Caliban's Stuff:
Hmm…I really can't call this 'Reviews' now, can I? Anyways, this WILL be a Samus chapter. Come on people, you saw that a Samus chapter was just WAITING to pop out. So here it is. It begins with a professor shockingly like Dr. E. Gadd. I just can't help myself sometimes.
Dear Fanfiction Administration: I bet you love all the attention I give you, huh? It's all because I don't want you to can my keyboard for answering reviews!
Disclaimer: Can you believe how rude that Shigeru Miyamoto is? He threw me out of his office! So I still don't own Super Smash Bros.
Samus Saves the Day!
"Welcome, young heroine. I am Professor Peppy K. Ankylosaurus, the world's foremost expert on odd weather," said a short, stubby-looking man in an ironed lab coat, with huge, telescope-like glasses and a bushy moustache.
"Hey…aren't you that guy who were arrested by the SSBECF for parking weather-machines in no-parking zones?" I asked.
"Uh…NO! You must have me mistaken for the guy who runs the moon-viewing pavilion in Termina," the man said, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a pink lacy handkerchief. "Anyways, there have been anomalies falling from the sky, endangering humans and generally running amok. I'd like you to take a look through my telescope and see what you recognize from the creatures."
I shrugged and took a look from the telescope.
"Hmm…all clear," I thought "Wait, what was that? A shooting star?" I zoomed the lenses. "It's a Metroid! But what are they doing here? I thought I cleared the last of them at Brinstar…"
"Professor, you have a surveillance satellite, don't you? Go check the air space at 75 degrees," I said. The professor stared at me for a moment, and then went over to his computer, typing furiously.
"An alien space ship…" I remarked.
"But it's retreating?" the professor asked.
"Probably the invasion is a pre-emptive strike. They're establishing a safe-point for the next time they invade," I replied.
"I see. Then it's up to you, Samus Aran, to save the world-no, the galaxy, from a Metroid infestation! You've done it once before. I have complete and total faith in you. But just in case…." Professor Peppy began. He walked over to a cabinet and opened it.
"An upgraded suit and weapons. You also have a rapid-fire capability on your Charge Shot, but use it wisely. It has a limitation," Professor Peppy said.
"How much?" I asked.
"Your imagination! BWA HA!" he laughed.
"Okay there…" I muttered.
Out in the battlefield…
"Alright, Samus. The grid coordinates have been plotted. Your job is to obliterate the Metroids as they fall, because should they touch soil, they'll quickly seek and subsume a host. We can't let that happen," Professor Peppy said.
"Understood," I replied into the communicator on my shot gun.
"Please keep in mind that we only seek to destroy a hundred. After that, it's the military's job to destroy the alien ship when it comes back," Professor Peppy said. I nodded and turned off the communicator.
I began surveying the area with the camera lance Professor Peppy gave me.
"Hmm…so far my readings show no Metroids to speak of," the professor observed. But he jinxed us, so to speak. A downpour of Metroids came rocketing down, each engulfed in flames. I charged my shot gun and found a fully-formed Charge Shot shooting down three Metroids at once, obliterating them.
"Wow, this thing really works. Let's see what else he packed," I wondered. Five Metroids went along for the ride. I jumped up and dropped a bomb. It blew them all up.
Unfortunately, the mother load landed on the planet, and those infernal one-time use Charge Shots weren't doing much for the citizens. Some of them even resorted to using weapons of their own, like an old lady doing a pretty good job with her purse.
"Get it, Blazing Fool!" a lady in a cool mercenary outfit yelled.
"I'm trying, Urby!" he replied.
"This is your stupid fault, wanting to go out to eat!" Urby snapped.
"Yeah, I'll bet we'll really have fun with boss's cooking," Blazing Fool replied. I sighed and threw missiles at the Metroid on the ground in front the duo.
"Come on…let's go out and get noodles. Xiao is going to freak if we leave out the crab like last time," Blazing Fool sighed, and dragged Urby by the collar.
"B-BUT I'M ALLERGIC TO CRAB!" Urby snapped
"Boohoo. I'm allergic to your face, but you don't see me crying about it," Blazing Fool laughed. I was THIS close to accidentally shooting him down when I was aiming for a Metroid high up in the clouds. Yeah, that's how high he was knocked into the air.
"I'll get the ramen myself, idiot! And it'll be CRAB-FREE!" the lady yelled, and continued on her way. I sweat-dropped, and shot a Metroid following Urby.
Thirty Metroids later…
I soon realized these Metroids were getting sneaky. They hid in the most ridiculous places: behind plants, in waiting rooms, disguised as ice cream sundaes, in an old woman's wig, and even where that favourite sock goes. They began getting tenacious, chasing after small children, sumo wrestlers with heart problems.
"So, like, he was all like 'NO WAY!' And I was all like "YES WAY!' And he was all like 'OH MY GOSH!' He's so dreamy…" a girl said. Her friend with the silly pigtails on either side of her head had this whole 'OH MY GOOD GOSH!' look on her face that sadly reminded me of Mewtwo after he'd seen a new Hitler documentary.
Samus in a rare flashback…
"Wow…mass deterioration! I NEVER would have thought of that! Excellent!"
"Uh…"
Another Flashback of People Making Fools of Themselves…
"Here you go, Roy. The Hands have done it again!" Master Hand said, and produced a….sandwich.
"WOW! Is it one of those subs that people end up eating for like, weeks!" Roy asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet like a monkey child.
"Indeed. After our food bill went up 117, we decided to keep you busy for a little while," Master Hand said.
"I love you," Roy said, and instantly started on the twenty-five foot long sub.
"Uh…"
Flashback Blow-out!
"Hey, ladies! We got your shipment of make-up today," Crazy Hand said. A flash of pink and blue rushed over.
"Need….golden…edition of…COCO CHANEL MADAMOISELLE NO. 5!" Peach gasped.
"Must….have….limited run…of…DOLCE GABANNA 'FEMININE'!" Zelda snapped.
"Life…or…death…situation…All…out of…pale pink…OLAY NIGHT CREAM!" Marth choked.
"Okay, okay. You'll get your stuff soon enough. Now, let's see…who ordered the 'Lotus Gardens' set?" he asked. The ladies didn't answer, but just began quietly digging through the crate for their things. Marth wrestled the box set out of Crazy Hand's fist with little difficulty.
"Yikes…that's the worst yet. Shouldn't you be over there getting your stuff? I doubt there will be any left when Marth's through," Link observed. He tried to stuff down a laugh, but failed spectacularly.
"It'll be safer to come back AFTER he's through. I always get the Imari box set, and I know Marth doesn't like Imari. That, and the fact he'll die if he touches my face cream," I said. Link sighed and attempted to get Marth away from the make-up crate, after Peach and Zelda had beaten a hasty retreat.
"Uh…"
We Love Embarrassing People…
"Back. BACK YOU ANIMALS!" Popo snapped. The crowd was still gathered around the ice cream truck. Sighing, he took out a pair of safety goggles, and a flamethrower. He turned it up to the 'Nuke All the Lemmings' feature. Some people still didn't give up.
"MAMAMIA! I've-a been waiting all day for my-a ice cream sandwich all day!" Luigi snapped.
"For once, Roy was planning to share his cookies and cream sundae…" Marth said, struggling with Roy on a leash.
"That really is the only way you allowed him anywhere near an ice cream truck, isn't it?" Link asked. Marth just gave him a disgruntled look.
"WE WANT OUR LOW-FAT VANILLA YOGURT!" Peach and Zelda whined.
"BEEP!" Mr. Game and Watch beeped angrily.
"Don't worry people; you'll ALL get your frozen desserts soon enough. Just back away from the ice cream truck," Popo said, now wearing a welding mask. An angry mob formed.
"I WANT MY SALSA SURPRISE!" Bowser yelled.
"MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP NOW!" Link and his Mini-Me yelled.
"America Pops!" Captain Falcon snapped. They all gathered around the ice cream truck and began shaking it. Roy was doing most all the work even if he was leashed by Marth, who was holding back with all his might. Dr. Mario evaded being crushed when they finally DID tip the truck over.
"Those…BARBARIANS!" Dr. Mario gasped. I shoved his head down and simultaneously ducked when Pop went berserk with his flamethrower.
"He's going to hurt someone with that!" Dr. Mario snapped. He grabbed the flamethrower and chucked it into the far reaches of the galaxy. It fell into a boy's hands.
"COOL! Now I can finally call myself Blazing Fool!"
They watched the Smashers jump up and down on the ice cream truck until popsicles came out.
"Let's get out of here!" Dr. Mario yelled. He tucked me underneath his arm and ran for it.
"Uh…"
End of Flash-Backs…
"Yikes…" I just zoned out there. Time to go and do my job." The communicator buzzed on.
"Samus…Samus, can you hear me? Samus?"
"I'm here professor."
"It turns out the Metroids have brought in reinforcements. They've swarmed the Smash Town. Now, what I'm about to tell you is VERY important. You CANNOT afford to lose this particular piece of information, or all is lost!" Unfortunately, at that very moment a huge wave of interference decided to pay the communicator a visit. The com buzzed and crackled, and died with a puff of smoke, and I was forced to jettison it.
I didn't notice Professor Ankylosaurus, in a much panicked voice say: THIS IS OUR ONLY HOPE OF SURVIVAL!
Twenty-two Metroids later….
They were EVERWHERE now, crawling around, shocking people. The worst part was that most of them had already attained hosts. Worst was when they got into that angry chick from before. She was the one hurting the most, shooting anyone that came in her way.
And there were so many distractions! I saved more people than I could count, including two ladies trapped underneath rock on the Smash Estate.
"DESTRUCTION!"
The Metroids were well spread out. But that's when it happened. A Metroid decided to be brave, and crawled into my suit. I yanked it out of my briefs.
"…" I saw red.
"DESTRUCTION!"
I took my rapid-fire, and fired. And fired. And fired. And fired. And fired again. And fired some more. And fired so much the only color visible was plasma blue. I'm sure I hit a few civilians, but I didn't care. Eventually people realized the Charge Shot wasn't meant for rapid-fire use, as the tank ran out of juice and sizzled.
But that didn't matter. There were so many explosions from my bombs, the people shopping became smart and decided to quarantine the mall. Of course, soon all my weapons were used up, even my Ice Beam, from the way I rampaged.
The Metroids began swarming. They completely engulfed me, so tightly, so completely I couldn't even breathe. But I was so darn MAD; I just punched and kicked my way out, and lost my mind.
"DESTRUCTION!"
Now the REAL destruction came. I began tearing up cement, ripping ATMs apart, smashing windows and creating a real ruckus. Some people even fired their one-time use Charge Shots on ME, but they just bounced off my upgraded suit. In about three minutes, all the Metroids were gone, and the town was destroyed. I'd somehow ended up on a hill all the way on the outskirts of town, when the grand-daddy of all Metroids burst out from underneath me.
Now, all Metroids are sneaky. They are smart. They are fast. They hurt if you touch them. This Metroid was brave. It was super smart, and it was so strong every step it took split the ground in two.
I did the best I could. I was way faster, but unfortunately that was my only advantage. One of its tentacles skimmed me, and it tore right through the new suit like a hot knife through butter. I felt the blood seep out the sparking crack in my suit.
"Ugh…"
I began dodging more and more, those tentacles breaking through trees without much effort at all. However, it dealt a direct hit to my torso.
"OW!"
After that, it was pretty much having fun batting me around like a cat would a ball of yarn.
"Darn…it's toying with me…" But I couldn't even open my eyes when it finally stopped hitting me. I lay on the ground limp, struggling to breathe. After a lot of work, I managed to open my eyes, and saw something odd on my visor screen.
"What does that say? 'S.M.A.C.K. Battle Shot Activated. Shots: Two. Inventory: Two. Consistency: 225. Conditions: 18 degrees. Air Quality: 76. Axis: 45 degrees. Preparing to fire. Enter Code 673821.'" A small keyboard came out of my breastplate.
"What did that nut Ankylosaurus do to my suit! But I don't have a choice now do I?" I typed in the code. A new shot gun barrel replaced the burnt-out rapid-fire one, as a precision decode was placed onto my visor. I aimed directly for the Metroid's nucleus, and fired. It tore right through the Metroid, splattering it everywhere, which eventually faded away with the Metroid.
The print on my visor faded, as everything in my suit retracted. With much difficulty, I managed to stand, and instantly leaned against a tree.
"Toughie…"
Professor Peppy ran over to hill, doing a little jig with those stubby feet.
"Yee-hee! Ha-ha! We won, we won, we won, WE WON! Yee-hee. Ha-ha! YAHOO!" he said, still doing his little jig.
"Oh…okay there…" I said. Professor, still doing his jig, said "Samus, the Metroids have retreated, and with the absence of their ring leader, let's just say they won't be coming back. KUDOS!"
"Yeah, great. But what did you do to my suit! It went all freaky and this and that…and why did the Metroids invade in the first place?"
"I…added a few adjustments. But don't get too comfortable. You've gone and ruined my beautiful suit. I'll need to take it in for repairs."
I sighed, and took off the suit, revealing my old one.
"And the Metroids?" I asked.
"Heh, well…I was experimenting with my new laser glasses. They were so powerful they shot through the stratosphere and apparently hit a Metroid ship. But don't worry! Because I endangered the lives of millions by angering the Metroids, and you destroyed the Smash Estates, we'll be doing community service together!"
"WHAT!"
"Indeed! The next time the world is in danger, we have to clean it up! Now, let's return to my windmill-residence-laboratory. I want you to meet my new assistant. He's a delightful fellow from Hyrule, with a terribly cheerful demeanour!" Professor Peppy said, doing another jig. We descended into the destroyed town, the windmill still untouched.
Author's Notes: YES, there will be another 'Samus Saves the Day', and YES, Professor Peppy K. Ankylosaurus will be back again to endanger our lives. As for why this chapter's so short…WHAT! I'm like the last person who can see through such a quiet person's eyes. But whatever. I'll be glad if anyone enjoyed this.
Reviews: YEAH! I'm so glad people liked it!
Elfbrat18: Yeah, you'll be in another chapter! I'm honoured that you're honoured. The short comment kinda fell in with the 'Elfbrat' thing. Sorry, I'm a sucker for puns. So…your dad is a green nightmare too? My HOUSE is a green nightmare. Everything is green, the carpets, the chairs, the Kleenex boxes…
Keba; Of course it's confusing, I'M a confusing person who confuses herself and everyone around her, who put confuse in the dictionary and is the reason why confusion is in Pokemon. Bet I confused you there!
YEAH! I'M IN YOUR FAVORITES! This earns a victory dance!
Alannah: Stop embarrassing yourself.
Uh…whatever. Your review is TOTALLY WICKED COOL, keep it up!
Urby: What a review!
Alannah: Caliban and her diseased mind brave stormy deadlines to bring you Smashing Days the Super Smashing Way.
YEAH! About Tales of Symphonia, have you ever noticed there's this chick in a cat suit STALKING you EVERYWHERE you go! I never talk to her, I'm too scared, but I THINK she has something about clues or whatever. If you know why she's stalking Lloyd and company, please tell!
DESTRUCTION!
Demon of the Black Fire: I wear skirts. I wear long ones, but if I got the secretary short-skirt thing I'd FLAME! Or worse…
Just thinking about fan art for this chapter is KILLING me with the laughs! If anyone of you DOES decide to make some, I'll make a link to it in my profile, and NEVER EVER take that link off. Hoo-hoo…
Doubledude; Jeez, like update your profile some time. Priding myself in knowing about my reviewers, I checked each one to find descriptions. Personality, preferred names, even birthdates. And yet you decide not to even put your gender and all that! Even if the dude part makes it clear…
Alannah: Stop being such a drama queen! Never take this girl seriously. When she was all mad at Urby 'cause Caliban read a story and reviewed, she was all mock-angry and stuff! She just wants you to put something down, is all.
SHUT UP! I'm talking to that annoying girl, not you. So anyways, try and add a little to your profile. JUST A LIITLE, it'll kill me if you don't. We cool? Good.
Blazing Fool: Is that song from Ghost Busters or something? Okay, non-copyright infringing version of the Ghost Busters song. IT RULES! Seriously, I LOVE IT, 'because it fits!
Yup. You get a flamethrower. You were the kid who got Popo's flamethrower, back in the earlier days of the Smash house, like, JUST when you get all the characters.
RoyalFanatic: Jeez, your reviews always bring a smile to my face! How do you do that? Just for the record, I'm hyper too. I couldn't sit long enough to make this chapter a good one. But anyways, this chapter is for you! Uh huh, you said you wanted another one fast.
Yoshizilla: Yeah, I put Peppy Ankylosaurus in. Perhaps this'll bring in some more reviews, maybe? I HOPE SO, I tried my best to make him funny, even though I was lazy and didn't make it EXACTLY that character. I hope this doesn't make you too outraged.