OK, OK, let's start over
It was a nice day in the world of the B.G.Y.-11. Today he had a nice... Big Juicy WanG to masturbate!!!
And when the big robot came, people lined up to get some ICE CREAM!!!...
After eating some ice cream [delicious, btw]... They all agreed that 21 pages of total crap was not a very good thing.
"Maybe I got off on the wrong foot" Said B.G.Y -11 "Now lets all talk about golf and all gold related things, specifically the boxes in which golf clubs are delivered in"......which brings me to my next point: Has anyone seen the Seinfeld episode involving JFK's golf clubs?... "no".."Hmm..." BasicBeecicchi said, "Have you ever seen the movie JFK?" And every one else said no why? "Well," I said, "If ya like conspiracies than you'll love this movie..." *points to BasicBeecicchi and his 'the government is bugging us' theory*..and there will be more from "B.G.Y.'s Movie review show" next week.. Next on Sucker TV.. a bunch of Nun's that.. ...attempt mass autofilatio... ..whatever the fuck that is..
Anyways.. ...Golem then explained to mad jonesy that "autofilatio" means to blow ones self... ...speaking of blowing, next I will review "Deep Throat".....lets get back onto the story..
BGY was going down to his local Video store to buy some videos, however he saw.. ...a train doing wild, crazy, lag induced flips and turns, going down Main Street, while the Big Guy was about to do something to the train, which was... ...ass fu... ..which is like Kung-Fu but involves all the muscles in the ass and those muscles only! Big Guy smashed into the train with his ass, causing a reactor breach on the train.. the train then.. ...made loud sounds which could only be stopped with "stopsound"...this however.. caused a new event to begin.. ...the detonation sequence of the Cobalt-Thorium G explosive devices... ...which is another way for BGY to masturbate. Meanwhile... ...BasicBeecicchi burned in the bowels of Hell... ...and while he was taking a nice bath, he wondered, is 2.0 really gonna revolutionize the scene in terms of blockers and such?
and, AND!!,:
how am i gonna get a clan with people that don't necessarily wanna follow the basic rules??
Meanwhile, on the other side of the map... ...I was asking, why are packanimals and packanmalsv2 EXACTLY the same??... .."Because Burnout64 was lazy" piped up a happy little elf named scruffy.. ...Slate. "But why did he even release a second map? Just to be evil and make people wait 20 minutes to download it between map changes??" (Remembers downloading it on FUCK YOU server...:mad.. Becuase it was all part of an evil plot to... ...plant a mole within Quark Industries... and the mole was to then... ...take the elf out for a beer where they met an odd pair. The pair were doppler Sven and Jonesy. Jonesy' looks at the
mole and asks, "... "Why are my underwear pink?" The mole replies..."My colleagues in the Legion think I'm unstable...but I'm not unstable...IT'S THIS HUMAN EMOTION GRID!!" Dr. Gilder proceeds to rip off the lab clothing and flesh off his body to reveal a titanium skeletal structure (think Terminator) and proceeds to attack the guy with the pink underwear, mistaking him for a one Dr. Axel Donovan, so, in defense, Sven Viking and Mad Jonesy... dip skoal and spit... then destroyer found the place and he saw what was happening... And before the spittal hits the ground(yea, there be a veritable glowing, glittering bridge of bio-lucent, bacterial laden, nicotine charged, vegitable produced, nearly sentient, and even partially digested cosmos of THE REALM of SPIT is born!!! Although local politics and scandals rapidly decayed THE REALM of SPIT in to the trash pit it is today... simply known as SPLAT. But that is another story...) ...Jon n Sven hop on a rusty bike and squeak away around a corner where can be seen in the dim emergency lighting... then someone new came in DESTROYER with a mp5 and 10 grenades attachedAnd while DES was positioning himself for major slaughter on the uglies, his MP5 takes on a life of its own. A decidely, politically correct AND liberal life of its own. First it(the MP5) polls the compliment of grenades for their opinion of the situation at hand. Secondly it polls the ammo(loaded and not)about its opinions of the approaching peril. Next it forms a commitee to debate all ramifications of, and resulting long term implications of all possible situational potentialities.
Heh. The .357 takes one look at all this crap getting ready to start and says Fuck This Shit! and deploys some serious ass kicking on ... ...itself...it had backfired, causing it to explode.
Meanwhile, a cry of "Not until I'm done dispensing full metal justice!" boomed through the street and a barrage of bullets erupted from the B.G.Y.-11's shoulder mounted rotary cannon...of course, the Big Guy was shooting at... ...people who are not reading this story... then they had a party! zombie party more or less ...complete with a car smashing into a wall and some crowbars... and the car exploded! ...and the wall broke and a horde of zombies appeared!... ... And the zombies started having a massive group orgy! then a pair of tongs, a dead goat, and a beach towel were found, covered in... ...a foul, sticky substance resembling... ...a gay monkey orgy in which... People were injured... ...and some killed. The monkey's then found a shipment of Viagra and... ...stuffed themselves silly with it... ... of course this made them bad monkeys and, again of course, they had to be spanked. But yet, there is a twist... a twist of fate really. Nature even, if your one to
believe in such things... It seems that while the bad monkeys were being, err..., punished(so to speak) there seemed to be some sort of hangnail or perhaps rough and/or calused skin... Well, to shorten this by several days, the monkeys(all of them. Every last spankable one of them) contracted flesh eating bacteria and were utterly consumed.
(Even the non-flesh bits had teeth marks!) So then a group of spankable mountain goats got into the Viagra and... well, let's just say what they did next should remain unsaid... Suddenly, a meteor crashed into the goats and killed them all. Then a secret door in the meteor opened and a chumtoad named Bitch hopped out with a leather suit, a whip, and a tattoo of a dragon across Bitches back. Then Bitch started to... ...strap on the most evil looking and wickedly enhanced... Over-Sized-Unmentionable-Death-o-matic-Super-k-Auto-Fire-Ultra-Watt Thingy... and proceded to... ...give Ed a very large amount of money, and a m36 mounted on a tank with time-machine capablities. Ed got a mission, and was still criticised for removing the freaky chumtoad from the tale before certain perverted individuals could enjoy themselves with it. In turn, after two hours of time travel, Ed reached his destination and concussed Gooseman with a big pointy stick.
However, his plan turned awry, and instead of preventing CS, CS was instead created in such a way that it was incredibly unrealistc and had constant patches that never seemed to do anything. In shame, Ed turned to the wisdom of... ...Yo mama...who proceed to point to the direction of Yo papa. And while Yo papa continously explains why he is "yo daddy", you begin to head back into imaginary game of HL... DM...however, BGR and Hl are REAL LIFE!!
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then chubby said... "Do not be afraid, for Ed is searching for some way to raise his level with pointless crap, and I shall..." "help..." "him..." "a..." "lot." Suddenly, and without warning, Mad Jonesy and the evil story Rangers advanced with large guns to stop Ed's insane scheme.
Laughing manically, Ed launched himself from the story, concussing himself, and plunged down into the depths of the story Ghetto.. never to return (until his next event)... while on the show hilarty continued until the swat team arivved and there was a big fight between the sheep and the swat team... ...In which Prod, after taking 3 hours to read this from line one, proceeded to prod them into oblivion. Due to poor map constuction, oblivion was blackness off a 3 pixel aaatrigger object. This engaged a trigger_hurt which proceeded to gib BGY-11 and Arbon as they respawned. Meanwhile, as BasicBeeccichi was... Consuming mass amounts of headcrab chowder...
(Before this gets to be something sick) but it was really clam chowder! then he said... "why... am i eating headcrab shit"Then the cow jumped over the moon, and due to bad mapping skills it fell out of the level. Suddenly... Nightline came on, and everyone sat down and started watching. Yes, everyone. But something was amiss... big bugger ups wrong stori sorry! then someone who couldnt type joined the conversation.....a line was made in the wrong story, while Sven, on his Holiday............. ...watching porn and rolling around in piles of money from donations, he... then using the skillz he learned from Da Kung Foo Chubby Masta, he jumped up and did a bicycle kick which plowed through everyone in the room then..... He jumped into the air, ripped of his shirt and began beating on his chest with a flaming salmon, only to discover... ...that the flaming salmon was really my reskinned AGrunt, seeking revenge for no apparent reason... ....other than to beat up Sven, hoping to...... Lock him away in his closet while he stares in awe at the porn sven was watching earlyer, when suddenly... ...Ed, who was fighting off the dark denizens of the story Ghetto with a XM 1014 in his claws, dropped the large weapon with a clang and used the agility that is an alien parasites birth-right, (along with the skill of hiding in dark vents and gnawing on peoples brains) to somersault onto the porn-infested machine and drag it off to a safe place to prevent young eyes from viewing it. He also savaged the AGrunt and borrowed the donation money for the same reasons.
He stored it safely in his high-security vault, full of HL mods and hate-mail regarding his contreversial decision to temporarily give up trying to take over a human body in order to eventually become a Genome. He defended it night and day from all comers, deftly using the RPG in his razor-claws, when the entire Sven Co-op community stormed his fortress in order to regain the porn filled tv and the piles of donation money, led by Sven and the Flaming Salmon aka AGrunt. Seeing the might before him, Ed decided to watch the tv for a while and allow them to slaughter themselves while trying to enter his story Ghetto stronghold. As Ed laughed at getting one more crap into his level, the team... were stuffed..
"hang on" Said the dashing story Admin Mad Jonesy, and reached for his 'admin spellbook of crack' and deleted story Ghetto. Ed then.. ...spontaniously combusted... ...was sucked into the great vortex of oblivion, yet deftly escaped the most awful death imaginable. Cursing the unpredictableness of his arch-nemesis (no. 35) Mad Jonesy, he set up camp in the outer reaches of Off-story, eating llamas and watching the tv, and sniping the team and the occasional passing blocker (by accident...ahem...) from a distance. He heard a noise uncomfortably close to him... [SUSPENSE MOMENT] and turned round in horror to see... ...BlackMage time travelling to send a message before him at the last minute... and then... ...Ed looked slightly insane... till he realised that there was a 9 year old boy called Commander Keen that kicked…him... into the great vortex of oblivion. Or at least tried to- his plan back fired when he slipped on a snark and had his leg blown off. Ed then threw the snotty kid into the vortex, where he was forgotten by the majority of the gaming community again. Still with the tv and money, in a greatly defended position, Ed invoked the dark rites of the story Ranger to gain the most powerful of their dark kind to ban the rest of the team... who where just about to play a nice game of golf with the Chubby`s. Well, Ed used his powers to get into some kind of thingy with many 1 and 0. It seems he`s been warped in the bytes of a SvenCoop server. So he pushed a button that caused an overflow to all players on the server. All player blamed Sven that the server overflowed, but Sven knows that Ed was responsible for this because he is Sven`s evil twin brother ! So Sven needed to kill him. So he played a game of Baldurs Gate and asked Minsc and Boo (the giant miniature space hamster) to join him on his quest. While getting out of the game to get back to the real world he found some wierd guy in a banana disguise and...... and took it off and it was this was al gore! saying "help me great soda god your my only hope"…...then minsc threw Boo at Al Gore, and while Boo was gouging out the soda fanatics eyes minsc bellowed "SWORD, MEET EVIL!!" and ran Gore through with his enomous broadsword.
Much to the disapointment of all present, Gore was really an assasin in disguise to kill Sven, whom Ed had got to distract his pursuers... wondering how he could be Svens evil twin brother, the confused headcrab pondered his position as the mighty alliance of truth and justice (and minsc, of course)
strolled on to confront him. Suddenly, and without warning, Ed heard noise coming from the corpse of Gore, and all four of them turned to see... ...absolutely nothing... ...Monica Lewinski coming out of him.. With her new book : Fuck or be Fucked : My relationship with Bill Clinton. After this wierd thing the battle goes on. And Minsc said : GO FOR THE EYES GO FOR THE EYES RHAAA !!!!.. He stormed at Ed, who just did a roll he once learned when he was playing Action HL beta 4. So Minsc missed him and ran trough Prince Charles who was playing golf behind them. Ed picks up his shotgun and begins to fire at Sven. Almost a bullet hit Sven but Boo was quick enough to do a Quake 1 rocketjump (that is not anymore possible in HL Deathmatch Classic for some reasoon )and bite into the bullet saving Sven. Then Ed trowed away his shotgun and wants to shoot some of his dark powers at Sven. He was just casting a PinkGreapfruitsplatter attack when the G-man teleported into the golffield. We all know Ed and G-man where no friend because they allways argue who`s the most evil. So the g-man came to kick Ed`s ass. With him Freeman and Shepherd he just hired. Ed turned his cast to Shepherd and shot it at him. GIB !
Bye Shepherd. Now Gordon readies his Scientist cannon and hurled a Einstein at Ed. GIB ! Bye ed. Now the G-man kidnapped Sven and took him to his base, that started the SaveSven Trilogy [MADE BY NOMBLE (R). So a msg commes in... When Sven wakes up he found himself in a prison
with THE EVIL G-MAN (scary sound!).
-"Well, It`s looks ehh..(always making that noise) our guest woke up.." said
THE EVIL G-MAN (another scary sound!)
-"What do you want from me ? said Sven.
-"I noticed ehh.. SvenCoop is the best HL mod there is, so you ehh.. must be very
intelligent, ehh.. So I want your BRAIN (very scary sound!).
-"WHAT ? MY BRAIN ? U NEVER GET IT BLOODSUCKER ! (Sven yelling)
-"Yesss, ehh.. braintransplantation is a new technology, we need it to ehh.. test first.
-"Test ?"
-"Yess, some guy named ehh.. what was his name again ?"
-"Sir, Freeman Sir!" said the grunt with one leg.
-"ehh.. yess. Gordon Freeman..I remember. We didn`t need him after all.. I remember much
about him... ehh. When he was still in that...
- (Sven interrupting) "I was thinking this story was about me !?"
-"ehh.. yesss Mr Viking. You still have ehh.. 4 hours left, use them wise.."
The G-man leaves, and you are in prison with 2 guards. How to get out ? Very sneaky you
steal the guards radio, and send a message to the SvenCoop HQ.
At the SCHQ.
Announcement systems boring voice : " Attention all players. Report to briefing NOW ! "
After a while everybody is in the briefing room listening to Mr. Sniper.
Sniper : "We got a message for 10 minutes ago.
Otis : "Did the new Donuts arrive ?
Sniper : "Do NOT panic everybody ! Sven has been kidnapped !
(silence)
Hezus : Sniper, you didn`t tell us everything did you ??!!
Sniper : You are right there is a 2nd thing....
Hezus : I knew it, TELL US !
Sniper : Well,.yes.. there is no more coffee left..
( PANIC, SCREAMING, YELLING, RUNNING AROUND )
Sniper : Silence ! Sit down everybody. We must save Sven.
Beetchy: ONLY IF HE BUYS NEW COFFEE !
Sniper : Ok, ok, he will !
Hezus : What are we waiting for ? Let`s go trough the teleporter !
After a while all players are spawned outside the building where Sven is inprisoned. Everybody is holding their 9mmAR MP4, shotguns and crowbars.
Hezus : Ok guys, let`s kick some G-mans ass !
... far away, twitchy gibs were rolling around on the ground. With an unpleasant movement, the gibs leapt back together and reformed back in to Ed with a sqeulch, who thanked the dark powers for his ability to respawn in real life, thanks to collosal bribes to story Rangers and a large "donation" to Sven, back in the days when they were friendly, and knew nothing of the future...
Disorientated, Ed soon realised that the group were aiming to save Sven and buy more coffee. Thankful that the team had forgotten about his borrowing of the donation money and the tv, Ed decided to disrupt the plans of his arch-nemesis (no. 5) G-man. He flogged RPGs and Gauss guns to the team for ridiculous prices, and an aging gonarch he added for good measure. As a special bonus, he lent them a garg he had stolen from Friendly Garg.
Ed went back to alternatively watching the tv and spamming the "evil" G-man with e-mail threats to reveal his secret charity doantions if he didn't admit that Ed was far more evil than him (Ed being so evil that he even had Nihalinth twisted round his claw, although that bugger Freeman had killed it, and that fool Shepard had nuked the Geneworm ally. He KNEW they were in league with the G-man...) Meanwhile... BGY still remains missing in action.... ... which had NOTHING TO DO with the tripmines Ed put under his bed... *cough*......and now a word from our sponsers... ED'S BIG GUNS! BUY ED'S BIG GUNS! THEY ARE GUNS, WHICH ARE BIG! BIIIGGGGGG!
Free Gonarch and Garg with every purchase!*
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Gauss!
Gluon!
Nomad!
RPG!
MORE!
*Offer subject to availability. Note that you will get your money back if you are eaten alive but will get no refund if some fool called Friendly Garg accuses you of having stolen Gargs...
**But only for as long as the bloodsuckers get 99.9% of my profits.
...and now back to our regularly scheduled program... While the player where looking for Sven in SaveSven1 they finaly found the hidden sewer acces in the g-man room. When they want to swim out to the end of the level a blocker (Homer) blocked the exit to Svens prison. So they all drowned. After respawning and drowning a time or 20, the blocker had an overflow because Sven had put a tripmine in the prisondoor to block it. The players busted their way trough the military outpost. And saw that Sven was captured by the BackStreetGargs (BSG). The players all hated those garggroups so they all got mad. Then they kicked against the wall and exited the level to teleport to the alien mothership in SaveSven2 (made by Nomble)
Meanwhile... ...top secret research into the super-weapon capable of killing the G-man... and makeing his corpse smell like cheese, meanwhile in Batman's Batcave... ...Robin had just been eaten by Goliath Bird-Eating Spider... That has been summoned by Prickass... Captian Janeway, who used here starship to ram Bill Clinton's... wife! Who, as a result, campaigned to get the Star Trek franchise declared illegal. Meanwhile, Sven was still in the clutches of G-man... who threatened to tickle his feat untill sven said when 2.0 is coming outluckly sven pulled out his trusty swiss-army uzi and.... ...spontaniously combusted... which spewed blood in g-mans eye, which caused him to..... grab sven very tightly by the.... COCK....A-DOODLE-DOO went the turky near them. G-man grabbed svens arm trying to put a pressure point on his neck. Sven then took his wallet out, and gave g-man a bullfrog (open waller and whip someone, hurts)right across the face which caused him to whimper like a school girl. He quickly gained strenght back and.... proceded to pull down his trousers and.... Sampson jumps into the scene. Sampson grabs g-man by the neck and attempts to snap it but was elbowed in the face. Sven then pulls up his pants and kicks g-man, sampson jumps above him but g-man did a dirty move and kicked him in nuts, sampson is down. Sven then did an elbow drop to g-man and broke his nose. Sampson eventually gets up but g-man whips out a button from his pocket. He presses it and many grunts come. Sampson ducked to the ground when he saw a grenade fly over him, and fell through the ground, IT WAS A FUNC_BREAKABLE. Sampson falls down a very large tunnel and sven jumps down following hoping it would lead to safety.......... unfortuanately they are being followed down by the g-man and his army of grunts. suddenly they get to the end of the tunnel falling out of the ceiling of a wide open room. only to find that they have made a splash landing in a oversized toilet, luckily then manage to climb on to a strange brown floating log but..... ...it isnt long before the g-man and his grunts come falling in to the ovesized dunny, suddenley up swims the graffinator and shows sven a pipe that leads to safety, they dive down and swim but............ ... a Garg smashed down the wall. The gunkish liquid flowed through the collosal hole, and the Grunts wasted thousands of rounds of ammunition on the blue monstrosity, despite the creature obviously being bullet proof. The original rescue team leapt through to aid Sven, but the G-man pulled out something from his belt, and pointed it at Svens temple. He was shocked to find it was a snark Ed had planted there, long ago, in replacement of his Desert Eagle, and squealed like a little girl when it blew up in excitement... doing no harm to Mr. Invulnrable (TM), but being so close to Sven, it ended up... Melting Sven's head, fortuately, the Sven the G-man had hostage was just a replicant, one of many after the real Sven was nearly assasinated by a Pizza Delivery Boy who was really.. The sheep straight from svencooprpg2! Bleating in terror, the sheep tried to run away, but could not, since it had no walking animations! Forced to stand there, bobbing its head up and down into the pizza, it was annihilated in a storm of G-Man's power! So a tiny worm appeared, and he had a supersheep that blew up the base. Then all players headed back to the HQ where they finaly could get their coffee and a donut for the fat Otis... Now 20 years ago.. They remembered walkin down the beach with the music playing in backround. When sundenly they walked through an invisible trigger_once which spawned a bigmomma which..... ... ran along the sidewalk and stepped on my ex-girlfriend's cat, the big momma then ... started to scream at some boys that was throwing stone at... .... a "peace through zombification" Pro-crab Inc. Sign. It then gored the boys to death, and used their blood and that of the cats to daub "GONARCH! NOT BIG MOMMA, DAMN THE SNIDE REMARKS OF YOU HUMAN SCUM!!!" on a nearby wall, and proceeded to kill more people. Soon, in a place far or not so far away... ... a person wrote a story based off loose sentences and various ideas. The story made no sense but they still loved it. Meanwhile ... ....music came from the heavens! Then the mighty Sankis appeared. "WHO SUMMONED ME?" Belowed the mighty avatar.
"I did!" Retorted Ed. "Now give me Sven's donation money!"
"NO." And Sankis didn't.
"Bugger," said Ed, and went back to hitting scientists. Meanwhile... Hezus was copying all Halflife updates with a serial cable from his PIII 667 to his P200 MMX. That took a while so he decided to play some strippoker with the girls next door. Every thing was fine because he was winning and he was surrounded by nacked girls. Till the girls find out Hezus had a BIG hardon and they…...turned into vicious Snarks and Evil Gargs. They kinda scorched the heck outta him, but Hezus respawns, like everyone else here. Hezus was glad too, because his respawn caught a glitch and he came back as the evil lord of Terror himself. Diablo. Hezus was met by an unknown necromancer of level 25. He fought with all his might but lost to the necromancer, now known as Sir Malek-SR. However, Black-Mage saw this powerful Necromancer and decided that ... ....he should ask if he is free next saturday. but he was to scared to even walk, becurse he saw a little... ...Atomic Cataclysm (R) Super-Bomb lying just beside.... one of the cookies my aunt baked... But then he saw his aunt.. And she magicly turned into a...........big pile of shit ...
And she was laughing the shit out of here fat ass. So she decided to watch Scary Movie again. After that she went to the... Xen world and put on her HEV suit, after that she met a friendly garg that... asked her if she was "newbie" then.… She got pissed off and blocked the way. The Garg didn't like this and started.. to flame her, after 10min a big missle came down and hited the garg, this making the garg blow up, then a.... ...a FAS missile loaded down with cluster-pods full of Atomic Cataclysm (R) Super-Bomb's fired into the area, destroying the universe. The only survivors decided to remake the universe once more, so they...* found a missing ship named "Titan A.E" in some ice crystal nest, they flied away in hyperspace to... A new world called: Garga-untua 11th, after they landed on this planet they... was searching for a good power source, (It takes alot of energy to rebuild the universe!) they came to a...... Building that was surrounded with 100s of gargs. The survivors who landed on the planet (Mr. Nomble, Friendly Garg and Dr. Edcrab) called for reinforcements and 100s of big momma's respawned. After that the big momma's... was raped till death, Dr.edcrab made a turret of trees, Mr.Nomble Used that turret to fire old coka bottles, the coke made a sideeffect on the gargs, the gargs.. Turned into friendly gargs and...before it ..goes to the big server in the sky, then used its flame attack on.. they entered the building. They found 2 other survivors. It where Hezus and Seraphim.
They moves on with 5 survivors to find the SC office to end version 2.0. They walked and walked till... Mad Jonesy, and 5 mins later he respawned with a bazooka and grenades and start attacking the friendly garg's!!!
Sven didn't like this and... ...banned everyone foreva. (The End?) ...BUT THEN! Maybe we can find some in.. uranus…Which was in a bannna(banana,Must be) made of solid GOLD...... if you look at it, your ping is up to 800. and you cant say anything, and when you move you move like 5miles be4 you stop, this is not a problem, the real problem is that... They had an infestation of snarks which had been trained in the art of unarmed combat and Explosives handling and were hiding out underneath the floor boards so they.... .. piece (toghter) Sven Co-op merchendise, along with Chubby Backpacks and Nikki Blanco executive stress toys, the store ("The Sven Store") is located in.. Ed's fortress of darkness. MWHAHAHAHAHA.
Shoot Nikki for only 5 quid! Win his eyeball if you get a direct hit.
"It's not insane" replied the giant pink rabbit.
"I agree wholeheartedly" said the wardrobe.
"RABBIT DARK MAN" Said Mad Jonesy.
Then Ed replied with... "To spam, or not to spam... , and be hated, or don't." Hmmm, He thought, I shall ask the great and mighty Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit for advice.
And the Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit said... "Go ask Mad Jonesy or Sven. The story is now nonsensial. Make it make sense, but beware, for I shall combat it."
Ed: Ok... They reached the tower...
R: which collapsed in a pile of bananas.
Ed: Which they realised where just hallucinatoins brought on by...
R: The lap dancers mushrooms in Iceland.
Ed: Which.. er... was also a hallucination.
R: Which was induced by the walking pencil of Maakaduiomnaefk...
Ed: *gags Rabbit*
R: MMff.
Ed: HELP! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! OR AT LEAST MAKE A FUNNY FINAL STORY! WHICH INCLUDES ME! ..Edcrab then gets gets banned.. but then given a respite aslong as he doesn't spam any more on this shit that`s it said the mighty Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit braking free from Ed`s grasp now now don`t do anything u`ll regret ed replied when da rabbit dropped a few satchels on he ground and stood on then "i`am gonno do it don`t come any closer" ED: now now jus calm down . Rabbit:soz but now it`s over (jus about to click da button ) WHEN *the hole damn thing spins into a slow motion scene* AND ed runs and jumps towards da satchels shouting NOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOooooOoOoOoOoOoooooooo ect, ect,and manages to kik them away when they go off not harming the rabbit, *everything spins back into normal motion but still have a bit of motion sickness from all this time swapping about* as ed picks himself up the rabbits eyes turn red then purple and yellow and all sorts of diffrent colours and ed nearly has an epileptic fit the rabbits contact lens falls out to show BLOOOD red eyes ohh sCaRy!! and pounces at ed to knock em over and......(fight scene anyone) they decide to break into a girlie handbag fight instead.. Wow! I'm port 999 =P Sorry.. Just had to.. =)..thats when it happened, for contained inside one of the handbags was 2.0's source code, as well as Another1, the crazy little coding dude had managed to bundle himself into the handbag along with the source and a highly reactive lump of antimatter for no reason other than to provide a plot device..
In the other handbag, was Sven, wrapped around the nice warmness that was a Uranium 235 rod. Also located in the handbag was the multi-million account information, held firmly in Svens hand(any suggestions to what his other hand were doing is just going too far guys).
Everyone began to gather round, and what the hell, all the leprechauns, Chubby, Tor and the rest of the supporting Cast.
What they thought they were seeing was a girlie Handbag fight, what they really were seeing was a highly destructive chain Reaction waiting to happen..
The Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit swung at Edcrab with his handbag
"You bitch!"
Edcrab swung at the bunny wabbit..
"Whore!"
The handbags collided in midair..
"You dress like a tart!"
"Slut!"
The handbags split and Another1 and Sven fell out, Another1 with his source, Sven with his account information.
"Hey! I want that!" they both chanted in unison, Sven made a grab for the source, another1 for the account info, unfortuately their sudden movements dislodged the Uranium and the antimatter, sending them flinging towards each other in midair
"Your mom is such a..."
Edcrab never had a chance to finish his sentence.
BOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!
and alas, that is how it all ended, not because anyone actually got hurt by that explosion, but because I said so. J
Tell a story 4!11
It was a nice day in the world of the B.G.Y.-11. Today he had a nice... Big Juicy WanG to masturbate!!!
And when the big robot came, people lined up to get some ICE CREAM!!!...
After eating some ice cream [delicious, btw]... They all agreed that 21 pages of total crap was not a very good thing.
"Maybe I got off on the wrong foot" Said B.G.Y -11 "Now lets all talk about golf and all gold related things, specifically the boxes in which golf clubs are delivered in"......which brings me to my next point: Has anyone seen the Seinfeld episode involving JFK's golf clubs?... "no".."Hmm..." BasicBeecicchi said, "Have you ever seen the movie JFK?" And every one else said no why? "Well," I said, "If ya like conspiracies than you'll love this movie..." *points to BasicBeecicchi and his 'the government is bugging us' theory*..and there will be more from "B.G.Y.'s Movie review show" next week.. Next on Sucker TV.. a bunch of Nun's that.. ...attempt mass autofilatio... ..whatever the fuck that is..
Anyways.. ...Golem then explained to mad jonesy that "autofilatio" means to blow ones self... ...speaking of blowing, next I will review "Deep Throat".....lets get back onto the story..
BGY was going down to his local Video store to buy some videos, however he saw.. ...a train doing wild, crazy, lag induced flips and turns, going down Main Street, while the Big Guy was about to do something to the train, which was... ...ass fu... ..which is like Kung-Fu but involves all the muscles in the ass and those muscles only! Big Guy smashed into the train with his ass, causing a reactor breach on the train.. the train then.. ...made loud sounds which could only be stopped with "stopsound"...this however.. caused a new event to begin.. ...the detonation sequence of the Cobalt-Thorium G explosive devices... ...which is another way for BGY to masturbate. Meanwhile... ...BasicBeecicchi burned in the bowels of Hell... ...and while he was taking a nice bath, he wondered, is 2.0 really gonna revolutionize the scene in terms of blockers and such?
and, AND!!,:
how am i gonna get a clan with people that don't necessarily wanna follow the basic rules??
Meanwhile, on the other side of the map... ...I was asking, why are packanimals and packanmalsv2 EXACTLY the same??... .."Because Burnout64 was lazy" piped up a happy little elf named scruffy.. ...Slate. "But why did he even release a second map? Just to be evil and make people wait 20 minutes to download it between map changes??" (Remembers downloading it on FUCK YOU server...:mad.. Becuase it was all part of an evil plot to... ...plant a mole within Quark Industries... and the mole was to then... ...take the elf out for a beer where they met an odd pair. The pair were doppler Sven and Jonesy. Jonesy' looks at the
mole and asks, "... "Why are my underwear pink?" The mole replies..."My colleagues in the Legion think I'm unstable...but I'm not unstable...IT'S THIS HUMAN EMOTION GRID!!" Dr. Gilder proceeds to rip off the lab clothing and flesh off his body to reveal a titanium skeletal structure (think Terminator) and proceeds to attack the guy with the pink underwear, mistaking him for a one Dr. Axel Donovan, so, in defense, Sven Viking and Mad Jonesy... dip skoal and spit... then destroyer found the place and he saw what was happening... And before the spittal hits the ground(yea, there be a veritable glowing, glittering bridge of bio-lucent, bacterial laden, nicotine charged, vegitable produced, nearly sentient, and even partially digested cosmos of THE REALM of SPIT is born!!! Although local politics and scandals rapidly decayed THE REALM of SPIT in to the trash pit it is today... simply known as SPLAT. But that is another story...) ...Jon n Sven hop on a rusty bike and squeak away around a corner where can be seen in the dim emergency lighting... then someone new came in DESTROYER with a mp5 and 10 grenades attachedAnd while DES was positioning himself for major slaughter on the uglies, his MP5 takes on a life of its own. A decidely, politically correct AND liberal life of its own. First it(the MP5) polls the compliment of grenades for their opinion of the situation at hand. Secondly it polls the ammo(loaded and not)about its opinions of the approaching peril. Next it forms a commitee to debate all ramifications of, and resulting long term implications of all possible situational potentialities.
Heh. The .357 takes one look at all this crap getting ready to start and says Fuck This Shit! and deploys some serious ass kicking on ... ...itself...it had backfired, causing it to explode.
Meanwhile, a cry of "Not until I'm done dispensing full metal justice!" boomed through the street and a barrage of bullets erupted from the B.G.Y.-11's shoulder mounted rotary cannon...of course, the Big Guy was shooting at... ...people who are not reading this story... then they had a party! zombie party more or less ...complete with a car smashing into a wall and some crowbars... and the car exploded! ...and the wall broke and a horde of zombies appeared!... ... And the zombies started having a massive group orgy! then a pair of tongs, a dead goat, and a beach towel were found, covered in... ...a foul, sticky substance resembling... ...a gay monkey orgy in which... People were injured... ...and some killed. The monkey's then found a shipment of Viagra and... ...stuffed themselves silly with it... ... of course this made them bad monkeys and, again of course, they had to be spanked. But yet, there is a twist... a twist of fate really. Nature even, if your one to
believe in such things... It seems that while the bad monkeys were being, err..., punished(so to speak) there seemed to be some sort of hangnail or perhaps rough and/or calused skin... Well, to shorten this by several days, the monkeys(all of them. Every last spankable one of them) contracted flesh eating bacteria and were utterly consumed.
(Even the non-flesh bits had teeth marks!) So then a group of spankable mountain goats got into the Viagra and... well, let's just say what they did next should remain unsaid... Suddenly, a meteor crashed into the goats and killed them all. Then a secret door in the meteor opened and a chumtoad named Bitch hopped out with a leather suit, a whip, and a tattoo of a dragon across Bitches back. Then Bitch started to... ...strap on the most evil looking and wickedly enhanced... Over-Sized-Unmentionable-Death-o-matic-Super-k-Auto-Fire-Ultra-Watt Thingy... and proceded to... ...give Ed a very large amount of money, and a m36 mounted on a tank with time-machine capablities. Ed got a mission, and was still criticised for removing the freaky chumtoad from the tale before certain perverted individuals could enjoy themselves with it. In turn, after two hours of time travel, Ed reached his destination and concussed Gooseman with a big pointy stick.
However, his plan turned awry, and instead of preventing CS, CS was instead created in such a way that it was incredibly unrealistc and had constant patches that never seemed to do anything. In shame, Ed turned to the wisdom of... ...Yo mama...who proceed to point to the direction of Yo papa. And while Yo papa continously explains why he is "yo daddy", you begin to head back into imaginary game of HL... DM...however, BGR and Hl are REAL LIFE!!
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then chubby said... "Do not be afraid, for Ed is searching for some way to raise his level with pointless crap, and I shall..." "help..." "him..." "a..." "lot." Suddenly, and without warning, Mad Jonesy and the evil story Rangers advanced with large guns to stop Ed's insane scheme.
Laughing manically, Ed launched himself from the story, concussing himself, and plunged down into the depths of the story Ghetto.. never to return (until his next event)... while on the show hilarty continued until the swat team arivved and there was a big fight between the sheep and the swat team... ...In which Prod, after taking 3 hours to read this from line one, proceeded to prod them into oblivion. Due to poor map constuction, oblivion was blackness off a 3 pixel aaatrigger object. This engaged a trigger_hurt which proceeded to gib BGY-11 and Arbon as they respawned. Meanwhile, as BasicBeeccichi was... Consuming mass amounts of headcrab chowder...
(Before this gets to be something sick) but it was really clam chowder! then he said... "why... am i eating headcrab shit"Then the cow jumped over the moon, and due to bad mapping skills it fell out of the level. Suddenly... Nightline came on, and everyone sat down and started watching. Yes, everyone. But something was amiss... big bugger ups wrong stori sorry! then someone who couldnt type joined the conversation.....a line was made in the wrong story, while Sven, on his Holiday............. ...watching porn and rolling around in piles of money from donations, he... then using the skillz he learned from Da Kung Foo Chubby Masta, he jumped up and did a bicycle kick which plowed through everyone in the room then..... He jumped into the air, ripped of his shirt and began beating on his chest with a flaming salmon, only to discover... ...that the flaming salmon was really my reskinned AGrunt, seeking revenge for no apparent reason... ....other than to beat up Sven, hoping to...... Lock him away in his closet while he stares in awe at the porn sven was watching earlyer, when suddenly... ...Ed, who was fighting off the dark denizens of the story Ghetto with a XM 1014 in his claws, dropped the large weapon with a clang and used the agility that is an alien parasites birth-right, (along with the skill of hiding in dark vents and gnawing on peoples brains) to somersault onto the porn-infested machine and drag it off to a safe place to prevent young eyes from viewing it. He also savaged the AGrunt and borrowed the donation money for the same reasons.
He stored it safely in his high-security vault, full of HL mods and hate-mail regarding his contreversial decision to temporarily give up trying to take over a human body in order to eventually become a Genome. He defended it night and day from all comers, deftly using the RPG in his razor-claws, when the entire Sven Co-op community stormed his fortress in order to regain the porn filled tv and the piles of donation money, led by Sven and the Flaming Salmon aka AGrunt. Seeing the might before him, Ed decided to watch the tv for a while and allow them to slaughter themselves while trying to enter his story Ghetto stronghold. As Ed laughed at getting one more crap into his level, the team... were stuffed..
"hang on" Said the dashing story Admin Mad Jonesy, and reached for his 'admin spellbook of crack' and deleted story Ghetto. Ed then.. ...spontaniously combusted... ...was sucked into the great vortex of oblivion, yet deftly escaped the most awful death imaginable. Cursing the unpredictableness of his arch-nemesis (no. 35) Mad Jonesy, he set up camp in the outer reaches of Off-story, eating llamas and watching the tv, and sniping the team and the occasional passing blocker (by accident...ahem...) from a distance. He heard a noise uncomfortably close to him... [SUSPENSE MOMENT] and turned round in horror to see... ...BlackMage time travelling to send a message before him at the last minute... and then... ...Ed looked slightly insane... till he realised that there was a 9 year old boy called Commander Keen that kicked…him... into the great vortex of oblivion. Or at least tried to- his plan back fired when he slipped on a snark and had his leg blown off. Ed then threw the snotty kid into the vortex, where he was forgotten by the majority of the gaming community again. Still with the tv and money, in a greatly defended position, Ed invoked the dark rites of the story Ranger to gain the most powerful of their dark kind to ban the rest of the team... who where just about to play a nice game of golf with the Chubby`s. Well, Ed used his powers to get into some kind of thingy with many 1 and 0. It seems he`s been warped in the bytes of a SvenCoop server. So he pushed a button that caused an overflow to all players on the server. All player blamed Sven that the server overflowed, but Sven knows that Ed was responsible for this because he is Sven`s evil twin brother ! So Sven needed to kill him. So he played a game of Baldurs Gate and asked Minsc and Boo (the giant miniature space hamster) to join him on his quest. While getting out of the game to get back to the real world he found some wierd guy in a banana disguise and...... and took it off and it was this was al gore! saying "help me great soda god your my only hope"…...then minsc threw Boo at Al Gore, and while Boo was gouging out the soda fanatics eyes minsc bellowed "SWORD, MEET EVIL!!" and ran Gore through with his enomous broadsword.
Much to the disapointment of all present, Gore was really an assasin in disguise to kill Sven, whom Ed had got to distract his pursuers... wondering how he could be Svens evil twin brother, the confused headcrab pondered his position as the mighty alliance of truth and justice (and minsc, of course)
strolled on to confront him. Suddenly, and without warning, Ed heard noise coming from the corpse of Gore, and all four of them turned to see... ...absolutely nothing... ...Monica Lewinski coming out of him.. With her new book : Fuck or be Fucked : My relationship with Bill Clinton. After this wierd thing the battle goes on. And Minsc said : GO FOR THE EYES GO FOR THE EYES RHAAA !!!!.. He stormed at Ed, who just did a roll he once learned when he was playing Action HL beta 4. So Minsc missed him and ran trough Prince Charles who was playing golf behind them. Ed picks up his shotgun and begins to fire at Sven. Almost a bullet hit Sven but Boo was quick enough to do a Quake 1 rocketjump (that is not anymore possible in HL Deathmatch Classic for some reasoon )and bite into the bullet saving Sven. Then Ed trowed away his shotgun and wants to shoot some of his dark powers at Sven. He was just casting a PinkGreapfruitsplatter attack when the G-man teleported into the golffield. We all know Ed and G-man where no friend because they allways argue who`s the most evil. So the g-man came to kick Ed`s ass. With him Freeman and Shepherd he just hired. Ed turned his cast to Shepherd and shot it at him. GIB !
Bye Shepherd. Now Gordon readies his Scientist cannon and hurled a Einstein at Ed. GIB ! Bye ed. Now the G-man kidnapped Sven and took him to his base, that started the SaveSven Trilogy [MADE BY NOMBLE (R). So a msg commes in... When Sven wakes up he found himself in a prison
with THE EVIL G-MAN (scary sound!).
-"Well, It`s looks ehh..(always making that noise) our guest woke up.." said
THE EVIL G-MAN (another scary sound!)
-"What do you want from me ? said Sven.
-"I noticed ehh.. SvenCoop is the best HL mod there is, so you ehh.. must be very
intelligent, ehh.. So I want your BRAIN (very scary sound!).
-"WHAT ? MY BRAIN ? U NEVER GET IT BLOODSUCKER ! (Sven yelling)
-"Yesss, ehh.. braintransplantation is a new technology, we need it to ehh.. test first.
-"Test ?"
-"Yess, some guy named ehh.. what was his name again ?"
-"Sir, Freeman Sir!" said the grunt with one leg.
-"ehh.. yess. Gordon Freeman..I remember. We didn`t need him after all.. I remember much
about him... ehh. When he was still in that...
- (Sven interrupting) "I was thinking this story was about me !?"
-"ehh.. yesss Mr Viking. You still have ehh.. 4 hours left, use them wise.."
The G-man leaves, and you are in prison with 2 guards. How to get out ? Very sneaky you
steal the guards radio, and send a message to the SvenCoop HQ.
At the SCHQ.
Announcement systems boring voice : " Attention all players. Report to briefing NOW ! "
After a while everybody is in the briefing room listening to Mr. Sniper.
Sniper : "We got a message for 10 minutes ago.
Otis : "Did the new Donuts arrive ?
Sniper : "Do NOT panic everybody ! Sven has been kidnapped !
(silence)
Hezus : Sniper, you didn`t tell us everything did you ??!!
Sniper : You are right there is a 2nd thing....
Hezus : I knew it, TELL US !
Sniper : Well,.yes.. there is no more coffee left..
( PANIC, SCREAMING, YELLING, RUNNING AROUND )
Sniper : Silence ! Sit down everybody. We must save Sven.
Beetchy: ONLY IF HE BUYS NEW COFFEE !
Sniper : Ok, ok, he will !
Hezus : What are we waiting for ? Let`s go trough the teleporter !
After a while all players are spawned outside the building where Sven is inprisoned. Everybody is holding their 9mmAR MP4, shotguns and crowbars.
Hezus : Ok guys, let`s kick some G-mans ass !
... far away, twitchy gibs were rolling around on the ground. With an unpleasant movement, the gibs leapt back together and reformed back in to Ed with a sqeulch, who thanked the dark powers for his ability to respawn in real life, thanks to collosal bribes to story Rangers and a large "donation" to Sven, back in the days when they were friendly, and knew nothing of the future...
Disorientated, Ed soon realised that the group were aiming to save Sven and buy more coffee. Thankful that the team had forgotten about his borrowing of the donation money and the tv, Ed decided to disrupt the plans of his arch-nemesis (no. 5) G-man. He flogged RPGs and Gauss guns to the team for ridiculous prices, and an aging gonarch he added for good measure. As a special bonus, he lent them a garg he had stolen from Friendly Garg.
Ed went back to alternatively watching the tv and spamming the "evil" G-man with e-mail threats to reveal his secret charity doantions if he didn't admit that Ed was far more evil than him (Ed being so evil that he even had Nihalinth twisted round his claw, although that bugger Freeman had killed it, and that fool Shepard had nuked the Geneworm ally. He KNEW they were in league with the G-man...) Meanwhile... BGY still remains missing in action.... ... which had NOTHING TO DO with the tripmines Ed put under his bed... *cough*......and now a word from our sponsers... ED'S BIG GUNS! BUY ED'S BIG GUNS! THEY ARE GUNS, WHICH ARE BIG! BIIIGGGGGG!
Free Gonarch and Garg with every purchase!*
Fully endorsed by the Sven-Donation Co.!**
Gauss!
Gluon!
Nomad!
RPG!
MORE!
*Offer subject to availability. Note that you will get your money back if you are eaten alive but will get no refund if some fool called Friendly Garg accuses you of having stolen Gargs...
**But only for as long as the bloodsuckers get 99.9% of my profits.
...and now back to our regularly scheduled program... While the player where looking for Sven in SaveSven1 they finaly found the hidden sewer acces in the g-man room. When they want to swim out to the end of the level a blocker (Homer) blocked the exit to Svens prison. So they all drowned. After respawning and drowning a time or 20, the blocker had an overflow because Sven had put a tripmine in the prisondoor to block it. The players busted their way trough the military outpost. And saw that Sven was captured by the BackStreetGargs (BSG). The players all hated those garggroups so they all got mad. Then they kicked against the wall and exited the level to teleport to the alien mothership in SaveSven2 (made by Nomble)
Meanwhile... ...top secret research into the super-weapon capable of killing the G-man... and makeing his corpse smell like cheese, meanwhile in Batman's Batcave... ...Robin had just been eaten by Goliath Bird-Eating Spider... That has been summoned by Prickass... Captian Janeway, who used here starship to ram Bill Clinton's... wife! Who, as a result, campaigned to get the Star Trek franchise declared illegal. Meanwhile, Sven was still in the clutches of G-man... who threatened to tickle his feat untill sven said when 2.0 is coming outluckly sven pulled out his trusty swiss-army uzi and.... ...spontaniously combusted... which spewed blood in g-mans eye, which caused him to..... grab sven very tightly by the.... COCK....A-DOODLE-DOO went the turky near them. G-man grabbed svens arm trying to put a pressure point on his neck. Sven then took his wallet out, and gave g-man a bullfrog (open waller and whip someone, hurts)right across the face which caused him to whimper like a school girl. He quickly gained strenght back and.... proceded to pull down his trousers and.... Sampson jumps into the scene. Sampson grabs g-man by the neck and attempts to snap it but was elbowed in the face. Sven then pulls up his pants and kicks g-man, sampson jumps above him but g-man did a dirty move and kicked him in nuts, sampson is down. Sven then did an elbow drop to g-man and broke his nose. Sampson eventually gets up but g-man whips out a button from his pocket. He presses it and many grunts come. Sampson ducked to the ground when he saw a grenade fly over him, and fell through the ground, IT WAS A FUNC_BREAKABLE. Sampson falls down a very large tunnel and sven jumps down following hoping it would lead to safety.......... unfortuanately they are being followed down by the g-man and his army of grunts. suddenly they get to the end of the tunnel falling out of the ceiling of a wide open room. only to find that they have made a splash landing in a oversized toilet, luckily then manage to climb on to a strange brown floating log but..... ...it isnt long before the g-man and his grunts come falling in to the ovesized dunny, suddenley up swims the graffinator and shows sven a pipe that leads to safety, they dive down and swim but............ ... a Garg smashed down the wall. The gunkish liquid flowed through the collosal hole, and the Grunts wasted thousands of rounds of ammunition on the blue monstrosity, despite the creature obviously being bullet proof. The original rescue team leapt through to aid Sven, but the G-man pulled out something from his belt, and pointed it at Svens temple. He was shocked to find it was a snark Ed had planted there, long ago, in replacement of his Desert Eagle, and squealed like a little girl when it blew up in excitement... doing no harm to Mr. Invulnrable (TM), but being so close to Sven, it ended up... Melting Sven's head, fortuately, the Sven the G-man had hostage was just a replicant, one of many after the real Sven was nearly assasinated by a Pizza Delivery Boy who was really.. The sheep straight from svencooprpg2! Bleating in terror, the sheep tried to run away, but could not, since it had no walking animations! Forced to stand there, bobbing its head up and down into the pizza, it was annihilated in a storm of G-Man's power! So a tiny worm appeared, and he had a supersheep that blew up the base. Then all players headed back to the HQ where they finaly could get their coffee and a donut for the fat Otis... Now 20 years ago.. They remembered walkin down the beach with the music playing in backround. When sundenly they walked through an invisible trigger_once which spawned a bigmomma which..... ... ran along the sidewalk and stepped on my ex-girlfriend's cat, the big momma then ... started to scream at some boys that was throwing stone at... .... a "peace through zombification" Pro-crab Inc. Sign. It then gored the boys to death, and used their blood and that of the cats to daub "GONARCH! NOT BIG MOMMA, DAMN THE SNIDE REMARKS OF YOU HUMAN SCUM!!!" on a nearby wall, and proceeded to kill more people. Soon, in a place far or not so far away... ... a person wrote a story based off loose sentences and various ideas. The story made no sense but they still loved it. Meanwhile ... ....music came from the heavens! Then the mighty Sankis appeared. "WHO SUMMONED ME?" Belowed the mighty avatar.
"I did!" Retorted Ed. "Now give me Sven's donation money!"
"NO." And Sankis didn't.
"Bugger," said Ed, and went back to hitting scientists. Meanwhile... Hezus was copying all Halflife updates with a serial cable from his PIII 667 to his P200 MMX. That took a while so he decided to play some strippoker with the girls next door. Every thing was fine because he was winning and he was surrounded by nacked girls. Till the girls find out Hezus had a BIG hardon and they…...turned into vicious Snarks and Evil Gargs. They kinda scorched the heck outta him, but Hezus respawns, like everyone else here. Hezus was glad too, because his respawn caught a glitch and he came back as the evil lord of Terror himself. Diablo. Hezus was met by an unknown necromancer of level 25. He fought with all his might but lost to the necromancer, now known as Sir Malek-SR. However, Black-Mage saw this powerful Necromancer and decided that ... ....he should ask if he is free next saturday. but he was to scared to even walk, becurse he saw a little... ...Atomic Cataclysm (R) Super-Bomb lying just beside.... one of the cookies my aunt baked... But then he saw his aunt.. And she magicly turned into a...........big pile of shit ...
And she was laughing the shit out of here fat ass. So she decided to watch Scary Movie again. After that she went to the... Xen world and put on her HEV suit, after that she met a friendly garg that... asked her if she was "newbie" then.… She got pissed off and blocked the way. The Garg didn't like this and started.. to flame her, after 10min a big missle came down and hited the garg, this making the garg blow up, then a.... ...a FAS missile loaded down with cluster-pods full of Atomic Cataclysm (R) Super-Bomb's fired into the area, destroying the universe. The only survivors decided to remake the universe once more, so they...* found a missing ship named "Titan A.E" in some ice crystal nest, they flied away in hyperspace to... A new world called: Garga-untua 11th, after they landed on this planet they... was searching for a good power source, (It takes alot of energy to rebuild the universe!) they came to a...... Building that was surrounded with 100s of gargs. The survivors who landed on the planet (Mr. Nomble, Friendly Garg and Dr. Edcrab) called for reinforcements and 100s of big momma's respawned. After that the big momma's... was raped till death, Dr.edcrab made a turret of trees, Mr.Nomble Used that turret to fire old coka bottles, the coke made a sideeffect on the gargs, the gargs.. Turned into friendly gargs and...before it ..goes to the big server in the sky, then used its flame attack on.. they entered the building. They found 2 other survivors. It where Hezus and Seraphim.
They moves on with 5 survivors to find the SC office to end version 2.0. They walked and walked till... Mad Jonesy, and 5 mins later he respawned with a bazooka and grenades and start attacking the friendly garg's!!!
Sven didn't like this and... ...banned everyone foreva. (The End?) ...BUT THEN! Maybe we can find some in.. uranus…Which was in a bannna(banana,Must be) made of solid GOLD...... if you look at it, your ping is up to 800. and you cant say anything, and when you move you move like 5miles be4 you stop, this is not a problem, the real problem is that... They had an infestation of snarks which had been trained in the art of unarmed combat and Explosives handling and were hiding out underneath the floor boards so they.... .. piece (toghter) Sven Co-op merchendise, along with Chubby Backpacks and Nikki Blanco executive stress toys, the store ("The Sven Store") is located in.. Ed's fortress of darkness. MWHAHAHAHAHA.
Shoot Nikki for only 5 quid! Win his eyeball if you get a direct hit.
"It's not insane" replied the giant pink rabbit.
"I agree wholeheartedly" said the wardrobe.
"RABBIT DARK MAN" Said Mad Jonesy.
Then Ed replied with... "To spam, or not to spam... , and be hated, or don't." Hmmm, He thought, I shall ask the great and mighty Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit for advice.
And the Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit said... "Go ask Mad Jonesy or Sven. The story is now nonsensial. Make it make sense, but beware, for I shall combat it."
Ed: Ok... They reached the tower...
R: which collapsed in a pile of bananas.
Ed: Which they realised where just hallucinatoins brought on by...
R: The lap dancers mushrooms in Iceland.
Ed: Which.. er... was also a hallucination.
R: Which was induced by the walking pencil of Maakaduiomnaefk...
Ed: *gags Rabbit*
R: MMff.
Ed: HELP! MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! OR AT LEAST MAKE A FUNNY FINAL STORY! WHICH INCLUDES ME! ..Edcrab then gets gets banned.. but then given a respite aslong as he doesn't spam any more on this shit that`s it said the mighty Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit braking free from Ed`s grasp now now don`t do anything u`ll regret ed replied when da rabbit dropped a few satchels on he ground and stood on then "i`am gonno do it don`t come any closer" ED: now now jus calm down . Rabbit:soz but now it`s over (jus about to click da button ) WHEN *the hole damn thing spins into a slow motion scene* AND ed runs and jumps towards da satchels shouting NOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOooooOoOoOoOoOoooooooo ect, ect,and manages to kik them away when they go off not harming the rabbit, *everything spins back into normal motion but still have a bit of motion sickness from all this time swapping about* as ed picks himself up the rabbits eyes turn red then purple and yellow and all sorts of diffrent colours and ed nearly has an epileptic fit the rabbits contact lens falls out to show BLOOOD red eyes ohh sCaRy!! and pounces at ed to knock em over and......(fight scene anyone) they decide to break into a girlie handbag fight instead.. Wow! I'm port 999 =P Sorry.. Just had to.. =)..thats when it happened, for contained inside one of the handbags was 2.0's source code, as well as Another1, the crazy little coding dude had managed to bundle himself into the handbag along with the source and a highly reactive lump of antimatter for no reason other than to provide a plot device..
In the other handbag, was Sven, wrapped around the nice warmness that was a Uranium 235 rod. Also located in the handbag was the multi-million account information, held firmly in Svens hand(any suggestions to what his other hand were doing is just going too far guys).
Everyone began to gather round, and what the hell, all the leprechauns, Chubby, Tor and the rest of the supporting Cast.
What they thought they were seeing was a girlie Handbag fight, what they really were seeing was a highly destructive chain Reaction waiting to happen..
The Black White Long Short Bright Dark Clever Stupid Fast Slow Hot Cold Nice Nasty Microscopic Gargantuan Rabbit swung at Edcrab with his handbag
"You bitch!"
Edcrab swung at the bunny wabbit..
"Whore!"
The handbags collided in midair..
"You dress like a tart!"
"Slut!"
The handbags split and Another1 and Sven fell out, Another1 with his source, Sven with his account information.
"Hey! I want that!" they both chanted in unison, Sven made a grab for the source, another1 for the account info, unfortuately their sudden movements dislodged the Uranium and the antimatter, sending them flinging towards each other in midair
"Your mom is such a..."
Edcrab never had a chance to finish his sentence.
BOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!
and alas, that is how it all ended, not because anyone actually got hurt by that explosion, but because I said so. J
Tell a story 4!11