Chapter 1

Time is all a matter of how you think about it. It can be many things, it just depends on where your mind is set. Time can be annoying, tiresome, enjoyable, or downright wonderful. Time could be considered short, but oh, those people that thought that had no idea.

On a remote, deserted island, there was too much time. Well, in Kate's opinion there was. Used to living a life on the run, Kate was never sure what to do with the extra time that she had on the island. Most days she would spend watching Jack. She often wondered how he could deal with it.

Person after person would walk in, telling Jack that they needed stitches. "No," he would say, "You're fine." The person would leave with a band-aid and Jack would rub his head in frustration.

Kate would walk over and gently place a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't we go pick some fruit?" She would ask adding, "For old time's sake."

He would grin at the comment and they would go. Little conversations would pop up along the way, but they were mostly about the weather, or the newest island gossip.

That was until the kiss. Why she had done it she was not sure. Maybe it was the tension, or maybe the stress. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because she really did love him. And the way he held her and his comforting voice made it too hard for her to hold in all her feelings and emotions for him.

But when she kissed him, it wasn't as she had planned. In many of her dreams, he would confess his love for her in a soft, warm kiss. Then, it would become more passionate and needy. And it would end in them both gasping for breath.

This kiss wasn't at all how she had imagined it. It was passionate, sure. But she didn't get that feeling of butterflies in her stomach. It was just a kiss, something she had done with a man many times before. Only a kiss. The statement played through her head so many times.

And then, they broke apart. And she looked at his soft, confused, and worried face. What have I done? She wondered. At that moment, she knew that she was going to loose her best friend. She wasn't sure what to do, so she did what she knew best. She ran.

The problem was that she ran to Sawyer. Of all people that she could have gone to, she went to Sawyer. Maybe if Jack saw her hanging around Sawyer more often, he would get jealous. Maybe if she stopped talking to him, ignoring him and avoiding all contact with him, she would get over him. She knew hat he didn't love her, and she felt like kicking herself for believing that he had the same feelings as her.

Why did life always have to be so complicated? Couldn't making choices like this be easy? No, it couldn't. Because then, no lessons would ever be learned and life would be no journey. Then, the pleasures and joys of life would not be anything new, or exciting. They would just seem normal; a part of everyone's average day.

So maybe her fate was with Sawyer, or maybe it was with Jack. Maybe this was going to turn out fine in the end. Maybe it would turn out to be a learning experience. Whatever was going to happen, Kate just needed to have faith…In everything.

The Diary of Katherine Austin

July 14, 1990----Age: 10 years

I can't wait for my birthday! August third seems so far away, yet it's only in about a month. Once I turn 11, Tom won't be able to laugh at me because he's 11 and I'm not.

Wayne came home early today and he smelled like beer. Mom was making dinner, and when she told him he hit her.

He hits me, too. Every little thing that he gets mad at, he hits me and Mom for. He's always so angry. I don't understand it.

Mom and I are always so nice to him, but he beats us anyway. And he hits hard every time. It's like he doesn't care what we think…Like no matter what, he's right and we're wrong.

Every night I have to lay in bed, listening to him doing it with Mom. Sometimes, I wonder if she wants to do it. Or if he just does it to her…If he forces her to do it. He's tried to do it to me before…I ran away.

I don't see why she stays with him. He's so…Abusive.

I was making Dad a scrapbook. I found dates on the back of the pictures. I don't know why they let me think that. Dad is…Dad isn't my read dad. Wayne is my father. The dates on the backs of the pictures show that Dad was away up until four months before I was born. That means Wayne is my father. But how? It kills me to know that part of him is in me…That I'll never be good. I'm going to kill him when I grow up. I really, really am.

"Sawyer!" Kate yelled as she ran toward him. He was sitting on the beach, reading Watership Down, again. What is it; the fourth time he's read that book already? Is that all he has time for? Kate wondered.

At the sound of Kate's voice, Jack looked up. He saw her running towards Sawyer, a smile on her face. Jack felt his eyes filling with tears. I thought that I was the only one that could make her smile, he thought. I guess this is it then…I guess she picked him. He sighed and turned away, going to find Ana Lucia.

"Sawyer!" Kate called again. He looked up. "Hey!" she said. "What's up?"

"Hey, Freckles," he said, closing his book.

Does he forget my name of something? I don't remember one time that he actually called me Kate. She wanted to say this to his face, but for some reason, he reminded her of Wayne. And if she got Sawyer mad, she was afraid that he was going to hurt her.

Kate's eyes started to fill with tears. She remembered when she kissed Sawyer. It felt so different from kissing Jack. That's when she realized it. I didn't kiss Jack by force. I kissed him on my own free will. I kissed him because I wanted to. Whether I was under stress or not. I didn't want to kiss Sawyer. I kissed him for Shannon. And then I punched him. I would never punch Jack.

"Never mind," Kate said quickly as she walked back into the jungle to find Jack.

She almost burst into tears at the sight she saw next. It was near dark and there was a fire lit. She thought that it was Jack, probably mourning the loss of her. But no. Kate could never have a happily ever after life. Instead, she saw Jack and Ana Lucia, laughing and joking and eating around the campfire. It's as if he doesn't even miss me! He doesn't miss me. I am such a fool. She ran into the jungle, blinded with tears.

It had been about a week and she hadn't talked to Jack since the day she had followed Jack, Sawyer, and Locke as they went out to find Michael. When she had seen him out there, while The Other was holding her, he had looked so concerned for her…So worried. But she had run to Sawyer…Why?

And then, she had told him that she was sorry…That it was stupid mistake that she never should have made…which it was. And he didn't believe her. She had nearly broke down right then and there. But she stayed strong, like her dad had always told her to do.

She had tried to catch up with him, but he just kept walking. That had hurt…That had hurt badly. And what made it worse…Sawyer. "If he had told me that, I would have done the same thing." He seemed to understand. Did he know that she really loved Jack?

Jack stood on the beach, talking to Hurley. "I just don't get it," he explained, rubbing his forehead.

"Dude, isn't it obvious…You've got the hots for her and she's in love with you," Hurley stated, oblivious to the fact that Jack just couldn't understand that.

"What?" Jack asked, looking surprised.

"Dude, just go kiss and make up!" Hurley exclaimed. "And I mean it when I say kiss!"

Jack smiled. Hurley was always one to cheer you up…whether it was pouring rain or the sun was brightly shining, there was just something about him that made everyone happy. He patted Hurley on the back. "You know what?"

"Huh?" Hurley's mind was already wondering to his own troubles.

"You can always make a guy feel better," Jack's smile broadened. "Thanks, man. And I will go talk to her," he added as he walked towards the jungle.

Somehow, he just knew that Kate would be in the jungle. It seemed to be one of her favorite places. He came upon her favorite mango tree, where he also knew she would be, and looked up. "Kate?" he yelled up, hoping she would be there. \

Startled, Kate looked down. Oh, gosh…Why him? She was not in the mood for a chat with Jack.

After she had seen Jack with Ana Lucia and ran into the jungle, she had climbed her favorite tree. She needed some time alone, and most of all, she needed to let it all go…She just wanted to let the tears pour down her cheeks. It had been such and emotional two weeks that she just couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Go away…I don't want to talk," Kate half yelled, still sobbing.

Jack looked down. What did I do wrong? "Please…" he pleaded with her, and she could hear the desperation in his voice.

"I'll be sitting at the far right fire, nobody ever site there. You can talk to me then," she answered, still a bit shook up.

"Okay," Jack whispered, hanging his head. He slowly walked away. Maybe Hurley was wrong.

That night, Kate sat by the fire, wondering if Jack was ever going to show up. All she had left to eat was a piece of mango, when he finally showed up.

Gosh, she's beautiful tonight, Jack thought as he sat down next to Kate.

For what seemed hours, but in reality were only minutes, the two sat in complete silence. Finally, Jack spoke up.

"Yeah, um…We need…Uh…We have to…ARGH!" Why couldn't he talk right? Dumb-head…Stupid brain! Why does it have to freeze up now?

A harsh wind blew over the two. It was getting colder and colder on that stinkin' island. As Jack looked over, he saw Kate shivering. Guess she hasn't found a sweatshirt yet, he thought, pulling his sweatshirt over his head. "Here, put this on," he offered. "It'll keep you warm."

She smiled warmly. "Thanks."

And at that moment, Jack couldn't hold his emotions in anymore. He leaned down and captured her lips with his own in a needy, passionate kiss.

He was everything she had imagined, and she was everything he had imagined. And though this was not their first kiss, they both knew that it mean a lot more then the one in the jungle.

Eventually, it ended up with Jack carrying Kate into his cave. They kissed under the dim moonlight that shown through he opening of the cave. When they finally just lay in each other's arms, they were both relaxed and content.

Jack sighed. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." Kate smiled and they fell asleep in each other's embrace.