Reviews: Reviews! Already! That's SO a new record or something. Seriously, I can't wait to answer these reviews hot off the keyboard!
Ri2: Long time no see, dude! Or if you're a girl, long time no see man!
You know, I normally read so little Super Smash Bros. fanfiction I hardly know any important clichés. I'm usually into making some instead of reading them!
But seriously, who made it so the kids could only prank? That Kirby was the only one allowed to place a timely whoopee cushion? That Ness was the only one that wiped boogers on sofas? No one!
For all we know, I could've made Samus the prankster! It's just really about the motive. I could've, but I didn't because she's too extreme and might actually kill somebody, which we all know isn't in the summary or the rating requirements. Better just make it more cartoon-like, like when Team Rocket in Pokemon gets the shock treatment everyday but are never electrocuted. Therefore, DK and Zelda were blasted into smithereens, and yet the only one who actually got hurt from the pranking was poor Pichu.
Xiao Darkcloud: Hey…I just realized the origins of your name! I have Dark Cloud 1, and I really want Dark Cloud 2…Max rules!
Anyways, I'm glad you were so into my story you invented a noun. YAYNESS! And for the record, I ALWAYS do a good job!
Alannah: Didn't you have to use your dad's dictionary to remember the words 'treadmill' and 'compromise'?
That was between you and me! Don't listen to her guys; I'm a walking dictionary myself! I use words like 'tantamount!'
Alannah: Dictionary.
…And 'imperative!' And 'surreptitious!'
Alannah: Dictionary again, and…okay, the 'surreptitious' one was from fanfiction, but still!
I'm ending this review. Now. Goodbye, and thanks for reviewing!
RoyalFanatic:
Alannah: You've got another reviewer name to add to your dictionary! Wow, I guess this story IS pretty good…even for your standards, Cali.
Do I have to put a sock in your mouth to shut you up? Because I will!
Alannah: Somebody's unstable.
That's it, get out of my basement!
Alannah: Whatever. RoyalFanatic, I'm warning you. Don't review this fic, in fact, don't even read her fics. They're the spawn of evil! The poisoned result of hours on computers and video games! She wastes her life on this stuff! Discourage her! I mean it! Just go to someone else's fic- never mind, just get out of the whole freaking Super Smash Bros. category. Better yet, leave this site and never come back. Take the little white pointy thing and press the X on the top right corner of the screen. Disconnect from the internet. What? You're not listening? That's it. No more nice girl! RIP THE DARN CORD OUT OF YOUR DARN MODEM, AND SMASH YOUR DARN PHONE. BE FREE OF THE MENACE THAT IS INTERNET!
Ha! The readers never listen to you! Most of these people are addicted to fanfiction!
Alannah: …
RoyalFanatic: Will you PLEASE stop arguing and answer the stupid review? I've been scrolling down the page for hours!
Pushy aren't we? Fine.
I was looking for stupid, funny, and everything else a humor story needs. But when you say my story is a good one…well, that's when I break out the shrine stuff and start worshipping my reviewers. THANKS SO MUCH! ROYAL FANATIC YOU SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND! Couldn't help it.
Totallystrange: Good old Totallystrange… you make me feel so normal, which I'm not, of course. Normal is boring, like a plain hot dog…or a snow fort that is still in one piece…
Reading your review I realize you liked that chapter more than I did. That's impossible though, since I feel like I'm in the chapter some how instead of Bowser! But that's doing the impossible…maybe you should change your name to totallyawesomereviewer!
And as for camp…what do you mean no meat! Seriously, like on Monday all I ate was meat. Beef, chicken, whole chicken, steak, fish, goat liver, human kidneys…it's making you hungry right? Right? Well good, because I didn't cook anything... nothing's better than red meat raw!
P.S. You don't know the meaning of hyper till you see me and my friend after she came back from the Hershey Chocolate Factory. I didn't know you could get that much chocolate for five bucks!
Keba: Another new reviewer! YAYNESS! Seriously, reviews are like the best part of fanfiction!
Hmm…Captain Falcon isn't getting enough attention…you could be right. He's a fun character to write about, since he's so darn extreme…as for me, well, I've decided on a joint project between two very well known, very famous characters. But Captain Falcon, I promise, will have a major part in this one. You know, just to keep you reviewing…
Demon of the Black Fire: AH! Please don't blow yourself up! I'll get sued by the administration!
Bowser has a chemistry set, and he has adult supervision mostly, so that's why he got away with it. But you? No, no, no! You're too crazy for that. As for me…well, I prefer Windex on windows and not inside pop rocks.
Feel free to send in invention ideas, though. It's a new and funnier way to blow people up!
Anyway, that's it for reviews!
Dear Fanfiction Administration: Don't kick me off! Please?
Disclaimer: Never owned Super Smash Bros. Never did. But as for NEXT year…I've got talks going on with the guy who runs Nintendo.
Please enjoy the new chapter, typo free, I hope! Well, at least the title.
Mario and Dr. Mario in…FIGHT FOR SUPERIORITY!
"Mario, this is the second fight this morning! We know you're getting paid to do this somehow, but it's got to stop. Dr. Mario gave you a real good shiner, and not even that blue-haired pansy's makeup will fix that. So no more brawls, understand?" Crazy Hand asked. We sat in the Hands' office. The door was labelled 'C. K. Hand. Psychiatric Medic.'
"But it's not hurting anyone else…!" I retorted. Crazy Hand beckoned several people in, all with injuries in some way.
"You smashed my visor into my face and now I'm bleeding!" Captain Falcon snapped, with ice covering most of his face.
"You elbowed me in the back…" Zelda choked, taking a deep, harsh breath "…and now Link has to carry me everywhere."
"Your stupid fights caused Marth to be body slammed!" Roy growled, carrying the limp Marth "Come on, Marth! I threw out all your stuffed animals!" But he didn't move.
"You…broke all my nails just for taking a sausage you two were fighting over!' Peach broke into extreme sobs, patted on the back by the others.
"BEEP!" Mr. Game and Watch beeped, showing his Chef pan that had been used to whack someone over the head.
"Okay. There's your evidence. Not to mention you yourself had to be hospitalized for a short amount of time out of blood loss!" Master Hand exclaimed.
"Where's Doctor Mario?" I asked. I was angry that he wasn't getting any of this crap either! I mean, how fair is that? You get rid of one hangnail for Master Hand and suddenly you're immune to all punishments! Ugh…ranting…I'm turning into Mr. Drama Queen over there with Roy.
"Oh. Well, he's helping Fox dry clean some odd yellow stuff out of his fur. But he looks a fright! He's littered with various cuts and bruises, and it took Fox three hours to get a coin that had been lodged in his eye, probably from your Super Jump Punch," Master Hand said.
"I told you that special effect with the coins was a bad idea," Crazy Hand gloated.
"Okay, okay, me and Dr. Mario fighting is a bad idea. But what do you want me to do about it?" I asked.
"You're suspended from all matches until you tell us why this is happening. And you're not getting any perks neither!" Crazy Hand said, pointing an accusing finger at him.
"But you can't do that! I'm all that's keeping the game industry alive!" I complained. Link cleared his throat suggestively, Captain Falcon bristled, and Mr. Game and Watch beeped indignantly.
"Oh shut up, Game and Watch. You're a million years old. No one knew you existed until this game," I replied. Hey, it was cold, but it was the truth.
"I double that sentence! You don't even look guilty!" Master Hand roared.
"Am I supposed to? This fight's personal and I don't care about who got hurt," I replied. Seeing the enraged looks on some of their faces, especially Peach's, I quickly revised that.
"Except for you, Peach. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose. I'm not sure about the drama queen in blue over there though…" I said.
"Okay, you don't like Marth! Just quit it already! You already took away his consciousness! Come on, Marth! I put YaHOO spray on your pancakes this morning! Oh man! He won't even rant like he used to! I'm outta here!" And Roy rushed out of the office, carrying Marth.
"People, stop being so LAME! The last thing we need is a replacement for the nose-drip," I said. Some people actually agreed with me.
"That's enough agreeing with the convict!" Crazy hand growled.
"Since when am I a criminal. This place gets brawls everyday," I said. Again, some more people agreed with me.
"That's it! Everyone out! You! No more fights. Not even if someone disses your momma!" Crazy Hand snapped. Everyone filed out of the room grudgingly, like they were missing a championship sumo match or something.
"Okay, the rules. No fighting, no brawling, no skirmishes…" Master Hand began.
"No punching, no kicking, no cheap shots…" Crazy Hand continued.
"No TV, not even for the finals of the sumo match, no matches until further notice, no stealing period…" Master Hand continued.
"No Mario games, not even the hard-to-get Game Cube edition of 'em, no Fire Emblem-" Crazy Hand continued.
"Don't worry. The last thing I want to play ANYTIME is Fire Emblem, not even for a million coins. Who would play a game about a bunch of gay losers running around in silly armour and toothpicks trying to beat a giant gecko?" I asked smugly, sitting back in my chair with me feet on top of Crazy Hand's desk.
"Oh man, you better be glad no one else heard that, or you'd be fried like steak on a buttery skillet," Crazy Hand chortled.
"Whatever…" I said, pushing my hat down over my eyes. The hands continued listing the rules. Man…how did a stupid video recording get this far?
Two Hours Earlier…
Mario and Dr. Mario were pushing their faces in front of a video camera, each trying to get more space.
"Okay, so the author decided we'd do this chapter together since she couldn't decide who was better," Dr. Mario began.
"We're going to show you what life's like for us in this silly house…if only Dr. Mario would give me some space to do the narration!" Mario growled, and tried pushing Dr. Mario out of the way, who punched him in the face and they continued struggling for camera space.
"Like your time here is anything interesting! Yeah, making a pastrami and rye sandwich for lunch is just SO important! Unlike my job. I'd make the better chapter. I see some pretty funny stuff in the medic office. Like that time Falco got an eyeliner pencil in his eye! I also give helpful advice to the less sane members of the mansion. That's the makings of a good and funny chapter!" Dr. Mario grunted, kicked Mario aside, who backhanded him.
"Watching you give the Smashes AIDS for not changing your needles, you lazy bum, is not something K+ readers care about! They want Mr. Nintendo at his best! And for your information, I fix more bathrooms in this house in the time it takes you to put a band-aid over someone's gouged kneecap!" Mario shouted.
Dr. Mario only gave him a bad punch in the face as a reply. After that a full-on fight erupted. The camera was thrown to the ground, going out of focus as the two wrestled each other to the ground. Dr. Mario was winning the fight for a while, turning Mario's face into an unrecognizable bloody splat by breaking his nose with an elbow, but the REAL trouble began when Mario threw the doctor off. They began using the most un-Mario like karate-Soul Caliber killing type moves. Dr. Mario, keen to win this fight jumped onto Mario's head, knocking him senseless with punches, the kind that gave Mario the black eye. Mario in reply threw him off so hard he slammed into a wall where Marth just happened to be standing. They kept exchanging blows, like punishing karate chops to the torso, Bruce Lee dragon kicks and don't get me started on the grabs. Dr. Mario snuck up behind him but Mario elbowed him, and punched him in the face with the back of his balled fist, and then threw him again, or tried at least, until Dr. Mario kicked him in the stomach painfully and began strangling Mario Homer Simpson style. Mario took the stethoscope and began whipping Dr. Mario with it, all the while slowly choking. Dr. Mario winced, which Mario an opening and the senseless battle continued.
Roy was walking into the living room for his lunchtime sumo match when he saw the fight going on.
"Whoa…what's going on? Guys, calm down!" he said. When they ignored him Roy charged into the fight, and subsequently got slammed into the wall like Marth.
"Ow…at least my landing was soft…wait a second. That's Marth! Are you alright?" Roy would spend the rest of his day trying to revive Marth.
Mario punched Dr. Mario to get him to stop strangling, and then kicked him away. He was going to kick him Bruce Lee style again but missed and hit Captain Falcon, who hit Zelda…who hit Young Link, who collapsed, with no doctor to take care of him.
Link walked into the living room, and saw that at least Roy was still breathing.
"What's going on!" he asked, shocked at the carnage.
"Dr. Mario and Mario are fighting over that camera over there! Probably because it's their turn to do the chapter. But they knocked Marth! They will PAY!" he roared. Link just backed away and tried to stop the fight.
"You suck! I'm so the better Mario!" Mario cheered, karate-chopping Dr. Mario, who dodged and tripped Mario, and then body slammed him with his elbow, leaving Mario unable to breathe.
"Who's the better Mario? ME! Ha! I AM SUPER-" he was about to yell, but Mario got up and dog-piled him, punch his face rapidly.
"NO WAY! This is the only time fights aren't censored and I'm taking advantage of it!" Mario roared, finally karate chopping Dr. Mario in the neck.
"Not so fast! Guys, you have to stop before you kill each other!" Link warned.
"SHUT UP!" They both yelled, and pushed him into a wall.
"I tried. Time to bring in the reinforcements," Link said, and rushed off to bring Peach.
Meanwhile the fight continued, with no winner in sight. Seriously, this is like the only chapter that isn't completely in first-person view! Yeah, this fight is over who's the better Mario. No really, who is the better Mario? Time to find out.
"Super Karate Chop!" Mario roared, and hit Dr. Mario so hard he skidded across the carpeted floor. Dr. Mario just got up and dragon kicked the other fighter, who collapsed.
"You can't win! I might not be as fast but I've got better endurance!" Dr. Mario said, and stepped on Mario's neck, which nearly choked, but Mario karate chopped Dr. Mario's ankle, which shattered.
"Ha! Lack of calcium turned your bones to glass!" Mario cheered, but since he talked, a bit of blood spurted out from his throat.
It was a stalemate at this point. Dr. Mario couldn't walk and Mario couldn't breathe so well. If you were wondering how this fight was ever funny here comes the humor.
"Guys! Please stop fighting!" Peach squealed.
"That little weasel Link!" Dr. Mario growled.
"He squealed! Looks like e have to stop for real this time…" Mario sighed, defeated.
"No way! I have to pay back for breaking my ankle!" DR. Mario said stubbornly.
"Please…stop fighting…for…me?" Peach asked cautiously, hopefully, with her best puppy-dog look on, which was twice as good as Zelda's and that's saying something. The two combatants felt a warmth well up inside and smiled and Peach, who smiled back mildly. They walked/crawled up to her.
"Will…you stop fighting?" she asked.
"HECK NO!" they yelled, and threw her out a nearby window. They continued fighting. They started getting creative, using whatever they could get their hands on to aid them in battle: lamps, remotes, the TV, Ness's head…
"Can nothing stop them! Is it the end of Super Smash Brothers Melee?" Link asked.
"Who are you talking to?" Roy asked.
"The readers. Now, to the author…" Link began calmly, clearing his throat "WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Author cowers underneath her keyboard.
Dr. Mario stopped fighting for a moment.
"Don't you mean 'What on Hyrule is wrong with you?'?" Dr. Mario asked.
"You throw Peach out of a window, but you stop fighting just to correct me!" Link asked, annoyed beyond belief.
"Of course. You're a fun person to correct. It's something of my hobby," Dr. Mario said. At that opportunity, Mario tackled Dr. Mario, and strangled him, ending the battle.
"Yes! He's finally out!" Mario cheered. "I AM SUPERIOR!" Crazy Hand and Master Hand came in.
"You bet you are. You're in a superior amount of hot water. We've had non-stop complaints about this fight for hours! Oh, believe me. Once we're through with you your face will have a superior amount of misery on it," Crazy Hand said.
"Capital idea. That was a superior pun, Crazy Hand!" Master Hand said.
"I have my moments. Now, I'll get him, you tell the Smashers to clean up the mess," Crazy Hand said, cracking his knuckles at Mario.
"Agreed! Okay people, if this living room is cleaned up in the next five minutes I'll let you make Mario the most superior when it comes to misery," They all rushed around cleaning things up. Master Hand carried Dr. Mario away to the hospital, where fifteen minutes later the worst of his injuries would be a bloodied lip, and he'd be back telling people what to do.
And so this story ends. But me, I figure the superior Mario is the one who ISN'T in a superior amount of trouble, in which one had to install the new bathrooms and clean the old ones. Mario never got into another fight for superiority again.
At least, not until the plumbing incident with Dr. Mario's clinic sink…
Author's Notes: Liked it? Hated it? Wondered why Dr. Mario didn't get something in first person? Maybe because this was a MARIO chapter the whole time, and I already decided Dr. Mario would get his own! Isn't that great? So why was it so short? Um…I…uh…?...This is Caliban the Wizard, making a hasty retreat-I mean signing out! Don't forget about sending in your comments questions and life stories via review!