Part 1.
It was a bright, nice day in the World of Chubby the Chubtoad. Today, he had a nice..junebug omelette for breakfast. It tasted delicious. However, all was not well in the World of Chubby the Chumtoad. You see, the... water in Chubby's drinking glass was suddenly disturbed. Ripples appeared in the surface in a rythmic sequence, growing more noticable each time. The answer hit Chubby like a ton of guafflestops. The piece of horgebark on which Chubby's omlette had been positioned minutes earlier fell to the ground and began a wobbling rotation like that of a dropped coin, and by the time it had settled, Chubby was gone.
Racing towards the Green
Tower, Chubby... ...pulled out a big yellow Chubtoad alarm (which is really
a bannana) to warn his Chubtoad friends. Sven chumtoad, Deathbog chumtoad, and
Mad Jonesy chumtoad came racing to him. Arbron chumtoad up in the tower saw
a large thing coming at him. It was... Tor, who said.. "TOR eat now"
he was hungry and for some odd reason wanted a chubby burger.. "and"
...ran for the Chubby Bullons (spell wrong for a reason). Just then Metro chumtoad
came out and was steambroiled by Tor. With Mug as the piolet they flew off away
from Tor. What they didn't know is that a even greater danger loomed in the
horizen. Sharp-beaked Knurlbs! "Quick!" yelled Jonesy Chumtoad to
Sven Chumtoad, "Pass me my... marijuana! They smoked a joint and got really
high! They felt really good and floated back to the local strip club. They noticed
they ran out of drugs. That was when... The roof of the strip club was torn
off. They saw, looking down at them through the gaping hole... Tor! And he was
really mad. In one hand he had a RPG and in the other a huge grill. You could
still see the blood of MeTrO around his mouth. He... was distacted by the naked
girls so the chummies got away. They met Slippery chumtoad who said there was
a portal ahead, they all followed him into the portal and they ended up in....
a huge pile of JELLO! they then noticed 3 jellyousaurs which is an evolved form
of an itchy...the chums tryed to run but the sickning goo was sucking them down
they screamed........ " Oh no, arbron is ging to fall right on that very
sharp pointy rock. oh well" lo and the odds of arbron hitting the rock
were 3:5 and the chumtoads did place their bet and lo arbron did hit the rock
and there was much rejoicing. so anyway the chumtoads minus arbron (who was
still going downwards but not as fast because despite the rock being almost
as thin as a needle the friction caused him to slow down and catch on fire)
contiuned to fall. They all laughed and rejoiced areound the flames, cooking
fresh headcrab meat and having a jolly good time when they heard tress cracking
in the distance ... then a a message appeared "T-13 joined the game"
he spawnwed at the bottom of the pit and useing his robo jetpack saved all the
chubbys from a fate worst then death and saftely returned all the chubbys to
the bottom the pit then got disconeted and try madley to rejoin meanwhile...
..one of the chubbys walked backwards into a level transition.. And due to sloppy
placement of entities found himself spawned outside of the level and falling.....But
he had a plan.. He changed sv_gravity to 0 and started floating up, and soon
enough he was at the top of the map, where he saw his chumtoad friends were
in trouble they were stuck to the ceiling and squeeking furiously.. thinking
quick.. he changed the gravity to 10 but accidently.. Changed it to 100000000000000!!
Through the blurry eather he dropped faster a labour pledge, and by the time
he fumbled the console back open he was in a mirror of the level where the floors
were not solid and entities ceased to exist!
Yet he knew if he... clicked the heels of his Red Ruby shoes 3 times he would..
make Tor appear, who would... Talk about his lovelife and then... Ignite the
spawn trigger_hurt entities, Annihilating all the chumtoads until all were at
-40 points. Before long, the chumtoads reached -50 points, which was the number
that caused the new vote-kick system to be enabled. Soon, all were booted; the
server seemed to be full of team-killers, but it was soon emptied. An integer
error resulted, crashing the server and... Got shot out of the CD drive. They
noticed a loser having cyber sex with "sexy mama" not knowing that
that was his moms screen name! That was when... ...sexy_mama and a_loser joined
the same svencoop server and delighted in a frenzied crowbar orgy. Their crowbar
replacements were less than appropriate, and... they spent a good few hours
beating each other with the crowbar replacement models. Much to the amusement
of the other players..
"llama's" commented..
"What does this big red button that says not to push do." They pushed
it and the server automaicly made them rejoin the same level from the begining
(and nobody was dead)... the chumtoads then proceded to eat a sexy_moma and
a_loser while T-13 had given up his atepmet to rejoin the server.. ...when suddenly
a rift in the time space continum appeared sucking the whole bunch into...Quake2!!
then someone named Sankis joined the quake 2 game and started lobbing rockets
at them but what they didn't know was that... Sankis was dyslexic and the rockets
flew aimlessly into walls... Then one of the chubbys found...A BFG...He went
on a rampage through the level attemping to obtain the quad-damage to show of
his Skilz, but first he had to contend with.. Evil Barney, who was camping by
a small lava pit above which he was roasting dead newbies, all mysteriously
called Player or (n)Player.
His tent was right by the railgun ammo, super armor and beer powerups.
Evil Barney was an LPB and for good measure had an aimbot. He chuckled evilly
as he saw a poor lost Chubby come around the corner armed only with a small
apple corer.. then evil barneys windows 2000 crashed and sent him into a space
time thingy the chubby got the rail gun and started after all the other chubbys...
blasting all off the little buggers black to stone age! Little did he know that
a rail gun is a sniper rifle which you had to bolt in the ground to avoid recoil
so when the recoil kicked in (about 0.0001 seconds later) he flew a very long
distance and finished with a STAR FINISH (flew off into the sky and dissapered
with a little star flash in the distance)... ...when suddenly the chubby found
himself trapped in a rift of the time space continum, he found himself in a
large room with a big alien grunt and several different players staring at him
from a doorway(svencoop)... being scared he ran into the teleporter that was
near by then going thourgh a werid acid like trip he proceded to run to this
black wall.... where the roof collapsed on top of him!! ...and the adventures
of chubby came to an unexpected close in the halls of the monstrous black mesa
facility, however just as chubby was ended a new adventure appeared on the horizon...
A Sven Co-op player, bleary-eyed and with monitor tan, decided to go out into
the real world(to purchase the latest PC Zone with Sven Co-op featured, natch
)..when he was on the sidewalk he saw a jeep coming up and he thouhgt he could
jump on just like the game. in the hospitail.... he saw a medkit lying on the
side, he walked over it a few times, nothing happened.. eventually, he got sick
of walking over it and threw it out the window.
He then sat waiting for
it to respawn.. then a doctor in a white labcoat with glasses and a bald spot
on the top of his head walked in, he started to... ...rape... a black and white..
...box... the sven coop player thought this was extemely werid and exited his
room he went down into the basment and found a crowbar! and procedeed to gib
everyone in sight!
(the radtion from the comp made him super-strong).... ...until the police was
called and a police force surrounded the base, soon the player spotted a vehicle
that had rainbow six painted on the side... ...to run in and bunny hop firing
m60's all over the place... But unfortunatly the hospital was in england and
the whole of team two was arrested by the pigs for possesion of illegal explosives
and for bunny-hopping wrong, and given 20 years.
Seeing that that england's friendly democracy enforcers were closing in faster
than the time it takes Bush to fuck up, the player pulled out his purple....
...banana, he then threw this banana and it multiplied until there were 50 bananas,
then they all exploded and gibs were everywhere, rainbow six was gone but player
managed to escape in... a car that was near him, for some odd reason it only
followed a certain track, when he noticed this he... was actually a woman. with
a mustache! "Oh my god! I'm Greek!!!!!!" he screamed. this was too
much and his internal hard drive crashed and he slumped forward, his foot slamming
down hard on the accelerator. He (or at least his soulless corpse) raced off
into a... time warp.. He came suddenly back to life to find himself watching
a chubtoad eat a junebug omlette for some strange reason.. ...and then he switched
on his computer again and went to the svencoop messageboards and... ....started
posting links to pornographic material and got banned, so...... ... played some
everquest! But then about 30 minutes into the game, he accidently hit someone
elses monster and a GM immediatly banned him while people all over the game
were swearing and such but they decided to bother him so he.. quickly committed
suicide. How would he live without Everquest? Meanwhile, in another part of
the Universe.. Billy the antiproton was.. ...trying to find his protonic mate
in the void that is the time-space continuim... so he sat down.... .. and exploded.
Then he was revived on this planet AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 for 12 years. Then not-so-suddenly.. ...he saw a thing that was.... ...giving chummy the gay sailing toad a smack in the balls..... he snapped the things neck and saved chubby and began their travel to... ...chumtoad land where this story started. Unfortunately, the land of the chubbies was under attack by a horde of Bog creatures. "Not again, DeathBog" said mad jonesy chubby as the chubbies readied for battle. the chubbies ran at the monster with their sharp spears and cannonballs a blazin' needless to say deathbog was slaughtered. one chubby quoted "my granny can scrap better then that"
this is kelli rumers reporting for cnn news. now back to u charlie "Ahem, excuse me Charlie, what are you doing with that...." ...vat of anti hydrogen shoved up your... drainpipe?
Chubby sat on top of the hydrogen canister, as charlie turned on the gas and lit the cannister, which propelled Chubby through the drainpipe and up into.. ...the attic of Sven house in the real world. It was filled with... Old playboys and pr0n movies, with a long object that appeared to be a... ...cattle prod... ...which chubby used to shove up... ..his long slender... cattle-prod holster. "Hmm" thought Chubby, "guess it wasn't such a stupid souvenir to bring back, after all".
Chubby... suddenly realized
the attic filled with female assassins! (taking this from all maps with f-assassins)
chubby took the cattle prod and... ...shoved it into a light socket creating
a huge... ...electric strom thingy gibbing all of the f assians but then some
alein conrtollers appaerd... ...and showered chubby in blazing yellow light
that made him... ...happy... ...To have jumped to somewhere else, as the controllers
made a whoping great hole in the floor.
"fCuk this" thought chubby and he pulled out his trusty sink plunger
and ....... ..plunged the sink.. ...into a bowl of queso dip. ...and then in
the cheese was 10 hand grenades that he... ...morphed into a bannana enema which
he use to shove up his friend steve's... ...car horn... and then all of a sudden
....... ...a bolt of lightninng came down and struck sakanis in the arm for
a bad story, meanwhile... ...Bob the ripper was... ...playing cs until he was
ungloriusly kicked for his lag. He then cursed his 100 baud modem and then...
...found a long slender cattle prod that he didn't know he had and... Shoved
it in his eye socket which caused a... big floating error message to appear
in the now infinate blackness he was in, it said:
"Module cattle prod has performed a legal execution in device: your head.dll"
(Dynamic Life Library)
Then after a while another message materialised:
"MSLIFE 2000 is a
trademark of the microsoft coporation"
"This program is licenced to God LifeEnterprises, (Now a devision of microsoft
PLC)"
Before he could ponder on the afterlife it crashed with the message "Abort,Reincarnation,hell ?"
Meanwhile..... ...with
the big loader that could... peel elephants and flash-fry whole sheep.. "YUM!"
said everyone the tailor the milkman and tranvistite said too "we love
fryed sheep!" said the butcher the comic book guy and then some. meanwhile....
...back at chumland... ...the majestic cow, while shaving his ass came across
a pack of snipers. He wondered what to do... ..should he
a)kill himself and save them the trouble or
b).... ...set his shaver to overload, walk up to them, give it to them, run
away and watch the fireworks... which were military fireworks the sort you get
in a big box with 'astrolite' written on it. everything within four city blocks
was blown to little iddy biddy pieces.
the chumtoad heard the noise from wherever he was and decided to get medieval
so he taped a chainsaw to his arm and fired that puppy up and went looking for
some company. and then.... .. Gordon Freeman came along and squished him...
Then all of a sudden... A urinal with wings flew out of the ground screaming...
Quit Pissing on Me! AHHH!
Quite odd...then.. ...a large... lower-back pain... ...came crashing... down
his spinal column, litteraly ripping Gordon in half. Ow, not again *sigh*.......then
his head exploded and he died... ...er.... Gordon dead? well then, game over
for u guys... Let's just respawn Gordon... Gordon respawned... he was happy
with his new body... But there was somthing wrong.. "How did I get into
this story?!", thought Gordon. "Last I can remember, I was... playing
Sven Coop RPG2 Beta with Sven Viking, LiquidSnake, Mad Jonesy, Another1, DeathBog
at a 24hr Lan Party?"
Ah! i'm teleporting into
the world of SvenCoopRPG2!!! HEELP!!!.... ...He suddenly appered in a lair of
the big monster guy... ...named george bush, he knew he had to stop him from
destroying the world with... his giant texas... ...boots of DOOM!... They squashed
everyone and George Bush became emperor of the world! ...just then he awoke
from his great nightmare and... Found he had been elected as the new Pope! He
ordered everybody at the church to kill verybody else and then themselves...
to become sheeps in deathbogs upcoming map. The people became bored of eating
grass(?) so they made an anti-deathbog group which had no.... ...Bobs(?)...but
they did have whaling harpoons - a fight enshued: Its deathbog, hes got the
BOG hold on, NOBODY can get out of that!
Whats this? A anti-deathbog has a whaling harpoon, OMG! deathbog just got hit
with a whaling harppon to the gut - thats gonna hurt for a day or two!
Oh no now they have deathbog in the meat grinder! Hes gonna need stiches for
that!
*Music blares* Its the LAW ENFORCER and hes got a tripple bladed chainsaw
and on and on..... said who the hell am I and this isn't too funny at the moment..
All of a sudden, chubby re-appeared and squeeked.. ...SQUIDS HAVE HEMOCYENE INSTEAD OF HEMOGLOBIN... Yes, it was true, Chubby's Squid fetish, once hidden by a cocktail of drugs and psychiatric sessions, had re-emerged..
Ya' Know, said chubby..
Squids.. ..are special people just like you
and with that F Adm Patku delivered his speach:
Once again i do not doubt the power of these fantastic collections of alien
grunts, but my point of cost versus benefits still stands. Are you aware of
the number of chumtoads one can build for the cost of a single Alien grunt?
Now granted, each one packs only a tiny amount of the grunt's firepower and
certainly cannot survive more than one hit from a heavy gun but I ask you: Exactly
how much damage can 75 chumtoads do in the time it takes to kill just one of
them? With that, chubby screeched.. FAH! My deployment plans are idealistic?
You would need the multi-tasking skills of a wip-crawler to orchestrate that
battle. Your chumtoads would be cut to pieces while you were still directing
in more attackers. It is unworkable! My deployment system depends more on local
commanders to make the correct targeting decisions without constant choreography
from NINILITH. "Did you just hear that, Charlie. The NINILITH knows choreography!"
"You mean he knows how to dance?" "I'm afraid so, Charlie"
"Oh... my... god...." Just then, the whalers sited a dancing Nihilanth
on the horizon... They quickly turned there boat around and... ...Invited nilinith
to a party, with all of those mind powers he makes a great mate at partys. They
also made a sign that said no gordon freeman party poopers aloud. Just then...
Just then a loud gordon gorden freeman party popper came along, and as it was
banned they tortured it mightily then they... Fifteen people called (n)Player
all wearing the Gordon skin appeared in the same spot in a flood of gibs, eventually
a couple of them managed to get away from the gibtastic spawnathon and ran straight
for Chubby!
One dropped behind a few paces and aimed an RPG at the back of his compatriot's
head and blew him away, then claymored all the doors on the entire party level
and quit.
Someone shouted "Dont kill teh barnieys!!!".
"Oh hell" said chubby. We are stuck, and we are out of munchies..
So they killed and ate the newbies, with salsa dip. And there was much rejoicing.
Then later after the weed had run out, Nililanth made a portal appear and said
"well dudes, good party, im gonna crash now i have work in the morning
and i gotta commute to Xen and all, so see y'all later!" and shoved the
Chubster and alien pals out through the portal.
Where.... they landed in the land of where Oral Sex is not considered cheating
on your wife and then.. ...died... ...and the gman, realizing there was no other
option, destroyed texas in a blazing ball of fire which killed all the bushes
and even jeff bush who was hit by a piece of shrapnel while he was wacking off
in the shower. YAY! and there was much rejoiceing.... Then a bunch of French
shcmucks with accordians startign torturing Chubby with their horrible music...
...and Chubby pulled out his Chubby Gun and shot them... he threw the gun away.
as he wondered off to the science lab he found a foxy chumtoad in a white coat.
he licked his chomps and... Invited her to a candle-lit supper, however she
spurned his advances and ripped of her mask to reveal he was a g-man planted
female assasin and she ripped of his ...... ...face. wich is usally fatal but
somehow... he survived it and got eroused by the female assassin. So anywho,
since that was all cleared up... ...but she was a large mass of Chu-Chu's glued
together with superglue... as chubby got close he began to stick. he was stuck
to the glue. he tried not to panic and... ...die... ...but then, to his amazement,
he respawns in... ...Mad Jonesy's colon which was filled with creamy... ...whipped
cream. When suddenly Adrian Shepard repelled into the room and... with his sweet
heart Senior drill instructor Y.T Barnes sitting in his lap... chubby became
scared so he called his friend mini garg which made the drill instructor scream
like a baby and he ran off. But Adrian stayed to fight the mini garg but died.
Chubby said thanks to his friend, mini garg and went on a journey to..... ...K-Mart...
...where he bought some... ...yummy deer hunter! ...and became happy and gay
trying to rub the virtual horns together while adrian respawned by the checkout
line and held 5 obease women hostage. Chubby then... ...drank bleach... and
turned white. this ghostly figured costs female hormones to stimulate and...
explode.. adrian was then hurtled out to the parking lot and chubby ran after
him but.... ...mines were hidden under the lino floor... ...but they don't work
anymore because they were used during World War I... so chubby ran as fast as
he can to catch up to adrian. Just then, adrian turned into a bigger version
of adrian which killed everyone in that 10 mile radius. Chubby was now dead...
and the story was just about to come to and end but then..... a new day started!
In a alternate reality, Chubtor the ChubFrog was hopping along.. when a plane
landed on him... ...and ended the new story before it had begun but.... ...then
in another reality... Frubby the Frubtoad.. who lived in.. France! ..."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
all the people that say the story yelled. They got their RPGs and shot Frubby.
Frubbys gibs then scattered througout the universe and became the new... range
of products in a supermarket chain..
The supermarket chain was called.. AHEM...then suddenly the evil sourcer field medic cast all of the gamers into svencoop1, however the bug with tor not moving was in effect... ...but then it was so they waited for 2 hours for the map to change to... Crisis2.. in which all the lamers.. ..fell over dead and blocked all the doorways until they got bored and went into the slime, the got bored and broke the train, then... Sven Viking typed in a console command to electrocute them via their mice. "Argh!", yelled... ...the lamers. They then... ...dressed in womens clothing and drank tea while watching monty python movies after which the... ..lamers screwed each other in the ass to prove how 1337 they were!
After that.. they all played petanque with their electrocuted mice ...then the map changed to dogs2 with the long ventilation shafts and pointless rooms and garg killing everyone as they spawn, people used the speed cheat to.. ...die... ...alot... ...and... expand on what they were previously doing by screaming "over 200words" at the top of their voices.. this led to.. ...them going into the bathroom and... ordering a delicious sausage and cheese pizza.
To kill time while waiting for their tasty dinner, they... took a dump and experimented with the poo. which caused a allergic reaction which in turn... Caused the toilets to..... .....sing showtunes from "West Side Story!" While they were in the middle of a rousing chorus of "I Feel Pretty"..............when the toilets exploded... chubby then proceded to smack anthoer1 with a frying pan so the story could procede..... ..And suddenly, without warning, there was a knock on the bathroom door. And who stepped in but Nick Nolte and Erykah Badu!!! They brought an important message.... it read "WHO THE HELL ARE WE?!" ...then some newbies shot the nuke and everybody died... ...except for Nick Nolte, who was saved when Shaq swooped in and rescued him.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... ...some cows were... Listening to hip hop, retro, tree huggin, beer sippin, techno, sky scrapin, poo shootin, long jumpin, high trippin..... blades of grass... and then the sheep from svencoopRPG2 join them! but then the party stoped when everyone got that mad cow epidemic causing .... ...a resonance cascade... ...which killed all of the cows... ....Everything was about to go down the drain, but the BlockerZ clan was blocking it... they, especialy Road_block, then started to debate how long they could block for at a time with out food or water, down to the second... ...Law Enforcer (the host) guesed right with .0234 seconds, then shot them... ....then ShiverMeTimbers swung from the balcony with a sword clenched in his teeth and... ...when suddenly everyone went to play tribes2 however the servers were too jammed so they... ...all went to play the new mod Boxwars where everybody is a box... Then they realized that the only true blue blocking mod was SvenCoop, which caused them all to join the [BlockerZ] clan, causing them to verbally attack... ...RoAd_BlOcK, then they went over to his house and got Bob the Ripper to rape him, then they killed him slowly and painfully... decided that [BlockerZ] clan is the path of light, causing them to join the [BlockerZ] clan and become powerful special interest lobbyists in Washington, effectively blocking... ...my colon... causing him to say "I beg for mercy! You were right about blocking the entire time! Oh God, LET ME JOIN [BlockerZ] and let's get those !@#$%^&* WONbanners and smash 2.0 to pieces!" This causes George W. Bush to issue a presidential pardon to the [BlockerZ] clan, effectively establishing them as a sven power. As it turns out, what was in the colon was... The BlockerZ clan's entire argument! Since he wanted this most "repugnant" obstruction OUT, he arranged for a surgeon to come and take it out, but THE SURGEON IS BEING OBSTRUCTED FROM THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY BY...GUESS WHO? [BlockerZ]!! He lies bleeding ont he table, oblivious to the events unfolding around him, it turns out that there is a Junior Mint in the abdominal cavity (not in an organ, IN the cavity NEXT to the organs [see Seinfeld episode]) causing Texas to explode and Bob Dole to... ...take regin as the world dictator ! ...and kill all of the stupid blockz clan members, so they can never block again... The world rejoiced, and Bob Dole was showered in gold and jewels. Unfortunately for him... ...his Viagra gave out and his jewels fell off! ... at which point, they were sold on eBay. The sad note is that the auction never broke its 50 cent limit, as the only person that bid on it was road block.
They did, however, put them to good use in a tasty lemonzest concoction! "NOOOOOO" He yells, he runs back into and gets more Viagra so he can... ...shove his... fingy wotdgit...into a long slender... ...bitch. He then said this story made no sense so he went to a paralel unizerse where everybody... ...had a large... ...order of chumtoad fries topped with... bloody vengence! Fearing the Chubtoad fries topped with vengeance, He went to jailbreak. He then noticed a random event he had never seen before... that was [BUD]Macros running down the hallway with an AKMS 5.45mm assault rifle shooting at marauding SOG members (if you want the full story ask me and ill send it to you. Keep in mind it isnt censored)... A guy named Sushi came and wacked [BUD]Macros with his crowbar and ran to osprey so he can... get himself killed. mean whale.... ARGGHH ITS A DOLPIHN GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF ! (dohplin sounds and flesh ripping) OH YEAH YOU LIKE MY FLESH HUH? (dolphin nods ) WELL TASTE MY CHAINSAW SUCKA ! (chainsaw sounds and doplhin screaming in pain ) AWWW YOU LIKE THAT DONT YO.... (giant foot smashs this whole skit) At which I sell the dolphin flesh on the black StarKist market...allowing us ([BlockerZ]) to buy a leftover nuke for the price of a second hand BMW, arming and lauching system, plus a delivery system from the Cold War era, threatening the VSSE clan's server network...causing Texas to explode... and LightBringer to go berserk again.... ...make texas leave the union which... made it a REAL one star state..... Which affected the overtly patriotic overtones of the BG&RBR theme song...causing the Legion Ex Machina to build... a 21:1 scale version of James' ANUS!!... which immediately exploded into a million small oddly shaped... fingy wotdgit. ...then suddenly field medic came back to the forums, however the real story is walther(the scientist) accidently triggered a device that warped everthing back 180 years. To the stone AGE! "damn, not again"...Sushi then whacks a caveman with a club and eats a big, long , slender... ...dick... But then he noticed it was a Dirk NOT a Dick so he hopelessly lacerated his digestive tract and died, meanwhile........ On plant (not a typo error) somewhere in space.... ...he saw a copy of Black & White floating around for no apparent reason... ...so he grabed it and booted it up on his nifty litte laptop. ... and pondered why his cow was obsessed with eating people and the poop piles they leave at the worship site.
All was... (as much as can be considered) well, until the peace was shattered. THEY HAD COME TO DESTROY THE EARTH. Well, it WAS in the way of the freeway they were building, so its all good... then fargo came along.... ...and through chummy into a woodchipper which caused him to be shreaded into millions of other tiny baby chummtoads which then spilt in two and in turn there off spring did the same. The cycle repeated itself over and over until the entire universe was completly filled with chumtoads but then ... tor starting eating them! However, what Tor didn't know was that the chumtoad meat was NOT approved by the FDA and wasn't registered with the Pennsylvania Department of Agricuture, for it was, in fact, made in a poorly run back alley British butcher shop! The reason he saw the illusion of chumtoads being tossed in a chipper and multiplying like rabbits was because he was a bit woozy from the Masturbate-A-Thon that he was holding in a corner, so he couldn't release all the players were trying to get out of the svencoop1 respawn, even the [BlockerZ] were trying to get out, whch means the conditions must have been pretty damn bad for them to want that. This caused Big Guy to throw a B.G.Y. Remote Trigger Device into Tor's mouth, causing him to explode into millions of delicious, home-cooked turkey meat, doing something to Texas, which was... ...under fire for leaving the union which caused president bush to... Make cap guns and firearms legal for children to hold and they go on a riot until chubby comes and kill them causing bush to again........ ...stick his head up his... garantua's hands and let it burn his head , and shouting in the mist of the barbecue - "ALL YOUR FIREARMS ARE BELONG TO USA!!!" The gargs arms got tired after a while so he decided to stop with the flamey arms thingy and head over to... cheers where everyone knew there names..... ...however bush hadn't counted on the arrival of several radical green party members to suddenly arrive, when they all walked in, every kind of hippie imaginable then... starting hugging potted plants and puffin' the magic dragon...untill.. The magic dragon got bored and decided to eat the hippes... ..the dragon ate the hippies and its owner smacked it around bigtime, before leashing it to a.. *BTW* Puffing the Magic Dragon is smokin' marijuana ...however all of the stuff the hippies consumed and smoked effected the dragon's mind and the dragon suddenly ate bush and most of the political part leaving the other hippies to rule the government... Which doomed the world... but they all smoked a lot of pot and got really high so that they did notice the large comet that was filled with creamy... HEART ATTACKS!!!!.... ...that used to be up Nixon's... ...dog's... HEART ATTACKS!!!... ...but it turns out in the half life continuum, heart attacks are a form of cheese dorito... which, unfortunately, has the same kinda substandard corn that was found in those poisonous taco bell taco shells... ...so everybody that went within 20 miles of a Taco Bell in the last 1,000,000 years died... and even more died when the Vogons decided to destroy the earth... which caused Zaphod Beeblebrox to issue a proclamation that Thursdays are abolished because Arthur Dent hates Thursdays...which caused reproductive organs everywhere to... swell, meanwhile, Sven was.. currently a tourist in Texas... Touring the Alamo. When... ...he came across president bush praying to his god satan at a blazing altar. Dick Cheney then entered bringing with him a virgin to sacrifice when sven... got into the B.G.Y.-11 combat exosuit... ...and killed B.G.Y.-11 with it... but then he found out that if he killed the B.G.Y.-11 he wouldn't be IN the suit which meant that he must have killed the Legion Ex Machina's replicate, 11-X. (duh) Out of nowhere comes a robot with the identical flesh of Dwayne Hunter grafted onto a Legion exoskeleton, causing Sven to... ...kill the real B.G.Y.-11 and tell everybody his whole IPaddress so we can all spam him... ...with money... ...as it was disqiused as. But it was really death... ...coming towards arbron... ..at that point, canned laughter kicked in, directed at the twosomes zany antics in the "BGY and Arbron show", Abron.. and BGY started poking eachothers eyes out, hitting eachother with pies, and other such things. As a result, they came to be best known as the Two Stooges. So later... ...when the show was canceled because it was too funny... ...we recieve generous pensions, $10,000,000 each, plus an extra $500,000 each because we sued the guy who owned the sticks that we poked our eyes out with, sued the guy that owned the land we were on, then sued each other, each of us getting nothing but blowing all of the money on legal fees. So our friends at Q.U.A.R.K.... ...gave us both lots of money because we are special... ...then we gave some of it to the Sven Co-op team... or at least we were goin to... ...even though Agent Linctus didn't read the previous part of the story and learn that we are talking about Arbron and BGY... ...and they did give the money as a 'modivator' to get 2.0 out... ..even tho' that amount of money wasn't quite enough..
So 2.0 was released, unfortuately..
...somebody made all of the models look like... Barney and friends characters!
and not the beer-loving security guard either!
:eek: ...but everybody liked to kill them so the game was fun anyways... soon
everyone was playing 2.0 and........ ...makeing love to a computer with 2.0
on it... ut then a giant...long...slender... ...pickle came along and exclaimed
'BEST STORY EVER!' ...then he was shot... ...by chubby who had repeled from
the sky lights above them. He then squeeked... ..."hehowmechubgligo"......which
translates to... DEATH TO SVEN AND HIS SILLY GAME! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!..........
...Chuby's life flashed before his eyes when he saw over 20,123 RPGs coming
at him... Un-fortunately for the SC'ers...they didn't realize they they were
all in a small room...and we're all instantly gibbed by their own rockets...suddenly
re-spawning in.. In the Keshian Confederacy "Oh Sh*t" said the SCer
whose name was PoOtAnG... ...he said "F*CK this, i'm goin to krondor to
see kitty" and pulled out his trusty xm1014 and walked backwards outta
the room... But Gunner realize that pootang was using the famed auto-shotgun
from Counter-Strike, and Gunner promtly pushed him off a high ledge, watching
him splatter on the ground below...Just then, Chubby came in and thanked him.
afterwards... Whislt the gang was walking down a road, Barney, Your Friendly
Black Mesa Research Facility Security Guard..*Say that 5 times fast!*... came
up and warned the players of the... angry Jal-Pur desert raiders which stalked
the land even now, after the Keshians made peace with them... ...but thne went
into a porn shop to buy some... ..Chubby porn, with Crowbar bondage and so on..
But instead they ended up buying female assasin bondage video's from B.G.Y-11,
but they soon found out that the assasins only wore leather to disguise the
fact that they looked like tipper gore, so they went back and bludgened B.G.Y-11
to death and nicked his trenchcoat, they then kicked.... ...a cow... over the
moon, like in that song, rhyme, lullaby thing or whatever... ...then they weny
back to the porn shop and... found that it was shut down. the owners cited lack
of profitability because of... Former *cough* President Bush used his evil texas
powers to shut down all of the porn shops and accidently relased everyone on
the ten most wanted to China which made them mad so they.... ...exploded...
a bomb in his very expensive Porsche. Bush retaliated by sending former *cough*
Vice President Al Gore over there to 'keep them company with his, erm, lively
sense of humor *giggle*.'Just then Sierra Hotel noticed he had become a god!
To celebrate he went to Sven and asked if he could playtest SvenCoop 2.0.
Sven replied by saying... ...no begging... so sierra hotel said, "if i
wanted to i could have just edited my last quote to include that, but i felt
lazy. so sue me."
as a result, Sven... ...sued Sierra Hotel... and Sierra Hotel was too poor to
pay Sven any money, so Sven ended up blowing all the money intended for use
on Sven Coop 2.0s production, cauing a long delay which lasted until he could
get that money back by... working in evil mad jonesy's underground room where
they worked 24 hrs a day 7 days a week 366 days a year for one shiny penny per
year. They were pleased for their income so they... ...bought a big candy bar...
for 2 shiny coins! The shop keeper said "Looks like you're..." ...MAD
JONENSY!!! I play your Sven Co-op all the time. I think it should be called
Jonensy Co-op!!!"... ..and so it was.. and then did some obscene gestures
with his hands ...... ...which was immediately bit off by po'ed southern baptist
menopause support group members... ...then they went to Seattle, Washinton to
Arbron's house to worship where Gordon Freeman came from... ...which is in the
state whre my god Bill Gates was 2nd richest...damn Sam Walton, I thought he
was dead, says Bill Gates...Bill Gates does something, which is... ...to get
on top of a table and do some badly evil... ...chicks... ...then they shot him
and everybody was happy... ...and through a party... ...and had fun... ...and
played Sven Co-op 2.0... with lots of kantanas like i hoped for...... ...and
some Barneys. Then Barney Fife walked in, saw how much the Barneys looked like
him, and fainted... ...saying "You triple story and totally confused me
with all your *fantasy* crap" before he hit the cold, hard floor... ...which
turned out to have Erika Slate on it, masturbating... ...with a cow... ...only
a cow in the roleplaying sex game that some people like to do (think about the
kind of sex where each person is assigned a role to play out during foreplay...)
Erika then did something that was related to sex, which was... ...yelling at
B.G.Y.-11 for having ...poinless sex realated content... and shot him... a classic
"ribbed for her pleasure" condom...then says with a wink... ...B.G.Y.
should go to Hell. So he did and had a fun time in Idaho. They then all went
back to Chumtoadland with Chuby the Chumtoad... ...who was daydreaming about
what SHOULD have happened between BGY and Erika. (Hey, chumtoads can get horny
too!) He decides to pick up where BGY left off. *a classic "ribbed for
her pleasure condom"...than says with a wink...not that you'll be needing
it, Tiger...you can give me all the pleasure I want...but first, let me pleasure
you..." She does something, which is... ...shoot herself. Then she dies...
...which caused chummy to go B.G.Y. on her ass which means to... ... ...say
the same thing twice... Big Gay Yuppy... Big Gay Yuppy... ...is someone who
says "Big Gay Yuppy" as a means to make fun of an alternate reality
U.S. Military designation and can't even spell "Yuppie" right...as
B.G.Y.-11 (me) is left with a still hard dick a clumsily put on "ribbed
for her pleasure" condom, and the sorrow of a missed opportunity, he shoots
himself, expecting to go to hell because he committed suicide. However, the
nanotiny small print on the Ten Commandments tablet contract says that anyone
with a rock hard erection that uses a robotic suit to save mankind with a "ribbed
for her pleasure" condom on at the time of death because he was going to
finally get it on with a hot chick who always wears kinky lab uniforms and dark
net stockings automatically gets to go to heaven and make all of the other people
get stuck in this setting for the next page or so. The kind of heaven where
you are in human form and get to do whatever you want, not the kind whre you
have to play a harp and have wings and sleep on a cloud. Along the way, he (me)
passes Jesus and says, "Yo, Jesus! I'm a big fan! Can I have your autograph?"
Jesus says, "Sure, dog!" After getting Jesus's autograph, he (me)
sees Erika. She sees him too, as her hand is in a erogenous area. She says "Let's
pick up whre we left off" in a way that would make any man fold like a
knife through butter. I (me) starts to... ...sya really stupid shit that noone
wants to read... ...which is unfortunate, because in the last message I specifically
said, "stay in this setting for the hour or so", which means that
you have to pick up where I left off... Which is breaking the 'csi' law because
it spefically said not to say pointless sex related stuff all over it. The law
read "If thine holy law ist broketh then thy perpetrator must haveth ALL
his fingers cut off (and not any 'robotic' fingers either. I mean the real ones!)
thy hand"
So they did and there was much rejoicing amidst B.G.Y -11s screaming... ...but then the last cut the knife sliped and cut something else lower on the body that looked like a finger | ... ...but it really turned out to be Arbron in a body suit that made him look like me... ...but it really was BGY in an Arbron suit... ...but it turned out the guy who was supposed to cut me was smoking pot and cut Arbron instead... Then some French guy came up and started playing horrid accordian music, causing all these guys to faint...Meanwhile, Mad Jonsey was poking Sven...then Sven turned and... ...poked Arbron with a stick... ...and Arbron poked BGY too hard and it went through but that was really BGY's standin... ...which confused everyone because we all thought the "BGY and Arbron Show" was canceled... ...but it really wasn't and both BGY and Arbron got truck loads of money... ...and The IRS took half but irate fans of the "BGY and Arbron Show" mobbed the IRS and since our show reached 99.9% of the Earth there were mass riots all over the world, which causes... ...but then the IRS had so much money and paid off the national deat for all countries and shut down... ...george bush, who was an android sent by satan... ..who just wanted to shut down the IRS because it was too evil... ...'till it turned out that that was STEVE FORBES's campaign platform, which caused Texas to... ...sink into... oblivion... ...which made it out of bounds for further ridicule... ..because it is dead... and we all lived happily ever after! And someone new joined the BGY and Arbron show. It was... *THE*END*..."Who the hell is The End?" BGY asks... ...on your ass... ...and then everybody went to Chubyland... and Mad Jonesy, who is King of ChubbyLand even since he threw Chubby into a woodchipper said..
"Let us see if we can make this to 1,00000 sentences before 2004.." ..."and then upload the story to the TEXAS (lol) Instruments mainframe, crashing it into oblivion so it can join its home state down there..." ...then it came back with one post. Now it is at... the Guiness Book of Records section for longest stories... ...and the most best storys ever... which is being nominated for a Pulitzer, a Nobel Literature Prize, and National Book Award... ...and of corse, the best TV show made from a story. That was given to the Arbron and BGY show of corse. Arbron and BGY once again got truckloads of money... But the sweet taste of victory turned to ashes in thier mouths because they knew they had merely stolen every episode from "Linc Jam Connection" and changed the title before putting it on air... ...but BGY in his new BGY Suit Mach 8000000 and Arbron with his partical generator fought off all the cops and got the money... ...which was good till they realized they had stolen 10 lire... ...+10,000,000,000 dolars... ...* -999999*10 to 999 dollars which put them in a substantial amount of debt.. ...but then everybody in the Clinton Administration gave them all the money so they were rich. They gave $100,000 to the Sven Co-op team to buy them another coder and a modeler... ...but then they realized that the year was 2003 and that had been conned... ...a cow... wich happened to be john wanyes great grand daughter who was from texas...... ..which was bought by BGY and Arbron and all of George W's secret Cayman Island and Swiss Bank accounts "mysteriously disappeared" and now George's father had to land in Industrial New Jersey the next time he decided to go skydiving because BGY and Arbron made it restricted airspace...naturally they fly really close and spy on us from across the border and then they get all pissed of when one of our planes "accidentally" bumped the wing... we wasnt an apology but then we have the 4 "regrets but not apology" statements signed by the Ambassador insted of Colin Powell schtick all over again...anyways, we reveal groundbreaking information in the aircraft, which is... that everybody except the Deciever, Soulblighter, The Watcher, Balor and Shiver (one of them is BGY and the other is Arbron. Whoever replies first get to choose whos who!) had died. They decided to fight it out and see who got to rule the world.... ...so they fought and BGY and Arbron came in and killed them and they both got half of the world. Then BGY went into space and got space and Arbron go the world... ....and then everybody in the story smacked him with large goat penises for being "special"... ...which made BGY say to Arbron, "Speaking of penises, why did they basically make the Big Momma a scrotum on four legs that shoots acid sperm?" Arbron says... ..."What the hell are you talking about."... ..."Have you ever taken a GOOD LOOK at the Big Momma? If you do you'll see what I mean..." Then someone says... Kind of sexy isnt it? We all turn around and discover that the evil gay powers of nihilanth have taken over the land. "MUAHAHAHA!!!" Nihilanth screams. "Shutup you gay ass big baby, go cry to momma!" Yea that shut him up. Then all of a sudden, it started raining fuzzy lumpkin balls of joy joy almond goodness with a few cherries in the sweet sweet chocolately cream banana whipped center of oozingingly scrumptious apple pie with some hot a spicy.....anyway, Agent takes out his plastic miniature gordon action figure and he.... ...proceeds do do something sexually inappropriate with it, which is... Oh man gordon you really screwed nihilanth. No pun intended. Actually it was intended. Actually.....so Agent takes out his super duper deluxe mego man cool guy gordon plastic action man thingy and gives it to BGY. He gasps, and all of a sudden.... ...BGY is torn between auctioning it on Ebay! and getting a new computer, using it to sexually arouse the Big Momma and luring it into a cage and auctioning it on Ebay! and getting a new computer, use it to rip the balls out of that huge, swinging scrotum and auctioning it on Ebay! and getting a new computer, refusing it politely because you are always supposed to politely refuse gifts, or thanking Secret-Agent and giving an EP-327 to him to put under his military control and thanking him for this awesome gift and making myself his friend forever. What I decide to do among these choices is... ...become master of the universe and world domination is under your power. Untill you get the computer then you just run a popular sven server, nuff said. But, the last thing that had to worried about, now came in fear. It was.... ...that his BGY suit malfunctioned... But it restored to power after a jumper cable hooked to gordon freemans HEV suit. What a guy. But back to our present situation, our good hero Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man was relaxing and enjoying himself (....) until the evil forces of Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man invaded the universe. Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man was startled by the appearance of Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man. Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man was now in battle ready with Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man. After tough battles with Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man, Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man had to call on assisstance from his sidekick, Ninja cool dude alien man cool guy mega man ultra cool dude awesome man guy. Ninja cool dude alien man cool guy mega man ultra cool dude awesome man guy and Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man teamed up and blasted away Ultra cool ninja mega mega cool guy man, and Super Ultra Mega ninja super dude ultra man and Ninja cool dude alien man cool guy mega man ultra cool dude awesome man guy restored peace throughout the world. But unnexpectadely..... ...my suit had to go back to the S.S. Dark Horse, Gordon Freeman's suit runs on fuel cells, mine runs on Cobalt Thorium G! Not to meantion a 15 foot tall suit would get much power from a human sized one...anyways, they obviously send Arbron and Secret-Agent into the Legion Ex Machina's underground lair, since they are obviously right for the job, which is to elimate the remaining Legion members, Number One, Number Two, Number Five, and Number Three. They also have to rescue Dr. Roland Poindexter, their creator. They take Rusty along, plus they get to pick whatever equipment and weapons they need. However, they need special equipment and weapons since they are basically copies of the T-101 on Terminator, so Arbron and Secret-Agent decide to... Leave it all up to B.G.Y -11. BGY proceeds to save Dr. P and kill rusty all in one night…Which drains all of BGY's suit power and must be repaired....by homself this time, because off in a different world, XEN, Gordon Freeman is busy killing a scrotum while perpatrating it's sac inside its under ground laaair. But as gordon progresses, chubby the chumtoad is suddenly... woken up from his dream, after all Rusty is good! R0cK 0n R43ty! It turns out the sheriff's department got a search warrant and broke into his house to look for drugZ...the only thing that can save chubby now is... ...the giant scrotum which had fallen through the roof with gordon at the reins... Gordon motioned for chubby to hop into the scrotum, and they took off. They landed on a deserted island, only to find the inhabitants were... ...scrotum lickers... ...and big mommas... Who were also Satanists experimenting in the dark arts of ANAL SEX…….Which happend to be slang for "i love you, you love me, lets all be a happy family.....dah dah dah whatever whatever.." and the inhabitant scrotum licking big momma barney the purple dinosaurs all rejoiced in a big gay sweaty orgy.... ...death... And chubby starts beating people with his ugly stick and all of a sudden, the god of the island, Hutlizopticaltutfutialfringtiuiaaasdnnm, (hutlizopticaltutfuitciaialaa for short) has now been unearthed. He looked totally pissed off at chubby, and the little chumtoad pees his pants. Which makes hutlizeoptical...yea he uh.....he....passes out and chubby has to escape before he crushes the island... ...but then Hutlizopticaltutfutialfringtiuiaaasdnnm followd him to... His giant underpants below the surface of the island, where chubby said to him... ...die bitch...
End part 1