By
Moonlight Bunny
A/N: Ohayou, minna! Sorry for keeping you wait with the updates for Then there were you or as it was called earlier Only You. First of all, I changed the title, cause it really didn't suite with the story or with the plot that I was thinking of to begin with. Gomen nasai! (Bows deeply O ) Anyway, I was thinking of continuing with chapter 12, but with many things happening around I decided to postpone it. And I wanted to become a better writer, before I could update again. But I never thought that it'd take almost 2 ½ years for me to get back on track with the story. Once again, I apologize! Anyway, I'll be re-writing all the chapters and the chapter 12 will be updated as soon as I'm finished with re-writing the previous chapters. (I've probably said it earlier… heh… ;;;) Since I was gone for so long, I wanted to make it up to you all by updating this story. It was supposed to be a preview to Then there were you/Only You but I thought that it was already its own story, when I finished it. Now it's up to you all if you want to see this as a preview for the Then there were you/Only You or not. But remember that Then there were you/Only You will be re-written so I might turn this into a prequel story. I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the SM characters. They belong to Takeuchi Naoko-sama.
Summary: Before the final battle and the Starlights' departure Seiya wrote a letter to Usagi about his feelings and thoughts. But the letter was never meant to be found. Usagi finds it months after they left and reads it…
Thoughts of you
A young girl was walking around out on the streets in Tokyo. Her long golden hair, which was put up in two pigtails, was flowing freely as the wind was playing with it. It seems like she just got out from school, because she was still wearing her school uniform. Her head was clouded with thoughts. Heavy thoughts that made her walk around without even thinking where she was going. It seemed like she was battling with her demons. They were the inner demons that she couldn't fight off this time.
"Hmmm… Has it really been that long?"
"Baka!" she then yelled all of sudden, startling the people who were passing by. She looked up only to see them staring at her weird. She laughed nervously and waved it away, while making a run away from the crowd. Already 17 and she still acted as if she was a child. How would Chibi-usa take it if she visited them again? She'd probably taunt her as always about her habits. She continued running, until she suddenly halted. She had stopped in front of a building that felt familiar.
This was his place or used to be his place. Why had she stopped in front of it? Maybe it was just a mere accident? She stared at the building once more before turning to another direction. She didn't want to say it, but she missed them, missed him. After all, they had become very important people to her, especially him. She disliked him at first because of his arrogance, but somehow she had learned to like him. They were best friends. Of course they were! He had always been there when her boyfriend couldn't and it angered her. He wasn't supposed to be there, but he did. And now he was gone. All that was left was memories of him and a feeling inside that kept tormenting her head… and probably her heart. A small voice inside her head started to talk,
"Why are you thinking of this now? He's long gone. Probably found someone already. You should be happy for his sake."
"I should…" she whispered softly, but then another voice inside her head said,
"You miss him! That's why you can't stop thinking about him… Stop thinking about him! You have your Mamo-chan, the peace is restored once again. You and your friends can live a happily ever after now!"
"Still… why can't I stop thinking of him?" she then thought.
"Am I not good enough?" a male voice suddenly said. She knew whose voice it belonged to. She never could forget those words he had said that day. It has haunted her from day one and she never knew why she couldn't get them out.
"I can't seem to get off his words from my mind… why… Is it guilt? Will I forever be guilty by the actions I made? Will I forever be guilty by the words I said?"
------
"Am I not good enough?"
"I wish I met you earlier…"------
"Yamete!" she cried all of sudden.
"Please stop… I'm already carrying the burden of the past. I'm being tormented by destiny and taunted by fate… please, go away…" she whispered sadly. Tears were by now falling down her cheek.
"Odango…" the voice whispered softly."Why? Why did you have to…? Why do I have to…?" she whispered and stared up at the clear blue sky.
How much she tried to forget him, she never could. Neither could those words, he had spoken from before, leave her. She knew that if she didn't do something about it, she might take a step closer near the edge. In her dreams she could fly, but now she couldn't. Every night she dreams of letting herself fall until the nothingness engulfed her. Before whenever she'd fall, there was always someone who'd catch her. But now was different. Everyone had changed since that fateful day, when their lives and future went in jeopardy. Her friends, Ami, Rei, Mako and Minako had changed in some ways.
"I'm not the same anymore. Everyone's worried, but I just can't tell them my burden. "
"Ami-chan…"
Ami-chan had withdrawn herself into the world of books. She had allowed her studies to engulf her. She would sit for hours, even days, in her room or in the library, just to study. The only times that she would come out was for the scout meeting or the sports centre to swim a couple of laps just to relax, before going back to her studies. Everyone knew. It didn't take a genius to know she was missing them, especially Taiki. Though he was cold, she knew… She knew deep in her heart. And that was what tore her apart. It happened one time when she showed up to class. She had started to get bags under her eyes. And they could tell that she had also been crying cause they were puffy and red.
"Rei-chan…"
Rei-chan was still the same when it came to her teasing. But just like Ami-chan, she had withdrawn herself, only this time behind the temple walls. She had blamed herself for never foreseeing the previous battle and therefore she punished herself by sitting in front of the great fire for hours just to see when the next upcoming battle will come and if it'll be like last time during Galaxia's reign. There were those times when she'd faint out of exhaustions, but still she remained her coolness and even kept her grades up as before just so her grandfather or Yuuichirou would suspect anything or worry.
"Mako-chan…"
Makoto-chan was busy worrying about her friends. She had seen the changes in her friends, inside and out. Seeing her friends' miserable made her sad. She never knew the right words to say or right things to do. It was like, everything she did just ended up in fights, sometimes cries. But she could never be blamed, it wasn't her fault if she was just trying to help, right? Things were never the same and that was what started to stress her. She had wished for the old days, but knew it could never be. Only time would tell when she'd see her friends happy again, especially Usagi.
"Mina-chan…"
Minako-chan was worse of them all. A week after they had left, she had broken down. Not because she missed them, but because her heart was once again broken. Though she was the goddess of Love, she never really could get a boy. She was good in bringing two people together, but when it came to herself she always ended up heartbroken. She had stopped chasing after boys, even idols. She even wanted to stop chasing her dreams, but knowing Usagi, she forbid her to ever stop dreaming. She started to focus more on school and being the leader. Like Rei-chan, she blamed herself for not being more of a leader. What hurt her the most was that she never got her feelings answered. She knew that Yaten had his duty to his princess as she had to Usagi and they could never break those vows that they had given long before they even knew the meaning of it. It really wasn't that bad to choose duty before love, but sometimes it did when it comes to being the reincarnation of goddess of Love.
Usagi became sad, when thinking about it. She missed her friends, she missed the old days, but she knew. It never could be the same like before those three stepped into their lives. It never could be the same when they weren't here. Ami-chan and Minako-chan missed them deeply even though they didn't admitted that they were in love. And Usagi… she didn't have any trouble with her Mamo-chan, but she missed him terribly. Had she chosen the wrong path to walk on? Why was it, that everytime she thought of him, she'd feel a certain warmness and at the same time cold inside her? Could it be that…?
"No! I will forget him and these feelings…" she snapped, realizing what she was thinking. She nodded to herself, agreeing that it was better that way.
"Yes… From now on, I'll be a new person! New Tokyo will approach sooner. I have to prepare myself for my new duties as the queen…" Usagi exclaimed as she raised her fist in the air.
"That's right! I'll be better in everything. You just wait and see, I'll be better, stronger…"
The wind suddenly blew hard and right as she was going to head home she suddenly tripped. Usagi sighed, knwing that if she was going to prepare for her duties, then the first she had to do was overcome her clumsiness. She knew that Neo queen Serenity was very graceful in the future as princess Serenity was in the past. She stood up quickly and brushed of the dust from her uniform. It was going to be a hard transformation, but if she could handle the life of a senshi, then could definitely handle the life of a queen. She looked down at her feet, shaking her head in frustration. The wind blew once more and Usagi covered her eyes just so she wouldn't get anything in her eyes. When something caught her attention.
"Are…? What's this?"
There on the ground in front of her feet laid an envelope. But there wasn't any address written on it.
"Ahhh… this is a letter! But there's no saying who it is to or who wrote it? Maybe there's a name inside. No! Usagi baka! You can't read someone else's letter. It's like reading someone else's diary. What to do? What to do?" Usagi frantically waved with the letter in her hand as she was looking if there was any person near who could have dropped it. Seeing that nobody was around she looked at it again.
"I can't return this if I don't know who's letter it is. Maybe if I just read the first line where it says 'Dear…' and the last line 'From or Love….' Maybe then I'll have a clue who's the owner of this letter. And if the person asks, I can just apologize for reading it and explain why I read it! Yes! That's a good excuse!"
"Besides… it might be a love letter… hihi…" Usagi squealed in delight, thinking back at when she'd get thousands of letters from her Mamo-chan.
Usagi opened the envelope carefully. Taking a peek inside, she suddenly gets a strange feeling, yet so familiar. The letter wasn't perfumed or anything, but she recognized this scent. For some reason it was as if it was meant to be found by her. She didn't know why, but she just knew. This was a feeling she hadn't felt for so long. Usagi started to read,
All the living things living in this universe have the brilliance of a
star hidden inside their bodies... One of them, in one person...
I met somebody with that brilliance shining with exceptional strength,
on this planet I've flowed to.
Odango... Being allowed to call you that may be like someone other than
me , but that kind of thing doesn't matter. I just call you that because
I want to. First, are there any boys besides me... Odango.
"No… This can't be! It can't be…" she whispered and continued reading.
Inviting you on dates, volunteering as your bodyguard, meeting with you
for a crash course in softball... Taiki was shocked, and said I care too
much... I'm the type who acts immediately on my feelings, so I didn't
think too deeply about it, but maybe Taiki's right... And I'm falling in love.
"Maybe it's Yaten-kun who wrote this to Minako-chan?" she smiled to herself. Thinking that it was a proclaimed love from Yaten to Minako. In her mind she knew that she'd be happy that it was for Minako, cause maybe it would cheer her friend up. But in her heart she wished for something else…
Ever since we first met at the airport,
I've surely had you on my mind. But is it that as a soldier I was
charmed by the power you emit? Or is it that, carrying the heart of a
boy, I was charmed by you...
All I can say is this. I love the light you're carrying! Got it?
You're an extremely lucky, happy person to be cared for so much by
this Seiya-sama.
Hey Odango, did you do your homework? There's nothing you can do about
forgetting your eraser. You say you want to see a recording?
Nope, no way, nobody's allowed in except those involved. ...Oh, all right.
But it's because you're special.
Say, Odango. I think there is surely a battle more painful than those up
to now waiting for us. But at all times, I will be by your side,
and I will help to protect you...
"Seiya…" she whispered, feeling a tear roll down.
"… I am so sorry for causing you so much pain…"
"… I'm sorry for never returning your feelings…" she thought.
The Tsukino House
Usagi had run so fast home that she didn't even think of breathing, until she collapsed onto her bed. She was now sobbing hard. She didn't know where and when she started to cry, only that when she came to her front door she was already crying. She felt like a lost child. Didn't know where to go to or where to turn to. She was trapped, caught in the middle and she wanted to get away from it. Find her way back. In her hand, she was holding tight onto the letter. The letter had triggered all the suppress feelings that tormented her. She couldn't control her cries. There, for what seemed to be an eternity, she was lying and crying hard. It was a good thing that her family was away. She didn't want to worry them more than they already were. And Luna… she was staying at Ami's place. Making sure that the blue haired senshi didn't collapse.
"Ironic, isn't it? I was caught in a love triangle and still am…" she chuckled sadly as she tried to dry off the tears.
"I just can't love you… Not now. Someday, somewhere… In another lifetime, maybe we…" she paused for a bit, before she continued.
"Maybe then, when there's no obstacle between us. Maybe we could be with each other… Where destiny can't control us… Where duty doesn't exist… but just love between two people…"
"That's where we will meet again… That's where I'll always love you…"
"Until then, I will stand proud… stand tall as destiny and fate unites for the future that was long ago planned for me."
"Seiya… if ever you hear this, please…" she said as she saw a falling star. She hoped that the star would hear her message and grant her wish by sending what she was saying.
"Go find your someone that you're destined with in this lifetime. Laugh for me…Live happily for me… Love for me…"
"We may not have this lifetime together, but maybe the next… We'll be together soon, someday… Wait for me in the next, Seiya… Wait for me…" she smiled towards the stars.
As she went inside again she started to remember those days. Days, when she laughed with him, yelled at him and cried onto him.
-----
Until you dissapear into the crowd
I kept waving my hand to your turned back
Nothing seems to be happened before yesterday.
As she passes a park bench, a voice speaks sharply,
"You're not supposed to go there,"
Seiya Kou gets up from the bench, and is startled to see Usagi, as he remembers her from the airport.
"You don't remember…?"
"Have we met somewhere?"
"You don't know me?"
"No."
"Oh… Maybe I'm not as famous as I think I am."
"Ahh…! I know! This is a new way of approaching girls, huh? Sorry, but I've already promised my future to someone else…"
As Seiya leaves, she calls Usagi "Odango" and Usagi gets mad.
"Oi! Mamo-chan's the only one who can call me that!"
(episode 173)
Laughing so hard that I cried
When we join hands and I gaze into your eyes
Always (your) fragrance (so faintly)
Tears at the strings of my heart
Even though we've acted selfishly, and we've had petty arguments
I never thought the day we couldn't be together would ever come for us
As she walks thus abstracted around a corner, she bumps into Seiya.
"Oh, it's you again."Usagi says and gets mad.
"Normal girls are very happy to bump into me." Seiya says and smirks.
Then the other two Lights walk up. Seiya pats Usagi on one of her odango and walks off, saying,
"Ja ne, Odango Atama..." Usagi is less than pleased.
--------
Seiya spots Usagi in the crowd, and calls out "Yo, Odango Atama!"
Usagi is surprised; evidently, she hadn't made the connection that this annoying person was one of the Three Lights. The other four girls wonder what Usagi has been up to.
"Why do you know Seiya?"
Usagi just says, "He's a strange one.."
(episode 174)
That day, after it, I'm running
When we can open all our feelings up to each other
The wind, the sky, still
Wrapped around us, alone together
"Do you have a boy friend?"
"Yes, in a distant land, across the ocean."
"Then I have a chance too. Bye."
-------
Sailor Moon: "Can we meet again?"
Sailor Star Fighter: "I'll pray that you're not our enemy."
(episode 176)
When I think about our tomorrow
And facing up to our true feelings
Surely (somewhere) we will keep (on this small)
Path, walking on ahead
When Usagi and Seiya went to a keychain catcher machine, Usagi spotted a cute bear. Then Seiya played the game and got the bear. Usagi was very happy, but that happiness only lasted for a moment.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
" The bear."
Seiya put the bear on his own shirt and says,
"If you want one yourself, catch it yourself."
------
Usagi and Seiya went into a private room.
" It's dangerous, just the two of us in this room." Usagi thought to herself.
When Seiya went close to her, Usagi sat down on the floor, with her face getting red.
" What are you getting so nervous about?"
Usagi laughed.
"Oh, this is your first time."
Usagi became a little bit redder.
"It's ok, I'll lead you."
Usagi couldn't say anything.
"It feels great."
Then Seiya grabbed Usagi's hand... and they went out to dance on the dance floor.
While they were dancing, the lights suddenly went out. Then Seiya took Usagi in his arm and said that everything would be all right. Usagi felt something, just like when Mamoru was holding Usagi.
"This warmth is like Mamo-chan's, but it's different. It's a different kindness from Mamo-chan."
(episode 181)
Now I am all by myself
Tied to the night, wanting to be with you
All my lines of words, now they just do not reach you anymore
That day, we were in each other's arms
That defined our happiness, do not forget
I fell so in love with you
I want you to be like you were back then
Usagi and Seiya were in the rain on the roof of the school.
"I've never been good at trying hard. I've tried to try hard studying, but I always end up eating and sleeping."
Usagi started crying.
When I saw the rose, I remembered him. I thought that I could be all right by myself. But I can't. I can't stand it any more. I want to see Mamo-chan."
"Am I not good enough? Am I not good enough?"
Usagi and Seiya stared at each other closely in the rain..
(episode 194)
That day, I had a dream I will not forget the depth of your eyes
The wind, the sky, surely
Will wipe away all my pain inside
(song: Kaze mo, sora mo…)
------
Across the galaxy, in another planet, a young man was sitting by the balcony and watching the stars. His blue eyes weren't focused on the stars, but on something that was far beyond the stars.
"Odango…"
He was holding a picture of a girl who was smiling. The girl had twinkling blue eyes and long golden hair that was put up in pigtails. She was standing and smiling as she was making a V-sign in front of the camera. Beside her was a young man standing and smirking, while he was holding onto what seemed to be boxes of food. He remembered that day clearly. It was the day when they had vacation from school and he had asked her to go on a date, except for that she didn't really see it as one. He smiled to himself when he thought of her. She never did know his feelings… or did she?
"Maybe it wasn't meant to be in this lifetime. But I promise you that, wherever you are in the next lifetime, I will find you…" he whispered sadly.
"Seiya…" a faint whisper suddenly said, which caused the young man to stand in alert.
"… I am so sorry for causing you so much pain…"
"… I'm sorry for never returning your feelings…" the voice echoed in the air.
The young man recognized the voice. He knew it was her voice, but when he turned around she wasn't there. Was his mind playing tricks? Or had he reached the rock bottom and gone mad? As he was fighting with thoughts of his own, the voices kept echoing in the air.
"Ironic, isn't it? I was caught in a love triangle and still am…"
Seiya tried to block his ears, but the voices still kept haunting. But then he suddenly stopped covering his ears when he heard something interesting in what the voice said.
"I just can't love you… Not now. Someday, somewhere… In another lifetime, maybe we…"
"Maybe then, when there's no obstacle between us. Maybe we could be with each other… Where destiny can't control us… Where duty doesn't exist… but just love between two people…"
"Odango… is it you telling me this?" Seiya asked himself, feeling his heart beat fast as it did whenever he was with her.
"That's where we will meet again… That's where I'll always love you…"
"Is this what your heart tells you…?" Seiya asked the voice as he smiled. Hoping that her voice would say that she missed him and yearned for him and wished for him to take her away. But his hopes were soon crashed and burnt into ashes as well as feeling his heart once shattered by the next words that came.
"Until then, I will stand proud… stand tall as destiny and fate unites for the future that was long ago planned for me."
"Seiya… if ever you hear this, please…"
"Go find your someone that you're destined with in this lifetime. Laugh for me…Live happily for me… Love for me…"
"As much as you want me to live a new life, I just can't… It's not easy for me to just fall out of love with you and then fall in love with someone else… I can't and I won't allow it." Seiya answered, while he tightened his fist.
"I can't… As long as you haunt my mind, my dreams and my thoughts, I will never love anybody as much as I love you. That is a promise that I made since the very beginning." Seiya said, angry over what her voice had said. He promised to love his princess, but he also did promise to love her, Usagi. But he calmed himself down as a small hope was once again planted in his heart.
"We may not have this lifetime together, but maybe the next… We'll be together soon, someday… Wait for me in the next, Seiya… Wait for me…" the voice whispered as it disappeared.
Seiya smiled after hearing those words. The voice had a point, even if he wasn't sure that it was her voice. Maybe they weren't meant to be in this lifetime, but maybe in the next.
"Odango… if what you said is true. If that voice was really you and not a figment of my imagination, then I will. We might not be destined for each other now, but in the next… I'll wait for you as you'll wait for me. Someday… somewhere… where there's only the two of us. That's where I'll wait and that's where I'll love you…" Seiya whispered.
"Seiya…?" a male voice said.
Seiya turned around, furrowing his forehead. Two young men came out from the shadows. One was taller than the other. The two men stared at their friend worryingly, but only for a moment.
"The king and queen wants to speak with us, three. " the taller man said.
Seiya nodded and followed his friends, but before he went inside he took one last glimpse at the sky and smiled.
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A/N: So…. What do you think? Good? Bad? Too cheasy? Please r/r and say what you think of it.
Ja!
/Moonlight Bunny