CHAPTER 1: Trunks, Orchids and a little bit of Kinkiness

'GET TO YOUR ROOM!'

'What? You mean my BROOM CUPBOARD!' Harry was getting rather quick-witted now he was a teenager. And had had ample training whilst retaliating to Draco Malfoy. Harry didn't care what he said, but his broom didn't look like Ron because it did NOT have ginger hair.

'What do you mean broom cupboard?' asked Vernon, perplexed and quiet. 'I gave you a room.'

Harry felt his face turn a deep shade of rose and quietly let out an

'Oh yes. I'll go there now' and turned to fire up the stairs into his room.

Harry stayed that shade of utmost embarrassment for exactly 2 weeks, 3 days and 17.52235 hours. For that time, he avoided his uncle Vernon who took it in his stride to hide behind corners and laugh whenever Harry walked round them. By the time Harry had had enough of this behaviour, approximately 4 and a half days into his 2 weeks, 3 days and 17.52235 hours, he decided to leave home. Well, walk around the block a few times until he got hungry and came back for tea. He had been promised cheesy pasta tonight, and he wouldn't miss that for the world! Anyhow, Harry was walking around the block as to make his uncle believe he had run away, but Vernon knew full well that Harry intended on coming back, as he had once heard him talking in his sleep about how much he loved cheesy pasta. Plus every seven minutes or so, he walked past the living room window.

For the 12th time Harry had walked inconspicuously past 4 Privet Drive, Dudley started crying. After 1.2652 seconds of this starting, Harry's aunt Petunia had come waddling into the sitting room wearing those awful house slippers she insisted on modelling and bent down to Dudley and cuddled him.

'What's wrong Duddles? Dudley what's wrong? Tell mummy!'

'My television's has gone funny,' wailed Dudley.

Petunia looked up at the television, which looked completely normal.

'What do you mean Dudders?'

'THE COLOUR!' he screamed at her.

Petunia looked up at the screen and sighed as she was now relieved.

'No, Dudders. That's just the colour of Dale Winton's face.'

To this, Dudley let out even further consistent wailing and Petunia tried to hug him properly, but was impossible for Dudley's stomach got in the way of his shoulders.

Above Petunia's large and somewhat ridiculous hairstyle, Vernon saw Harry stroll past the window dragging his obviously empty trunk behind him for the 13th time. As he oozed off no indication to give up and return home, Vernon felt it his duty and obligation to hide behind the corner of the house and laugh as Harry walked past it for the 14th time.

'You stupid little twat!' Vernon heckled at Harry as he rounded the garden path with a look of infuriation on his face.

'Well, if you hadn't have locked me in a cupboard for most of my life, then I probably wouldn't believe I still lived in one!'

'Not that, you pillock! You just trampled Petunia's extremely rare orchids with your trunk! We paid £53 per petal for those!'

Harry looked at his trunk which indeed, had just trampled the extremely rare, expensive and now dead orchids.

'Well… you shouldn't have planted them there, then, should you?'

'No, probably not, but you know what your aunt's like. She –'

'NOOO! Don't go into detail! I know what she's like, yes. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to bed.'

'It's half past three.'

'I'm fully aware of what time it is.'

'Well, why are you going to bed then?'

Harry answered with a highly suspicious expression crossed with a blank one.

'You dirty little pervert!'

'Shut up.'