Chapter 37: If I can't believe in myself… then who will?

Upper Fire Month, 24th Day, 600 AGG

'I should tell her,' Draudillon furiously scribbled away at the missive she was writing, quill flying across parchment while her mind wandered elsewhere. 'Wild Magic, my bloodline, my… my feelings. No, isn't that just begging? A ruler who's willing to debase her entire country for a wholly selfish desire… I don't want her to think of me like that.'

She plopped another wafer into her mouth and grimaced at the burst of sour jam that spread throughout her mouth. The pouch was almost empty now; Draudillon was mildly surprised at how fast she had gotten through the small pile of pastries.

It gave her a small sense of comfort despite how awful it tasted. Unfortunately, comfort alone wasn't going to solve her problems.

'This is pointless,' the dragon queen scowled at the barebones map set to the side of her desk. 'Staring at it isn't going to suddenly make it complete. I'll have to assign some rangers from the army—or hire adventurers if I must—to scout out the land while accompanied by summons. Ah, but that would defeat the purpose wouldn't it? An ambush snares no one who is aware of it beforehand.'

If it was merely conquering the Beastman Country, then victory was obviously assured, but Draudillon wanted to thoroughly decapitate their leadership. They were the ones responsible for the torment her kingdom went through. And if it made taking control easier, then so be it.

'Send that aaracockra as a double agent?' Draudillon set her quill down, resting her chin atop clasped hands and intercrossed fingers. 'Even more pointless. There's nothing stopping them from just running away, and if we have summons escort him it'll just be the same problem all over again.'

"Would that we could just burn the entire damn country to ashes," Draudillon muttered as she buried her face in her arms. A pointless thought—Yuriko wouldn't ever agree to destruction of that scale. Of that, she was certain.

'Maybe I should just settle with eliminating most of them,' she tried to cheer herself up. 'Stragglers are likely to move somewhere else and cease to be a problem. Even getting our hands on half of the clan heads or lords is more than sufficient to neuter them as a threat.'

But she wanted all of them. She needed every last one of their fucking heads rolling at her fucking feet—

"Hey, you good?"

"Yuriko?" Draudillon's head snapped up, blood pounding with equal parts embarrassment and nervousness. Should she…? No, she wasn't. She shouldn't. "I wasn't expecting you. Weren't you preoccupied today?"

"Hm? Yeah, but we finished early, so I wanted to check on you," her heart skipped a beat at the angel's statement. "Did you sleep well? Eat anything this morning? Anything you want to vent about…" Yuriko's voice trailed off. "Oh, um. Hey, what's that?"

"This?" Draudillon picked up a pastry she had left lying on top of the pouch. "These should be the jam-stuffed wafers you made."

"Wha—no, no. H-How did you—who gave you those?" Yuriko spluttered while her blush grew brighter by the second. "I'm sure I told everyone to keep it to themselves—"

'Oh. I forgot about that,' Draudillon suddenly recalled Mira's request to not tell the angel. 'I suppose Agustin has punished her enough. Telling Yuriko on top of being assigned disciplinary measures might be a tad excessive.'

"I liked them."

"But they seriously—wait, you did?"

"Well, in the spirit of honesty, I will admit it was a bit too sour for me," Draudillon relished Yuriko's everchanging expressions—she hadn't met anyone who wore their heart on their sleeve quite like the angel did. "But thank you for going out of your way to make it."

"I knew it was too sour," Yuriko pursed her lips. "Can't believe I forgot to take it off boil…"

"Regardless of the taste, thank you. For this and all the other times you've made food."

"It's no problem," Yuriko averted her eyes and mumbled while scratching her flushed neck. "Um, thanks for thanking me! W-Wait that sounds stupid—"

"It's not," Draudillon firmly interrupted. "It's not stupid."

"…o-okay," Yuriko shrunk in on herself, her blush deepening even further as she replied in a small voice. "I, uh, I… thanks."

"So," Draudillon found herself at a loss on how to continue the conversation, and so defaulted to what she knew best: work. "How are the priests? From the Theocracy, if you'd forgotten."

"Oh. Ohhh, them," Yuriko carefully nudged aside a stack of parchment and books before sitting atop the desk. "Right, right. Erm, I, uhhhh… One second." The angel held up a finger as her other hand frantically dug through her Item Box while muttering to herself. "Where did I put it? I know it's here—there it is!"

She looked so ridiculously pleased with herself that Draudillon couldn't fully suppress a snicker.

"It's not funny…" Yuriko brushed her hair back with a nervous pout. "A-Anyways, I'm planning on sending them out to help wherever you need people to go. After we finish up with Caldevera and Almersia, I mean."

"Is that so? Well, it's good that you're putting them to work this quickly." Yes, this way the priests would receive more exposure and eventually overtake the temples of the Four and Six Great Gods. Come to think of it, did she ever explain that to Yuriko? Was it manipulation if she didn't? "Yuriko. If you—say hypothetically—had people worship you, how would you feel?"

The angel didn't immediately answer, choosing instead to stare out the window, past the horizon, towards some distant place only she could see.

"Yuriko?" Draudillon worriedly stretched a hand towards the angel until guilt had her pull it back. What right did she have when the problem stemmed from her? "You don't have to answer—"

"A few days ago," Yuriko quietly spoke up with a strange calm. "There was this family that asked if I could bless their baby."

She smiled. But it was a sad smile.

"I… I didn't really know what to say, y'know? Like, what do you even do there?" The angel let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "So I ended up saying a few words, and they were so, so happy with just that little. Just a few words. Isn't that crazy? I can't even actually bless people in the way they were probably hoping."

"You saved them. That's a blessing in and out of itself."

'You saved me. From having to resort to the worst possible decision.'

"Yeah," Yuriko sounded despondent. "Yeah, I guess. It's just…"

A heavy sigh. A heavier soul.

"If—if me. If Yuriko Hanami was really some sort of 'Lady of Wings' or goddess or whatever, then… she'd have to be the most worthless one that ever existed. Anyone who worshiped her would honestly be a pitiful person, wouldn't they?"

"That's not true—"

"Do you see me that way?" Draudillon's attempt to rebuff the angel's censure of herself was brought to an abrupt end by their question. "Do you see me as some sort of goddess too?"

"... I don't."

For all her divine beauty and power, Draudillon couldn't see her as anything close to resembling a deity. They were… Yuriko Hanami. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Thank you," Yuriko sounded so relieved, her dejection giving way to a small smile filled with so much… Draudillon didn't know. She didn't know what, but even still, that smile snatched away her breath with how completely and utterly heartfelt it was. "Thank you for seeing me as… well, me, I guess."

"If at any time—and I mean any time—you want to stop," Draudillon, emboldened by the angel's lightened mood, reached out and laid her hand over theirs. "Then tell me. Tell me if it's too much to handle, tell me if you need help. Will you do that for me?"

There wasn't much the dragon queen could do or give to the angel except for this: the simple act of being there.

"I will!" Yuriko's smile brightened further, sending Draudillon's heartbeat racing upwards along with it. "I'm—ugh, w-why now?"

She quickly faced the other way, wiping her tears away from the sight of her companion. It was nearly enough to push Draudillon over the edge.

"You're always going out of your way to put up with me," Yuriko sniffled as she beamed at Draudillon. "Th-Thanks. I mean it."

'She's trusted me this much with her private life, her troubles, her responsibilities,' the dragon queen worked up the nerve to share what she should have shared from the start. 'Isn't it only fair if I extend that trust in return?'

"Yuriko, can we talk about something—"

"Huh?" the angel shot to her feet in a blur of movement. "Why's it coming this close?"

"What?" Draudillon's annoyance at being cut off at such an inopportune time was quickly replaced by concern. "What's coming close? What's going on?"

"A summon. Infernum? But those were sent to the borders…" Yuriko pressed her face against the window. "I thought it was just moving around to chase some monsters at first, but now it's like, super close."

"How close?"

"Um," Yuriko cautiously glanced at Draudillon and winced. "'In front of the castle and now it's in the throne room' close?"

"Must be an interesting problem if it decided to come all the way here," a knock at the door. "I'm assuming that's related."

"I'll get it," Yuriko ran over to the door and opened it. "Hey, what's up?"

"Lady Yuriko," Cerde—an attendant, not a courtier, Draudillon noted—apprehensively swallowed. "Your Majesty. There's two beastmen requesting an audience with you."

"I see," if they were brought over by an angel from the border… Ah, is that how it was? The audacity. "Thank you for informing us. Have some angels take them to the throne room, if you will. We'll attend to our guests shortly."

'Begging for mercy now? Shrewd. Shrewd, but oh so very disgusting.'

"At once, Your Majesty," Cerde bowed and closed the door behind her.

"Draudillon?"

"I'm going," Hatred crawled through her veins like glacial frost. "You may come if you want, but I'm going."

"If you're going, then I'll be there too," Yuriko took a step forward and answered with firm resolve. "I wasn't able to—no, I didn't help you from the start, but I can help you end this."

'Ah… this world has done nothing but scar you, hasn't it? I suppose I'm the disgusting one.'

"Let's go then," Draudillon forced a smile onto her face. She had no desire to show the angel the conflict of cold anger and bitter regret that threatened to overwhelm her demeanor. "Together."

"Oomph," Varush grunted as the flame-headed angel unceremoniously dumped them on the soft grass of an inner courtyard. They had finally reached the culmination of their hours-long flight: the primary residence of the human ruler and her assistants. "Here?"

Apparently not, given how a dizzying number of angels in an equally as bewildering variety encircled them from the ground and sky alike.

"Ha, she went easy on us back in that city," Ithit chuckled. "This is…"

'Insane,' Varush finished the sentence in his mind. 'And he said one person is controlling all of this? Aren't summons supposed to expire after a few hours?'

That either meant the summoner had an unimaginable amount of mana to expend on temporary angels, or—

They had some way of keeping them tethered to the world. Permanent.

'Gods.'

"Man, who the hell are you guys?" An armored and cloaked human woman with shoulder-length brown-hair scowled at them. "We were busy here, you know?"

"We weren't," a man with short blonde hair sighed and pushed the woman behind him. "And who would you two be? Beastmen called over from the eastern cities?"

"Hey! Don't push me!" The woman shoved him back, causing the man to stumble forward a tad. "Not like they can try anything without getting disassembled in zero-point-one seconds."

"Hm, excuse me," Varush felt incredibly out of place as he watched the two humans bicker with each other. "We're emissaries from the Vahasi Republic here to plead for the lives of our people—"

"M-Mercy," the woman burst out into laughter, bending over and clutching her stomach in mirth. "Pft! Come r-right this way then!"

"This isn't funny, Mira," the man tiredly reprimanded his comrade. "Queen Oriculus would be—"

"I know, I know," the woman straightened up, amusement chased away by grim seriousness. "Hey, take them to the… think Her Majesty would be happy if I sent them to her room?"

"They asked for an audience, didn't they? Send them to the throne room," the man gritted his teeth as he pointed in the direction of what Varush assumed was said throne room. "We need to go notify someone—you! Attendant!"

He pointed at a servant who had been attempting to sneak back inside upon seeing the commotion. The attendant startled at the man's shout, and fearfully looked at the nexus of all the activity.

"Notify Her Majesty," the man continued in a lower voice and nodded his head towards the two captives. "She has two beastmen visitors."

"Yes sir!" The attendant scampered off, and the most intimidating of the angels dragged him and Ithit away.

"Ten gold they're dead meat by the end of the day," Varush heard the woman macabrely bet on their life in the distance. "What do you say?"

"I'm not betting with you, Mira," and then the guards were out of earshot while the beastmen were now inside, angels bringing them down a hallway that seemed to stretch on to eternity.

An eternity passed and they were deposited before an empty throne standing atop a raised dais.

'So this is the throne room of the humans,' it was a well-constructed hall; although, it would be a stretch to say it could compete with the greater works of the Republic. 'Compare architecture later if you're still alive.'

At least they didn't have to wait long, for a few minutes later, a woman with hair darker than midnight and murderous teal-green eyes entered the hall. On her brow rested a dragonhorn crown, leaving little doubt as to the nature of her identity.

Beside her was—

'This pressure—!'

Was this what the presence of a deity felt like? S-Small wonder Pallavi had died so easily.

If the flame-headed angel was an untouchable being, then the six-winged Goddess must be an existence set apart from lower beings at her moment of genesis.

'Dangerous,' Varush's chest tightened in terror. Ithit looked unnerved, though clearly not experiencing the same fear his companion was. 'How could someone like this exist?'

"Greetings," the Minotaur painfully realized he didn't know either of their names. "I am High Vizier Varush Aanyaj, and my companion here is Vizier Ithit Veejanu. Your servants kneel before you, Queen…?"

"Draudillon Oriculus," Queen Oriculus ascended to her throne, judging them from above with a piercing glare that seemingly tore through the thin veneer of their physicality and into the core of their souls. "And Yuriko Hanami. Speak."

"Queen Oriculus. Your… Holiness," Varush and Ithit genuflected as best they could given how they were restrained. "A thousand thanks for deigning to meet with lowly beings like ourselves."

"Do you expect me to listen to you while you're speaking to the ground? Raise your heads," the human queen coldly commanded, the underlying promise of vengeance in her voice sending a shiver down Varush's spine. Just what had they gotten themselves into? Was this the wrong decision after all? "Continue."

"The Republic has done you and yours a great wrong," his heart sank as he watched Queen Oriculus's gaze grow harder and harder. "It is audacious of us to do so, but we beg for your mercy. Our nation has much to offer: manpower, magical research, land for your people among other things."

"Those are good points," Queen Oriculus crossed her legs and tapped the armrest of her throne. "Although, I am curious—"

Her eyes narrowed. The Goddess nervously fidgeted beside her—no, how could they be nervous? It must be anger, an eagerness to avenge the blood of her chosen.

"When were you under the impression that we needed your permission?"

The throne room fell deathly quiet.

"Of course, of course. I meant no disrespect—"

"You seem to be misunderstanding something," Queen Oriculus cut him off in a slow manner like she was explaining a complex subject to a child. "I do not care about your 'disrespect.' I do not care about what your country has to offer. What I do care about however, is every single life your people have taken from mine since the conception of the Draconic Kingdom."

"Without a doubt, a fault on our part," dread pervaded the Minotaur's spirit. This reminded him of the time when the Council heard about the Dragon Lord who wandered the humans' land in the past. "What would you ask of us, Queen Oriculus?"

"Blood for blood. Flesh for flesh," her voice shook with pure, undiluted hatred. "A life for a life. For each of my people killed by your beastmen, we'll claim one of yours—starting from your leaders."

'That'll collapse the entire Republic,' Varush struggled to think of a way out of this predicament. "That's… it would throw the Republic into chaos, Queen Oriculus. Countless civilians who haven't taken a single step into your domain will… ah."

One look at her and he knew wasn't going to be able to turn the vengeful ruler away from the warpath. The Vahasi Republic was, in the tamest terms possible, completely doomed. Whatever was left would only be a mocking shadow of the original.

'At least she isn't planning on just razing everything to the ground,' Varush tried to comfort himself. 'The major clans will be wiped out, but the Republic should be able to bounce back quickly enough if she's planning on annexing it. Isn't this a good outcome? We came here expecting to die without achieving anything, but if it's only the leadership and tens—or gods forbid, hundreds—of thousands of civilians…'

"That is acceptable," Varush resigned himself to his fate. His people would simply have to bear with the chaos that would surely follow in the wake of this massacre. Mac'tal, the goblin kingdom southeast… he shoved those thoughts out of mind. "I do not say this in an effort to prolong my life, but you will need someone to ensure none of the people you have in mind escape."

"Varush…" Ithit painfully murmured. The Minotaur knew exactly what bothered his companion. What he was agreeing to now was nothing less than betraying the entire Republic for the sake of the Republic. His name would go down in history as the Arch-Traitor, his true motives forgotten with only records of his sin left for the ages.

"It's fine," he smiled, and surprisingly, he really was fine. "This much is more than we expected, is it not?"

"Done talking?" Queen Oriculus's words froze him in place. "Since you suggested it yourself, you'll be sent back to your country to uphold your end of this petition. You have until—what is it, Yuriko?"

Varush and Ithit held their breaths and watched while the Goddess—they didn't dare address her by name—whispered into Queen Oriculus's ear with a pleading expression on her immaculate face.

"No, I'm not, I don't care—Hah… Fine, you're right. I… I got too caught up in the moment," the conversation drifted over to the demihuman pair. Talking to the Goddess, the human queen was almost like a totally different person: compassion where there was once wrath, warmth chasing away a bone-chilling frost, affection standing in the place of enmity. "Don't apologize. It's not a big deal; after all, it's similar to what we decided on in the first place, no?"

The Goddess hesitantly nodded, eyes plagued by shame and guilt as she straightened up and pointedly kept her gaze away from the beastmen.

"Rejoice. It seems you'll be receiving the mercy you asked for," and like that, Queen Oriculus's countenance, tone, everything switched back to the same harshness she had directed to them since the beginning. "Complete vassalization and the lives of all who've taken even the smallest bite of human flesh—with the exception of children who I assume had little choice in the matter. I presume this is grace enough for you, High Vizier?"

'Thank the gods. That criteria leaves at least a few clans intact to manage the fallout of the others being culled. Allowing the children to live means the domains and culture of the remaining clans won't be entirely lost either. Somehow, we've dodged the disaster of our own making. Gods—this is the charity of the Goddess.'

There was no love lost between him and the majority of the major clans anyways.

"These lowly ones do not deserve your mercy!" Varush bowed and scraped in relief, Ithit hurriedly mimicking his actions. He didn't know what the Goddess had said in her intercession to Queen Oriculus, but it was nothing short of a miracle. "Our grandchildren's grandchildren, no, until the last citizen of the Republic draws their final breath, we are your faithful servants! The kindness you have shown us today will never be forgotten, I swear it!"

"This development has complicated more than a few proceedings," Queen Oriculus stood up from her throne and walked down the steps, the Goddess accompanying her from the side. "Yuriko. Let's go. And you two," she glared at the prostrate beastmen. "We'll have some angels detain you before flying you back. You have until the end of next month to wrap up your business. If you try to cheat us… Just know you'll live more than long enough to regret it."

She somehow loomed over the groveling beastmen despite barely coming up to their heads even while they were kneeling. The human queen soundlessly considered them for a moment before snorting in disgust—was that exhaustion?—and snapping her body towards the hall's exit.

"Yuriko, you're not coming?" Queen Oriculus looked behind her shoulder at the Goddess, concern bleeding through every word of her inquiry. "What's wrong?"

"Can I talk with them for a bit?" The Goddess spoke aloud for the first time, the euphonious timbre of her voice like nothing else Varush had heard in his life. "Y'know, like… for a little bit. I'll be right behind you! Promise."

"... Hm. Let's continue our talk from earlier after you're done, okay?"

" 'Kay," the Goddess waved to the departing human queen, waiting for her and her angel guardians to depart from the hall before turning around to the beastmen with an air of heaviness surrounding them.

"I should just kill both of you now," the Goddess raised an outstretched hand towards the two. Time seemed to slow as Varush gulped; had she suddenly changed her mind? "Move on to your country next. It'll only take like a few weeks, tops."

He didn't dare speak or move out of fear that the Goddess might find it offensive.

"Everyone here thinks it's the right thing to do," she talked aloud to herself, clearly not expecting or desiring a response from the beastmen. "Even Draudillon does, although she never says it out loud. Probably doesn't want to bother me, y'know? She's nice like that. Deserves someone better… better and more useful than me."

"Without question. Queen Oriculus's mercy is boundless—"

"I think I made her upset," the Goddess interrupted Ithit, seemingly not having heard the Orthrous at all. "Asking about sparing everyone who didn't do anything… Do I even have the right to spare anyone? Go around telling people, 'Oh! Let's forgive each other and live together happily!'"

"... Your Holiness speaks the truth. Your servants are unworthy—"

"Don't call me that," the Goddess absentmindedly continued. "So the right thing to do would be getting even, right? A life for a life like she said." She paused, fists clenched tight by her sides. "Yeah. Yeah, why shouldn't I burn your shitty country to the ground? Maybe she wouldn't be so sad if I just did that earlier. Maybe everyone would be happier."

It was hard to breathe; an overwhelming pressure pressed down on them as light lashed out from the Goddess's form.

"Forget it," she mumbled and lowered her hand, the two beastmen almost collapsing to the ground in relief. The unbearable radiance that pervaded the room dimmed along with the oppression that accompanied it. "Not like I can blame anyone when I didn't even know people were getting eaten for a whole week. And they still look up to me, calling me kind, strong."

'They wouldn't be wrong,' Varush wryly thought to himself. 'If you aren't strong, then who is?'

"Me, 'strong.' Kind," the Goddess let out a self-derisive scoff. "Yeah, right."

She turned back to look at them with a bearing that spoke of a deeply set exhaustion. "Why did you guys have to go and do all of this? Why does everything have to be so complicated?"

"..."

The Goddess waited for an answer.

Neither of them knew what to say. They knew perfectly well that whatever excuse they could come up with for their brethren would be seen as just that—fragile excuses.

She let out a sigh upon realizing the beastmen had nothing to say. "I don't know what I expected. Take them away."

A small gesture of her hand snapped the lion-headed and six-winged angels into motion with a speed even the likes of Varush couldn't comprehend. Within a single instant, he and Ithit were restrained and tightly held between the grasp of the Goddess's summons.

If he had been able to look back while the angels were dragging him into the depths of the castle, he would have seen the Goddess glancing right back at him with tired eyes. Perhaps that might have given him the courage to say something to lessen her rage, and perhaps he might have remained mute anyways.

Alas, Varush did not look back, he did not see, so all could do now was pray and hope for the best.

'Who do you pray to for guidance and aid,' the High Vizier of the Vahasi Republic forlornly thought to himself. 'When it's a god that condemns you?'