A/N: Just realised I didn't put a disclaimer on the last chapter, and as I can't be bothered to re-load the entire chapter, let this disclaimer count for both of them:

Disclaimer: I do not own LotR, nor any of the characters within the trilogy. However, I either own, or have joint ownership of, anything else. Except things originally written by Shakespeare.

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"Nogm?"

"Yes?"

"…Nogm?"

"YES?"

"…I'm hungry!"

Once more, Nogm sighed in exasperation. "Legolas dear, much as I love you, you are remarkably stupid. In case you don't remember, we just left a Christmas special. A Christmas special in which we were obliged to find a lot of food. You took quite a bit of that food. How can you be hungry?"

"I don't know. I just am. Maybe my stomach's too big!" A look of sudden worry and fear crossed the elf's face, "What if it really is too big? So that I have to constantly eat to fill it up, and then I'll explode!"

Aragorn approached Legolas and, in a loving, caring way, whacked him round the head.

"Thank you Aragorn."

"You're welcome Nogm."

"So…then…we're in a fic." Aragorn looked around, wondering if he would spy an uninventively named bad guy. However, all he saw was a deer, which ran out onto the path in front of them.

"Hahaha!" It laughed, "You didn't fall for that one, did you?! That's a classic!"

"But then why was Louise the Sheep there?"

"Even sheep have to go somewhere."

"You're a very insightful deer."

"I know. I come from an extremely articulate family."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"Not a lot, I just like to mention it."

Nogm gave the deer a mystified look, and it bounded off up a handy near-by mountain.

"Well", Aragorn pondered, "That makes everything a lot more pleasant, don't you think, Legolas?"

"…How long has that mountain been here?"

"Shall I hit him, or do you want to Aragorn?"

Aragorn shook his head, "It's too early in the day for hitting princes". (A/N – tell me what that's a reference to and get a cookie)

Legolas, oblivious to practically everything, once more began to whine: "I'm still hungry!"

Nogm growled under her breath, before spotting something at the side of the path.

"Legolas, do you like mushrooms?"

"Mushrooms?! They're my absolute favourite fungus!"

"That's…scary. Anyway, there's a mushroom down there. Eat it and stop complaining."

"But…it's blue."

"You've never eaten a blue mushroom before?"

"No."

"You haven't lived. Hurry up."

Legolas shrugged his shoulders, dismounted and picked the mushroom. He look at it long and hard before finally taking a bite. Aragorn glanced at Nogm.

"Well, how is it?"

He chewed thoughtfully for a moment, before reply, "It certainly has a pleasant texture, the general taste is not too sweet without being overly so, and it has slightly zesty undertones, though I'm sure a better-educated palette would be able to assess it better."

Nogm, Aragorn and Darwin looked fearfully at the elf as he finished his mushroom. Finally, Nogm worked up the courage to speak to him.

"Leggy dear, are you feeling alright?"

"Well, I'm a little fatigued from the day's riding, but I'm confident that I shall be less so on the morrow. That mushroom has appeased my stomach of its incessant rumblings, and I feel quite capable of continuing our journey. Shall we proceed?"

As they walked, Aragorn leaned forward to whisper in Nogm's ear, "I don't think it was a good idea giving him that mushroom. It seems to have made him smart, and that is, quite frankly, scary."

"I know. How can we get him to snap out of it?"

"We could hit him over the head with a branch."

"You think that would work?"

"I don't know, but it would be funny."

Aragorn selected a suitable branch from the forest floor, and whacked Legolas 'round the back of his head. The elf turned to him with an angry look in his eye.

"Oh fie upon thee! It feels as though you have struck my occipital lobe with a coloquintida!"

Aragorn raised an eyebrow, "Translation please?"

Legolas rolled his eyes (and Nogm was startled to find how well he had copied her).

"I said: 'Damn you! It feels like you've hit the back of my brain with a bitter cucumber!'"

Aragorn turned to Nogm, "Yup, definitely something wrong with him."

Shaking his head, Legolas also looked to Nogm, "Is he not light of brain? I declare I am of good health!"

Nogm smiled sympathetically and Legolas, "See, this is the thing Legolas. That mushroom you ate? Aragorn and I are pretty certain it gave you creepy intelligence. And we're trying to work out how to get you back to your lovably dumb self."

"My dear Nogm, I believe that this matter has been rather exsufflicated." He saw the looks of incomprehension his friends were giving him, "Goats and monkeys! I said I think that this issue's been blown out of proportion!"

"Of course you did, Legolas."

"Aragorn!"

Fortunately, at that point Aragorn decided to gag Legolas, thus preventing him for saying anything else.

"We need to get to Rivendell."

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A/N: Very scary. Smart Legolas (shivers). Anyway, onto the review replies. Oh, and by popular demand (of one person) you can now send messages to the characters.

My replies –

a-muses-inspiration – No sweetie, you can't spell :) I'll make sure Legs canoes to your classes in time in future.

freak and proud – No longer does leggy have the brain of a walnut! And there are nightly and daily authoresses. The nightly authoress comes up with plot, the daily authoress forgets it and writes something entirely different.

Chibi Lauryn – Christmas is great. Leggy got ear warmers.

Dreamality – It couldn't be Christmas without Louise the Sheep now, could it? Glad you liked it :D

Darwin replies –

freak and proud – neigh

Nogm replies –

freak and proud – I will go gently on them, IF I MUST. I guess we've got a long way to go, according to this map we've only moved 6 inches already...

Aragorn replies –

freak and proud – Amazing…great ideas, I may have to try them (evil laugh)

Legolas replies –

freak and proud – Meanie. Merry Christmas…