Lets start a new story shall we?
Today Gordon Freeman faces his biggest threat yet, he has to... ...fix a cloged toilet, that was filled with... crawl through vents, kill aliens who get in his way and avoid the military clean up squads throughout Black Mesa. Next, he... (Uh oh, first sentences and its allready messed up! Hehe) ...BGY-11's plastic turd army that was attempting to... ...secretly program everyone's TV to tune to "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" every time it aired. But Gordon had a plan! He... decided to sneak through the venting system with a handgun and flamethrower. When he got out he disabled the security grid and went wild with his pistol and flamethrower. He then... ....armed his rocket launcher he had secretly hidden in his.... ...portable toilet, which he pulled along using the alien limb he ripped from... backpack. He aimed it at the mainframe and pulled the trigger. The computers went up in flames as it explodes, sending metal, computer components and glass everywhere.. Now.. .. he has a shard of glass stuck in his eye, which is better than having one in his... ass... He pulls the shard out and heads towards the entrance but before turning the corner he peeks and sees G-man and a few of his Grunt buddies. He takes out a hand grenade he found, he pulls the pin and flings the grenade, hitting G-man in the back. Moments later before the grunts and gman can take cover, it explodes, killing all 3 of them.. ...and only slightly agitating the g-man, who whips out his colt 45 and ..... ... goes balistic and shoots everything in site, includeing endangered and protected specices of rocks and cacti. He was then imedieatly sent to jail where he found a rather large... ... crowbar... ... being thrust at him by ... .... by "Tiny", The g-mans ass-mate for the past 6 months who is also his... ... who is also his Real-Estate manager. "Did you land that contract I wanted," asked g-man.
"Yeah it's in the bag," replied the manager who's 'real' name was ... Gordon Freeman. This confused our dumbfounded hero he then... ... he then decided to ditch g-man for Gina and live in the house he just bought.
Then one night Mr. Calhoun came over and they got to reminiscing about ... remnicing about how much valve made money out of their name. Angry, they decided to... Add a shitty mod to the next HL patch about... sven coop 2.0!! the whole community is so happy that they... shot and killed local law enforcement agents after that they... Went out for a drink with Jonesy in celebration of the new story All of a sudden... fighting in the Middle East broke into an all out war, the government, which were too lazy to do anything themselves, contacted Sven Coop Special Forces or |[SCSP]| and ordered them to disable a... gigantic nuke, that was times to detonate when Sven opens his e-mail box, so….They all went to Canada! and there they ... went to greet c00leyo who lives in Canada. Soon they discovered his madness about having a SC 2.0 fgd out so he could map and make custom monsters, so they went back to their world domination HQ. ... back at the WDHQ the crisis monitor comes on! Gordon, Gina, and cooleyo saw that they had to save the world from ... Ronald McDonald.... who has an enlarged.... ... throbing red... ...foot.... ... which the "G-Team" promptly went to the scene to put some anti-enlargened-throbing-red-foot creme on it.
The day was saved. The, world, was saved.
THE END
... that sucked! Throught Gordon as he left the theater, throwing his popcorn at the wall "well you didn't expect them to make an entirely great movie portraying us, did you Gordy?
The Gman said in hopes of cheering up his spirit.
Whilst leaveing the theater, Gordon then removed a small metal canister from one of his HEV suit pockets and took a swig from his Brandy.
"I really wish you wouldn't do that.." The Gman said with distaste.
"Oh relax, live a little, you only live forever."
"I guess so..." The gman said as they began to drive off into the sunset, running over many perestrians on their way into the molten sun.
Where they drove into the sun. And burned. Alive. Then. They died.
... meanwhile back at the labs, Walter had just conducted the most pecular experiment on his... ..penis... "Very good Nomble!" Walter exclaimed the the class.
Now, how much does a 200lb Chub Toad wiegh?
(Narator: Realizeing the ultimatly stupidness of his question immediatly after ward, he proptly vansished from existence and was as well proptly replaced with a vase of petunia's, which only thoughts were "Oh no, not again.")
Keen then ran into the room screaming that his penis hurt, saw that Walter was gone, and fainted instantly. Then soon after, a rather large metal box appeared in the room. Nomble proptly opened it only to find... ..shit... from pancake anihilation!!!
So they hopped into their interstellar ...(name of a hyper-mega- cool vehicle?) And they drove, to the nearest supermarket and... ...they bought some spinach!!
Which they ate joyfully until they felt sick. Then, they... ... then they got back into their interstellar 'Pinto' and decded to go to the GalaticMegaplex. Gordon had seen Jurrasic Park III already so he didn't want to see it again. So Gina and Gordon decided on Planet Of The Apes.
There they took their seats. Out of respect for the manager (they were good friends with) they stayed through the whole pos movie. Leaving the movie Gina tunrs to Gordon and says, "Why don't we find Tim Burton's address and ..." ...And Slap him with a trout for stealing the ending of planet of the apes from the guy who stars in Jay and silent bob. But then a red Poershe(?) filled with female assassins wearing skin tight leather pulled up next to them and.... ... and asked them for directions to Black Mesa. The scientists there had invited them to ... ... the "thank god Walters vanished from existence and been replaced with a vase of petunias" ball room party. They then went to the party and were aproached by n oblonged... GMAN.... 's cousin ... Dr. checkonthepoints, he stepped into the room and said.. ... "Gordon Feeman in the flesh. Pay up!" The cousin said as he stood there tappign his foot...
Gordon promptly emptyed his pockets to the floor, reveiling much change, a 20, and a rolled up paper that looked like..
"OMG IS THAT A DEWBIE IM GONNA CALL THE COPS ON J00! P3WNS!" The cousin said as he ran down the hall.
"Shiiiit..." Gordon said aloud as he ran down the hall after him in hope of whacking him in the head with his crowbar, but suddenly a very attractive woman caught his eye, she walked up to him and said... ..."Hey good lookin. Is that a crowbar in your H.E.V. Or ya just glad to see me.". She promptly took freeman into a clostet and slowly unziped her dress, and to gordon's suprize... she had a.... ...big errected penis and she got more chesthair than Austin Powers!
Freeman feared for his life and grabbed a headcrab and quickly placed it over the thingey and rushed out.
Inside the closet he heard her scream as the organ turned into a zombie "snake" swallowed her alive! Unfortinuatly... ...the chesthair and penis detached themselve from her remains and *slinked* off down the vast corridors of BMRF where they would lie in wait for hapless scientists so they could... ... so they could find a cure for the endless amounts of teenage hormones that are ... ...running through grimwall's he-bitch loving..... he whipped out his mobile phone and shouted "Mr wizard Get Me The hell Out Aa here!!" then he suddelnly got transformated into the real world and had a couple more drinks than he should and started chatting up trinity and said...... Nothing but vomited repeatally over her! untill..... ... KRITTER SAID " Damn it man ya messed up the story line".... ... and they all said "F*ck it!" and all jacked back into the fake-world with the *slinking* dick and chesthair down the hall at .2MPH *slinking* after scientists, as well with the shemale zombie in the closet.
By this time Gordon has forgot about Gmans Cousin and the cops came and threw them all into deep space for 29 seconds till they were picked up by a ship. Then suddenly... Barney Calhoun came and scream "Why dont you have me in these storys!?" Gordon then pressed..... ... pressed [how the hell am I sposed to use that?]
... (quickly changed verb to) Gordon said, "Damnit I feel like we're ripping some story about a golden shoe shaped ..." "... like a lobster in a pot of..." pure liquid steel incased under 50000000000 tones of concrete having already been eaten by a garg which was in cyrogenic freezing so he...... ... so the garg (he?) continued to be frozen. Then the Mighty Avatar of War, Immortal Sankis appeared... and pushed his use key on the button that unfroze the garg. The garg jumped up into the air and the "loading..." text appeared on the screen... (damn loading text.....) ... and their horrible fate came into perspective. The 'nextmap' was Crisis2 and they could tell that the button spamer from stadium had other ideas for the tram ... As the buttonspammer from stadium hops onto the tram, the disco lights start to flash and the Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive begins to play... ... suddently the Village people jumped on the tram which stoped over the goo pit and ass-raped the blocker to death. Everybody cheered them.
As the level continued... The loader robot was seen picking up the dead body from the radioactive goo and Gman began to clean up the subsequential ass-rape-mess and stored the unknown liquids into test tubes and put the test tubes in his briefcase mumbling something like "i'l need this later." After that bit, the tram continued on to the section of where all the monsters are guzzleing Black Mesa-Cola when... ... All of a sudden a gigantic dick killed them! When they were all dead gordan jumped out and tackled the Giant Dick.
He figured out it was just Dick Chaney but gordon still shot Dick in the face with a LAW Rocket, then... Gordon realized that in svencoop ther isn't a LAW rocket because thats in the Bill Clintion Mod where the LAW rocket is clintion's worst nightmare. Anywho, Gordon mistakes dick chaney for a dead monster and tries to gib him. But dick dies and begins to fade away before he could. But then, out of the soda machine next to him... a big, big,big,big...... 700 page Calculs 2 book! Gordon then... screamed, "Fire in the hole!", the grenade landed on the ground, making a gigantic explosion, making the floor break and fall down, in the hole, gordon saw a...... a very, VERY annoying BLOCKER, who... had chosen the Homer model ... and he was blocking in crisis2, lucky (from the song lucky) came to save the day, she.... Bit that bastard homer blocker in the neck, severing his\her\both's jugular vein and overflowed from the server due to the extremely high blood decal count. Lucky then leaft the server by... ...banning.... everybody, and when she was alone, she left and..... ...Cried by night , until James Hetfield arrived in his sweetass camaro and screamed "Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi".
Lucky felt happy and unbanned everybody and now everybody is happy.
But... ..grimwall, the masterclimber, is still out there, hunting small dogs on the streets, lucky then..... turned off the TV, because the masterclimber is a fkd up show. So she tuned on FOX, and guess what she saw? A really, really.... ... realy really good episode of the simpsons the first ever episode so she watched it and after the show she then.... joined a server with the lame, homer model, everybody got so pissed off, and banned lucky forever!" Lucky then...tried to post a message, but the story was to slow, lucky then.... went on a killing spree because of that damn casino music. After killing all the advertising men and making the world a better place she then went on mrmagics server and she saw.... that, all the maps have been changed to undeath, this lagging the players to the extrem, after 4hours crowbar killing, and zombie death, the map changed to..dogs2, and with a garg killing everyone at respawn, and alot of people just walking slow in the vents, the map finally changed to... .... opsprey were after 3 mins of me banna bombing the plane to its deathleaving everyone on the server including lucky to wait for another 27 mins during this time lucky succumbed to boredom and join the dark side she then got some tripmines and..... blocked the ammo room! Then the map changed to, crisis2 and lucky then killed barney and blocked barney room, this making all player so mad at lucky that... ... (this this is wrong)put them on the other side of the egon pit. Sucessfully completing the manuver she called 'Stops people from getting the egon who don't have a fire or altfire button bound.' ... this making a line that has nothing to do with the story... but the story goes on..Mattamue that said a thing that was wrong then... bound "giant urinal with wings bust out from underground action" she pressed it and a giant urinal with wings busted out from underground and then it... flied away, and hited one of those star trek members, after a long.... ...lecture about why ppl should stop pissing on it, then... nomble feelt tired, and went back to bed... you could hear a load ZzzzZzZzzzzzzzzZZ, then for some reson Undeadenemy came and...... ...threw Nomble into a burning pit of fire from which he could never retrun no matter what and Undeadenemy knew it was the real Nomble because he used a super dupoer machine that told him so. The Machine also made Undeadenemy invicible for the rest of the story. However Black_Ops came to Undeadenemy carrying a piece of cyrptonite thus makeing Undeadenemy no longer invincible mwhahahahahhaha Black_Ops screeched. He then broke the all knowing machine useing a certaian fruit bassed weapon and retried noble from the burning pits of hell despite the fact thats its not suposed to be posible. Nomble and i then went and attacked Undeadenemy by....... ...ending this war through suicide. When all 3 finnaly STFU the "story" continued.
Gordon arrived home after his most recent adventure only to find the woman with a dick and more chest hair than austin powers.... Then Kritter remembered that the chesthair was *Slinking* around the BMRF halls and so was the zombie dick. The woman formally known as the-woman-with-a-dick-and-more-chest-hair-than-austin-powers.... used Hairclub for Men's hair growing gel and took over the room with the anti-mass-pectromiter thingie that fucked up gordon's life. Forever to be entoombed in that room was Too Much Coffie Man because bob-o-couldn't-think-of-anything-else-at-the-time-while-playing-on-his-server... Anywho, Back to gordon. Gordon was... .....was drunk he got depressed so he drank 13 beers. So as he bagan to stumbloe accross the BMRF halls he stumbled into..... A burning pit, where nomble is, And he had his! Soulstone, now hes powerful, hes gona find his brother, Greys, who been bound with his soulstone in the great desert, now undeadenemy pissed his pants and shit him self, when the great Wizard Nomble, The Lord of Gaming, raised up and.... and... slaped Sven until he revaeled the secret of his plan for after sven coop v 2 and low and behold this secret was... that Black_ops cant find a name without any relation with opposing force, black_ops then... ....then finished playing oppsoing force for the 100th time and suggested that maybe nomble might like my alternte name, Valkeryie, and the i proceeded to... talk with nomble, but nomble dident like that name and scream, CHANGE YOUR NAME! black_ops then... ...then proceded to get angry Black_Ops said " I dont like the name valkyrie alll that much i only use it in emergencys and i can only spell it right once every ten attempts. Then sven came over and..... ...Saw that one man was blocking his path to utter victory, Ryu...from Street Fighter fame.
--------------------------
Ryu stood before his opponent with his fists held up. The man stared him down with his cold dead eyes as he waited patiently.
Desperation gripped his soul as he watched the figure stand firmly in place, never wavering, never moving, not even breathing as he awaited the battle.
"What do you want with me?" he screamed as fear clenched his heart. "Who are you?"
The man stayed motionless, but it could not be a man, no matter what his eyes told him the pure power alone was far too much for any man to hold.
The thing's lips curled slightly in what could have been a smile, or just as easily a snarl. "I am power made flesh," was its only reply.
Ryu felt the wind blow as the storm came, the tall grass blew against the wind while he stood unmoving, waiting.
Without warning the monster in front of him placed its foot out and raised its fists.
He felt the fear wash away only to be replaced by anticipation, the perfect battle had found him at last, not even Sven himself could withstand its sheer power. ....however the message from jonesy was important. the war against blockers was being won by the blockers all the antiblocker measures in version 2 were being abused by blockers. they were kicking people of server left right and centre but the blcokers were coming out on top...... of the stony field, after that black_ops changed his face, everybody screamed.... BENDER!!!!! (hows everyone like my new face(credit goes to bb for making me it)), suddenly nicky blanco entered the server and i precedded to whoop him by... ... calling the big red Cool-Aid man, who decided that he would rather kick Black_Ops butt instead... Undeadenemy released Nomble from his firey pit and Nomble went pysco on Nikki Blanko and threw him into the pit of fire for all enternity and there was much rejoicing. Until... ... somebody used the old "there's something on your shirt" line and flicked someone elses nose... ...clean off and then... ... it grew legs and ran off, so they had a runny nose (add rimshot here)... ... The Nose, dick, and Chesthair suddently came upon each other. Stairing at eachother, suddently a flash of light engoulphed the 3. When the light faded the dick, nose, and chesthair were combined into a runny, hairy dick the size of a person. It slinked down the halls and found gordon and... ... was instantly named Kritter, meanwhile... A Monkey, bot named, Xerono-C1, had plans to destroy the world, but..... ... he had to edit his skill.cfg file so he could be smarter. Then he.. Met a Friendly Garg who... eats shit... and he sat and ate his shit, until a.... ... scientist named Walter wanted to research the Garg... but the garg still ate shit, all day long.... ... which was fortunate for Friendly Garg because the days on Xen are only .05 seconds long and the nights are 23hrs 59mins and 59.95seconds long.
Which makes for an interesting nightlife, that's why Gordon always invites Gina to go there for dinner at this little restaurant called ... "I-Some-Ass-Tonight Cafe" the cafe however was destroyed during the battle for Xen by a stray... ...turd. That.... ... ran back to the clogged toilet that was mentioned at the begining of the story ... ... where it was much happer, at the begining of the story, because that was before all the talk about penis and he-males and ... ... (he-males lol) nomble in a firey pit. But soon the turd got unhappy in its bowl, longing for the nice warm colon it once knew. So it packed its bags and..... ate some shit..... ... and then realized that it was eating it's friends and relatives, and killed Nomble for making it eat them. After that was done, it decided it didn't want to be a part of the story anymore, so it left. Then Barney the Security Guard ... waves at a girl and then... ...tripes and falls into a hole that take him all the way to the Doom/Quake universe (yes they are interconnected) along with Gordon, Adrian, G-Man, and Undeadenemy. (imagine the damage all of them put together could do, maybe I shouldn't be hangin with them in an already fucked-up place) After landing in the crazied hellhole Undeadenemy calls to his friends for help so they come in and attack the devil itself. During the attack... The moon man, ate some shit...... ... and they decided to all grab rocket launchers and try this "rocket jump" that they had heard so much about. The resulting explosion ... ... made shit ... ..so, they ate some shit..... then the devil himself joined in eating shit, it ate so much shit that it passed out dead and the game ended. They all then sat there for several hours cycling through the names and pictures of all the monsters in the game until... a dog, ate some shit..... And then a garg flamed the dog! The garg decided to flame Nomble to for making several shit lines.
After that, the garg... sat down and ate some shit.... ... But it was a dream, so he didn't ate shit! After this nightmare, the garg... he started to eat shit again! ... Then the garg woke up, it was another dream! After this, the garg... started to drink his urine..... And then he met a girlgarg called gargy-gella.
She, also liked to drink his urine.
After this, they started to (---)
and 16 months later they got an baby garg called Garg-Baby!
Garg-Baby went the Xen shop, but there he met gordon.
The Garga-Baby got 2 banana bombs on his face and.. And they all had some joint and they had a great time, drinking urine...... THEN THEY ALL DIED!!! The end of the garg family.
Then suddenly, a new story started:
One day, on Xen.. where all the aliens live... Alot of HEV people was researching and building some sort of radar crystals, It looked like the humans was building some sort of signal towers, The leader of XEN ordered a total invasion on earth, They sended a crystal to earth, The same materials that the humans used to build siglan towers with, The crystal was a bomb, when the beam hits it, the invasion will start, only.......... Mister Freeman could save them, so he started... at the Black Mesa Research Facility in nevada Desert. He came late to work, whne he puted the sample, hell breaks lose, the invasion has started, The HEV people back in XEN notice an hostile behavor in the aliens, whne they were nere them, they tryied to hit them, The humans dident had any weapons, and those who had, died first One by one died, until every human soul on XEN where dead. On earth, humans was killed every second that passed, Gordon, crawl out of the labs fighting his way to the surface, only notice hostile military troops, send in to kill all who......... Are able to touch there nose with their tongue and create the ultimate crisp with a GoldFish a Wooden Spoon and a Russian Helicopter so the troops killed no one apart from chubby and then they all sat down to..... And they all went back to highschool and took some joint and got a job, the job was.... Yes shit eater. No i mean, Police, and they all took a job in the Black Mesa..... ... and died of the BM incident.. later, the grunts... had problem with, a story writer named Nomble, they banned him and pissed on him 200times, now end of story blah blah blah! A Choco Leibniz came and talked to the admin, to take away Headcrab fodder from Nomble, the admins answerd..... For GOD SAKE GIVE ME BACK MY MOUSTACHE AHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH MY BEARDS ON FIRE!!!!!!! so then he.... ...fired a gun into a wall which open a temporal flux thingamaduge that caused the old story to come back agian. The toliet had once agian overflowed and everyone had no choice but to fight for their lives because they had consumed all the shit in the universe. So they had to fight agianst the evil army of tthe... shitbags........ ....The shitbags unleashed a huge nuclear shit bomb that could...... SHIT, SHIT AND URINE..... The shit bomb exploded covering the earth with seas ou piss and garg shit. then the story got locked in Death Row. but got brought back and another war started, however all shit and piss in the universe had disapeared forever and could not come back no matter what. So they all decided to go on the Jerry Springer show. Today on the Jerry Springer show they will be talking about... ....insect fecees and the garg that loves them.....
cooleyo, shit is a part of life. Its not that disgusting... of course i wouldent condone playing with it or eating it. The real reason we think is discusting is because were programed that way. If our ancestors didnt have this built-in hatrid for their own crap and that of other creatures, they would have ate it, no questions asked. So our disgust for crap was inheritied from our ancient ancestors. So thats why all of us (cept for some asians, no offense) who would not touch it or eat it(damn thos sick bastards who do... u know who you are... your japaneese... right? ha i knew it). Then all the sudden, some NEWBIESSSSSS blow up the nuke, and everyone died....... ... then right after everyone died they all tried to respawn at the same time. The telefragging went on until ... 100s of gargs came and... teleported out, the teleporting offered an extra spawn point or 2 so they all used it to come back. THey went to Svencoop1 and tried to go through the teleporter, but they all got stuck because somone decided not to implement telefrag on teleporters to solve this they... They sat on the "Love Seat" watched *ATEAM* and ate some meatloaf. then they got sucked into the world of the A-Team where they... ... lived in constant fear of Mister T's volent mood swings brought on by his recent break-up with Nomble. Apparently Nomble wasn't giving him enough ... then the admins called Nomble an old dog.... but... he was really and old cat! and then dr.seus said... Nomble isnet a cat or a dog, hes human for gods sake! all teh sudden nomble got BANNED from the story for opening his mouth........"again" Then the ban code suddnely got changed into the anti-blocker code (By Accident) and then nomble got lightly roasted over a fire then put on an island with caniballs and all he has to eat is 4 litires of tomato sauce and chubby bug food stuff but then suddenly and without warning he went bald and the island suddenly..... Became a large pile of............ marshmellows then the island in its new form went to assault the city of... Dacula where it went 2 Hamilton Mill And Undeadenemyt.And in no way no how can Spawn of Satan die. then Undeadenemy respawned and killed the beast then chucked SpawnOfSatan into the firy pit where he had thrown Nomble. No matter what, SpawnOfSatan could never come back from the pit unless Undeadenemy says so. So now happy of SpawnOfSatans death all the players went on to... Finish off Undeadenemy and 2 casturate him.After all of that The other players Broke the portal to the fireie pit and released Spawn of Satan 4 eva!!!!!!!!!!! Meanwhile, back in real life, Secret-Agent used to remember the good times on the original "Story' . But as he is remembering, tor stabs him in the back with his tentacles. Chubby sees this and attacks tor with his... ...Pikachu... .....disembobulator... which is unknown word for nomble, and the Admins again banned Nomble for opening his mouth.......... Then the admins again called nomble an old Dog, and banned him, over and over again, until Nomble got tired of being under ban siege, so he went to a server and got vote banned, after this Nomble got him self toghter and ran to the store for changing game from half-life to another, becurse half-life had made Nombles life bad and boring, so he went to the shop and buyed, yes thats right, Max Payne. When he played it, the Svencoop admins spammed him with mails, for no reson and Nomble went to bed and sleeped, becurse the day has been an nightmare, good night............. And when he was sleeping he had the nightmare of not being able to use bullet time in Max Payne, thus he never beat it, and so Nomble died in his sleep..... woops! Wrong text, heh.. Nomble did not die in his sleep, But When he woke up, his mail box was 3442unread mails, all came from the admins just to call Nomble an Old dog.... and to say that they had captured his dog and was threating to make it into a stew if he didn`t create ultimate evil and chuck his max payne into it and then play black & white it better (he he he he NO BUSH THE MONKEY U DON`T SHIT IN THE VILLAGE)...... .....but all the lions and tigers and bears (oh my) turned evil and destroyed stuff which lead to the extinction of.... BGY-11 Robots... ..even the one who was on the old story.... So Nomble's-Life got too many bugs it... .......nomble was destroyed, and Secret-Agent started watching Big guy and rusty a few times and thought about how cool the show was (except for the song intro) and he was like........really......high and then something very very very very odd happened tomorrow..... Secret Agent's TV sucked him into TV Land where SpawnOfSatan had been respawned from the firey pit. Undeadenemy had just goten up from being dead agian and was really pissed off. He decided to save his mis-guided friend and Secret Agent from the horrors of daytime televison anyway though. To do this he... Wore a hat made of noodles and became a small squichy yougart for 5 mins so he could hum the tune to an old rubbish violin song and make bad remarks to peral harbour and after that he made a time machine to go back in time to grow a moustache or else the whole thing wouldn`t work and just in time he changed back but not into a human he turned into a ..... horrid monster that has all tunes that are stuck in his head play aloud for all to hear over and over agian. Undeadenemy then drove all within hearing range crazy from having the damned Egyptian fanatic chanting from "Young Sherlock Holmes" playing over and over agian in his head. Since he hadn't listened to the radion in at least 2 weeks he figured it would be there a while then he.... Ate his noodle hat and then drowned his sorryoris away with a massive drinkathon with the page 3 gurls and he lost so he decided being a monsotr an all that he create the most ultimate creation and deadlyist thing in DA WORLD!!!!! so he made.... a stereo that played the Egyptian fanactic chanting and the HKS1.WAV(MP5 Shooting) for all eternity. This drove all who listened mad and they all killed themselves. NOw alone in the unvierse Undeadenemy searched the planet for the magical run that would turn him back to normal. He found the rune in a... BOWEL OF MUSTARD which was suspened over a lava......lamp but which was the frendsly gargs lunch and so to try and get him not to eat the mustard so he......... with a pole ?....... .....killed himself with that pole, and then respawned on the planet known as..... gargantua the 11th such as the orgianl story and found a billion pounds of mustard dumped there with the rune inside so he jumped in and found all the crew of sven-coop and also a pizza man with xtra mushrooms but had been covered with mustard so they all brought the pizza out and did emergancy mouth to mouth with the pizza and oh no they managed to 2 2........(work out maths??) .....and everyone killed monkey cause of his insane babblings and so everyone was happy and they rejoiced and they..... save the pizza, Then it died anyways Undeadenemy finally found the rune which turned him back to normal, then he used his necromancing skillz to bring back the entire SC team and the players (except SpawnOfSatan who was still in the firy pit) Back in the Land of Gays, where Tor was born, chumtoads were being slaughtered by the millions. To stop this evil act of injustice, the king of the Chumtoads, Chubby, made a plan. His plan was too...... injaculate on Elton John thus making him wet. This attracted all the Tors and gave Chubby time to land his "Chumtoad Class" shuttle on PlanetGay. When he landed he went to find his friends but he came upon a... .......large trout..... that... ........ate..... shit, now Nomble went back from the dead, now when he checked his email, its was around 1000000unread mails, Nombles Computer crashed, and the saved games from max payne was lost, Nomble then started to hate SvenCoop becurse it made his life bad, The admins started to mail mails about Nomble was an old dog, "Again" He had 2 main targets, That darn English teacher, and Svencoop, i mean, max payne, no no no, i mean like, uhhh, yes! KKND! Now when he destroyed the KKND cd, and kicked his english teacher, he was free, until the admins, started to mail, and mail. Here is a weiver to you to sighn. Nombles Life is so bad and boring, that Nombe went and buyed FOG, he played it, and alomst died, hes PC crashed, and Nomble went on to check his email, "again On another computer" 4000mails from the forums admins, calling Nomble an old dog....... ... calling Nomble and old dog because the day that yearbook pictures were being taken Nomble was at home eating ¿. So he sent his dog to school to get his homework. When the dog got there they had to have a picture for Nomble so ... Nomble dident get a damn about what Mattamue was talking about, so Nomble then "Again" was called an old dog from the admins, And suddenly the end of the world came........ again?
But friendly garg saved the world! but... sadly enough... Only nomle got killed.... ......and everyone was happy the old dog died, which meant that the end of the world sucked ass because george bush didn't die with him. Oh well, thought Secret-Agent, I'll just ignore bush for now. As he thought, an explosion ripped through his evil dungeon. And there stood the man we all know as...... G-man!! He told his real name was Gargantuafan-man, and that was a schock for eveyone!
Later... He called his mommy to.... ...kill gordon freeman.
Later, gordon and G-mom met eachother and the one that got killed was... SOMETHING, NAMED bARNYES AS.... now nomble wasnet killed, its just secret agent with his fantasy... Now Nomble almost died in a heart attack knowing that sankis is an amdin,s trying to ban nomble at any price! ......and Secret-Agent quickly tells Nomble that he should stop always putting attention on himself cause the admins love you in a way you can not imagine when you think about it. Then all of a sudden the nightmare was over. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING being said up to this point was all in Doctor Gordon Freeman's nightmare. So gordon got up and went on his usual everyday tram ride. He got to sector c when he found barney. Barney told him he was running late. He had an odd feeling of Deja Vu..... ! And this time, not even Mad Jonsey could stop him!! MWAHAHAH! Mad, they called ME... MAD! MAD! But who's mad now? ME, I guess....
However, something very strange happened when the security guard spoke to Gordon. The strange thing was that the guard shot Gordon in the head, killing him instantly. This was because Ed had had finnaly created a Time Machine, and had travelled back to prevent the cutthroat Freeman from ruining his plans. A quick bribe, and Gordon was dead.
Who will take Gordons place in this alternate time, if anyone? Will they succeed? Will it be different? Will it avoid the awful Lambda and Xen? Find out in the next exciting portion of super-spam! but nomble, thinks that the admins wants him gone forever and dont like nomble, they hate him..... ........is what the security guard said. Gordon looked at barney like he was crazy. So barney let him thru then the security guard at the desk said his comp crashed, due to the fact he was running Windows 98. So gordon headed thru halls of brilliant scientists at worked and he arrived at the Test chamber... As gordon entered the test chamber he realized nomble once again became annoying and said something before Secret-Agent. But anyway, as gordon entered the test chamber... Something went wrong, the... Experiment blew up in gordons face and..... ...it was caused by a scientist running a program to see if the G-Man was bald or not (well is he now that you think about it?) the computer had an error and crashed throwing Gordon, the G-Man, Nomble, and evil Edcrab into the void of a crashed computer system. Inside there is no light and none of them culd ever return because Undeadenemy had sent them there with his necromancing powers and thye could never kill him or come back. They were simply stuck, forever....(not a stop)
Meanwhile, on the other side of the moon... ......cheese, a fun but buggy map for TFC, was being played by peoples who like...did stuff and colonized the moon. This meant.... ...they did stuff and colonized the moon. Cubby, who was returning from PlanetGay with his friends, got his shuttle damaged by a meteor. THis caused him to have to crash-land on the moon which was inhabited by... TFC players...... TFC player that like to.... ......play TFC..... eat quail eggs and drink chicken piss. This disgusted Chubby who then... said, nomble! I hate you, you stupid matha facher.... ...you die and go to hell!" So he did and there was much rejoicing. But then they realized Nomble was already in the void with Gordon, G-Man, and Edcrab. SO he stayed where he was. But they rejoiced anyways... and everyone agreed that everyone hates nomble. Now that we have established that, gordon freeman had sex with the gman and all was happy in the land of... the dark crashed computer system void. They were all falling falling. Then they fell some more. Pretty soon everyone got tired of watching G-man, Gordon, Nomble, and Edcrab fall so they left and they were all forgotten about... ... but then someone rembered them. This some1 was like;
"Whoa, do you rember those people that were like inside of UndeadNme's computer?"
"Yeah, I rember. But they were boring. Lets go ..." laugh at them then leave... Playgirl magazines...... Secret-Agent is becoming mad because the last 5 lines have been interrupted by Undead and the whole story is getting screwed so anyway.... ... The revelation ... that someone pissed in the water... .....then mattamue realized Secret-Agent would rather have undead delete his lines because Secret-Agent is lazy and.... ...then Undead said he wasn't deleting his lines because they followed the story-line and SA's didn't... Then undead realized SA's lines were with the story, but were just interfered with.... ... because SA is lazy and wants to be an uber-fanboy by Friday. So he can impress ... ...the Backstreet Boys however the solution was... Secret-Agent sighs and says "See what I mean"..... Is what undead said to the giant head full of lead...... ... the giant head full of lead doesn't like being reffered to as the giant head full of lead. It' is more polite to say ... ....'a' giant head full of lead...... know what hes talking about, suddenly nomble came and screamed, "WHY DO EVERYONE HATE ME! I F****ING HATE THIS S***!!!!" Everybody then.....
part 5.
Today Gordon Freeman faces his biggest threat yet, he has to... ...fix a cloged toilet, that was filled with... crawl through vents, kill aliens who get in his way and avoid the military clean up squads throughout Black Mesa. Next, he... (Uh oh, first sentences and its allready messed up! Hehe) ...BGY-11's plastic turd army that was attempting to... ...secretly program everyone's TV to tune to "Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot" every time it aired. But Gordon had a plan! He... decided to sneak through the venting system with a handgun and flamethrower. When he got out he disabled the security grid and went wild with his pistol and flamethrower. He then... ....armed his rocket launcher he had secretly hidden in his.... ...portable toilet, which he pulled along using the alien limb he ripped from... backpack. He aimed it at the mainframe and pulled the trigger. The computers went up in flames as it explodes, sending metal, computer components and glass everywhere.. Now.. .. he has a shard of glass stuck in his eye, which is better than having one in his... ass... He pulls the shard out and heads towards the entrance but before turning the corner he peeks and sees G-man and a few of his Grunt buddies. He takes out a hand grenade he found, he pulls the pin and flings the grenade, hitting G-man in the back. Moments later before the grunts and gman can take cover, it explodes, killing all 3 of them.. ...and only slightly agitating the g-man, who whips out his colt 45 and ..... ... goes balistic and shoots everything in site, includeing endangered and protected specices of rocks and cacti. He was then imedieatly sent to jail where he found a rather large... ... crowbar... ... being thrust at him by ... .... by "Tiny", The g-mans ass-mate for the past 6 months who is also his... ... who is also his Real-Estate manager. "Did you land that contract I wanted," asked g-man.
"Yeah it's in the bag," replied the manager who's 'real' name was ... Gordon Freeman. This confused our dumbfounded hero he then... ... he then decided to ditch g-man for Gina and live in the house he just bought.
Then one night Mr. Calhoun came over and they got to reminiscing about ... remnicing about how much valve made money out of their name. Angry, they decided to... Add a shitty mod to the next HL patch about... sven coop 2.0!! the whole community is so happy that they... shot and killed local law enforcement agents after that they... Went out for a drink with Jonesy in celebration of the new story All of a sudden... fighting in the Middle East broke into an all out war, the government, which were too lazy to do anything themselves, contacted Sven Coop Special Forces or |[SCSP]| and ordered them to disable a... gigantic nuke, that was times to detonate when Sven opens his e-mail box, so….They all went to Canada! and there they ... went to greet c00leyo who lives in Canada. Soon they discovered his madness about having a SC 2.0 fgd out so he could map and make custom monsters, so they went back to their world domination HQ. ... back at the WDHQ the crisis monitor comes on! Gordon, Gina, and cooleyo saw that they had to save the world from ... Ronald McDonald.... who has an enlarged.... ... throbing red... ...foot.... ... which the "G-Team" promptly went to the scene to put some anti-enlargened-throbing-red-foot creme on it.
The day was saved. The, world, was saved.
THE END
... that sucked! Throught Gordon as he left the theater, throwing his popcorn at the wall "well you didn't expect them to make an entirely great movie portraying us, did you Gordy?
The Gman said in hopes of cheering up his spirit.
Whilst leaveing the theater, Gordon then removed a small metal canister from one of his HEV suit pockets and took a swig from his Brandy.
"I really wish you wouldn't do that.." The Gman said with distaste.
"Oh relax, live a little, you only live forever."
"I guess so..." The gman said as they began to drive off into the sunset, running over many perestrians on their way into the molten sun.
Where they drove into the sun. And burned. Alive. Then. They died.
... meanwhile back at the labs, Walter had just conducted the most pecular experiment on his... ..penis... "Very good Nomble!" Walter exclaimed the the class.
Now, how much does a 200lb Chub Toad wiegh?
(Narator: Realizeing the ultimatly stupidness of his question immediatly after ward, he proptly vansished from existence and was as well proptly replaced with a vase of petunia's, which only thoughts were "Oh no, not again.")
Keen then ran into the room screaming that his penis hurt, saw that Walter was gone, and fainted instantly. Then soon after, a rather large metal box appeared in the room. Nomble proptly opened it only to find... ..shit... from pancake anihilation!!!
So they hopped into their interstellar ...(name of a hyper-mega- cool vehicle?) And they drove, to the nearest supermarket and... ...they bought some spinach!!
Which they ate joyfully until they felt sick. Then, they... ... then they got back into their interstellar 'Pinto' and decded to go to the GalaticMegaplex. Gordon had seen Jurrasic Park III already so he didn't want to see it again. So Gina and Gordon decided on Planet Of The Apes.
There they took their seats. Out of respect for the manager (they were good friends with) they stayed through the whole pos movie. Leaving the movie Gina tunrs to Gordon and says, "Why don't we find Tim Burton's address and ..." ...And Slap him with a trout for stealing the ending of planet of the apes from the guy who stars in Jay and silent bob. But then a red Poershe(?) filled with female assassins wearing skin tight leather pulled up next to them and.... ... and asked them for directions to Black Mesa. The scientists there had invited them to ... ... the "thank god Walters vanished from existence and been replaced with a vase of petunias" ball room party. They then went to the party and were aproached by n oblonged... GMAN.... 's cousin ... Dr. checkonthepoints, he stepped into the room and said.. ... "Gordon Feeman in the flesh. Pay up!" The cousin said as he stood there tappign his foot...
Gordon promptly emptyed his pockets to the floor, reveiling much change, a 20, and a rolled up paper that looked like..
"OMG IS THAT A DEWBIE IM GONNA CALL THE COPS ON J00! P3WNS!" The cousin said as he ran down the hall.
"Shiiiit..." Gordon said aloud as he ran down the hall after him in hope of whacking him in the head with his crowbar, but suddenly a very attractive woman caught his eye, she walked up to him and said... ..."Hey good lookin. Is that a crowbar in your H.E.V. Or ya just glad to see me.". She promptly took freeman into a clostet and slowly unziped her dress, and to gordon's suprize... she had a.... ...big errected penis and she got more chesthair than Austin Powers!
Freeman feared for his life and grabbed a headcrab and quickly placed it over the thingey and rushed out.
Inside the closet he heard her scream as the organ turned into a zombie "snake" swallowed her alive! Unfortinuatly... ...the chesthair and penis detached themselve from her remains and *slinked* off down the vast corridors of BMRF where they would lie in wait for hapless scientists so they could... ... so they could find a cure for the endless amounts of teenage hormones that are ... ...running through grimwall's he-bitch loving..... he whipped out his mobile phone and shouted "Mr wizard Get Me The hell Out Aa here!!" then he suddelnly got transformated into the real world and had a couple more drinks than he should and started chatting up trinity and said...... Nothing but vomited repeatally over her! untill..... ... KRITTER SAID " Damn it man ya messed up the story line".... ... and they all said "F*ck it!" and all jacked back into the fake-world with the *slinking* dick and chesthair down the hall at .2MPH *slinking* after scientists, as well with the shemale zombie in the closet.
By this time Gordon has forgot about Gmans Cousin and the cops came and threw them all into deep space for 29 seconds till they were picked up by a ship. Then suddenly... Barney Calhoun came and scream "Why dont you have me in these storys!?" Gordon then pressed..... ... pressed [how the hell am I sposed to use that?]
... (quickly changed verb to) Gordon said, "Damnit I feel like we're ripping some story about a golden shoe shaped ..." "... like a lobster in a pot of..." pure liquid steel incased under 50000000000 tones of concrete having already been eaten by a garg which was in cyrogenic freezing so he...... ... so the garg (he?) continued to be frozen. Then the Mighty Avatar of War, Immortal Sankis appeared... and pushed his use key on the button that unfroze the garg. The garg jumped up into the air and the "loading..." text appeared on the screen... (damn loading text.....) ... and their horrible fate came into perspective. The 'nextmap' was Crisis2 and they could tell that the button spamer from stadium had other ideas for the tram ... As the buttonspammer from stadium hops onto the tram, the disco lights start to flash and the Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive begins to play... ... suddently the Village people jumped on the tram which stoped over the goo pit and ass-raped the blocker to death. Everybody cheered them.
As the level continued... The loader robot was seen picking up the dead body from the radioactive goo and Gman began to clean up the subsequential ass-rape-mess and stored the unknown liquids into test tubes and put the test tubes in his briefcase mumbling something like "i'l need this later." After that bit, the tram continued on to the section of where all the monsters are guzzleing Black Mesa-Cola when... ... All of a sudden a gigantic dick killed them! When they were all dead gordan jumped out and tackled the Giant Dick.
He figured out it was just Dick Chaney but gordon still shot Dick in the face with a LAW Rocket, then... Gordon realized that in svencoop ther isn't a LAW rocket because thats in the Bill Clintion Mod where the LAW rocket is clintion's worst nightmare. Anywho, Gordon mistakes dick chaney for a dead monster and tries to gib him. But dick dies and begins to fade away before he could. But then, out of the soda machine next to him... a big, big,big,big...... 700 page Calculs 2 book! Gordon then... screamed, "Fire in the hole!", the grenade landed on the ground, making a gigantic explosion, making the floor break and fall down, in the hole, gordon saw a...... a very, VERY annoying BLOCKER, who... had chosen the Homer model ... and he was blocking in crisis2, lucky (from the song lucky) came to save the day, she.... Bit that bastard homer blocker in the neck, severing his\her\both's jugular vein and overflowed from the server due to the extremely high blood decal count. Lucky then leaft the server by... ...banning.... everybody, and when she was alone, she left and..... ...Cried by night , until James Hetfield arrived in his sweetass camaro and screamed "Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi Oi".
Lucky felt happy and unbanned everybody and now everybody is happy.
But... ..grimwall, the masterclimber, is still out there, hunting small dogs on the streets, lucky then..... turned off the TV, because the masterclimber is a fkd up show. So she tuned on FOX, and guess what she saw? A really, really.... ... realy really good episode of the simpsons the first ever episode so she watched it and after the show she then.... joined a server with the lame, homer model, everybody got so pissed off, and banned lucky forever!" Lucky then...tried to post a message, but the story was to slow, lucky then.... went on a killing spree because of that damn casino music. After killing all the advertising men and making the world a better place she then went on mrmagics server and she saw.... that, all the maps have been changed to undeath, this lagging the players to the extrem, after 4hours crowbar killing, and zombie death, the map changed to..dogs2, and with a garg killing everyone at respawn, and alot of people just walking slow in the vents, the map finally changed to... .... opsprey were after 3 mins of me banna bombing the plane to its deathleaving everyone on the server including lucky to wait for another 27 mins during this time lucky succumbed to boredom and join the dark side she then got some tripmines and..... blocked the ammo room! Then the map changed to, crisis2 and lucky then killed barney and blocked barney room, this making all player so mad at lucky that... ... (this this is wrong)put them on the other side of the egon pit. Sucessfully completing the manuver she called 'Stops people from getting the egon who don't have a fire or altfire button bound.' ... this making a line that has nothing to do with the story... but the story goes on..Mattamue that said a thing that was wrong then... bound "giant urinal with wings bust out from underground action" she pressed it and a giant urinal with wings busted out from underground and then it... flied away, and hited one of those star trek members, after a long.... ...lecture about why ppl should stop pissing on it, then... nomble feelt tired, and went back to bed... you could hear a load ZzzzZzZzzzzzzzzZZ, then for some reson Undeadenemy came and...... ...threw Nomble into a burning pit of fire from which he could never retrun no matter what and Undeadenemy knew it was the real Nomble because he used a super dupoer machine that told him so. The Machine also made Undeadenemy invicible for the rest of the story. However Black_Ops came to Undeadenemy carrying a piece of cyrptonite thus makeing Undeadenemy no longer invincible mwhahahahahhaha Black_Ops screeched. He then broke the all knowing machine useing a certaian fruit bassed weapon and retried noble from the burning pits of hell despite the fact thats its not suposed to be posible. Nomble and i then went and attacked Undeadenemy by....... ...ending this war through suicide. When all 3 finnaly STFU the "story" continued.
Gordon arrived home after his most recent adventure only to find the woman with a dick and more chest hair than austin powers.... Then Kritter remembered that the chesthair was *Slinking* around the BMRF halls and so was the zombie dick. The woman formally known as the-woman-with-a-dick-and-more-chest-hair-than-austin-powers.... used Hairclub for Men's hair growing gel and took over the room with the anti-mass-pectromiter thingie that fucked up gordon's life. Forever to be entoombed in that room was Too Much Coffie Man because bob-o-couldn't-think-of-anything-else-at-the-time-while-playing-on-his-server... Anywho, Back to gordon. Gordon was... .....was drunk he got depressed so he drank 13 beers. So as he bagan to stumbloe accross the BMRF halls he stumbled into..... A burning pit, where nomble is, And he had his! Soulstone, now hes powerful, hes gona find his brother, Greys, who been bound with his soulstone in the great desert, now undeadenemy pissed his pants and shit him self, when the great Wizard Nomble, The Lord of Gaming, raised up and.... and... slaped Sven until he revaeled the secret of his plan for after sven coop v 2 and low and behold this secret was... that Black_ops cant find a name without any relation with opposing force, black_ops then... ....then finished playing oppsoing force for the 100th time and suggested that maybe nomble might like my alternte name, Valkeryie, and the i proceeded to... talk with nomble, but nomble dident like that name and scream, CHANGE YOUR NAME! black_ops then... ...then proceded to get angry Black_Ops said " I dont like the name valkyrie alll that much i only use it in emergencys and i can only spell it right once every ten attempts. Then sven came over and..... ...Saw that one man was blocking his path to utter victory, Ryu...from Street Fighter fame.
--------------------------
Ryu stood before his opponent with his fists held up. The man stared him down with his cold dead eyes as he waited patiently.
Desperation gripped his soul as he watched the figure stand firmly in place, never wavering, never moving, not even breathing as he awaited the battle.
"What do you want with me?" he screamed as fear clenched his heart. "Who are you?"
The man stayed motionless, but it could not be a man, no matter what his eyes told him the pure power alone was far too much for any man to hold.
The thing's lips curled slightly in what could have been a smile, or just as easily a snarl. "I am power made flesh," was its only reply.
Ryu felt the wind blow as the storm came, the tall grass blew against the wind while he stood unmoving, waiting.
Without warning the monster in front of him placed its foot out and raised its fists.
He felt the fear wash away only to be replaced by anticipation, the perfect battle had found him at last, not even Sven himself could withstand its sheer power. ....however the message from jonesy was important. the war against blockers was being won by the blockers all the antiblocker measures in version 2 were being abused by blockers. they were kicking people of server left right and centre but the blcokers were coming out on top...... of the stony field, after that black_ops changed his face, everybody screamed.... BENDER!!!!! (hows everyone like my new face(credit goes to bb for making me it)), suddenly nicky blanco entered the server and i precedded to whoop him by... ... calling the big red Cool-Aid man, who decided that he would rather kick Black_Ops butt instead... Undeadenemy released Nomble from his firey pit and Nomble went pysco on Nikki Blanko and threw him into the pit of fire for all enternity and there was much rejoicing. Until... ... somebody used the old "there's something on your shirt" line and flicked someone elses nose... ...clean off and then... ... it grew legs and ran off, so they had a runny nose (add rimshot here)... ... The Nose, dick, and Chesthair suddently came upon each other. Stairing at eachother, suddently a flash of light engoulphed the 3. When the light faded the dick, nose, and chesthair were combined into a runny, hairy dick the size of a person. It slinked down the halls and found gordon and... ... was instantly named Kritter, meanwhile... A Monkey, bot named, Xerono-C1, had plans to destroy the world, but..... ... he had to edit his skill.cfg file so he could be smarter. Then he.. Met a Friendly Garg who... eats shit... and he sat and ate his shit, until a.... ... scientist named Walter wanted to research the Garg... but the garg still ate shit, all day long.... ... which was fortunate for Friendly Garg because the days on Xen are only .05 seconds long and the nights are 23hrs 59mins and 59.95seconds long.
Which makes for an interesting nightlife, that's why Gordon always invites Gina to go there for dinner at this little restaurant called ... "I-Some-Ass-Tonight Cafe" the cafe however was destroyed during the battle for Xen by a stray... ...turd. That.... ... ran back to the clogged toilet that was mentioned at the begining of the story ... ... where it was much happer, at the begining of the story, because that was before all the talk about penis and he-males and ... ... (he-males lol) nomble in a firey pit. But soon the turd got unhappy in its bowl, longing for the nice warm colon it once knew. So it packed its bags and..... ate some shit..... ... and then realized that it was eating it's friends and relatives, and killed Nomble for making it eat them. After that was done, it decided it didn't want to be a part of the story anymore, so it left. Then Barney the Security Guard ... waves at a girl and then... ...tripes and falls into a hole that take him all the way to the Doom/Quake universe (yes they are interconnected) along with Gordon, Adrian, G-Man, and Undeadenemy. (imagine the damage all of them put together could do, maybe I shouldn't be hangin with them in an already fucked-up place) After landing in the crazied hellhole Undeadenemy calls to his friends for help so they come in and attack the devil itself. During the attack... The moon man, ate some shit...... ... and they decided to all grab rocket launchers and try this "rocket jump" that they had heard so much about. The resulting explosion ... ... made shit ... ..so, they ate some shit..... then the devil himself joined in eating shit, it ate so much shit that it passed out dead and the game ended. They all then sat there for several hours cycling through the names and pictures of all the monsters in the game until... a dog, ate some shit..... And then a garg flamed the dog! The garg decided to flame Nomble to for making several shit lines.
After that, the garg... sat down and ate some shit.... ... But it was a dream, so he didn't ate shit! After this nightmare, the garg... he started to eat shit again! ... Then the garg woke up, it was another dream! After this, the garg... started to drink his urine..... And then he met a girlgarg called gargy-gella.
She, also liked to drink his urine.
After this, they started to (---)
and 16 months later they got an baby garg called Garg-Baby!
Garg-Baby went the Xen shop, but there he met gordon.
The Garga-Baby got 2 banana bombs on his face and.. And they all had some joint and they had a great time, drinking urine...... THEN THEY ALL DIED!!! The end of the garg family.
Then suddenly, a new story started:
One day, on Xen.. where all the aliens live... Alot of HEV people was researching and building some sort of radar crystals, It looked like the humans was building some sort of signal towers, The leader of XEN ordered a total invasion on earth, They sended a crystal to earth, The same materials that the humans used to build siglan towers with, The crystal was a bomb, when the beam hits it, the invasion will start, only.......... Mister Freeman could save them, so he started... at the Black Mesa Research Facility in nevada Desert. He came late to work, whne he puted the sample, hell breaks lose, the invasion has started, The HEV people back in XEN notice an hostile behavor in the aliens, whne they were nere them, they tryied to hit them, The humans dident had any weapons, and those who had, died first One by one died, until every human soul on XEN where dead. On earth, humans was killed every second that passed, Gordon, crawl out of the labs fighting his way to the surface, only notice hostile military troops, send in to kill all who......... Are able to touch there nose with their tongue and create the ultimate crisp with a GoldFish a Wooden Spoon and a Russian Helicopter so the troops killed no one apart from chubby and then they all sat down to..... And they all went back to highschool and took some joint and got a job, the job was.... Yes shit eater. No i mean, Police, and they all took a job in the Black Mesa..... ... and died of the BM incident.. later, the grunts... had problem with, a story writer named Nomble, they banned him and pissed on him 200times, now end of story blah blah blah! A Choco Leibniz came and talked to the admin, to take away Headcrab fodder from Nomble, the admins answerd..... For GOD SAKE GIVE ME BACK MY MOUSTACHE AHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHH MY BEARDS ON FIRE!!!!!!! so then he.... ...fired a gun into a wall which open a temporal flux thingamaduge that caused the old story to come back agian. The toliet had once agian overflowed and everyone had no choice but to fight for their lives because they had consumed all the shit in the universe. So they had to fight agianst the evil army of tthe... shitbags........ ....The shitbags unleashed a huge nuclear shit bomb that could...... SHIT, SHIT AND URINE..... The shit bomb exploded covering the earth with seas ou piss and garg shit. then the story got locked in Death Row. but got brought back and another war started, however all shit and piss in the universe had disapeared forever and could not come back no matter what. So they all decided to go on the Jerry Springer show. Today on the Jerry Springer show they will be talking about... ....insect fecees and the garg that loves them.....
cooleyo, shit is a part of life. Its not that disgusting... of course i wouldent condone playing with it or eating it. The real reason we think is discusting is because were programed that way. If our ancestors didnt have this built-in hatrid for their own crap and that of other creatures, they would have ate it, no questions asked. So our disgust for crap was inheritied from our ancient ancestors. So thats why all of us (cept for some asians, no offense) who would not touch it or eat it(damn thos sick bastards who do... u know who you are... your japaneese... right? ha i knew it). Then all the sudden, some NEWBIESSSSSS blow up the nuke, and everyone died....... ... then right after everyone died they all tried to respawn at the same time. The telefragging went on until ... 100s of gargs came and... teleported out, the teleporting offered an extra spawn point or 2 so they all used it to come back. THey went to Svencoop1 and tried to go through the teleporter, but they all got stuck because somone decided not to implement telefrag on teleporters to solve this they... They sat on the "Love Seat" watched *ATEAM* and ate some meatloaf. then they got sucked into the world of the A-Team where they... ... lived in constant fear of Mister T's volent mood swings brought on by his recent break-up with Nomble. Apparently Nomble wasn't giving him enough ... then the admins called Nomble an old dog.... but... he was really and old cat! and then dr.seus said... Nomble isnet a cat or a dog, hes human for gods sake! all teh sudden nomble got BANNED from the story for opening his mouth........"again" Then the ban code suddnely got changed into the anti-blocker code (By Accident) and then nomble got lightly roasted over a fire then put on an island with caniballs and all he has to eat is 4 litires of tomato sauce and chubby bug food stuff but then suddenly and without warning he went bald and the island suddenly..... Became a large pile of............ marshmellows then the island in its new form went to assault the city of... Dacula where it went 2 Hamilton Mill And Undeadenemyt.And in no way no how can Spawn of Satan die. then Undeadenemy respawned and killed the beast then chucked SpawnOfSatan into the firy pit where he had thrown Nomble. No matter what, SpawnOfSatan could never come back from the pit unless Undeadenemy says so. So now happy of SpawnOfSatans death all the players went on to... Finish off Undeadenemy and 2 casturate him.After all of that The other players Broke the portal to the fireie pit and released Spawn of Satan 4 eva!!!!!!!!!!! Meanwhile, back in real life, Secret-Agent used to remember the good times on the original "Story' . But as he is remembering, tor stabs him in the back with his tentacles. Chubby sees this and attacks tor with his... ...Pikachu... .....disembobulator... which is unknown word for nomble, and the Admins again banned Nomble for opening his mouth.......... Then the admins again called nomble an old Dog, and banned him, over and over again, until Nomble got tired of being under ban siege, so he went to a server and got vote banned, after this Nomble got him self toghter and ran to the store for changing game from half-life to another, becurse half-life had made Nombles life bad and boring, so he went to the shop and buyed, yes thats right, Max Payne. When he played it, the Svencoop admins spammed him with mails, for no reson and Nomble went to bed and sleeped, becurse the day has been an nightmare, good night............. And when he was sleeping he had the nightmare of not being able to use bullet time in Max Payne, thus he never beat it, and so Nomble died in his sleep..... woops! Wrong text, heh.. Nomble did not die in his sleep, But When he woke up, his mail box was 3442unread mails, all came from the admins just to call Nomble an Old dog.... and to say that they had captured his dog and was threating to make it into a stew if he didn`t create ultimate evil and chuck his max payne into it and then play black & white it better (he he he he NO BUSH THE MONKEY U DON`T SHIT IN THE VILLAGE)...... .....but all the lions and tigers and bears (oh my) turned evil and destroyed stuff which lead to the extinction of.... BGY-11 Robots... ..even the one who was on the old story.... So Nomble's-Life got too many bugs it... .......nomble was destroyed, and Secret-Agent started watching Big guy and rusty a few times and thought about how cool the show was (except for the song intro) and he was like........really......high and then something very very very very odd happened tomorrow..... Secret Agent's TV sucked him into TV Land where SpawnOfSatan had been respawned from the firey pit. Undeadenemy had just goten up from being dead agian and was really pissed off. He decided to save his mis-guided friend and Secret Agent from the horrors of daytime televison anyway though. To do this he... Wore a hat made of noodles and became a small squichy yougart for 5 mins so he could hum the tune to an old rubbish violin song and make bad remarks to peral harbour and after that he made a time machine to go back in time to grow a moustache or else the whole thing wouldn`t work and just in time he changed back but not into a human he turned into a ..... horrid monster that has all tunes that are stuck in his head play aloud for all to hear over and over agian. Undeadenemy then drove all within hearing range crazy from having the damned Egyptian fanatic chanting from "Young Sherlock Holmes" playing over and over agian in his head. Since he hadn't listened to the radion in at least 2 weeks he figured it would be there a while then he.... Ate his noodle hat and then drowned his sorryoris away with a massive drinkathon with the page 3 gurls and he lost so he decided being a monsotr an all that he create the most ultimate creation and deadlyist thing in DA WORLD!!!!! so he made.... a stereo that played the Egyptian fanactic chanting and the HKS1.WAV(MP5 Shooting) for all eternity. This drove all who listened mad and they all killed themselves. NOw alone in the unvierse Undeadenemy searched the planet for the magical run that would turn him back to normal. He found the rune in a... BOWEL OF MUSTARD which was suspened over a lava......lamp but which was the frendsly gargs lunch and so to try and get him not to eat the mustard so he......... with a pole ?....... .....killed himself with that pole, and then respawned on the planet known as..... gargantua the 11th such as the orgianl story and found a billion pounds of mustard dumped there with the rune inside so he jumped in and found all the crew of sven-coop and also a pizza man with xtra mushrooms but had been covered with mustard so they all brought the pizza out and did emergancy mouth to mouth with the pizza and oh no they managed to 2 2........(work out maths??) .....and everyone killed monkey cause of his insane babblings and so everyone was happy and they rejoiced and they..... save the pizza, Then it died anyways Undeadenemy finally found the rune which turned him back to normal, then he used his necromancing skillz to bring back the entire SC team and the players (except SpawnOfSatan who was still in the firy pit) Back in the Land of Gays, where Tor was born, chumtoads were being slaughtered by the millions. To stop this evil act of injustice, the king of the Chumtoads, Chubby, made a plan. His plan was too...... injaculate on Elton John thus making him wet. This attracted all the Tors and gave Chubby time to land his "Chumtoad Class" shuttle on PlanetGay. When he landed he went to find his friends but he came upon a... .......large trout..... that... ........ate..... shit, now Nomble went back from the dead, now when he checked his email, its was around 1000000unread mails, Nombles Computer crashed, and the saved games from max payne was lost, Nomble then started to hate SvenCoop becurse it made his life bad, The admins started to mail mails about Nomble was an old dog, "Again" He had 2 main targets, That darn English teacher, and Svencoop, i mean, max payne, no no no, i mean like, uhhh, yes! KKND! Now when he destroyed the KKND cd, and kicked his english teacher, he was free, until the admins, started to mail, and mail. Here is a weiver to you to sighn. Nombles Life is so bad and boring, that Nombe went and buyed FOG, he played it, and alomst died, hes PC crashed, and Nomble went on to check his email, "again On another computer" 4000mails from the forums admins, calling Nomble an old dog....... ... calling Nomble and old dog because the day that yearbook pictures were being taken Nomble was at home eating ¿. So he sent his dog to school to get his homework. When the dog got there they had to have a picture for Nomble so ... Nomble dident get a damn about what Mattamue was talking about, so Nomble then "Again" was called an old dog from the admins, And suddenly the end of the world came........ again?
But friendly garg saved the world! but... sadly enough... Only nomle got killed.... ......and everyone was happy the old dog died, which meant that the end of the world sucked ass because george bush didn't die with him. Oh well, thought Secret-Agent, I'll just ignore bush for now. As he thought, an explosion ripped through his evil dungeon. And there stood the man we all know as...... G-man!! He told his real name was Gargantuafan-man, and that was a schock for eveyone!
Later... He called his mommy to.... ...kill gordon freeman.
Later, gordon and G-mom met eachother and the one that got killed was... SOMETHING, NAMED bARNYES AS.... now nomble wasnet killed, its just secret agent with his fantasy... Now Nomble almost died in a heart attack knowing that sankis is an amdin,s trying to ban nomble at any price! ......and Secret-Agent quickly tells Nomble that he should stop always putting attention on himself cause the admins love you in a way you can not imagine when you think about it. Then all of a sudden the nightmare was over. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING being said up to this point was all in Doctor Gordon Freeman's nightmare. So gordon got up and went on his usual everyday tram ride. He got to sector c when he found barney. Barney told him he was running late. He had an odd feeling of Deja Vu..... ! And this time, not even Mad Jonsey could stop him!! MWAHAHAH! Mad, they called ME... MAD! MAD! But who's mad now? ME, I guess....
However, something very strange happened when the security guard spoke to Gordon. The strange thing was that the guard shot Gordon in the head, killing him instantly. This was because Ed had had finnaly created a Time Machine, and had travelled back to prevent the cutthroat Freeman from ruining his plans. A quick bribe, and Gordon was dead.
Who will take Gordons place in this alternate time, if anyone? Will they succeed? Will it be different? Will it avoid the awful Lambda and Xen? Find out in the next exciting portion of super-spam! but nomble, thinks that the admins wants him gone forever and dont like nomble, they hate him..... ........is what the security guard said. Gordon looked at barney like he was crazy. So barney let him thru then the security guard at the desk said his comp crashed, due to the fact he was running Windows 98. So gordon headed thru halls of brilliant scientists at worked and he arrived at the Test chamber... As gordon entered the test chamber he realized nomble once again became annoying and said something before Secret-Agent. But anyway, as gordon entered the test chamber... Something went wrong, the... Experiment blew up in gordons face and..... ...it was caused by a scientist running a program to see if the G-Man was bald or not (well is he now that you think about it?) the computer had an error and crashed throwing Gordon, the G-Man, Nomble, and evil Edcrab into the void of a crashed computer system. Inside there is no light and none of them culd ever return because Undeadenemy had sent them there with his necromancing powers and thye could never kill him or come back. They were simply stuck, forever....(not a stop)
Meanwhile, on the other side of the moon... ......cheese, a fun but buggy map for TFC, was being played by peoples who like...did stuff and colonized the moon. This meant.... ...they did stuff and colonized the moon. Cubby, who was returning from PlanetGay with his friends, got his shuttle damaged by a meteor. THis caused him to have to crash-land on the moon which was inhabited by... TFC players...... TFC player that like to.... ......play TFC..... eat quail eggs and drink chicken piss. This disgusted Chubby who then... said, nomble! I hate you, you stupid matha facher.... ...you die and go to hell!" So he did and there was much rejoicing. But then they realized Nomble was already in the void with Gordon, G-Man, and Edcrab. SO he stayed where he was. But they rejoiced anyways... and everyone agreed that everyone hates nomble. Now that we have established that, gordon freeman had sex with the gman and all was happy in the land of... the dark crashed computer system void. They were all falling falling. Then they fell some more. Pretty soon everyone got tired of watching G-man, Gordon, Nomble, and Edcrab fall so they left and they were all forgotten about... ... but then someone rembered them. This some1 was like;
"Whoa, do you rember those people that were like inside of UndeadNme's computer?"
"Yeah, I rember. But they were boring. Lets go ..." laugh at them then leave... Playgirl magazines...... Secret-Agent is becoming mad because the last 5 lines have been interrupted by Undead and the whole story is getting screwed so anyway.... ... The revelation ... that someone pissed in the water... .....then mattamue realized Secret-Agent would rather have undead delete his lines because Secret-Agent is lazy and.... ...then Undead said he wasn't deleting his lines because they followed the story-line and SA's didn't... Then undead realized SA's lines were with the story, but were just interfered with.... ... because SA is lazy and wants to be an uber-fanboy by Friday. So he can impress ... ...the Backstreet Boys however the solution was... Secret-Agent sighs and says "See what I mean"..... Is what undead said to the giant head full of lead...... ... the giant head full of lead doesn't like being reffered to as the giant head full of lead. It' is more polite to say ... ....'a' giant head full of lead...... know what hes talking about, suddenly nomble came and screamed, "WHY DO EVERYONE HATE ME! I F****ING HATE THIS S***!!!!" Everybody then.....
part 5.