as Caliban's Chattering:
I've de-evil authored my computer, so now you can enjoy this special SSBECF chapter without interruptions!
Disclaimer:
Shigeru: So when can I expect you over again?
Probably tomorrow. I really want to own Super Smash Brothers Melee.
Shigeru: Okay. I'll have the guards read hard-core fighting manga.
Uh…well, okay. I don't own Super Smash Brother Melee. Happy now? Please don't sic the guards on me!
Peach's Fancy-Pants Gala!
It was an ordinary morning at the mansion. I'd woken up first, as usual, with a very excited feeling about today. Something fantastically wonderful should happen today, I thought.
I'd left before breakfast under the guise that I was leaving for the poor ill Toadsworth, and began instantly planning this super special event.
It should be a humongous, flashy, frilly, Link-Gets-Gussied-Up event, one people would be talking about for the ages. A New Year's Party? A Yuletide Dance? A Winter Ball?
No, this was going to be bigger. A Christmas Gala! That was it! It would be enormous! I'd invite thousands of people from thousands of different places to wear silly extravagant clothing and stand around awkwardly!
Oh look everyone! It's Teddy Pennington's Party Outlet!
I quickly scurried inside.
Oh, those Smashers won't know what hit them!
Meanwhile…
It was an ordinary afternoon at the SSBECF complex. Urby and Blazing Fool were in fierce competition at Dance-Dance Revolution, RoyalFanatic was devising the best paper airplane to annoy the newly-drafted Ash RB, who was hard at work doing important paperwork. Doubledude and Totallystrange were busy showing the newbie Yoshizilla how to operate a fire-arm without accidentally shooting his own arm off. Elfbrat and Xiao were busy trying to kill each other off in Super Smash Brother- uh…I mean some other fighting game unrelated to the story…
"Dance till you can't dance any more!" Urby said, between pants as her feet were blurs on Standard mode.
"WHOO! YEAH! Feel the burn! This is so much better than Tales of Symphonia, huh Urby?" Blazing Fool asked, also putting up a real fight with a 279-combo.
"Are you kidding! This is my first time playing this game! All the eye-feet co-ordination came from the victory dance after I beat Tales of Symphonia!" she replied.
"Okay, just bend the wings a little…" RoyalFanatic began. She flew the airplane, and as it soared through the air majestically, it landed right where Ash RB was writing her last and most important signature.
"HA-HA! SCORE!" RoyalFanatic cheered, and began doing a soccer-style victory dance.
Ash RB snapped the pen in her hand in two, neatly like a machine broke it.
"HA! That's supposed to scare me? My Kratos Pur-well, actually, my Presea Pink since Urby and me traded nail polish…Look, the point is I have more strength in my PINKY TOE than you have in your who-o-o….whole…body," RoyalFanatic could only stand as the enraged Ash RB took out a bazooka.
"Well, you see, the thing is…" RoyalFanatic began, sweat pouring down all the way to her ankles.
"No, no, you have to pull the trigger first before you push the tab!" Doubledude snapped.
"Relax…it's just a gun. Hey, I think I have it!" Yoshizilla cheered, pushing the tab with the trigger out. It was SO close to impaling Totallystrange that his sunglasses were knocked off. He simply took out another pair, and fired a warning shot at Yoshizilla, who paled.
"Make sure you don't do that again," was all he said. Yoshizilla paled slightly and carried on.
"Oh yeah! Oh yeah! C'mon Link! Work that sword!" Xiao cheered, as she was currently in the lead.
"Feh! Kirby, it's hammering time!" Elfbrat urged, and soon the tables were turned.
Yesiree, it was just another day at the complex. But before Urby could give Blazing Fool a humiliating defeat, or RoyalFanatic could be bazooka-ed into mincemeat, or Yoshizilla met with a similar fate, or Xiao every had a chance for a rematch, Demon of the Black Fire walked in, wearing her usual black secretary suit and holding a clipboard, looking very professional.
"Alright, folks, we've got a mission," Demon of the Black Fire said. Everyone dropped everything and rushed her.
"YEEEEAAAAH! Finally! It's been ages since I've been out of the office!" Urby cheered, doing a victory dance.
"Whew! I'm still alive!" RoyalFanatic breathed a sigh of relief.
"You came just in time. Had you come in just a second later…" Doubledude pointed to successive holes in the wall shaped mysteriously like Yoshizilla's silhouette. Totallystrange stood in front of it, and then whipped around, blushing like he'd been caught red-handed.
"Just be glad there's something left," Blazing Fool replied.
"This is silly. So anyways, I have a mission for the SSBECF," she continued.
"What is it, Demon of the Black Fire?" Elfbrat asked.
"Compose yourself!" Demon of the Black Fire said, turning on the television.
"This is HyperMew the hyper kitty here with an urgent news report! Resident Shop-a-holic Princess Peach Toadstool was last seen planning an event of gargantuan sizes, bursting into Teddy Pennington's Party Outlet and taking the cash register by storm. She has also sent out invitations to video games as far out as the Fire Emblem line of games! That place is light-years from here! So this party is going to be a humongous, flashy, frilly, Kirby-Gets-A-Heart-Attack sort of thing! On with the monkey suits men…" HyperMew began.
All the guys in the world groaned with irritation.
"Dust out those tiaras ladies…"
The ladies in the video game world broke into twitters about make-up.
"Take off the stupid hat, Link…"
Link shoved the hat down his forehead protectively.
"Because it's a CHRISTMAS GALA!" HyperMew screamed into the mike.
The whole world began cheering.
"Jingle-bell, Jingle-bell rock…" was heard from Caliban's office.
"I'd better go buy a new dress!" Zelda gasped, and ran out of the room.
"I'd better go buy an actual dress!" Samus gasped, and followed suit.
Marth and Roy didn't answer, but the clear disappointment and dread was palpable.
"We're going to die, you know that? Once YOUR girlfriend and MY best friend are through they might as well pick up what's left of our corpses with tweezers," Roy groaned.
"I guess Sheeda wasn't too happy about what she saw on Free Day…" Marth replied quietly. They both shared a look and collapsed promptly.
Mario and Luigi looked at each other with dark looks on their faces, along with the rest of the male population in the mansion.
"Tuxedoes…." They all groaned, with looks of doom on their faces.
The androgynous people of the house, such as the Pokemon people THINK are males, breathed a sigh of relief, while the females were in a twitter about what dresses they were going to wear.
Back at the compound, there were collective groans from everyone, regardless of gender.
"I HATE dressing up!" RoyalFanatic complained "It usually means spending ages at some overpriced boutique looking for a certain shade of lipstick or something!"
"Hey, at least you've got a cool uniform. Think about how I feel wearing a suit to work everyday!" Demon of the Black Fire snapped.
"Man, my credit card is kaput already! This is completely unfair!" Urby snapped.
"We've got a fund in this place, you know…" Blazing Fool said.
"Of course. Blazing Fool, you're already in trouble for five counts of embezzlement! Seems you've been using the fund to pay off credit card debts…" Blazing Fool simply looked away.
Elfbrat and Xiao didn't look mad at all.
"Okay, first let's book a hairdresser and then a manicurist and then a pedicurist…"
"PAY ATTENTION! I've already gotten clever and well-thought out disguises for the lot of you," said Demon of the Black Fire.
"Oh great…monkey suits…" Doubledude spat bitterly.
"Oh, don't worry. No monkey suits, promise. Tuxedoes, however…okay, Jordan! Hold him down while I get him into his suit!" Demon of the Black Fire cried. Out of nowhere, a muscle-bound, body-guard looking fellow stepped out of a corner and held Doubledude down in such a way that you could see anything, only Demon of the Black Fire disappearing behind Jordan and sounds of a struggle.
Five minutes later, Doubledude was released, wearing a fancy, tasteful black tuxedo and looking absolutely miserable.
Blazing Fool and Totallystrange paled and quietly tried to back out of the room, whacking into Jordan.
"Okay, Jordan, hold down totallystrange first! He's the dangerous one!" Demon of the Black Fire said, and Jordan held down totallystrange.
"GAH! NO! Hey, get your hand out of there, you pervert. Ow, who ever told you an elbow could bend that way? OW! No, touch me with that and die-ARGH!"
That was all you could hear, and in no time at all totallystrange was in a tuxedo, half-dead from the amazing struggle he pulled, his sunglasses broken and dangling precariously on one ear.
"Okay, now Urby!" Demon of the Black Fire ordered.
Two female body guards walked up to Urby, held her down, struggling so much Demon of the Black Fire had to hold her down as well while dressing her.
"You'll never get me into that red number alive!" Urby snapped, thrashing "I have rights! And Caliban's lawyer!"
"So? I AM a lawyer, thank you. Now shut up and get into the dress," Demon of the Black Fire ordered.
Clearly it wasn't a choice, and so Urby was now in a fancy red dress, not looking happy at all.
And so soon all the SSBECF members were dressed in fancy, elegant clothing.
"Oh, yes! I just remembered! No dangerous weapons while you're there. That means, no guns Urby, no lasso Elfbrat, no flamethrower Blazing-actually, it doesn't matter whether you bring it or not because you're not going," Demon of the Black Fire stated.
"WHAT? Why not? I'm second in command here, plus the voice of reason!" he argued.
"If you WERE actually Blazing Fool, that would be true. But you're possessed by an evil spirit right now and I need to exorcise you ASAP. Which means no gala for either of us," Demon of the Black Fire replied.
Blazing Fool's eyes glowed suspiciously red as he argued "I'm not possessed! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!"
"You nailed Keba to the ceiling! It'll be ages before we find out WHICH ceiling you nailed her to, much less actually getting her down!" Demon of the Black Fire snapped back.
On the Ceiling of the White House's Executive Board Room, Currently Empty…"Hello? Hello? HELLOOO? I'm ready for the gala now! Someone please get me down from here! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!" Keba screamed, dressed in a fancy royal blue dress.
At the Smash Mansion…Yes, this is Peach. The hardest part about the Christmas Gala, wasn't finding a ballroom big enough or caterers. It was getting people dressed. Currently, there were still quite a few people who needed to get dressed.
"Just give us the hat and you won't get hurt!" Fox said. There was a crowd around Link.
"I'm not taking off the hat, okay! The hat stays on the head!" Link argued, shoving the hat even lower on his head.
"Off with the darn hat already!" Mario snapped "Luigi and I already did!"
"Yeah! I had to take off my reflector! What makes your hat so special? I always thought it made you look like one of Santa's Little Elves anyways," said Dr. Mario.
"Actually, for the elves there's a timeshare. Some days we're the Kokiri, other days we're Santa's Little Elves, other days the little Shoemaker Gnomes, and the last part is for Lord of the Rings Elves. Oh, and the Fudgee Cookie Gnomes, those too," Link said "And the hat stays in all those roles. Well, except for when I was Legolas…"
"Wait a sec. YOU were Legolas?" Zelda asked.
"You should know. You were Arwen," Link replied.
"Oh yeah…" Zelda mused.
The Smashers all began a group discussion about Link's many fans until…
"JUST GIVE ME THE DARN HAT!" I snapped suddenly. This was odd, for I'm usually calm and often even magnanimous, but I was at the end of my rope for Link's hat; he was as stubborn as a rock.
The room was quiet. Link silently forked over the hat, his trademark, and all his hair spilled out onto his shoulders.
"This sucks! I hate it when I don't get my way…" Link snapped.
As soon as that problem had ended, another arose.
The crowd had gathered around the caterers, who all held huge boxes that smelled wonderful.
"Give us the food!" Ness yelled.
One of the caterers was whipping around a bag full of doorknobs and hit Ness directly, who landed like a sack of flour thrown on the foyer floor.
"Anyone else wanna be a hero?"
They all backed away.
"Oh, wonderful. The caterers have checked off the goods. Hmm…Everything looks to be in order. Thank you. Now deliver this to the Smashing Hotel, Crowne Plaza, 14 Smashing Road," I said.
The caterers looked threateningly at Pichu who had tried to tail them.
"Back away creampuff. We've killed off rats twice your size," the caterers said. Pichu whimpered with fear and backed away.
Soon, we'd somehow managed to get everyone ready for the gala. Now it was time to pack everyone into the van, since we were too short on time for anything else.
"I call window seat!" Fox said. Many people grumbled furiously.
I opened the door.
"Okay, everyone form a single-file line into-" Some people had already jumped inside in a chance for an available window seat.
More people, who were, needless to say, ticked off at this and had also attempted to pile in.
Some struggling occurred.
"Hey! My seat!"
"No, my seat!"
"OW!"
"HEY!"
"Someone has three seconds to remove their hands from my posterior or bad things will happen."
"You're ruining my hair!"
"Oh, blah-blah your needs. What about mine?"
"All you people are selfish and stupid."
After that, I grew so annoyed I took out an air horn and blasted it as loud as possible. Everyone fell out of the car like soggy noodles.
"Listen up! Everyone had better get in a line into the car in a civilized fashion or I'll see to it none of you are allowed inside. Nor will any of you have breakfast the morning after. Understand?" I asked.
Everyone paled, got in line, and filed into the van until the sides literally expanded.
"Okay then! Hit it!" I told the driver, and slowly but surely, the van began slowly trundling towards the hotel.
"This is HyperMew the hyper kitty, here live at the Smashing Hotel, where the flashy, frilly, humongous, Link-Gets-Gussied-Up Gala is taking place! Oh, look now! There are the Smashers themselves! Now to my partner, Celebi, who's helping out with the reporting! Hi Celebi!" said the reporter, excitedly, who was dressed in a fancy black outfit and looking cheerful for the world.
"Hi HyperMew! It's me, Celebi, the one and only time-traveling Pokemon. I've looked into the future and, oh look! It's Mario and Luigi!" Celebi said excitedly.
Mario and Luigi strutted onto the red carpet, felling like a million bucks, wearing identical tuxedoes except the silk band on the fronts were red and green respectively.
"Ah…the classic stars of Mario. And would you look at that? Donkey Kong and Bowser have made their entrances!" HyperMew said, smiling.
The two walked onto the red carpet, waving to the crowd and getting innumerable cheers.
"Donkey Kong's all dressed up in his best red tie and matching red shirt, and Bowser's polished his horns and worn his crown. Look at the attention to detail on the horns. It really shows," said Celebi.
"Yes indeed. And here come Shocker and Zap-er, I mean Pikachu and Pichu! Don't they look adorable!" HyperMew gushed.
Pikachu and Pichu waddled onto the red carpet, their theme song playing, posing to the absolutely rabid fans. Both were wearing tiny black bowties and sunglasses.
"Not as cute as Jigglypuff! YEAH! JIGGLYPUFF!" Celebi cheered, as Jigglypuff walked onto the red carpet, wearing a hilarious hot pink feather boa and rose-colored glasses shaped like stars, people clapping and screaming for a song.
"Can someone say 'METROID'? Here comes Samus and lookin' mighty fine at that!" HyperMew said, as Samus walked out, or rather, pushed out onto the red carpet, looking awkward in a dress at all, much less a silky white one, as the guys in the crowd cheered.
"Oh, it's Ness and Kirby! Looks like Ness has officially ditched the baseball cap, looking smart in a Tuxedo-Mini from the Smashing Line of Clothing! And oh my. Look's like Kirby's swallowed Pierce Brosnan, dashing in a little white bowtie," said Celebi.
They walked onto the red carpet, smiling and waving, with a few 'WE LOVE EARTHBOUND!' signs.
"Here comes the Fire Emblem team, long-time fan-girl favorites, looking suave in some pretty fancy armor! Looking sixteenth century, guys!" HyperMew said.
"Oh no, HyperMew, Camera Guy, duck! Here comes the fan-girl stampede!" Celebi cried, as he ducked low. Several screams were heard as a horde of fans trampled Marth and Roy right on the red carpet.
"HELP!" they yelled, as they were carried away. No one paid attention.
"Don't worry! Here come Link and Young Link to save your bacon, looking snappy in some white tuxedoes!"
Link and his Mini-Me ran onto the red carpet…and then ran off it, towards where the fan-girls were keeping the Fire Emblem Team trapped in a cage. They broke open the cage and all ran into the hotel before the fans could kill the whole lot.
"Whew! Talk about some drama and keep going, because here comes Zelda-as-Sheik and Ganondorf! Wait, what? Ah, who cares, they aren't killing each other so whatever," said HyperMew.
Ganondorf walked onto the red carpet wearing black armor with Sheik beside him, wearing a super-cool ninja outfit. Sheik transformed into Zelda, who was wearing a powder blue evening dress.
The fans wouldn't shut up. No, really.
"Okay, due to fan viciousness, we'll continue with Mr. Game and Watch, along with Mewtwo, two secret characters who took forever to get, both wearing bowties! YAY!" Celebi cheered. Mewtwo used Confusion on Celebi so she would shut up, and then walked onto the red carpet.
The crowd went wild, and even pushed down the bars holding them back.
Mewtwo and Mr. Game and Watch had to run inside, er…float inside as fast as they could to escape.
"Well, that was weird. Hopefully Captain Falcon, dressed in a cool racing suit with the darn visor finally off, will calm the fans down!" HyperMew said.
He waved to the crowd and blew a few kisses, running inside before the crowd tried to eat him alive.
"Ugh…I hate Confusion! Well, here's Fox and Falco, dressed in spiffy tuxedoes, everyone's favorite adventurers-for-hire, here to turn this party wild!" Celebi cheered, as Fox and Falco waved all the way into the building.
"The Ice Climbers! Nana and Popo sure look adorable in limited addition parkas, huh, Celebi?" HyperMew asked.
"They sure do, HyperMew," Celebi replied.
"Now here comes Yoshi, and that red bowtie is absolutely adorable!" HyperMew gushed, as Yoshi walked on, making a peace-sign with his fingers, as the crowd clapped and cheered.
"Hakuna Matata with Yoshi, huh? Well, Dr. Mario, the medicine maestro, sure won't chill the crowd out! Famous here, there, and everywhere, and all in an awesome silk lab coat," Celebi said, as Dr. Mario walked onto the red carpet, waving as the crowd went nuts, kind of like in a soccer game.
"And last but not least, here's Peach!" HyperMew said cheerfully, as I walked out of the van at last, wearing a cream-colored dress with the little foam around my arms, and walked onto the red carpet.
The crowd cheered, and one fan had a 'Princess Peach 4EVER!' sign. I smiled as best as I could and walked into the building.
The ballroom looked stunning, to say the least, decorated as a Christmas Gala should with mistletoe and tinsel and an enormous Christmas tree and such. Everything was made of marble and glass, the chandeliers were beautiful glass ones, each one twinkling like diamonds.
The cream-colored marble floor seemed to spread out to forever, with tasteful, spindly black tables and chairs lining the room. There were two large tables laden with every kind of food imaginable, and even a glass Santa Claus statue. Ballroom dancing music was on as the guests were spread out, and thoroughly enjoying themselves.
Marth and Roy were in a balcony, chatting the night away when two female shadows were cast on the balcony's marble floor.
"O-o-oh boys…" said a female voice. Marth turned around first, and was the first to officially have all the blood drain completely out of his face with shock.
Sheeda and Lillina stood on the balcony, Sheeda wearing a magenta dress, Lillina wearing a royal blue one, looking like they were absolutely livid.
Roy turned around as well, and also paled.
"Heh-hello ladies…" Marth said "My…you look l-lovely today…"
Sheeda grabbed Marth by the lapels and dragged him so close their noses were touching.
"Can it, lover boy. We've got things to talk about," she growled "But first, let's go for a walk. Yes, a nice long walk is just what we need." She dragged him off, away into a long, quiet hallway.
"You too, Sir Kiss-A-Lot," Lillina snapped, and dragged Roy out of the ballroom.
Needless to say they were both going to have the tar beaten out of them.
I only saw the duo struggling out of the ladies' iron grips as they were dragged right out of the gala.
Suddenly, I bumped into a short, stout man who was wearing an olive green suit with a horrid orange tie.
"Professor Peppy! How are you doing this evening?" I asked.
"Just fine, my dear, doing just fine. Samus and I completed our community service fixing the town," he replied.
Yoshi walked over, looking and walking just like a teenaged human, actually, which I by some chance hadn't noticed before, exactly like one, wearing a tux and his flaming red hair spiked violently. In fact, the only way I realized he was Yoshi was his face which stayed the same.
"Yo, cool party!" he said.
"Yoshi?" I asked, bemused beyond belief.
"I got me a cool Yo-Translator Medallion. Now I have my own voice actor, and look human. Smooth," he said. "This is my pal, Peppy Ankylosaurus…" he said, pointing to a yellow Yoshi-like creature, who also, by some chance, looked like a human…with blond hair.
"Peppy Ankylosaurus…?" I asked slowly, shifting my gaze to the near-two dimensional professor who was sweating down to his ankles.
"I suppose I do owe you an explanation…" the professor began, dabbing his head with a soiled white hanky "But…hey, look over there! A group of felonious mercenaries dropping from the sky!"
True to his word, the SSBECF crashed through the glass skylight hanging by ropes, with a single 'OW! I got glass in my arms!' from Xiao.
They dropped gracefully onto the ground.
They all opened their licenses.
"We're SSBECF, the smart-talking, butt-kicking, and now sexy-looking group of mercenaries!" Urby said.
"Ye verily!" they all agreed.
The guests at the gala were held aghast as the mercenaries stood on the marble floor, which was mysteriously glass-free, until a few patrons stood forward in mild curiosity.
"Hey, cool. We've got some real-live mercenaries," one patron said.
"How about you go grab some punch while you crash the party?" another patron asked.
"Would you like to dance?" someone asked Elfbrat, who was dressed in a fancy dark-green dress. She blushed and nodded.
The Smashers could only stand utterly mortified as their arch-enemies mingled like pros.
Meanwhile, OUTSIDE the party, a whole other plot was unfolding.
"BWA HA HA! I'm Samuel, the evil author-nemesis of the SSBECF and Caliban! Now, Joshua, Christopher, is everything in place?" Evil Author Samuel asked.
"Yes, everything is in place," said Evil Artist Joshua.
"In exactly one hour this whole place will blow sky-high," said Evil Singer Christopher, pointing to the countless packs of firecracker dynamite placed on the foundations of the hotel.
"Hopefully an hour is long enough. Now, Evil Singer Christopher, I want you to wow the crowd. Make sure everyone is distracted long enough for the hour to pass. If they lose interest any sooner, I'll come in and raise some hell. We'll make sure this is the worst party of the century!" Evil Author Sam snickered malignantly.
Back Inside the Hotel…Fox and Falco were currently running amok in the ball room, both holding an electric Pokemon, either Pikachu or Pichu, in an attempt to shock each other.
Kirby was eating everything with in a five mile radius, and the rest were mingling, basically.
Marth and Roy were getting beat up by their angry female counterparts.
"Can't-OW-we-OW-just-OW-talk-OW-this-OW-out? OW!" Marth yelled.
"NO!" Sheeda snapped "How can we talk out you cheating on me with ROY of all people? I thought you and him were worst friends/best enemies! AND YOU KISSED HIM TOO!"
"Okay-OW-that-OW-I-OW-understand. OW-But-OW-why-OW-are-OW-you-OW-beating me-OW-up-OW-for-OW-Lillina? OW! You're not my girlfriend, OW!" Roy screeched.
Lillina stopped for a second, and then began pummeling him even worse than before.
"Because, you RETARD, you're my best friend! That's why!" Lillina snapped.
"BUT IT WAS A HUGE MISUNDERSTANDING!" both men yelled "OWWW!"
At this, both women actually stopped.
"How was it a misunderstanding?" they asked. Marth and Roy sat up.
"It's a long story…" said Marth.
"We're not going anywhere," Lillina replied.
And so both boys began the huge explanation of their so-called relationship. In other words, it was a successive string of bad luck and being at the wrong place at the wrong time with your hands definitely in the wrong places.
Mario and Luigi were busy wowing the crowd with their adventures, when on the stage at the front of the room was a microphone, a spotlight, and someone singing up there, with a song that DIDN'T make you fall asleep. In fact, the crowd was hopping, and at further observation, so were the brothers.
"Who is this singer? He's got everyone at the party going along with the song!" Mario said.
"I haven't the foggiest idea! Let's get out of here!" Luigi replied, and not even their Mario Power ability could get them out of the ballroom and into the courtyard.
I saw them leave and followed them, since I didn't really like the song, and gasped at what I saw.
Meanwhile, SSBECF were crowded around the food table. Urby got her thirteenth proposal to dance, totallystrange and Doubledude were killing the food table, getting into silly fights with Kirby over the roast chicken, Xiao was busy picking glass out of her velveteen purple dress and no one saw Elfbrat too often because she was dancing so much.
Finally, Kirby winning the roast chicken was the last straw for totallystrange.
"That's it. I'm stealing the food. You with me, doubledude?" totallystrange asked. Doubledude agreed.
"I'd love to, but we don't have any weapons, and this sort of thing usually requires extortion…" Doubledude said.
"We've got a whole room of projectiles. I only need a candy cane. Go get one," totallystrange said. Doubledude tore a plastic candy cane off the wall and handed it to totallystrange, who tossed it in such a way it hit right on target-Kirby's mouth.
Kirby munched on the plastic candy cane and promptly gained a stomach ache, rushing to the bathroom, leaving doubledude and totallystrange blissfully alone with a table laden with foodstuffs.
"SCORE!" they both yelled and high-fived each other.
Back with Peach…I could hardly believe my eyes. Firecrackers, enough to blow the hotel at least sixty feet into the air, were set along the foundation of the hotel.
"Ah-ah! Naughty girl, stumbling upon our plan like that!" said a British-sounding voice as eerie and menacing as another voice I'd once heard.
"You're planning to ruin my party, and I'm not going to let you!" I snapped.
"Well, then I'll just have to lock you up, won't I?" he asked, facing me. "I'm Evil Artist Josh, and you're going to lose." He took out a sketchbook, and the page smoked as he drew a picture so fast. He showed a picture of me, with a surprised look on my face, with me suddenly in a cage, rattling the bars.
I looked and suddenly I was really in a cage.
"What is this?" I demanded.
"My mysterious evil artist powers!" he said cheerfully. "Now be good and stay in the cage. I have other matters to attend to."
Back inside the party, things were even worse.
Everyone had turned into the equivalent of zombies, stand and moving side-to-side mechanically with blank faces.
"You must be some kind of evil singer-type person! Well, whatever your twisted scheme is it won't work!" Luigi snapped.
"Sharp, aren't you? I'm Evil Singer Chris, and I've got a perfectly painful tongue-twister for you!" he said "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled PECKERS!"
"GAH! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING! What is this?" Luigi screeched.
"My perfectly painful evil singer powers will have you howling for mercy! The big black bug bled black BLUG!"
That mistake in the tongue twister was so bad it had the pain coming off in palpable waves. Luigi had to cover his bleeding ears.
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck COULD?"
Luigi fainted. Now that tongue twister was just too easy to screw up like he did.
With the Smashers down and out, and me in a cage, and the SSBECF not given any incentive to do something like save the Gala, it was time for this big entrance that saves the day, affectionately dubbed the BGSD.
Blazing Fool, eyes still glowing red, fell through the skylight.
"What did I miss?" he asked. Demon of the Black Fire followed closely after.
"Blazing Fool, you know you're not supposed to be here!" Demon of the Black Fire snapped.
"Shut up or I'll eat your soul!" Blazing Fool hissed, dressed in his monkey suit and everything.
"Whoa…what happened here? GASP! The Evil Guys? They're unauthorized villains that need to be exterminated!" Demon of the Black Fire gasped.
"Looks like we need to drive those Evil Guys out!" Blazing Fool said.
"We're unarmed!" Demon of the Black Fire snapped back.
"Totallystrange always has some weapons," Blazing Fool said, eyes still glowing red, walking over to the SSBECF table.
"Guys, it's time to drive the Evil Guys out. Do you have a weapon?" Blazing Fool asked Totallystrange. Totallystrange opened his tux coat, revealing a bazillion guns and weapons. The SSBECF gathered around them in awe.
"Uzi or MK42?" he asked, grinning.
"These don't have any bullets in them!" Xiao complained.
"What are we suppose to shoot at them? Christmas ornaments?" Elfbrat asked.
"Hmm…" Urby mused, fixing her gaze on the huge Christmas tree. She grabbed one of the tiny ornament balls, stuffed it into the barrel of her revolver and shot it into a chandelier, which shattered.
"I think these will work alright," Urby said, smiling. Everyone rushed over to the Christmas tree, filling their guns with the ornament balls.
Totallystrange took out his beloved machine gun out from the back of his tux coat, filling it with ornaments, and charging the rifle.
"Totallystrange, you had all these guns with you, unauthorized, practically illegal carrying that many around…" Demon of the Black Fire began angrily.
"And you somehow don't have a flamethrower in there?" Blazing Fool finished, practicing with the gun. "I'm not bad with a gun, but I'm a flamethrower specialist and all that."
"Let's just do this," Urby said, charging for Evil Singer Chris and shooting him down so easily it was a wonder he was even strong at all.
People instantly snapped out of their hypnotized daze and went back to having their party.
Evil Author Sam, enraged, jumped into the room via an open window.
"Oh no you don't. In exactly five minutes this place will blow sky-high and I can't have you people ruining my plans!" he snapped. He took out his notebook and wrote something, reading aloud.
"And so Urby and her team of mercenaries had wasted all their Christmas Ornament ammo, leaving them utterly defenseless," Evil Author Sam narrated, and so it was.
"I don't understand why we don't have any cool powers beyond ass-whipping," Blazing Fool said sadly "Oh well. I can-" At this his face turned terrifyingly ghostly "-STILL EAT YOUR SOUL! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"
Blazing Fool scared Evil Author Sam so badly that the evil author in question was forced to jump out the nearest open window.
"You may have won this round, mercenaries, but you're forgetting this place will still explode in the next sixty seconds and there's nothing you can do! BWA HA HA!" And so Evil Author Sam had escaped.
Every member of the SSBECF could only stand in horror as the hotel was about to explode. Every member, that is, but totallystrange.
He walked over to a wall, tearing off as many candy canes as possible, loading his machine gun and running outside to be the hero. Hey, everyone has their moments.
"Oh no you do-" Evil Artist Josh began, but was promptly shot down by totallystrange, dissipating the cage around me.
"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" he yelled, as he fired at exactly UNDERNEATH the pile of firecrackers.
But I knew that wouldn't be enough to save the day, so, attempting bravery, I kicked the firecrackers into the air.
They shot up into the air like they'd bounced on a trampoline, and exploded, harming no one and no hotels bouncing on their foundations.
"YEAH! Uh huh, uh huh, that's right. We saved the day!" I cheered, doing a soccer-like victory dance.
"What's this 'we' business? Oh, who cares. I'm going home," totallystrange said, looking rather irritable.
"Whew! I've never danced so much in my life!" Elfbrat sighed.
"I say we call for ramen for dinner today," Xiao said.
"What a complete waste of time this party was," Urby said.
"Hee…at least we got a little extra," Blazing Fool said, holding a sack that mysteriously looked like the table cloth from the food table, with the food bundled inside.
"I'm calling the chopper," said Demon of the Black Fire, and so the SSBECF left.
I looked at the food table and noticed it was completely bare.
"HEY, COME BACK! THIEVES!" I screamed.
Eventually everyone just ordered pizza and partied like no tomorrow.
Deals were made.
"'And this contract states that forever Marth and Roy will not engage in any promiscuous activity that is hurtful to their significant others'," said the contract Roy and Marth were forced to sign.
People had their fun.
"I can't even stand! This place is like a DDR convention once you get going," I said to Fox, who was struggling to keep me from falling after I'd danced the night away.
And the hotel had a whole bunch of jacked-up people in their ballroom, fast asleep, come dawn.
And I vowed never to have a crazy party again. Well, except for that time I organized a huge house party…
Author's Notes: Unnecessarily long chapter, I know. It was, admittedly, hard to write but after a while I just loosened up and had fun! Like Peach, almost. Heh, send in comments, WTFs and questions via review!
Reviews:
Yeah, I took forever, I know. Please try not to kill me. Please?
People, as a not, this will be my last chapter in a long while. I've been banned from this comp so…
Urby: Ah…I'll miss you the most. Your dry wit, your long reviews…everything.
Man! That had me fooled…Gnome and Celsius…right.
Blazing Fool: AH! Don't nail me to the ceiling! Get exorcised!
Demon of the Black Fire: Uh…THANKS! YAYS! Fanart!
Totallystrange: Goodbye…I'll miss you the most. I'm banned from MSN as well! I'm going through great lengths to get this in…sorry if it's a little late, Niall!
Elfbrat: LOL, I played that game! I hope it's the one where grandpa snapped!
Fayt: Thanks! It warms my heart to get a good review…
RoyalFanatic: You make a good secretary!
I hope you liked your dress!
Xiao Dark-cloud: I'm even busier with my life sometimes…now it's literally impossible to write.
Yoshizilla: LOL, great ideas! I'll get it in, when my ban is off…
AshRB: Thanks for the review!
This is Caliban the Wizard, tearfully signing out! Goodbye y'all!
To all my loving readers: I was banned on Sunday, yup, and I probably won't be back any time soon…but I'll try. I'm sorry everyone, and I hope I didn't leave anyone out…Oh great! Now I'm crying! I hate long goodbyes! Please email, it might actually reach me, don't MSN, because yeah, I'm really banned. I might get in trouble as I type this!