Title: Symbiosis
Author: Little Lunar Wolf
Summary: He needs her, and as perverse as it is to admit it, she needs him as well. He is her distraction from all that troubles her even if he is the primary cause.
Spoliers: Slight for "All In". I haven't seen the episode yet, but you could say this is a slight alternative ending to it.
There is a stubborn refusal in her, borne from sacrifice and hardships experienced over the years. The very same refusal is the driving force behind her determination and it is this determination that makes her who she is today. It all comes back to her inability to accept what doesn't favour her that makes her do the things she does.
People say that acceptance is the first step to redemption, Lisa Cuddy doesn't believe this. Refuses to believe this blatant excuse to lie down and give up; and as much as she knows it would be easier to let lie what has been done and what is, she fights because that is who she is and who she has become. Old habits die hard after all, or so she has been told.
This view of thinking has not been without consequence, throughout the years. From when she was a young girl, her refusal to believe that her father had left, made the late nights when she would stay up and wait for his familiar footsteps outside her bedroom door turn into early and then late mornings. In high school, her misplaced sense of loyalty and trust to her first boyfriend prevented her from believing he was cheating on her. Lisa Cuddy had to learn the truth the hard way; some would say she was a stickler for punishment.
And now, Cuddy refuses to acknowledge this thing that they share as anything more than comfort sex because once she does, this thing will no longer be considered casual but something so much more complicated. She can't deal with complicated, not right now, not with a hospital to run or at least that's what she tells herself to justify her actions each morning she wakes up to a cold bed.
He won't stay; she knows it and is sometimes thankful for his, and subsequently her way out of the after morning awkwardness that would undoubtedly follow. She copes with the painful realisation that her life has turned out the way it has by taking a gruelling morning run. The need to escape outweighing her body's reflex reaction to rest her already sore muscles; and she knows that no matter how far she runs he'll continue to chase after her. He was always competitive by nature.
So it doesn't surprise her when he turns up to her place, unannounced as usual, still in his tux from the charity event held at the hospital earlier. Her own dress hung, and placed neatly in the closest for dry cleaning the next day. When she opens the door, she finds him leaning wearily against the door frame, head resting on his forearm, eyes closed. The porch lights glint down harshly on his frame and she can't help thinking he looks 10 years older than this morning, the stress, fatigue and alcohol doing more to him than he would rightfully admit.
A light hand on his elbow is enough to let him know that she is inviting him in, and with that he lumbers through the door, silver cane casting sporadic reflections along the wall. With her back turned, and her attention on locking the door, she feels him behind her before she really hears him. "No talking," he says gruffly, his lips on her neck. Cuddy merely nods slightly, inclining her neck to give him better access. She is fine with his demand, for she herself is in no mood for deep and meaningfuls.
It's plain and simple to the both of them: he needs her, and as perverse as it is to admit it, she needs him as well. He is her distraction from all that troubles her even if he is the primary cause. On this particular night, she wants to erase the thought of her competitive nature overriding her duty to a patient, and somehow in the back of her mind she realises he knows it as well. This is the nature of their relationship. They will both use each other and in the process help the other.
Shadows and silhouettes hide them behind a mask of anonymity, a reprieve from the pressures of the real world. And with their new identities, in the dimness of the house they stumble, making their way steadily to the bedroom, she noticing his limp is a little more pronounced than usual.
END
Author's Note: Since this is my first attempt at House fanfiction any and all feedback would be appreciated. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this :)