Caliban's Chattering: Yup, I'm alive! Now, I know some of us are freezing their butts off. It is February after all. So here's a little chapter that'll warm you up better than a hot chocolate. Okay, maybe not. It's around the same time as the Link chapter, all the way back to Chapter Two.

Disclaimer: I don't own SSBM. Too lazy to be dramatic today…

Popo's Ice CreaMobile! Now with More Brawling.

Yes, it's a hot day. A sweltering day. A day so hot you can cook an egg on the sidewalk. At least, that's what Celebi is screaming into the mike. I wouldn't know. In fact, I'm just SO COLD IN HERE I'd KILL for a heat wave or something, if there wasn't already one.

How so? Well, when you're locked in a freezer, it's difficult not to be cold.

There was extreme banging on all sides, swaying the truck back and forth.

"Hey you animals! Watch the paint job! And let me out of here!" I snapped, but no avail.

How do I get myself into these things!

Much Earlier…

The Smash Mansion was sweltering. The precious mansion-wide air conditioner spontaneously combusted due to overuse, so people were fighting over electric fans and what precious few box air conditioners they had. But the heat was so bad DK scorched his fingers trying to lift a metal barbell. It was so bad the toilets wouldn't flush because the water evaporated too fast. It was so DARN HOT it zapped Link into another dimension! Okay, maybe he was gone that day, I don't know, but I didn't see any trace of his existence, not even Young Link, for the whole day.

All that was left was talk of a new event match and his beloved hat.

But I can't talk either. I was scarce that day as well. AWOL. Gone. Nana felt somewhat lost without me, like she suddenly lost her left hand or some such thing.

But if she knew I was working on THE greatest ice cream truck in the whole entire universe, she wouldn't mind much, not at all. I'd put up a bunch of flyers over the week.

You should have seen how people reacted when they heard the tell tale ice cream truck music.

It was like they stopped breathing.

The frantic ice cream vendors breathed a sigh of relief and then…

"Ice cream…"

"Ice cream!"

"Ice cream!"

"Popsicles!"

"ICE CREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!" the whole of Smash Estates yelled.

"ICE CREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!" Roy roared, jumping out the nearest window.

What happened next was a scene similar to Rat Race. Little kids jumped into motorbikes, cars, school buses, wrestled tiny unicycles from clowns, threw very ill patients out of wheel-chairs, piled into pedicabs, wheelbarrows, rolled on actual barrels like lumberjacks, whatever they could get their hands on. Horses were stolen right off gambling tracks. DOGS were stolen off gambling tracks. Farms suddenly had no livestock, as Young Link wannabes even grabbed chickens to hover for a few seconds.

Even so, that still left an ample stampede of heat-stricken children, running, RUNNING AS THOUGH THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT!

The Smashers were there, several civilians in bathing suits joined in, and of course, Roy was at the front of it all, with a few kids on his shoulders trying to get ahead.

"Can't you run any faster? This is ICE CREAM we're talking 'bout! Not Popsicles. Not frozen yogurt. We're talking bout the REAL DEAL ICE CREAM stuff here!" a random bossy kid yelled.

Poor Nana was huffing and puffing at the front of the crowd.

"Why don't you slow down?" Sheik asked.

"If I slow down, I'll be trampled to death! The force of the stampede is the only thing keeping me up right now!" Nana snapped, and suddenly rushed forward, as though the stampede increased.

Sheik simply sighed.

"LOOK! It's the ice cream truck! Take out the money!" Roy yelled.

Several cha-ching noises were created as people produced wallets.

"Line ready…" Roy began.

Everyone zeroed in on the truck.

"CHAAAAAAAAAAARGE!"

In what looked like an explosion, people rushed forward, yelling out their purchases.

"Frutti-Tutti Sherbet!"

"French Vanilla low faa-at!"

"Caramel French Vanilla Surprise on a sugar cone!"

"Praline Explosion on a waffle cone!"

"Three scoop mint sundae!"

It was, to say the least, a crowd I struggled to please.

And there was this one REALLY annoying kid who was bouncing around screaming for his Raspberry Jubilation.

Surprisingly, I actually managed to get all those orders in and for a while it was nothing but CHA-CHING in the cash register.

Roy skipped on individual servings and bought the whole canister of Lime Sherbet, much to the crowd's dismay.

"You monster! That was a best-seller!" some lady in the crowd snapped.

"What are you yelling at me for? Seems to me you've eaten enough ice cream to last you a life time," he replied. The woman turned brilliant red and grabbed the hardest thing she could, whacking Roy over the head.

This, unfortunately, happened to be Fayt's war hammer. And Fayt, unfortunately, happened to be part of the most insane group of sugar-addict, temperamental maniacs ever. After reading this story, I don't think I need to tell you who exactly they were.

"HEEEEY!" Fayt snapped "That was my mallet! Get your own!"

"What's wrong Fayt?" Urby asked "Get back in line before you're trampled."

"She stole my mallet!" he whined.

"Look, we don't have time for-hey! You stole my spot!" Urby snapped at the annoying Raspberry Jubilation kid.

He simply stuck his tongue at her, which was bright pink.

"And you already had an ice cream!" Urby snapped again.

"And a five finger discount too, swimsuit lady!" he replied very annoyingly.

"S-swimsuit lady?" Urby asked. She grabbed Fayt's war hammer from the lady, and smacked the kid, who took out a yo-yo and started strangling her with it.

"What is this, a wrestling match? Can you try and be a little calmer? Your stupid fight is aggravating me!" a man snapped.

"Aggravate this," the Raspberry Jubilation kid snapped, throwing a painful baseball square at the man's nose, causing an even more painful CRACK!

"Oh yeah. It's on," the man snapped, taking out nun chucks, twirling them around threateningly.

That part of the line formed a ring.

"Two quid on the Jubilation kid!"

"Ten on the Angry Chick!"

Everyone started roaring and pulling bets.

Blazing Fool sighed, knowing that yet again, he'd have to get the ice cream for EVERYONE.

True to that, Xiao, Royal Fanatic, and Yoshizilla joined the betting pit, as well as Demon of the Black Fire.

"Fifty bucks on the Angry Chick!" they yelled.

"Twenty on the Angry Chick!" Demon of the Black Fire yelled.

And as for me, well, let's just say the line isn't so patient.

-Looks at Murderous Faces -

"Um…FREE ICE!" I yelled.

The line turned back into a massive jumble, as more people were rocking the ice cream truck than betting on the amazing fight between the annoying Jubilation kid, the Nun Chucks fighter who turned out to be the only karate teacher ever to jump from a sky scraper and survive, and the famous mercenary.

"We want ice. We want ice. We want ice!" they all chanted.

"Uh oh…"

I tried jumped out the window the exact same time the truck fell on its side.

Now I was mad. The ice cream had mixed into a nasty, vomit colored blur on the scorching asphalt, and I was really making a mint there.

"No more Mr. Nice Climber!" I snapped, taking out a paintball gun.

"Ooh… a paintball gun! Please don't shoot, I'm too young to-" the gangster began sarcastically, and was pummeled with a paint bullet the size of a beach ball.

I charged my gun again.

"Want seconds?" I asked.

Suddenly, the guy who made the first bet, suddenly the impromptu fight host, grabbed an abandoned toy mike and yelled 'STREEEET BRAAAAAAAAAWL! Winner takes all!"

Has anyone ever been caught in a street riot before? It's not pleasant. I'll guarantee you'll find more teeth on the pavement during a street brawl than you will at a dentist.

You probably won't find more yelling, screaming, and hilarious battle cries anywhere.

"CHU-YI-YI-YAAAAAAAAAAA!" the Jubilation kid roared.

"WA-CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!" Urby yelled, smacking her hammer on the pavement so hard it broke through solid concrete.

"EEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" the Nun Chucks Guy snapped.

Surprisingly, the worst brawl wasn't near Urby and the other two random civilians, but over the last surviving canister of Praline Explosion.

"Back off! I left my office for this exact moment!" Caliban snapped, grabbing a stray bloodied crowbar.

"I want that ice cream!" Roy snapped, whirling around a chain like a maniac.

"I want out of here!" Blazing Fool said, desperately trying to save the several ice cream cones he had on a tray.

While the fight between Caliban and Roy began, with plenty of flying kicks and hits to the noggin, Blazing Fool slowly began creeping away to find the other team mates so he could get out of here.

"Totallystrange, you have to get out of here before the ice cream melts and you die," Blazing Fool snapped.

"Did you say 'and you die' or 'or you die'?" totallystrange asked, firing another round, not caring the place was full of children.

"AND YOU DIE! If you think I went through all that just to have your extremely expensive ice cream melt before you even have a taste I will personally burn you to a crisp!" Blazing Fool snapped.

"At least gimme a minute. I've never had so much fun. I've been waiting for an estates-wide street brawl since I joined the SSBECF!" he cheered, shooting more people, and even someone who was sneaking up behind with one of those decapitation strings.

Blazing Fool and grabbed totallystrange, heading for Royal Fanatic, who was in the direct middle of the brawl with Xiao Dark-cloud.

"WA-CHAAAAAAAAW!" she snapped, throwing some guy over her shoulder with her amazing judo.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YA!" Xiao yelled, flying-kicking someone so they ended up like a star in the sky.

"Guys, we need to get out of here. Oh, and take your dumb ice cream cones. You now owe me twenty three bucks each," Blazing Fool snapped.

"What? I thought they only cost three bucks each," Royal Fanatic said, punching someone, knocking them out.

"Yeah, but the twenty bucks is for the difficulty of keeping them. Now pay up," Blazing Fool said.

"No way," Xiao said, head butting someone, causing them to faint.

"Hey, that was pretty good," totallystrange said.

"Okay. Then you have to help me get Urby and Yoshizilla AND Caliban," Blazing Fool snapped.

"What about Fayt?" Royal Fanatic asked.

"Fayt's strong enough. He'll live. But the other three are going to fight themselves into the ground," Blazing Fool said "And Flamer was too dangerous to bring in this heat."

"It's okay. We're dangerous enough anyways, even unarmed," Royal Fanatic said, brandishing her claws, and Xiao showed off her secret shuriken boomerang.

"Aw man…how come you guys have such cool weapons? We didn't get anything!" Blazing Fool whined.

"Correction. YOU didn't get anything. I got smoke bombs," totallystrange said.

"Snap," Blazing Fool said.

Meanwhile, at the ice cream truck, things were getting worse.

"Take that!" I yelled, shooting a paint rocket "And that! And take some of these…!"

Suddenly, the launcher stopped firing.

"Uh oh…"

Brawlers gushed forth, throwing me into the truck, which somehow had me locked in the freezer.

"Hey! The crazy rocket launcher kid got locked in the freezer! Every man for themselves!"

The whole brawl suddenly stopped, and gathered on the truck, hopping up and down till Popsicles came out.

"Every year. Every year I open the truck, THIS HAPPENS! A brawl breaks out, my truck gets trashed, and I stop making money after the first twenty minutes! EVERY YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR!" I roared, so loud my lungs nearly burst.

In fact, the whole truck burst. Right into flames, the whole place erupting in smoke.

"Okay, who threw the smoke bomb?" I asked.

The brawlers all had the same fearful, paralyzed look on their face, but none guilty.

"Quick, quick, get the money! Before the smoke clears…" Caliban whispered fiercely.

"We're grabbing, we're grabbing," the SSBECF chanted, and next thing you know, they were gone.

"Hey! Where's the canister of Praline Explosion?" Roy asked.

"Where is the free ice?" the annoying Raspberry Jubilation kid asked.

"WHERE THE HECK IS MY MONEY!" I yelled.

"Where's the SSBECF?" Sheik asked, and people that actually got a reaction out of people.

Then realization dawned.

"Oh, I don't care. This happens every year," I sighed "No harm done. I didn't lose any money out of opening the ice cream truck."

"Let's go to the ice cream store!" Roy yelled, and led the children to annoy the heck out of the ice cream store staff.

"Let's get back to the pool," the civilians said, stowing away their weapons.

And soon the day was back to normal. Well, except for all the people who were trampled. And all the cracks, teeth, and remnants of explosions in the pavement. And the flaming ice cream truck.

Somewhere outside the city, the SSBECF were laughing their butts off.

"Man oh man. That was the best plan ever, Urby! We got like six hundred dollars out of that deal!" Royal Fanatic cheered.

"Enough to finally buy some limited edition Sheena Dark Purple!" Xiao cheered.

The girls of the group all cheered.

"I can't believe they wasted our time like that!" Fayt whined.

"Hey, I got a little fun out of it," totallystrange said.

"And I got a whole canister of free ice cream!" Caliban cheered.

"And I made a mint off betting!" Yoshizilla said.

"And they all have a death wish anyways," Blazing Fool said.

I can't say I never opened the truck again, but I can say that a huge street brawl never erupted again. At least, until the Smash Olympics came to town…

Author's Notes: That was fun to write! More on the way, hope you liked it! Send your comments and questions via review! Oh, and there are still openings for SSBECF! If you've suddenly been 'omitted', complain and I won't forget to add you in.

Reviews:

Love you all, you're so patient.

Demon of the Black Fire: Thanks a lot for the review! Have a whole box of cookies. Trust me, those things really send you cookies. Someone sent me a cookie and I got a real one that same moment I read it. Creepy huh?

Wow! I can't type in the dark. In fact most of this story was created by staring at the keyboard. At least I'm fast though.

Xiao Dark-cloud: Yes, you're a fine moderator. You actually go on your forums. I never go on, even on my own forums. Yes, I'm a bum.

Osilus: It's pretty difficult to hang on to every character, but I don't think it should be really a factor, 'cause if you sign up as a SSBM writer, it's kind of a must…thanks for reviewing!

AshRB: YEAH! Tell me what flavor cookie you like…I'll send you some.

Psychogunner: I hope your balloons of destruction don't reach this computer, or I will get non-stop pop-ups! Ha! POP-ups! Get it? Get it? Ha-HA!

…

I'm entitled to my cheesy joke, okay?

Oh, and as for Majora's Mask, my favorite mask would have to be the Sun's Mask. It took me forever to get it, and I didn't even want to trade it for the stupid Couple's Mask. It took that long.

Elfbrat: SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS MY PLIGHT!

I've always hated how toasters always act up. At least in Britain, the only edible breakfast food, for me anyways, was toast, so of course the toasters there are darn good…but here in North America? NOOO, it's all about the stupid forks!

Hey, maybe your toaster is viral too? Mine's mostly well-behaved, but it hates the flavor of my bagels. What's wrong with cinnamon raisin huh?

Totallystrange: THAT'S so TRUE! You know, I seriously just figured that out on Wikipedia! Poor me…'kay, MSN me!

Royal Fanatic: I've got a special chapter for Mr. Game and Watch, just you wait…and here's a hint. It isn't about milk!

Yoshizilla: By the time I read this, Popo's chapter was done in my head. Uh huh…and a Fox chapter is already done in my head…and a Falco chapter is already done in my head…and a Nana chapter is already done in my head. So you can see, I've been actually thinking out my chapters…Shocking, I know.

Anonymous: Yes, exams suck. Surprisingly, the easiest one I had was Math, 'cause it was only FIVE pages! Our unit tests were harder…

Punkrocker64: Thanks for the oatmeal raisin, they're not as bad as everyone thinks and sometimes the whole chocolate chip deal gets old. I mean, I eat enough chocolate in a day, I'll live…

Okay, I think that's everyone, everyone who reviewed, anyways. I love you people for waiting, hope you liked the chapter…This is Caliban the Wizard, signing out!