Dear Readers,

It's me, Caliban the Wizard, and here's hoping some reviewers from my other stories are reading this. The sad truth is, I'm leaving for England very soon and won't be able to update for a while. I'm hoping there's a computer where I'm going so I can finish Chapter Eight of my 'Don't Mess With My Crazed Sword-less Guy', but that's probably not going to happen. So I made this story, which is dedicated to Sapphirecat, you wonderful you! This story is about life at the Smash Mansion BEFORE this whole cloning nonsense began. You can understand this story and not have to read my old ones. Anyway, here's hoping you forgive me for being such a lazy ass, Sapphirecat!

One: In Which We All Suffer…Jigglypuff Style

Heyit's me, the pop-star to be. You have to help me out here! The whole mansion's going bonkers because of today's heat wave. The only way I'm staying alive is by tuning out the rest of them, staying in my room, and practicing my best songs. But it's hard you know. Mario, Dr. Mario, and Luigi have their hands full giving out Italian ice packs to make sure no one dies of heat stroke. Link is probably freaking out in his room because Young Link broke his air-conditioner. And Zelda, poor lady, the heat's made her magical skills go haywire so she can't go Sheik. Mr. Game and Watch's beeper's broken, so now he sounds like a telephone on dial-up internet. Pikachu and Pichu are shocking each other, literally. But those are just to name a few. However, there is one other person besides me that's not going bananas.

Currently he's cooped up in his room with the air conditioner on the highest level, watching soap operas. Do you know how hard it is to find a guy sensitive enough to watch them? The only type of guys I know are the kind that go into disgusting burping contests that drown out my beautiful singing voice! But as I take a peek into his wonderfully clean room, free of burping contests, I see him watching the best soap opera ever 'All My Jigglypuffs' about a Jigglypuff who can't sing. And he's crying over it too! Isn't he just the perfect guy? I've been practicing my best songs all for him! I went shopping yesterday for the best ribbons and make-up. I've gone through the trouble of going to self-help classes to help me speak Japanese and learn pottery and everything! All for him!

However, each rose has its thorns, and for my perfect rose, it's a psychotic half-dragon with a bloody sword that catches fire every two seconds! Imagine sharing a room with a crazy, gluttonous, pyromaniac Godzilla reject that has never cleaned his side of the room at all! He's always making my perfect guy into a complete mess, calling him a girl, making him always do the cleaning, and to top it off he always breaks everything my perfect guy thinks is perfect! He's just SO darn annoying!

For example, the heat wave's made him HYPER! Isn't he weird? Anyway, so he's rampaging around the mansion, breaking anything and everything he can get his hands, what a maniac. Thank goodness my guy took his sword away, or things would get a lot worse! But when he broke the prized vase that belonged to my boyfriend to-be, I saw my perfect guy get mad for the first time ever. He started yelling in Japanese, thank goodness I took those lessons, and then he slammed the door shut so hard the ground shook. Then the crazy Godzilla reject just walked off as if he didn't totally ruin my perfect guy's life. I was so angry at him I thought of using my strongest Pound attack, but then it wouldn't be very even-tempered, would it? So I just puffed up and turned bright red.

I tiptoed over to my perfect guy's door, and peeked inside. He was watching the soap opera, just like before, but he looked pretty angry. Now this is a guy with perfect composure. I've never seen him even think about being mad, and here he was, angry beyond all reason. That vase meant a lot to him. So I figured I'd put my pottery lessons to use.

I went over to Ness's room and borrowed some pottery supplies, and then got to work in my room using my pottery sculptor. It was hot work, because Pichu didn't put in the air-conditioner this time, but every time I was about to give up I just thought about how happy it would make him. Then finally, I finished sculpting the vase which took a lot of precision, then set it in the kiln to bake. It took about an hour to bake, but I was overjoyed when I took my Jiggly-oven mitts and carefully pulled out the vase, still piping hot. I waited about ten minutes for it to cool in my freezer, and then began using my special paints. The vase was a terribly fancy one that showed a splash of water in assorted inks, and believe me when I say it took Herculean effort to paint in just that way. It took me THREE hours to paint, and half an hour to dry. Finally, the vase was finished, perfect down to the last detail. It was a token to show just how much I loved him. Then I got myself ready. I wouldn't be caught dead in my dirty smock and messy curl, so I took another hour to freshen up, tie on my best ribbon and put on my best make-up. I went for the flashy look with my sparkly blue ribbon and matching make-up, just because blue is his favourite color.

So I trotted over to his room, with my prettiest bow tied around the vase, ecstatic. Confident, I threw open the door with my best Jigglypuff smile on! And I saw a horror no pop-star Jigglypuff should see. My perfect guy was KISSING the Godzilla reject! He was kissing him so hard that every five seconds he had to take another breath, just to go down and kiss him some more! My heart shattered into pieces. I let out a soft whimper, but that caught his attention and he looked up. The stupid pyromaniac Godzilla boyfriend stealer's eyes suddenly snapped open and he gave a series of coughs from underneath my no-longer boyfriend to be.

"Jigglypuff, it's not what it looks like!" the evil no-longer boyfriend of mine cried, but I just dropped the vase, which broke into a million pieces, and ran off. I knew he was following me. I knew that my mascara was dripping, and I still had to give back Ness's art supplies. But I didn't care. I was running so fast I didn't notice the Pokeball lying on the ground. Of all the rotten luck! I always did hate those stupid PokePrisons. My tripping gave that evil idiot time to catch up with me. Darn it. He also had to time to connect his stupid Poketranslator. Darn. Mind you people, Jigglypuff talking normal is just what somebody hears out of the Poketranslator, so no, Jigglypuff does not speak regular English.

"Jigglypuff, it's not what-"

"I don't want to hear it! I spent all that time making homemade blueberry chocolate, and making that vase for you out of scratch, and learning Japanese, and-" I cried out the next part "ALL FOR NOTHING! YOU TURN AROUND AND START MAKING OUT WITH THAT GODZILLA REJECT!" After that I just burst into tears, not caring about anything any more. The love of my life had gone and betrayed me. He seemed to stop functioning for a while, probably because, being the EVIL IDIOT that he is, just figured out I loved him! Then he seemed to go back online.

"Oh Jigglypuff…I never realized, I'm sorry. But as for the making-out part, that's utter nonsense! Roy was choking on a pistachio, so I used the Heimlich Manoeuvre, but he wasn't breathing so I had to use CPR. Trust me, I didn't enjoy it," he said, laughing. I was considerably calmed down by this, but I was still worried.

"So do you…like me back? Even a little bit?" I asked him.

"I like you a lot!" He said, and I was about to jump and use CPR on him when he added "But just as a friend. You have to understand, I already have a girlfriend. But if it makes you feel any better, the vase was beautiful, and your chocolates are better than store bought ones," he said.

"Oh…I guess I can live with that. But you're going to have to make it up to me," I said.

"Okay, how?" he asked.

"You're going to say that my ribbon looks lovely, and then you're going to listen to my newest song that I made up just for you," I said.

"What's it called?"

"It's called "New Day" dedicated to Marth Lowell, the former love of my life!" I said. And Marth listened. He listened to every word with the Poketranslator on, so he could understand my lyrics. I don't think anyone's ever listened to my songs and not fallen asleep. Oh yeah, Marth's a keeper.

I don't know what you think, but it looked like the beginning of a beautiful friendship, which will grow into a beautiful romance once I kill his girlfriend.

Author's Notes: Loved it? Hated it? Was it too short or too long? Confused on who's who? Okay, the Godzilla reject was Roy, the 'I' guy was Jigglypuff, and HIM was Marth, okay? No, people, this is not a one-shot, there will be many more chapters about all the other Smashers once I get down to it. And remember, Jigglypuff has the greatest singing voice in the world, and you'll face the wrath of her Magic Microphone if you fall asleep.

Dedicated to Sapphirecat.

Bye-bye everybody! See you in London, England until August! Caliban the Wizard is signing out!