A/N: Thanks to everybody who replied about the petition. Can I beg anybody who's supporting it to put info about it on any story/chapter they post, and email any responses back to me? Only I'm not going to get very many names through just this fic, so if anybody would help I'd appreciate it…

Also, this chapter is dedicated to the wonderful a-muses-inspiration, who gave me the coolest birthday card EVER last Wednesday!

Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR. Unfortunately.

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"I think Darwin's tired."

Nogm glanced at Legolas, "How can you tell?"

"He's slowed to a snail's pace, he's very nearly dragging his head on the ground and his tongue's lolling out of his mouth. I'm pretty certain he's tired."

Luckily, right at that moment they rode into a clearing which had a handy stream off to one side.

"Odd how these places always turn up just when you need them" mused our dear little elf, dismounting and allowing Darwin to drink from the stream. However, what he had neglected to notice was the Nogm had once more fallen asleep, on top of Darwin's shoulders. Consequently, when he bent to take a drink, she slithered down his neck and splashed into the water.

The result being that Legolas suddenly found himself with a soaked and extremely angry cat on his lap.

"Charming. Absolutely charming!"

"…eh?"

"You couldn't have just…I don't know…taken me off the horse?!"

"Ohhhh…yeah. Sorry."

"Aren't you going to apologise?"

"I just did, didn't I?" Asked Legolas, wondering if he had once again begun to say things in his head rather than out loud.

"You did. I want you to do it again. This sort of thing requires more than one apology."

Fortunately for Legolas, at that precise moment the evil squirrel (the one who had been throwing nuts at them earlier) turned up, having followed Darwin's trail for many miles…just to continue throwing nuts at them.

"He really is bored, isn't he?" Legolas mused.

"And very, very stupid." Added Nogm, who magically had suddenly become dry.

Legolas surveyed his companion's gently steaming fur with interest. "Amazing. You get free sauna-treatment every time you get wet."

"Actually, this is the first time. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm standing directly under that huge magnifying glass which is up that tree and focussing the sunlight directly onto me."

"Maybe. Er, I think you might want to move before your fur catches on fire."

Nogm looked at her tail, which had ceased to steam and was now just starting to smoke, "I think that would be a very good idea."

She moved out of the sun, and then began to look from the magnifying glass to the squirrel and back again. In his turn, Legolas was too busy lying on the floor to think, and so simply waited for her to finish the plan she was so clearly concocting and tell it to him.

"Legolas, I have just been concocting a plan."

"I know."

"…Oh."

"What is it, then?"

"I was thinking that if we could convince the squirrel – who I have incidentally named Morris – to chuck some of those nuts into that really hot patch of light, they would set on fire."

"Oh wow, that's so brilliant! You know, I was just thinking as we rode along 'I wish we had some burnt up nuts, they have so many uses! We should never have set off without a load of burnt nuts, how on earth will we survive?'"

"It isn't nice to be sarcastic Legolas. Don't you like eating roast nuts?"

"Um, yeah…I didn't think about that."

"That, Leggy dear, is because you're a fool."

Legolas stuck out his bottom lip and went into a sulk, "If you're going to be mean, I'm not going to help with your plan…why does a cat want roasted nuts anyway?"

"If all you ever ate was cat food, you'd want a bit of variety occasionally too."

Legolas just 'hurumphed' and turned his back on her. Nogm sighed.

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry I called you a fool. Now come and help with my plan, because your forehead's getting quite a lot of little red marks where the nuts keep hitting you."

The elf considered it. "Oh, alright. I accept your apology. What do I have to do?"

Nogm very nearly fainted at how fast the headstrong Legolas had given in. That was, until she remembered that Leggy wasn't actually especially headstrong, which made his giving in rather less surprising. "Go and dance around behind the hot sunlight patch."

"But I don't like dancing. Why can't you dance?"

"Because I'm a cat."

"Cat's can dance."

"No they can't. Now go dance. Like a monkey. A specially trained monkey. Who dances."

With many a resentful glance, Legolas did indeed go and dance like a specially trained dancing monkey. And, surprisingly, the squirrel actually responded, in that he threw more nuts directly into the patch of sunlight, whereupon they burst into flame

Nogm, with her fast cat-reflexes, whipped the nuts out of the sun with her tail and blew them out, so that she and Legolas could sit down to a nice tasty meal of roasted nuts. Well, a nice tasty snack.

At that point, Morris finally realised that he'd been duped into actually helping the very creatures he had just randomly decided to attack. He bristled with furry squirrel rage, and began to shout at them in his own little squirrel language.

Luckily, Legolas happened to speak this particular branch of squirrelish, and went to placate the fuming Morris. A rough translation of what he said would be this:

"That feline over there and I see that you are angry with us for using you to get roast nuts. To end this feud, I suggest a race between us to Mount Doom. If I get there first, you have to help us make more roast nuts. If you get there first, we'll leave you alone. Deal?"

Morris regarded Darwin, and in his little squirrel mind he believed himself to be faster than the horse. He nodded, and got into a starting position.

Legolas hopped onto Darwin, pulling Nogm up behind.

"Erm, Legs, what are we doing?"

"We're racing Morris to Mount Doom."

"Oh…at least it's something to do."

Suddenly, a passing bird squawked "Ready, steady, GO!" and they took off. After a few hundred yards, they were neck and neck, when Legolas began to rein Darwin in, letting Morris take the lead.

Nogm was shocked, and as Legolas pulled to a halt, she said, "Legolas! You're supposed to be racing to Mount Doom!"

The elf grinned wickedly, "That's what Morris thinks."

Nogm smiled in surprise.

"Legolas Greenleaf, you rebel!"

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a-muses-inspiration – I like turkey.

Dreamality – Well, I couldn't do a random Leggy-based fic without a sheep reference, could I? As for the petition, both issues are covered in the same petition, but you don't have to read chat/script format stories if you don't want to… (bribes Dreamality with a cookies and a Legolas doll)

Enelya – Ahahaha, then I must go and read it! In fact, I've been meaning to for several days, I just haven't gotten round to it (is shamefaced).

LilStripedTomato – Yup, Legs is indeed scared of sheep. Well, one sheep in particular (is mysterious). If you want to know all about Legs' sheep phobia, go and read one of my other fics, More Tales of an Elf. And before that, you may want to read Tales of an Elf, because otherwise it might not make sense. Not that any of my fics make sense anyway.

asyr – Thankies very much :)

Rhys – To be honest I've never read that. I probably should, seeing as this is reminding people of it!

Chibi Lauryn – Thanks! Yay, you were able to review :) IF you're reading this, I have now updated…which I hope is a good thing…