Marriage was a disappointment – these words would never leave Hinata's mouth but it is her perceived reality.
Loneliness made her self-sufficient and, on most days the frustration and fatigue associated with being a sole caregiver was often easily ignored. But on the rare occasion where she and her husband were to present as the happily, married couple they were not, the ugly feelings festering in her chest grew spores and slowly began its infectious pathway stopping just shy of her vocal cords.
With a frown on her cherub cheeks, Himawari complains, "Mama, I don't want to go. If he doesn't have to go, then why do I?"
Hinata ignores her daughter's complaints, focusing on tying an obi around the little girl's midsection. Her hands inadvertently tightens more than it should when Himawari continues to whine about the stifling outfit her mother chose for this occasion.
"Ouch," Himawari cries out and side steps so she is a few inches away from her mother.
"Sorry, Hima. Come back." Hinata draws her in to loosen the restrictive band around her daughter's waist and then secures it with a refined bow.
"Your brother has to prepare for an early mission in the morning, so he needs to be well rested." Hinata reaches forward to grab a wooden brush with black bristles and a handful of colourful hairpins from her daughter's vanity table.
"He's lying. He's just staying home to play video games all night," Himawari cuts in.
"Boruto-kun's not lying. Your father assigned a special mission specifically to Team Seven." Hinata responds, patience growing thin. She gently brushes the dark, silky hair similar to her own.
"Ouch, that hurts." Himawari whines.
"It's just knots. It wouldn't hurt if you brushed it more often." After the knots are detangled, Hinata uses a few hairpins to tuck away the outer fringes surrounding her daughter's face.
"You look so pretty, Hima." Hinata sweetly declares while observing her daughter's reflection in the vanity mirror.
A small hand with chewed through nails delicately examine the pink and blue butterfly glittering hairpins in her hair. Seemingly satisfied with her mother's work, she smiles brightly; angling her head from side, eyes full of awe as the dimming evening sunlight reflects off the surfaces of the gemstones in her hairpins, "So pretty. Thanks, Mama."
"Go grab your overnight bag. Kou should be here any minute now." Hinata is already out of her daughter's room and midway down the stairs, when a knock is heard at her front door. She hurries down to let her former caretaker in.
Kou doesn't proceed further than the foyer, explaining that he is in a hurry to return to assist with the preparations for tonight's celebration.
"Hima, please hurry. Kou is waiting," Hinata calls out from the base of the wooden staircase. Turning towards Kou, she says, "I thought the clan was cutting back on unnecessary expenses."
For the past two years, the typical, lavish celebrations for special occasions were forgone as the Hyuga were apparently not as prosperous as they once were. Although, those in charge of the clan's finances were yet to provide a thorough explanation as to diminishing finacial gains.
"Apparently turning eighty is a big deal," Kou cheerlessly smiles, "I believe Hiroomi-san is also planning to make an official announcement."
Official announcements typically required approval by the clan head or the next in line. As Hanabi hadn't relayed any news of importance relating to clan matters, Hinata wills herself to ignore a slew of pessimistic scenarios that her brain has begun to reactively formulate.
Himawari finally descends the stairs slowly with a frown on her face. Kou retrieves the backpack from the little girl and waits for her at the front gate. Himawari kisses her mother goodbye, and laments one last time, "Why do I have to go first? Why can't I wait for you and papa?"
The little girl has a point, the Uzumaki family should be showing up together for Hiroomi-san's birthday celebration. But Hinata has a strong inkling that her husband will not be on time, so little Himawari was unfairly delegated with being the face of her household until her parents arrived.
"Because I don't want you to miss out on the fun activities if papa is late," Hinata lies and then adds for good measure, "Your aunt Hanabi is waiting for you. Maybe you can help her set-up the dessert table and sneak away a few for us."
Repressing the visible gleam in her eyes, Himawari huffs, "I am not five. You can't bribe me with treats anymore."
Just a few days ago, dessert was the magic word. Time was moving faster for her children and she could barely keep up.
"Please, Hima. Just be a good girl and have a good time with you Aunty until I'm there." Himawari smiles ruefully before she joins Kou at the front gate.
"You really think he's coming home tonight?"
Not expecting her son's voice, Hinata jumps and clutches her chest, "Boruto-kun, don't sneak up on me like that. Your father is aware of the event and will be here shortly."
"Stop lying to yourself and Hima. You know he's going to forget," Boruto steps aside to let his mother in and then closes the front door.
"Can we not do this today?" Hinata responds with a sharp edge to her voice.
Boruto flinches at the unusually harsh tone and doesn't prod further. He glances down to where his mother's hands are massaging her side. "Are you still in pain? Let me see how bad it is." He moves to raise the side of her top to inspect the suspected painful area, but Hinata pushes his hand away.
It felt wrong for her son to view the physical reminder of the sinful act she partook in yesterday.
"I'm okay. I'll get Hanabi to look at it tonight," another lie to leave her once truthful lips.
Boruto frowns but doesn't try to help again.
"Go finish playing your game. Dinner is on the stove, please wash up when you're done." Hinata climbs up the stairs and heads to the bathroom to draw a bath.
She immerses her sore body into a warm infusion of lavender and chamomile flowers. Her palms gently press against one of the minor lacerations Sasuke inflicted in their impromptu sparring session.
Why did she let herself get caught up in the obscenities he initiated yesterday and why did her body respond so lasciviously?
Not knowing the answers to any of those questions, or not wanting to face the truth, she dips under the water in an attempt to physically shut out those thoughts.
When she emerges, her thoughts drift towards her children.
Lately, the monotony of giving her all to her family wasn't as rewarding as it once was.
It wasn't because she didn't love her family. Her children were her everything, they meant the world to her. They were good, loving children. But executing the same routine every single day was stifling the joy out of life. She was beginning to feel as though she didn't have an identity, and that she was just an extension of her family.
Most of her female peers had families of their own, while still having an existence outside that of their husbands and children. Why couldn't she as well? She knew the answer to this question. She had listened to her father and Naruto, and eventually also believed that this was the right path for her. But now she was the ungrateful, selfish, spoiled ex-heiress who was unhappy with her perfect husband and lovely kids.
But now wasn't the time to dwell on things that couldn't change. Doing what she does best, she pushes aside these cumbersome feelings and instead focuses on the task at hand, which is preparing for tonight's event.
It's after 8pm. nearly two hours since Himawari left and an hour since the birthday event was scheduled to begin.
Hinata anxiously taps her bare feet against the wooden floor while seated at the dining table. The chandelier above the table is off, as are the pot lights in the living room.
They are turned off because she doesn't want her son to witness the scowl on her usually pleasant face.
"Told you!" Boruto exclaims as he opens the refrigerator to grab a jug of fresh juice. He pours the citrus liquid into a tall glass and continues, "What's the big deal anyways? We all know Hiroomi-san is a jerk. Why bother showing up to the geezer's party?"
"Please don't speak about your elder that way. I'm going to support a very important member of our family's clan."
The white light from the refrigerator allows her to see Boruto rolling his eyes at this comment. Annoyed by his disrespect, she adds "And you would have been obligated to attend, if it were not for tomorrow's mission."
"I guess the idiot finally did something in my favour."
"Boruto. Please be more respectful," Hinata pleads defeatedly.
At the sound of the front door clicking open, Boruto mutters softly but loud enough for Hinata to hear, "Speak of the devil."
Hinata ignores her son's snide comment. She gently composes herself and walks to greet her husband.
At the front door, Naruto appears flushed and is out of breath, "Tadaima."
Hinata offers a faint smile, "Should we leave now?"
Naruto tugs on the red string of his cloak, "Yeah, let me change quickly into something more formal."
"You look fine."
"You sure? They're not going to be upset I turned up in my work attire?"
"You're the Hokage, you can wear whatever you like. Can we please leave now?" Hinata bites her tongue and doesn't remind Naruto of their tardiness, she doesn't want to start their night off with bickering.
"Be good, Bolt. Don't burn down the house while we're gone." Before Bortuo can come up with a response to his father's warning, Naruto has already exited their home.
Boruto shrugs his shoulders and ascends the stairs to his bedroom, "Have fun, Kaa-san."
"See you in the morning, Boruto-kun."
Hinata quickly retrieves her sandals and clutch from the closet, then hurries to meet her husband, who has already exited the front gate.
"Sasuke!" Hinata hears her husband exclaim his best friend's name before she encounters the brooding man.
"What are you doing here?"
Hinata quietly and slowly takes her place at her husband's side, while keeping her eyes to the ground.
Before Sasuke could respond, Naruto jovially continues his questioning, "Did you change your mind about the mission? Or are you here to tell Boruto you're leaving?"
"You're leaving?" Hinata internally curses herself for verbalizing this query. She doesn't actually care that he is leaving, but she is surprised and a bit disappointed that Boruto's training will be stalled.
Sasuke shifts his attention to Hinata for a brief moment, before reverting his gaze to Naruto, "There are few things we need to discuss."
She tries not to be offended by his blatant disregard of her question.
Naruto groans, "I have this birthday thing at the Hyuga compound. Later? Wait, or just come with us to the event. Then we can chat after?"
"I'm busy." Hinata is relieved but not surprised by Sasuke's response.
"Busy doing what? Thinking up weak excuses to leave Konoha again?" Naruto chides.
"Busy staying away from your dumbass." Similar to his son's juvenile antics, Naruto rolls his eyes at this taunt.
"Shouldn't you ask your wife if she is allowed to bring guests to her family's event before inviting me?"
Both men turn to Hinata at this question.
Stunned at the idea that Sasuke is willing to attend a social event, Hinata just stares at her husband without responding.
"Guess that's a no. I'll try to drop by the compound before midnight."
She prefers maintaining at least five hundred meters or more of distance between her and Sasuke, but formalities require an appropriate respectful response, "The Hyuga would be delighted to have you join us for Hiroomi-san's birthday celebration."
She hated that she sounded like a greeting card.
A soft grunt is the bare recognition and acceptance of the invitation.
For the remainder of the short journey to the Hyuga compound, Naruto talks about everything and nothing. Hinata hums and giggles where needed, feigning the perfection she has been bred to emulate in the company of others.
Dinner is being served in the formal dining hall when the trio arrive. For tonight's event, several small rectangular tables, large enough to seat up to four adults, are placed throughout the hall. Two larger tables are situated at the front of the dining hall, one is designated for the clan heir and the other for the clan elders.
Hiashi beams at the sight of his son-in-law. Naruto happily takes the empty seat adjacent to the head of the table. Hinata moves to occupy the seat next to her husband as custom dictates, but Naruto stalls her movement by requesting, "Hanabi, can you give Sasuke your spot?" He gestures with his finger for his sister-in law to move to the other side of the table.
"Konohamaru, you don't mind, right?"
In the blink of an eye, Konohamaru is already seated on the other side of the table, waiting patiently for Hanabi to join him, "No problem, boss."
Gracefully Hanabi rises from her chair, "Anything to make you happy, Hokage-sama."
"Hanabi cut the formalities," Naruto dismissively states as he accepts a large green cup of warm sake from his father-in-law, "Sasuke, you gotta try this. This is from Hiashi's personal collection."
"You can take my seat," Hinata offers to Sasuke, moving toward the third chair at the end of the table and away from being sandwiched in between her husband and Sasuke. She has no real desire to make small talk with her husband, being further away from him might distill her voiceless anger.
Sasuke wordlessly accepts the seat and drink from the Uzumakis.
"Is Hima in bed?" Hinata questions already knowing the answer.
"Yeah, you know the usual. She tuckered herself out playing with that old geezer." Just as Hinata predicted the night would go.
The night drawls on with food and alcohol being served. On several occasions Sasuke declines the offer of more alcohol, but Naruto's pestering leads to eventual concession. Hinata is tempted on several occasions to step in and re-buff the drinks on Sasuke's behalf, but she know it's not her place and it would be highly inappropriate. She is not his wife, not even his friend, and as such has no right to step in an attempt to protect his sobriety. But still, she hopes that he has a higher threshold for alcohol than her lightweight husband.
Nearing 10 pm, the man of honour clears his throat and rises from his chair. When the dining hall is stilled, and all attention is focused at the front of the room, Hiroomi begins, "It's a pleasure to reach the ripe old age of eighty and to be surrounded by so many of my cherished kin." Shifting his gaze to Naruto, he raises his glass, "which is all due to the peace our highly esteemed Hokage has blessed us with."
Each member of the clan raises their glass in acknowledgment of the elder's praise. Flushed, Naruto smiles awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.
"The younger generation of shinobi is fortunate to have never experienced the horrors of war. And for that I am happy. But in times of peace, prosperity doesn't always follow, especially for clans built for war and violence. It's no secret that our clan isn't flourishing as it once was. Some of this has to do with the lack of missions sent our way, and some of it may be due to the exodus of branch members who have left for greener pastures." Once again, he tips his glass to Naruto, "but of course, financial gains can never justify human suffering. And we so ever thankful to the Hokage and our lovely ex-heiress for showing us the fallacy in our archaic way of thinking. Though one can argue that there were some advantages with our prior arrangement. Collectively we were able to retain our strength, and in turn we extended our prosperity to all our members of the clan."
Hiashi loudly clears his throat, and Hinata angrily bites the inside of her cheek until she tastes blood.
"But I digress. All we can do is move forward and work towards ensuring that the Hyuga retains its place as the most revered clan in Konoha and the Land of Fire. I see all signs pointing toward that direction, especially under the new leadership of our very young but determined heiress. She shows strength and dogmatism in areas where her predecessor failed."
In that moment Hinata's regrets, frustrations and anger compounds, settling heavy in her chest. Her heart races and her hands begin to tremble. She feels as if she is drowning. She needs to get out, get away from the stares of pity thrown her way. The humiliation of never being good enough is too much to face tonight.
Hinata shifts on her chair, grabbing at the table to pull herself upright, but a steady, heavy hand on her thigh keeps her anchored.
Her eyes widen at the realization of whose hand it is. She can easily pull away from him, but it would probably draw the attention of her husband or father. Wanting to remain inconspicuous as possible, she carefully moves back into her original seated posture and keeps her gaze forward.
The pressure on her thigh remains constants throughout the speech. It soothes her nerves, serving as a distraction from whatever the elder was babbling on about. After a few minutes, Sasuke removes his hand, and she instinctively tries to hold onto her source of comfort, but remembering their surroundings she tucks her hands under her thighs in a preventative manner to desist from acting unseemly.
After the speech is over, and Hinata barely recognizes the sound of departing feet, the solid wooden legs of Naruto's chair scrapes raggedly against the delicate flooring. Hovering over Hinata, he angrily asks, "Did you know about this?"
Pale eyes, as wide as saucers, peer ignorantly into deep blue eyes, "Know about what?" She innocently replies.
"Hinata had no idea. Hiroomi-san didn't clear this with father or me." Hanabi rushes to her sister's aid. "Father and I can talk him out of it. We have the authority to."
To Hinata, Hanabi sounds like a child who is in the unfortunate situation of standing up to an older relative.
"You actually don't have the authority. Neither do I. If it's true that the Daimyō specifically requested the Hyuga as his personal bodyguards, then there is nothing any of us can say. Though it would have been great to have a heads up and some say in exactly who is being sent. Fuck! Shikamaru and the council are going to give me shit for this. I'm sure they'll think it's nepotism."
Naruto aggressively ruffles his cropped locks, "Fuck it. I'll deal with that tomorrow."
Seemingly without a care in the world, Hiashi proposes, "Care to join me in my study? I've brewed some of your favourite sake. Today's trouble is enough for today."
"Yeah. Sasuke you coming? Konohamaru, you're welcome to join as well."
"I've got to be up early for that mission with Team Seven. But thanks for offering." The young man then turns to Hanabi, "I should get going."
"I'll walk you out," Hanabi immediately follows her invited guest.
"Sasuke?" Naruto says impatiently.
"Yeah. Give me a minute, I'll catch up with you."
"Do you know where to find us?"
Sasuke scoffs, "I can figure it out."
Left alone in the dining hall, Hinata is unable to move from her spot. She wants to thank Sasuke for offering her comfort, but doing so would involve her confronting their budding physical intimacy.
They sit alone in silence for several minutes. She tries to find reasoning as to why he is still here with her. Is he waiting for her to express her gratitude? Does he want to provide an explanation of his behaviour?
Fortunately, she doesn't have to wreck her nervous brain further, as he deftly leaves the hall without uttering his thoughts on the matter.
She thanks the gods for small mercies.
Yawning and fighting off the exhaustion of the day, Hinata is slowly making her way to her childhood bedroom when she is pulled into a supply closet and the door is quickly shut.
"Be quiet!" A silencing finger tries to shut Hinata's lips.
"Hanabi, what foolishness are you up to?" She tries to push her sister off.
"Be quiet," Hanabi shushes again, "Take this and hide it." Hanabi hands over a large yellow, manila envelope, "Don't let anyone see this. I stole it from Hiroomi's bedroom."
"What were you doing in there?"
"I'll explain tomorrow. Just take it home with you."
"I am planning to spend the night."
Hanabi sighs, "Just hide it somewhere. I did the hard part, now you do yours."
"Fine."
"Leave after a minute or two, okay? I don't want anyone to see us exiting together, it would look fishy."
Because being in a supply room alone at night was less suspicious. She had no choice but to follow her sister's instructions.
The few minutes of quiet alone in the closet, helped her come up with the perfect hiding spot. Peeking out the crack in the door, Hinata ensures no one is around, before she sneaks out.
Given the time of night, most of the members of her clan were probably in the process of winding down for the night, which meant she was able to navigate through the courtyard and wind her way through the garden all the way to the rear of the compound, where her old gardening shed was located, without being detected. At the back of the gardening shed was an unobtrusive hole in the wall. It was never patched or repaired because the guards rarely ventured this far into the compound. To her knowledge, only she knew about this secret area and had used it many times as a place of refuge from the persecutions of her uncle and now deceased cousin.
In her childhood, the hole was large enough to easily pass through. But as an adult, she had her doubts. But since the envelope was important to Hanabi, and coupled with nostalgia to return to her old hiding spot, Hinata felt compelled to shimmy her way through the hole.
She pushes the envelope to the other side before she ventures through.
The hole is much smaller than she anticipated. The most difficult part is getting her shoulders through, then she wiggles her body on the dirty ground until she is on hands and knees atop the grassy river bank separating her compound from the Uchiha's.
Moving to sit with her feet tucked under her knees, she dusts off the dirt and twigs from the front of her simple, black Kimono. She is relieved that the outfit is still in salvageable condition, a quick wash would have it looking brand new again. Her relief is short-lived as her palms move over bare skin on the right side of her torso.
"Oh no," she grieves the ruined outfit.
"Pity. The outfit suited you." Was everyone trying to sneak up on her tonight. She spins around on her knees to confront the intruder. This was her personal space and no one else should be here.
"What are you doing here?" She briefly wonders if he was commonly asked this question due to his stealth and spontaneity.
"Would you believe me if I said I got lost on the path of life?" He stoops down to meet her at eye level.
His face is more relaxed than it usually is, and a sweet scent of liquor coats his breath, "Are you drunk?"
"Am I?" He chuckles lightly at his own question.
Today was full of surprises, both humiliating and amusing. This encounter seemed to fall in the latter category.
"How did you find this spot?" Hinata points to the hole in the wall, "did you fit through there?"
Sasuke removes his cloak and places it on a clean patch of grass, which he then uses to rest his back on, "I jumped the wall, like a normal shinobi would."
"There are detectors on the walls."
"Easily evaded for anyone that's above genin level."
That wasn't true, the Hyuga installed proper chakra detection system, but she wouldn't waste her time fighting him on the mechanics and strength of the system.
"The real question is - what are you doing here?" The thick choppy bangs fall to the side of his face, revealing the concentric lines of his Rinnegan. Under the light of moon, it was near hypnotizing.
"I came out for fresh air."
"Interesting tactic. You could have used the front gate to get to the river."
"So could have you," Hinata retorts.
"And risk running into your husband. Nah, don't want to be plastered in Hiashi's study."
"But here you are plastered behind Hiashi's compound."
"Or is it that I am plastered in front of my compound," he points to the darken wasteland that was once his home.
"Tomato-tomato," he answers his own question. "What's that?"
Hinata had forgotten all about the stupid envelope, "Nothing." She moves it from her chest and tucks it under her arm.
Unrelenting he grabs it from her and promptly pulls out a stack of papers. Squinting under the moonlight he tries to read whatever is on the paper, "Hmm are you trying to become an accountant?"
"What, no." She reaches out for the papers in his hand, and neatly tucks them back into the envelope.
"Well, why are you walking around with a stash of financial documents?"
It seemed that Hanabi had tasked her again with reviewing the clan's financial tax documents, "Honestly I don't know. Hanabi wants me to hide these until the morning." There was no harm in telling Sasuke the truth, he probably wouldn't remember this conversation tomorrow.
"And you decided to hide it on a river bank?"
"Not on the actual river bank." She stands up and walks over to a dead maple tree. Standing on the tip of her toes, she reaches her arms up to tuck the envelope into a hole in the tree. One that a family of squirrels probably once habituated.
"That's dumb. What if it rains. Give it to me, I'll keep it safe."
"But you're also on the river bank," She reminds him.
"I'll be leaving soon. Just as soon as the sky stops spinning."
"You are plastered, aren't you? I am so sorry. I should have stopped Naruto." Hinata extends her hand, "Let me get you home, or at least spend the night in the guest house."
"Stay with the stuffy Hyuga or sleep with the ghost of my relatives. I choose the least dauting option." He dusts his cloak off, slings it over his shoulder, the pulls the envelope out of the squirrel hole.
"Come for this tomorrow, I'll be where I usually am. Somewhere in the grass." He descends the river bank and steps into the cold, but shallow water.
"You're going to be drenched and possibly sick!" Hinata warns.
"Nothing, I am not used to." Halfway across the river, he seems to have forgotten something so he wades back to the Hyuga side of the river and marches up to her.
Gently lifting her face with his index finger, he stares into her eyes, "Never let them see your weakness."
He doesn't have to explain any further, she knows exactly who he is referring to. "But I am weak."
"Don't doubt yourself. If you do, they win."
Her breath hitches as his thumb caresses her cheek and travels toward her lower lip.
Sasuke smiles softly. He looks like a young boy in the moonlight, free of worry and misery.
Hinata parts her lips to ask him, why he accepted her invitation and why he offered her comfort. In response to the moisture of her parted lips, he tucks his hand into his pockets, "You're not mine." She doesn't know who this reminder is meant for.
With a little less exuberance than before, he follows the same path that leads him back to the river and this time he doesn't turn back even after he has crossed the river and is on Uchiha side of the river bank.
I hate the beginning of this chapter. If I had time I would probably re-write the entire thing.
The beginning of this chapter reminder me of scenes I wrote for 'A New Dream' and it seemed repetitive. Here I am again writing about the woes of the neglected housewife. But this I am trying to look at it from a different angle, where Hinata is stronger and less isolated. But is it even needed after I wrote 'A New Dream'?
I am not one to abandon stories, so I will finish this fic, but just feeling a bit demotivated. But maybe someone here actually enjoyed this chapter and it's not as bad as I think it was.
I realized that I am a very reactive writer, and my writing is prompted by other fics I read. For example, I wrote this story and 'A New Dream' after being frustrated by the large quantity of fics where Sasuke becomes Hinata's love interest only because she was rejected by Naruto. My love for Hinata couldn't handle that, so I made up scenarios where she was the one rejecting Naruto.
But now I've been down a rabbit hole of crack pairings where there is so much love and affection in the stories, that it's so hard to continue writing Sasuke as an aloof jerk. I just want to get to the point of this story where they are both affectionate towards each other.
Maybe I should just write one shots (but I have no good ideas for one shots) or write about crack yaoi pairings, that no one will probably read about.
If you took the precious time to read my rant, I apologize. But as always, would appreciate your feedback.