CHAPTER 9: It's a Secret, No one Knows

It was breakfast at Hogwarts on the following Saturday morning. Hermione had plastered her look of arrogance on her face again, Ron was having a race with Seamus to see who could eat fifteen bowls of Co Co Pops the quickest and Harry was still glowing with embarrassment. Most of the school were talking about the thunderous growl they had heard the previous night. Dean Thomas had come up to Harry earlier that morning and said:

'Did you hear that haunting? The 'Most Haunted' crew would have a field day, here!'

'Oh yeah!' Harry replied. 'I know! Plus they'd have extra fright from Dumbledore when he's drunk. Jesus Christ! That man has got stamina to dance!'

'Really? I thought that was just a story.'

'No, I saw him last night!'

'Really! Wow!'

Harry was glad to change the subject so subtly. He knew he had to be careful around these areas. But today was a new day, and Harry had made sure his colon was empty before setting foot near any living beings, as he managed to kill, or at least stun a few the night before. Luckily they had all been Slytherins, but he'd have to be extra careful from now on.

Harry had just finished moulding his dried out porridge into what was meant to be a fearful dragon, but looked more like a hamster on wheels with a cigarette in it's mouth, when the morning post arrived. He looked up to see about a thousand more owls than usual streaming in through the open windows of the Great Hall. What is more, being autumn, the owls were malting and all their feathers were fluttering and falling about the room. Harry was nearly absorbed by this sight when he heard incessant screaming coming from the Ravenclaw table.

Luna Lovegood was shouting at the top of her voice and getting up from the table having figurative fits that something Harry could only describe as a spazz attack.

'BIRD FLU! BIRD FLU! THE OWLS! THEY BRING THE BIRD FLU! THEY ALL WANT TO KILL ME! THEY WANT ME DIIIIIEEEE! AAAARRRRAAAAGGGGGHHH!'

At this, Luna ran full pelt into what Harry saw was a huge bubble of plastic and hid herself in there from the owls, even though the bubble was completely transparent.

The entire room went silent for a moment, then most people burst into laughter. Everyone except Hermione, Ron and Harry. Hermione was looking positively concerned for Luna as though she really did have Bird Flu, Harry started to concentrate on his wheeling, smoking porridge hamster again and Ron was playing with his Spongebob Square Pants toy he had got out of a Kinder egg.

That day in Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor Stock appeared to be recovering from some kind of stroke, but later explained that it was just the shock of seeing a student actually become contaminated with Bird Flu right in front of his eyes, had scared him. What scared the students was that Stock was actually making them take lessons on a Saturday.

Harry heard Draco muttering some words under his breath (which seemed completely stupid because Draco was surrounded by people who could hear him) about what time and where he was meeting his uncle that evening. Harry thought it astonishing that Draco could be so stupid as to just let slip something like that, but hey, Draco was a silly, blonde ponce.

That evening, Harry and Ron left the common room at nine twenty-five under the invisibility cloak. Draco was meeting Flick at nine thirty, conveniently right outside the Gryffindor common room. They waited for a few minutes. Ron just had to make sure, though.

'Harry?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you need the toilet?'

'No, Ron. My arse is empty and controlled.'

'Good.'

Flick came hobbling along, and Draco came strutting from the opposite direction. They both met each other and then set off for the Slytherin common room and Harry and Ron followed. On the way, however, a shiny thing on the floor amazed Ron and Harry. They stopped and looked at it for a good hour or so and then realised it was just a sweet wrapper. A toffee Quality Street if I have my facts correct. They set off again, only to realise that they had lost Draco and Flick.

'Balls,' said Harry.

By the time Harry and Ron had got to the Slytherin dungeons, remembered the password from what Draco had said yesterday, run into the common room and half way up the stairs, they saw Flick heading back down them. Harry and Ron had missed their meeting. They will never know what was said unless someone took minutes. And what kind of sick person does that? They pressed themselves against the wall and held their breath as Flick passed, which took a long time as he has a limp, remember. By the time he had gone, Harry and Ron breathed again, man, they were happy to be alive, and started to head back down the stairs. They only stopped a few seconds later because they heard a noise, almost music, coming from the dormitory. They turned and walked back up and listened at the door. They heard Crabbe shout from behind them:

'Draco! What is that?'

The music stopped abruptly and Draco opened the door to the dormitory so Harry and Ron snuck in.

'It was… erm… 50 cent…'

Draco walked out of the dormitory and banged the door behind him. Harry and Ron threw off the cloak, which was making them sweat slightly.

'Do you really think that was 50 cent?' asked Harry.

'No…' said Ron, lost in deep thought (which was unfamiliar territory). 'I know that song… it's-'

At this precise moment, Ron leapt into the middle of the room, the beds and all the furniture moved away to the edges; stage lights came down from the ceiling and started beaming different colours and music bellowed in from Draco's wall clock.

'MMMBOP! BET YOU ARE, TOO RIGHT, DOOWOP, DOOWOP-A-DOOOOWOP, DOWOP A DOOOO… YEAH-Y-YEAH!…'

While Ron was singing, he was dancing to night fever and then started to rock out to his very own unique and special air guitar. Harry stood at the side, dimly scratching his armpit.