A/N: Here it is, the second chapteroo. Hopefully this story will improve as it continues; I'm still rather rusty on the fic front. I had to have a break from it after started removing all my favourite stories 'cause they began to enforce their rules after several years (I presume).

Which leads me onto my next subject for this note: I think some of the limitations on here are extremely unfair; for example not being allowed to post second person/you stories or chat/script format fics. Because I think this is so unfair, I've started a petition to allow us to have these types of stories. If you agree with me, please email/review me and tell me your username and that you'd like to be on the petition.

Disclaimer: See first page.

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"God damn thee!" Cried Nogm as they rounded a corner.

Legolas was hurt, "What did I do?"

"Nothing. It just seemed to be an appropriate point to say 'God damn thee!'"

"Oh. Right. Yes."

"You mean 'indeed'."

"Do I?"

"Yes."

"Why do I?"

Nogm rolled her eyes, "Because you're an elf, of course!"

"I'm confused."

"Good. Let's keep it that way."

Finally, after many amusing wrong turns and hilarious mishaps, Legolas and Nogm reached the stables.

"Leggy dahhling, your tunic's ripped."

"That would be because you ripped it."

"Let's not split hairs. The point is, you can't go out adventuring with a ripped tunic. Take it off."

Legolas blushed, "I can't take off my shirt in the middle of the stables!"

Nogm only smiled knowingly, "Go on, give the girls a treat."

"What?"

"I mean, there's no one around. Hurry up."

Legolas did as he was told, and fortunately for them there didn't happen to be any crazed fangirls hanging around that day. Nogm took the tunic, and began to sew it up, using a sewing machine which very handily had been placed in the corner for just such an emergency. Had she not been the pet of an elf, Nogm was very lucky in that she was extremely employable. Who wouldn't want a talking cat who was also a wizard on the sewing machine?

Once Legolas was fully dressed pauses to wait for disappointed sighs from fangirls to die down he mounted his horse, and Nogm leapt up behind him; onto the small pile of luggage which he kept in the stables for just such an emergency.

"Ready to go?" Queried our elfy person.

Nogm styled the fur on her head into a travelling/adventure style quiff, "Now I am!"

Legolas kicked the horse, and waited. Nothing happened. Deciding that the horse was probably just asleep, he kicked it again. The horse (whose name happened to be Darwin) went to take a step forward, but then stopped and resumed standing still.

Nogm, who had been lulled into sleep by the lack of anything actually happening, opened her eyes, then rolled them.

"Legolas, you forgot to untie the horse."

"I knew there was a flaw in my plan!"

"Shurrup and untie Darwin."

Legolas used his amazing elfy powers (i.e. his fingers) to untie the rope tethering Darwin, who was finally able to move off, albeit at quite a slow pace. Wiping the rope-untying related sweat off his forehead, Legs looked pleased with himself, "That was a tricky knot, you know."

"Leggy dear, I think it's best for everyone when you don't speak. Comprende?" Having, for better or worse, shut Legolas up, Nogm proceeded to whisper to Darwin. In turn, Darwin happily sped up, leaving Legolas gob smacked.

"Wow, you're a horse whisperer!"

"Well, technically I'm a cat whispering to a horse, which I guess makes me a coarse whisperer." Legolas gave her a funny look. She sighed exasperatedly, "You have a filthy mind."

They trotted on happily for a few minutes, before a squirrel (who, incidentally, was very bored) began to chuck acorns at them. Nogm bared her teeth-like fangs at him, but unfortunately he was a very thick little squirrel, and didn't get the hint.

"Legless, can I eat him? He's annoying me."

"Firstly: no you can't. Secondly: never call me that again."

"Awww."

"From where I'm sitting, I can't actually see you, but I know you're pulling your sweet-pleading-kitty face. Stop it."

"Aww, ok. But can we speed up? This bit of wood's boring."

"I like this bit of wood!"

Just at that moment, a sheep stepped out onto the path next to them. Legolas let out a strangled scream, and forced Darwin into a gallop. Nogm help on tight, enjoying the ride. "Go, Legolas, go!"

When Legolas deemed that they had put enough distance between themselves and the sheep, he slowed Darwin to a walk. "So, any ideas as to where exactly we should go in order to have an adventure?"

"Well, I was kinda hoping an adventure would just come to us...I didn't really get much further than leaving the stables when I was planning. But, we're in Mirkwood, right? Something's bound to come along..."

They spent the next three hours riding along without speaking. Eventually, after a lot of careful though, Nogm piped up: "Screw this, let's just go to Rivendell and hope something turns up along the way."

"I think that may be the most sensible think I've ever heard you say."

"Considering you've only known I could talk for a few hours, that may well be true, my dear little Legolas."

"...I'm bigger than you."

"Yes, yes you are."

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Review replies...

a-muses-inspiration – Finished today, as promised. Despite dead-cat type interruptions.

Dreamality – Yup, I am indeed back :) Hope you liked the last chapter of MTOAE, by the way...

The Hobbit Lass – Thankies! As you cans see, updates are go.

Freak and proud – Glad you like her. She's very pleased to hear it :)

Pegasus – Hmm, I've never heard of that book. I hope it was good...