Author's Notes:

Hey, everybody! It's me, Caliban the Wizard, who is leaving in but a day! So I decided to at least continue this story of mine before people lose hope. My newest chapter of "Don't Mess With My Crazed Sword-less Guy" is completed, but lots of my sibs are working on important university stuff so it's likely that it'll be up in three days, at least, as soon as I find my disk to save it on. Anyway, to keep Totallystrange happy, I'm gonna keep working on this through writer's block or not!

Reviews: I just can't survive without answering them!

Demon of the Black Fire: YES! I was hoping that the Jigglypuff and Marth pairing was super-random, but it isn't really all that uncommon, sadly. Yeah, Jigglypuff is way too good for Marth anyway!

Urby: Yeah, your name is SO a knock-off from Kirby's name, because the universe REVOLVES around Super Smash Bros. Melee. Anyway, what do you mean you put me on Author Alert? Is that a bad thing? Are you REALLY gonna stock me? IS IT SO HOT OUTSIDE YOU CAN COOK AN EGG ON THE SIDEWALK?

So many questions…

Ri2: Ri2, I was referring to Princess Sheeda of Talis, who is like Marth's girlfriend in the Fire Emblem series. I don't know THAT much though, so don't bomb me with questions. I'm just sick and tired of all the retarded pairings they put Marth through. MARTHJ IS TOO GOOD FOR ANYONE! Except for me, of course.

Totallystrange: Move over Superdave, Totallystrange is my favourite now. You are truly the most loyal reviewer, really! You've reviewed for each and everyone one of my stories to date! WOW! Everybody give this guy a big fat Subway cookie!

In case you're wondering, my newest chapter IS in fact finished, I just need to get it on disk and freaking put it on the darn site! Sorry for the delay.

Kim Kinne: A new reviewer, I'm glad. Really glad. Glad enough to make this chapter for you, Kim. And yeah, that last sentence was probably the only part with humor in it, methinks. Anyway, I've gone and gorged on chocolate and now I'm too hyper to type normally. EVERYBODY MMMM….I LOVE TURTLES!

Anyway, I look forward to some more reviews from you, if you please?

Dear PLEASE DON'T KICK ME OFF FOR ANSWERING REVIEWS. Thanks a bunch.

Disclaimer: I don't own Super Smash Brothers. Simple as that.

IT'S SO HOT OUTSIDE YOU CAN COOK AN EGG ON THE SIDEWALK! By: Link.

"This is Mew the Psychic Kitty with the latest weather announcement. It's hot. Really hot. It's so hot that the Cat in the Hat's eyebrows has gone red-hot without reading with his eyes shut. It's so hot that that candy bar that doesn't melt in your pocket IS melting in your pocket. In fact, it's so hot outside you can cook an egg on the sidewalk and it would burn! I've used my psychic powers to see that the extreme heat will continue without the possibility of parole. So, all Links from various Zelda video games, take off those silly hats before you roast, turn on your air conditioners, and don't go outside because of the harmful UVA and UVB rays which will fry your skin, and eventually kill you! Now here's Celebi with the environmental news,"

"Wow. That weather forecast really got through to me. Well, better take off my hat, turn on my air conditioner, and don't go outside because the harmful UVA and UVB rays will fry me," I said. So I took off my hat, which I normally hated to do because my hair always has a bad case of hat hair.

"Putting in air conditioners is such hard work. Better have a sugar boost before I go," I said, taking out my heat-resistant Mr. Big.

"AW man! Mew was right! It melted in my pocket!" This was an understatement. Mr. Big, you know, is mostly chocolate coated newspaper with caramel holding it together, so it wasn't nice finding a gooey, sticky, nasty mess where no hand can return. So I changed my tunic, and went into my room to turn on the air conditioner when I found the younger me struggling under a pile of circuits, bolts, metal, and air-conditioner filters soaked in Freon.

"Hey, little me, is that our air conditioner?" I asked. He didn't answer, but a sudden bolt of static ran through what I saw of his hair. I can't believe I was such an idiot when I was younger! Wait…yes I can. Especially that time I broke my foot when I kicked the Door of Time for not opening. But so what? I'm still going to yell at him.

"You idiot! Didn't you see the news? Now we're going to die! Mew said the Links MUST turn on their air conditioners or fry!" I said. Yeah, it was bad enough that I had to over-react. The younger me didn't do anything, but somehow managed to get out from under the pile of broken air conditioner machinery.

"When someone is dying from lack of air under a busted air conditioner you don't just stand there watching them die!" he snapped, scowling.

"Well it's just as well because you broke the air conditioner! Didn't you see the weather report?" I asked, glaring back.

"I did, that's why I was trying to put it in! But that retarded 80's air conditioner was so heavy I collapsed!" he said.

"Well you should have just asked me," I said.

"You don't seem to understand that if I die, you go down with me!" he said.

"Yeah, well at least I'm not stupid enough to get myself killed just because I didn't want help!" I said.

"Are you saying that I'm weak?" he asked.

"No. I'm saying you're stupid AND weak!" I retorted.

"Well this weakling's gonna cream your ass, Goldilocks!" he roared.

"Bring it!" Just as, literally, the fight of a lifetime was about to happen, Master Hand barged into the door.

"Hey guys, we need ideas for a new event match before the human finishes the next one. Wait…what are you guys up to?" he asked. Crazy Hand just came in as well and quite randomly if you ask me.

"Look's like they're about to have a fight. Hey, we could make this the next event match! We could call it 'Seven Years'! It'll be a real hootenanny!" Crazy Hand said. Who uses the word 'hootenanny' anymore anyway?

"That is the stupidest name I've ever heard for a fight like this. I was thinking of-" I was about to say an extremely witty and appropriate name, but Crazy Hand wouldn't let me talk.

"That's enough trash-talking from you. I say we make Link the bad guy!" Crazy Hand said randomly.

"Indeed! We can have them fight right now!" Master Hand said.

"Are you nuts! The harmful UVA and UVB rays will fry us, no matter what stage we go to!" Young Link said. I had to agree with the little snot.

"Oh, come now. If you fight at the Great Bay Marine Laboratory, you can go for a dip whenever you want. Just make sure you use that Sword Spin thing to recover before you get a KO. Oh, and Crazy Hand will give you some Super Smashing Sunscreen to help," Master Hand said.

"Well, what do we get out of it?" I asked.

"A non-punishable fight and a new air conditioner. Pretty sweet, huh?" Crazy Hand asked.

"DEAL!" Both my Mini-Me and I said at the same time. Whew! Anyone need a map to that sentence?

The rules for the fight were simple. You just needed to KO the other twice to win. Now we'd see who'd beat who into the ground!

I'd give you the details on what happened in the fight, but it's not exactly rated K+ material. Oh, and the author go lazy again. But it wasn't pretty. Fencing never is. In about an hour we were both lying in cots in Dr. Mario's clinic, groaning from getting Neosporin rubbing alcohol in our many, many gashes.

"OW! Did you have to use that much rubbing alcohol? That stuff is worse than iodine!" Young Link said.

"Sorry," he said, but then he burst into laughter. "Okay, I'm not sorry! SUCKER! What did I tell you about using that 'I'll cream your ass, Goldilocks!' comment?"

"Don't?" he asked.

"Exactly," Doc said, bandaging Young Link's forehead "Wow. Link really did a number on you."

"Don't remind me," he said. I would have laughed if I didn't have so many broken ribs. He finished fixing up Young Link and came over to me, not even bothering to change the cotton ball.

"Eww! Doc, you're supposed to change that thing before you use it on someone else!" I said.

"Oh, quit whining. You both have the exact same blood type, so it's okay. It's not like Young Link has SARS or Ebola or anything," Dr. Mario said.

"I don't know about that. You don't know where I have been when I was a kid. I was once inside a diseased whale's belly," I replied.

"Hey, it was worth it, getting the Zora's Sapphire," the Mini-Me said.

"Yeah, but fighting that nasty parasite thingy wasn't pleasant. I remember that jellyfish wannabe," I replied.

"Okay, that's enough talk about of you," Dr. Mario said, dumping half the bottle of Neosporin over one of my bigger gashes.

"OW! God, did you have to put so much?" I asked. Hey! You try having a huge cut and then someone dumping rubbing alcohol all over it!

"Hey, you're a Hylian, right? So wouldn't you use 'Goddesses' instead of just 'God'?" Dr. Mario asked.

"Don't change the subject," I said.

"Why do we Smashers ALWAYS have to have dead-end conversations like this?" Young Link asked.

"That was random," I said.

"Okay, you're done. Now just stay off the combat with Beam Swords, Home-Run Bats, Fans, Hammers, Bob-Ombs, Chikorita, Scizor, Unown, any Pokemon that use unpredictable Metronome attacks, and the Nikujaga, Lasagne, Turkey Dinner, and Champagne type food, and you'll be fine," Dr. Mario said. Newsflash people, Nikujaga is like this really heavy Japanese stew I've seen a lot when you use food, and it replenishes a lot of health, but not good for digesting with broken ribs. Oh, and the Metronome move is used by Clefairy and Togepi for example; you never know what's going to happen next.

"What? But I love Nikujaga!" I said. It was just so crunchy yet steamy…and really filled you up unlike those stupid salads girls eat for no reason, like cough Zelda cough. Unlike majority of girls, I'm so skinny if someone hit me I'd be halfway to Texas! Don't worry though. I'm skilled in fire magic, and have a machine gun called Eternal Flames.

"Too bad. Now get your carcass in bed. I have to get that eyeliner pencil out of Falco's eye," Dr. Mario said, and shoved both my younger self and I out the door.

We both raced to get to our room, and stood right in front of the air conditioner, pushing and shoving to get to the good parts.

"My air conditioner!" he said.

"Mine!" I growled.

And we stood there, with our hats off, fighting over the air conditioner. At least, until both of us fell asleep and pranked each other in the morning…

Author's Notes: Smashing chapter, ne? I'm actually proud of myself on this one! GO LINK! Byesa, for now! One day till London!

This is Caliban the Wizard, signing out.