A/N: Despite many – well, a couple – pleas for the fic to continue, this will indeed be the last chapter. I've finally got around to writing it. After a whole year. Huzzah!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything which belongs to Tolkien. Which goes without saying, actually.

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Aragorn gazed around at the Rivendell corridor, and realised something was wrong. It didn't take him long to work out what it was, as he realised he'd been standing perfectly still for many months while they awaited an update.

With a leap which generally indicates surprise, he realised that at last that day had come! Unfortunately though, nobody else seemed to have noticed, and as he couldn't be bothered to go and tell them, he just wandered off to the kitchen to get himself a snack.

Five days later, he returned to see how they were doing, and was rather less than surprised to find they were still exactly the same as he'd left them. He mused that it must be quite uncomfortable for Nogm, as she had clearly stopped moving halfway through a riverdance. However, the exact reason why she had been riverdancing in the first place was probably something best left unanswered.

Aragorn sighed, and decided that once again, he would have to take matters into his own kingly hands. But the question was, what to do to alert his friends to the fact that an update had, at long last, arrived? He could attempt to staple their ears, but he suspected that might come under the 'horse, cat and elf protection act', and could lead to him being forced to undergo a painful 'makeover'. He had seen other men come back from that terrible ordeal. They were usually all glittery around the eyelid region, and never the same afterwards. Tempting as the stapling idea was, it simply wasn't worth it.

So after spending many seconds pondering on possible awakening-plans, Aragorn suddenly realised the answer to his problem was staring him right in the face.

"Would anybody like a bite of my sandwich?"

And lo! There was life! Legolas sprang towards him like a…springy elfy thing, and wolfed down Aragorn's sandwich.

"…I said a bite. A. Not 'please come and eat my wholesandwich'! If I had meant for you to eat my whole sandwich I would have said so, but no! I said you could have a bite! Remember what happened the last time you were hungry and impulsive? You became far too smart and began quoting Shakespeare! You ought to have learned your lesson from that!"

Nogm, Legolas and Darwin stared at the quietly smoking king. Finally Nogm spoke up:

"Aragorn, did you know that your hair is on fire? You really shouldn't stand so close to that flaming torch."

"Yes I did know that, thank you very much."

"Now your collar's on fire too."

Trying to keep a shred of his dignity intact, Aragorn suddenly dropped to the floor and began to roll around in a highly ineffectual manner. Nogm rolled her eyes, grabbed a handy fire extinguisher, and covered Aragorn in a lot of foam. This stopped the fire, but did make him look rather like a disgruntled snowman. But Nogm had never been one to see the glass half empty, and so broke into a celebratory jig.

Just at that moment, as a convenient plot device, Elrond rounded the corner.

"Ah, I see you're all up and about again. Though why you're dressed as a snowman, Aragorn, is anybody's guess. Or did someone forget to take your Christmas costume off you?"

Legolas, having gotten fed up of just standing around watching the hijinks, took the initiative (he was later made to give it back).

"What Christmas costumes?"

"Oh, well, seeing as you were all just standing around in my corridor for a year, we thought we'd make use of you at special occasions and turn you into festive decorations. I think you were Father Christmas Nogm, and Legolas, you were one of her little helpers."

"Why does everybody always think I'm smaller than her?"

"Only the wise man can say." Elrond suddenly realised he had become too mysterious, and to try and cover this up he smiled widely. Sadly, this turned out to be scarier. "And it wasn't just for Christmas, you know. We had great fun with you at Halloween. Look at the pictures!"

From an inside pocket, he drew out a sheaf of photographs, and handed them to Legolas. Nogm bounded eagerly onto Darwin's shoulders in order to get a better view. "Oh Legsie dearest, you make such an adorable pumpkin."

Aragorn looked up apprehensively from his position on the ground, "What am I?"

For no apparent reason, Nogm's voice became low and growly as she replied, "You're a wizard, Arry." She then looked up in puzzlement, "OK, someone explain the sudden husky voice and strangely familiar line?"

Elrond looked a bit shifty, "Well, you see, two of our young elf maidens named Sianum and Constanza have been showing her certain DVDs on a loop while you were frozen…they're Potter geeks."

Legolas nodded, attempting to look wise. Seeing as this look generally involved him crossing his eyes and nodding his head a lot, the others chose to ignore him.

Casually ripping up all evidence of herself dressed as Father Christmas, Nogm smiled benignly at Elrond, "Well, as we've been hanging around here for the last year or so, I suppose we had better be on our way…before you try and dress us up again. Erm…bye!" She bowed (quite a feat for a cat) and galloped Darwin down the corridor, leaving Legolas and Aragorn to shrug apologetically at Elrond and trudge after her.

They caught up with her on the bridge leading out of Rivendell, where she sat playing Pooh-sticks (and to anybody who doesn't know what that game is, shame on you. Go and read the original Winnie the Pooh stories and come back when you're enlightened). She smiled in a scary and insane way as they approached.

"Are you feeling ok, Nogm?"

"Quite alright thank you, Aragorn. I was just musing that us cats are really the only ones entitled to throw hissy fits; after all, we are the only ones that actually hiss. What everyone else throws is in fact a squealing-shouty fit."

"Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, though" reflected Legolas, once more in his own unique and worrying world.

"Maybe not" agreed Nogm, "Can we go home now?"

"Seems like the right thing to do" replied Aragorn, "After all, we've been on a pointless quest and got nothing out of it, aside from a singed collar and slightly bruised ego. From my own experience, I would say this is the point where we get out of here. What do you think, Legolas?"

"…I like cheese."

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A/N: Well, there it is! The very last chapter, and what a…time it took to arrive. But I hope it wasn't too bad, seeing as I haven't actually written anything in this vein since February last year.

A huge thanks to all my wonderful reviewers throughout this fic, though I sincerely doubt any of you really care that much anymore, hehe. Apart from Nogm. Her being in it. That ought to make her care.

That reminds me, massive thanks to Naomi for letting me steal her name and personality for the duration. I can only hope it didn't do her long-term reputation any harm.

Hope to see you all again soon, my lovely readers!