I wrote her a mean letter so she'd hate me and not herself, and taped it to her forehead (so she'd find it) while she was sleeping. I left with a bag of cookies (food), a switchblade (protection), and Bobo, my favorite undead monkey doll (company). After about forever of thinking and flying at the same time (I had to sit down a lot) I got to the Tooth Fairy's house.

When she came to the door I accidentally broke into crumbly pieces by knocking too hard, she saw a wet, droopy, dirty fairy with soggy cookies and his hair in his face. I tried to smile, but she screamed and ran back inside. I was still there when she came back the next day, so she took me in.

She wasn't scared anymore. "Cosmo, is it?" she said without looking at me. She remembered my name!

"So what do you want? A job? Because I'm not…"

"I love you!" I said.

She looked at me real funny, and when she smiled, I worried she'd laugh. But she only shook her head and grabbed my hand. Her hand was soft, but I jumped like it was covered in blood.

"O, so it's sex you want," she said in that voice Juandissimo always used with Wanda, and she pulled me against her breasts. As she made a comb appear and put it in my hair, she cooed into my ear, "For anyone else I'd get out my pepper spray, but this changes everything! O, I was waiting for this!"

And she started kissing me so hard and squeezing the breath out of me. I laughed when she licked my neck because it tickled, and she looked at me funny again. With that look still on her face, she said, "take off your clothes, weirdo." And then she took her shirt off!

I sputtered a bit, as if I were cold (which is weird because I wasn't!), unable to take my eyes off those breasts. They were like the ones on those shows my Mamma never lets me watch. "Uh, are we going to take a shower?"

She stared at me and looked really mad, but then sparkled with a huge grin. "That's a great idea!"

I knew I needed it, but she looked way too clean to get one too. Anyway, I got in the shower she made for me, but before I could complain about the lack of bath toys, she got in with me!

"Sorry, I'm in here!"

She laughed and grabbed me.

I pulled away. "I'm dirty!" I said.

"So am I!"

I was about to say she wasn't, when she kissed my mouth and touched me places no one else had before then. Even when I tried to fight her off, she didn't stop—in fact she thought it was funny and she clung to me tighter. Her fingernails were digging so deep into my skin, too. Then she pressed her body against mine and rubbed it, the way I would Wanda's shoulders.

"Come on, fairy, let's see what you got," she said when she grabbed me…down there.

That was going too far, I thought, so I pushed her so hard she slammed on the back wall and slipped and fell again when she tried to get up.

I put a towel around myself and felt my eyes bulge with tears. I sat on her couch to rub the blood away from the tiny cuts on my shoulders and back.

She was mad when she came out, and wow she looked really scary! "What fuck's wrong with you?" She yelled.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled back. "You're not supposed to touch me there! Why do you think we wear clothes?"

Then she got quiet and I think she was thinking. "O my god, you're a virgin!"

"Am not!" Then I thought.Andfailed. "Uh, what's that?"

"Wow, some girlfriend you have!"

And then I remembered why I came there. "I don't have a girlfriend." I sat down, and she held my shoulders.

"What about Wanda?" Her eyes got big. "You left her! For me?"

I didn't want any pepper spray in my eyes so I nodded, trying so hard not to cry in front of her. I could cry in front of anyone, even Jorgen (especially him—he's so scary!) but I didn't want HER to see it.

"O sweetie! What a smart thing to do!"

"Really? I never do smart things!"

"So I've gathered. But this time, you've hit genius level!"

I smiled, feeling good to be called smart for once. Butit was thinking about Wanda that gave me the strength to lie down under this other woman and let her take my towel off.

I had to make her my girlfriend, to save Wanda from me, so that meant I had to do whatever this new girl said.

Everything she did to me she explained, and even what certain things were for. I knew my Mamma had told me about this a few days before, but at the time I was too interested in the puppets to listen.

"And this is where the magic happens," she said as she slid into me, or actually, me into her. She giggled when I gasped and held her tightly by the arms. "So babies really are made by magic!" I squeaked.

I couldn't decide if it felt really, really good, or if it was the deepest pain I'd ever felt, but I didn't want her to stop.

Then I thought I was hurting her when she started yelling and sweating and thrashing on top of me. "Are you ok?"

She heaved, "Ok? Ok! O, Cosmo, Wanda has no idea what she's missing!"

I didn't understand her, but the sound of my love's name hurt me more than the sex did. But instead of curling into a ball and bawling, I roughly flipped the girl on her back and did the magic on her. She yelled louder and pulled at my hair, my arms, my hips, anything she could, but didn't care then if I killed her. I felt like someone else as I fucked (a word I had always heard before but finally learned that morning) her. I could barely see her through the tears in my eyes.

Then she shoved me off and got on her hands and knees. When I just stared at her, she pulled me into position and I fucked her again. Wow, Diary, I really felt like a man then, and that's saying something!

It started to feel like pain again, but I didn't stop even thought with every stroke it got worse. Finally I felt like I exploded down there and we both fell down in a tangled heap on her shiny tiles.

I couldn't breath for a minute. When I saw the mess I had made on her floor and on her, I ran for towels felt so embarrassed. "I'm so sorry," I said a thousand times (really, I counted), but she said sweetly, "It's ok, Cosmo. It's normal. That," she pointed at the mess. "Is the magic that makes babies."

Then she poofed it away and held me. "Wow, honey. That was unbelievable! I'm totally keeping you!" But when she kissed my neck, I didn't laugh.

I stayed there a few weeks. We didn't do much at all except sex because she was always working, and when I tried to talk, she told me to shut up.

She brought friends over one night. They were all so pretty, I felt like I did whenever the Tooth Fairy undressed me.

"We're going to have a party tonight," she said, "and you're the guest of honor!"

Before I could ask what that meant, the girls attacked me. I won't tell everything we did, because it all happened so fast and I was confused, but I knew I had just given each of those girls a baby.

And then a guy came in and kissed the Tooth Fairy. I couldn't help feeling a little jealous, even though I didn't feel like she was my girlfriend, so I pouted. She said awwww to me and told the man to kiss me. And he did. But that's not all he did.

With all the girls watching and squealing, the guy pushed me under him and did to me what I would do to the Tooth Fairy. And just as hard.

This time I knew it was pain I was feeling, and lots of it. It felt really good when he touched and kissed me, but I still wished he would stop fucking me. He and the girls laughed when I tried to get away and ignored my screams, but what hurt me the most was that the Tooth Fairy, my fake girlfriend, just sat and watched, smiling softly, drinking from a bottle as I begged her to help me. The guy shut me up with kisses and finally stopped. I saw the mess he made on me and the floor, and that some of it was mine. Some of it was also blood.

"O my god," I said as I sat up. "Now I'm gonna get pregnant!" I was deafened by the laughs that got.

Wow, I really wanted to be held right then, but when anyone there tried to touch me, I pushed them away. I wanted to fly off in a huff, but just moving hurt too much. The next morning all I could think about was how happy Wanda must been without me. She would have fixed the wand school and graduated, have found a boyfriend to fuck her, and had a new, good life. And though that thought was a good one, it hurt so much. For once, I wished I could stop thinking.

"You're not mad about last night, are you?" asked the Tooth Fairy.

"You're my girlfriend now; I have to do what you want," I said.

She just said "whatever" and left for a tooth.

I stayed a bit more, and had to be in more parties, but wanted so, so bad to go home to my girlfriend. But I knew that I would just hurt her again, so I didn't.

One night the Tooth Fairy made that decision for me. When her boyfriend was too rough on me, and made me bleed and cry much more than normal, she looked scared. She said, "Cosmo, this isn't going to work out. You're just too…fragile! I mean, what if Abra kills you? Think of the trouble I'd be in! You've got to go."

I wanted to strangle her, but I just said, "Why can't you just keep him away from me?"

"No, I thought about that, but Abra wouldn't like that. You'd really better just go." And she gave me my monkey and my knife and pushed me out the door.

If she would have seen me crying on her doorstop, she would have thought it was over her. But it was over the thought of having to break Wanda's heart again.