly constructed veneer. Yet, Sakura clings to a form of happiness that is only visible to her.
he is just as much to blame, for he enables these delusions, knowing fully well that he is yet to and maybe never reciprocate the love she offers.
Back against the rough wooden trunk, he slides down until he's seated firmly on the grassy ground. Drawing his cloak close in for warmth, he closes his eyes in hopes of shutting out the inner ramblings threatening to tear him apart.
Behind closed lids, delicate eyes nearly identical to his own stare at him accusingly. They question the reason for their existence the purported love during conception.
Vengeance seems like child's play compared to revealing the truth surrounding the true essence of Sarada's origins.
It's been over a year since he agreed to Sakura accompanying him on his trip of atonement.
They are on the outskirts of Fuyu no Kuni, trudging north-east toward a small resort village where they plan to meet with Sasuke's old team Taka.
It's nearing nightfall, when temperatures plummet to negative double digits followed by an increase in cloud cover.
Sasuke easily recognizes these changes as evidence of a brewing storm. His companion is yet to complain about the brutal cold, but he notices the chattering of teeth and slight trembling she tries to hide.
He stops at the first sign of shelter. After ushering Sakura into small cave that is still dry and large enough to fit two, he heads out in search of material to make a fire.
When he returns, he finds her draped under both their blankets with the ingredients for their dinner laid out at her feet.
With dried wood, he lights a fire in the middle of the cave. He positions it to allow both cohabitants to sleep on either side. They eat their meal in silence, both exhausted and weary from their travels in the unforgiving landscape.
After downing a hot cup of tea, he uses his backpack as a makeshift pillow and settles under his cloak.
"Here," Sakura steps around the fire to return his blanket, which he refuses.
"You need it more." He turns his back to her and the fire.
The crackle of the fire drowns out the strong gusting winds.
His bones remain unthawed, craving the warmth of his insulated, travel blanket. Curling his body into a tight ball, he attempts to will himself to sleep. When he begins to drift off, he feels a warm body press against his. He stiffens, even as two warm blankets are draped over his icy body.
Sakura molds into the curve of his hunched form, arms encircling his waist.
"Sakura", his voice weakened by the cold carry little intimidation, "what are you doing?"
"You're freezing, I am just trying to warm you up." She strokes his clothed arm, trying to transmit her warmth. The physical contact is unwelcomed, but his body relaxes simply due to instinctual survival.
When he awakes in the morning, he finds Sakura's head comfortably laid on his chest. He gently shifts her off of him and prepares for the last portion of their journey.
She awakes shortly after, seemingly well-rested.
Their journey continues in silence.
He joins Team Taka, assisting them on gathering information for a mission commissioned by Sound. When twilight surrounds the frozen land, his former team and travelling companion find shelter in the nearest inn.
At the front desk, Karin requests five rooms.
Sakura interjects, "Four will be fine." She peers at him with a faint blush painted across her face. Sasuke would prefer privacy, but he doesn't interject, hesitant to reject Sakura in the presence of his comrades.
Karin pays for their lodgings without a word, but he notices the look of surprise she unsuccessfully tries to conceal.
His silent hopes that their shared accommodation houses two beds, immediately fades upon entering the cozy, room with an adjoining bath and a single double bed.
Clean and warm under the blankets provided by the inn, he shuts his eye and moves to the furthest edge on his side of the bed. His body is on alert, agonizingly aware of the person next to him. He comes to terms that sleep may evade him tonight.
"I'm cold," Sakura's scoops into his form as she did the night before.
He stiffens, "Maybe you should re-think your choice of sleepwear," He suggests in reference to the short night gown she has chosen for the night.
Sakura giggles. He doesn't find the humour in his remark.
Warm lips press against the back of his neck and a palm slip under his t-shirt.
"Sakura!"
She snuggles in closer to him, "I'm so happy to be here with you."
Her voice is full of love and longing. Sasuke doesn't have the heart to push her away, so he bides. He cannot reject her, not after everything she has endured because of his callousness.
Eventually she falls into a deep sleep. He, however, has a more difficult time finding the rest he needs.
Early the next morning, Suigetsu pokes fun at the dark circles under his eyes, believing it to be from a night filled with pleasure. His other teammates keep their opinions to themselves.
Each night in Fuyu no Kuni, Sakura invades his personal space on the cramped, warm bed. He doesn't get used to the unwanted touches and kisses, but he learns to tolerate them.
Five days later, on the final night of the mission, his teams propose a celebration for the successful gathering of intel as well as a farewell to their former leader.
"Come on, one drink." Suigetsu pushes a warm cup of sake into Sasuke's palms.
Sasuke pushes it aside.
"You never drink with us," Karin hiccups, "who knows when we are going to see you."
Sasuke has no tolerance for alcohol, but he bows to the peer pressure. Not wanting to ruin the festivities of the night, he downs the cup in one shot.
"Whoa, take it easy." Suigetsu warns, even while handing him another drink. Sakura clinks his cup with hers and slowly slips the strong liquid.
Only two more cups and it's safe to say Sasuke is plastered.
"You are such a light-weight," Suigetsu chides as Sasuke sways on solid footing.
"Here," Jugo places an arm around his shoulder, "I'll help you to your room."
"He's fine," Sakura intervenes, planting herself between Jugo and Sasuke. Mind in a haze, he barely remembers being led to their shared space.
"Be gentle with him," Suigestu calls out, laughing raucously.
Outside their shared room, he fumbles in his pockets for the key.
His head spins from the liquor, but he shifts slowly to face Sakura, "Do you have the k-" His question is cut off by lips planted firmly on his.
He doesn't know how, but in the next moment, his back is hitting the bed. Sakura crawls on to the bed, beside him. She whispers hotly onto his mouth, "I want you so much, Sasuke-kun."
Her breath reeks of alcohol, he is sure his does as well.
"Sakura," he protests as she palms his crotch.
His alcohol addled mind is torn between revulsion and acceptance of the foreign but enticing pleasure she is introducing to his senses.
Mouth still on his, fumbling hands unbuckles his belt then unzips his pants. She doesn't waste time trying to remove his pants, instead she removes his semi-erect penis from the confines of his boxers. She continues stroking him, while planting liquor tainted kisses from his ear down to his neck.
Tears come to his eyes as his mind protests what his body is quickly giving into. He musters up the willpower to push her off when she reminds him, "I love you so much, Sasuke-kun. I've never done this with anyone else, and I never want to."
Once again, he doesn't have the heart to reject her as she bravely professes her love and offers her innocence.
He sets his gaze slightly away from her, as she peels away her clothing and eventually hovers over him. Slowly she sinks down. He winces as he breaks her barrier. She cries out in pain, but continues moving up and down.
She finds a rhythm and moans into his neck. He is grateful for the loss of eye contact; he stares at the clock ticking in the corner, trying to block out the identity of the woman who is giving him pleasure he has never experienced before.
Heat builds in his testicles and he knows what's coming next. Sasuke tries to push her off, but she remains planted on him, squeezing him tighter. Unable to control his body, he spills in her. He muffles his groan against her shoulder.
Enraptured by his orgasm, her lips find his again. Tongue forcefully entering his mouth. She brings her hand to her folds, "touch me here."
To help her find her release is nothing compared to what she has already taken. After a few minutes, she slowly dismounts him, satiated with his efforts. Contentedly, she sighs.
He tucks himself into his boxers and hurries to the washroom.
"Where are you going?" Sakura asks, perked on elbows planted onto the mattress.
"I need to clean up." He shuts the bathroom door behind him.
He stares at his reflection. He rubs at his blood shot eyes. He doesn't remember the last time he was brought to tears. He feels sick to his stomach.
He quickly flips up the toilet lid just in time to throw up green bile.
"Are you okay?" Sakura calls out from the other side of the room.
"Yeah, just sick from drinking," He responds.
He moves to secure the lock just before he hears the handle rattle. "Do you need my help?"
"I'm fine. I'll be out soon."
Sasuke turns the dial of the shower all the way to the highest possible temperature. Under the scalding water, he scrubs himself clean, over and over again.
Eventually, he emerges, subdued but parched from the dehydrating shower.
Perk in her steps, Sakura steps into the bathroom, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah."
"Wow you really baked yourself in here." He hears squeaking as her palms wipes the condensation off of the foggy mirror.
Sasuke pretends to be asleep when she returns. The tactic works as she opts to press her back against his instead of snuggling into him.
The next day, he awakens to a tray of breakfast and a bottle of pain killers on the night stand. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he looks around the room to locate his companion. In the corner of the room, next to the drawn curtains, Sakura sits on a curved arm chair, knees drawn to her chest.
His head pounds. Before addressing her, he pops two painkillers into his mouth and gulps it down with a sip of orange juice, "What's the matter?"
Her focus remains on her knees "I'm sorry about last night," she weakly squeaks out.
Sasuke's hand grips the cotton sheets as memories of last night resurface.
"I'm sorry if I forced something you weren't ready for," She glances in his directions, tears in her emerald eyes.
"I was drunk, but so were you. But that doesn't make it right." She hides her now leaking face in between her knees, "I'm so sorry, Sasuke-kun. I wanted our first time to be special, it's just now how I envision-."
He cuts her off, growing frustrated by her assumption, "It's okay, Sakura."
"Is it?"
"Yeah, it is." He walks over to the arm chair to hand her a cup of juice, "Drink."
"Thank you," her lips nibble on the edge of the glass, "Did you at least enjoy it?"
Not meeting her eyes, he nods his head in agreement. It's easier to lie than admit the discomfort of having someone take something that he had not consented to.
"It was my first time." He was aware of that fact already, from her mentioning it last night to the blood stains on their sheets. "Was it yours as well?"
"Yeah."
She smiles at this revelation.
"Eat," he hands her the breakfast tray, "we need to leave within the hour." Tears drying; she easily complies.
A little after two in the afternoon, the group is about to board the ferry to take them off the frozen island.
A shrill squawk is heard from above, and the sun is momentarily blocked out. Sasuke's hand extends to welcome his faithful summon.
He strokes the crown of the bronze hawk and offers it dried jerky from his coat pocket, he then carefully slips out the parchment from the holster attached to its leg.
"It's from Kakashi," he informs Sakura, "I'll be here a bit longer. But you should travel on with Karin."
Sakura scowls, black gloved hands clutching the edges of her coat, "Can't I stay with you? I can help you."
"Too dangerous." Her disappointment is obvious, "I'll meet you in Sound. It should only be about a week."
After Sakura agrees and departs with his comrades, he sets out to gather intel on a cult facility with possible links to the Ōtsutsuki.
After reconnaissance, Sasuke takes his time returning to Sound and ultimately to Sakura.
Nearly four months later, she greets him at the entrance to Orochimaru's lab.
Before he is able to verbalize a greeting, she pulls him into an embrace. A visibly uncomfortable Karin is at her side.
"You're finally back, Sasuke-kun." Sakura croons.
He breaks free of her hug and steps backwards. A few inches away from her, he notices a slight bulge on her lithe frame.
"I told you he would notice immediately," Sakura squeals exuberantly. Karin nods her head in response, eyes scrutinising Sasuke's reaction.
"You're pregnant?" He questions, somewhat in disbelief. It was only one time.
"Four months," Sakura hugs him again. "Aren't you excited?"
"Hn." Sakura curiously quickly glances up at him, "I am."
"Congratulations," Karin dryly adds.
Five months later, on a twin-sized bed, Sakura is doubled over, hands clutching her protruding stomach. Karin rubs her back, trying to ease her labour pains.
It's been over twenty-four hours since Sakura's contractions began.
"Is this normal?" Sasuke quickly follows Karin as she exits the small makeshift hospital room in Orochimaru's lab.
"It is, but there is the possibility of complications with prolonged labour." Karin taps Sasuke on the shoulder, "Don't worry so much. She's in good hands." She points to the exit room, "but your pacing is making my patient more nervous. Go!"
Reluctantly he does as is requested.
Outside the high-security facility, he finds Jugo seated on the bare earth, back pressed against a large bolder. He joins Jugo on the ground, and follows his gaze to the brightly lit night sky.
"Nice night," Jugo runs his fingers through the dirt, "are you ready for this?"
Not even close. Sasuke wasn't ready to be a father. In fact, fatherhood was the last thing on his young-adult mind. He needed more time to learn about himself, find out who he was and what he stood for. He had nothing to offer a newborn. But he never found the right words to verbalize this to the expecting mother.
Sasuke shrugs his shoulder in response to Jugo's question.
Ignoring Jugo's expression of concern, he says, "I don't really have a choice now. Do I?"
"Is this what you wanted?" Jugo pauses, seemingly weary of how to voice his next question, "Is she who you want to be with?"
Sasuke glares at him, though his anger is not directed at the gentle giant, but to himself. Was he that transparent?
"You don't seem happy, Sasuke." Jugo continues.
"When have you known me to be happy?" Sasuke scoffs, appalled at the timing of this conversation.
"Sakura is a nice person, but you seemed more content before she began travelling with you. I know my timing is off, but I don't think you should feel obligated to stay with her if it doesn't feel right. You deserve to be happy, Sasuke." Jugo lightly rests a reassuring hand on Sasuke's shoulder.
Sasuke stares out into the dark for a few seconds before responding, "Sakura deserves to be happy. I lost that right a long time ago."
Jugo tries to disagree, but Sasuke cuts him off, "It's too late now, Jugo."
Jugo eventually returns to the interior of the lab, while Sasuke remains rooted on the ground lost in self-depreciating thoughts.
At that moment, he was certain his spawn would be the demise of Sakura. It appears his promise to kill her was about to come through, just not directly by his hands.
He meant every word he said when he told Jugo that Sakura deserved to be happy, and how would that be possible with an Uchiha attached to her hip?
"Uchiha-san," the timid voice of the medical assistant calls out, "Sakura is fully dilated. The baby is about to come."
Sasuke quickly returns to the birthing room.
"You can do this, Sakura!" Karin encourages from between the pregnant woman's legs, "push!"
Sakura grabs onto Sasuke's palm, he hides the pain inflicted from her super-human grip.
"Just a little more! Come on push, push!"
Legs lifted in the air by the assistants, Sakura screams as she gives one final push. With that final push a bluish-gray blob slides out. The tiny blob is placed in Sakura's outstretched, weary arms.
Sasuke's breath hitches as his daughter takes her first breath. Sighs of relief are heard throughout the room as the newborn utters her first symphony of cries.
"She's so beautiful," Karin praises, sweat glistening on the bridge of her nose.
For once in her life, Sakura is speechless as she marvels at the life she brought into their world.
Sasuke finds himself in a similar state of stupefied awe. There is no doubt in his mind that this is the happiest moment of his life. His love for the babe is nothing he experienced before.
He vows to give her everything she longed for and more. He will always protect her and keep her safe.
The adrenaline rush of witnessing the baby's birth begins to wane. The descent back into reality hits hard, immediately sobering him.
In the safety of Konoha, who would be the biggest threat to this child's safety and happiness? Without wanting to, he knew he would eventually hurt and cause her suffering. He comes to the conclusion that his absence is the best solution to give his daughter a chance at a normal, happy childhood.
But Sakura convinces him to stay for a few more years. He complies because his wife needs the help and his in-laws don't have the energy to keep up with a toddler.
When Sarada is nearing three years old, Konoha gains information about the Otsutsuki from the cult they have been monitoring. Kakashi needs him to gather more intel by exploring other dimensions.
He finally has a way out and right before Sarada forms long-lasting memories. The timing is perfect. He is grateful for the precious years spent with her, but it's best she has no lasting memories of her father.
Sasuke believes the chances of never returning are strong, especially if he encounters the clan he is searching for in his travels. This possibility warms him, more than the possibility of facing a little girl and unfurling his past.
He kisses his sleeping daughter, not courageous enough to say goodbye when she is awake. Sakura is asleep when he slips through the window. It would be nearly a decade when he sees them next.
Now here is he, back in the village doing exactly what he swore he wouldn't. His family deserved better than a man with a frozen heart and a history too gruesome to speak of.
Sarada would be happier and better off without him.
As sleep catches up to him, he makes a mental note of the wrongs he needs to right before his departure. High on that list is setting things straight with his best friend's wife. He needs to ensure that Sakura and his daughter never learn of the tryst that he spurred. He will continue to protect the bubble in which his wife placed their marriage.
I know I previously mentioned that this chapter would be focused on Hinata and Sasuke, but I think the story needed Sasuke's point of view of his family and we needed to learn more about his current mental health.
I really enjoyed writing the flashback scenes, as I have always wanted to read a fic that realistically looked at the origins of the Uchiha family. I just can't see Sasuke loving Sakura the way it is depicted in canon material. How can one go from being cold to the best husband?
As always, I welcome and appreciate your feedback.