CHAPTER 12: IT'S ALL A BIT OF A DRAG

After dinner, Harry and Ron ran to hide in the one place Hermione wouldn't be or look for them because she had said she wanted to 'have a conversation to see where their relationships are going'. Naturally, as soon as they heard, they couldn't be stopped and ran quicker than anyone could have ever imagined. Hermione had told them to meet her in the owlery at half past nine. It was now half past eight. Harry and Ron had to think fast if they weren't going to be found.

'How long does it take for Polyjuice Potion to be brewed again?' asked Ron.

'Aaaaabout six months,' said Harry, breathless and nervous.

'Pants.'

Harry and Ron had been sprinting through the school aimlessly for about quarter of an hour now, they really needed a plan. Harry stopped suddenly but Ron carried on running and went around the corner and disappeared out of sight. After a moment or two, Ron returned from where he'd left, still running as fast as he could and came to a halt next to Harry.

'We need a plan. She'll find us if we just do this.'

'Oh dear god.' Ron became extremely weak and light-headed at this piece of information; he began to dither around on the spot for a bit, as though he were blind.

'Pull yourself together, man!' shouted Harry, slapping Ron around the face. Ron stood up as tall as he could and looked down at Harry.

'Don't you lay a hand on me.' He slapped Harry back.

Harry looked alarmed. Both Harry and Ron both lunged for each other and were rolling around on the floor punching and strangling each other.

'This is ridiculous,' said Harry as he ceased fighting after a while and climbing out from under Ron.

'You wouldn't be saying that if you were winning!' bellowed Ron back. Ron was still rolling around on the floor by himself and punching what appeared to be thin air. 'Take that! Nincompoop!'

'Ron!' shouted Harry.

Ron looked up, chewing his own leg.

'What are you doing?'

'Beating you up!'

'I'm over here!'

'Oh yeah…'

'Look, we need to get away from Hermione. We've got half an hour to come up with and go to a place where she won't go or look for us. Think, Ron!'

'Ohhh…' said Ron sarcastically who had lost all hope. 'Why don't we dress up as women and go work in Draco's brothel?' He really had given up hope. A look of scary triumph had just possessed Harry's face. 'Oh no!' said Ron. 'No! I will not! You can't make me!'

Harry turned away from Ron and started walking on his hips very slowly, imitating Hermione.

'Oh but Ron, we need to have a conversation about where our relationship is going and if it's worth us carrying on with what seems like a chore! I don't know if you're what I'm looking for in a friend and I think we need some time apart to sort out our differences. Oh, Ron, please don't cr-' Harry turned around and saw that Ron was stood wearing total drag complete with make up and carrying what looked like Harry's costume and a make up bag which looked rather full.

'Let's go, then.'

Harry and Ron came out of the girls' bathroom after Harry had managed to put his dress on. It was awful!

'You look wonderful, darling!' Ron had said. If you asked Harry, he'd say Ron was enjoying this a bit too much.

They started to walk down the corridor to the Slytherin common room and to Harry's annoyance, they passed some Hufflepuff guys who took it in their stride to wolf whistle and shout 'Oi Oi, Sexy!' at Harry and Ron. To this, Ron said:

'Oh, you do flatter me!' in an extremely high-pitched voice whilst battering his fake eyelashes, still with the boots label attached to them.

'Ron!' Harry whispered at him.

'Don't worry!' Ron whispered back. 'They don't know it's us!'

'If this turns up in my advent calendar tomorrow, I will NOT be happy.'

They got to the Slytherin entrance and Ron said the password in his elevated voice. The door swung open and Harry and Ron stepped inside. Harry suddenly remembered that the Slytherin common room would be crowded by Slytherins all wanting a grope of the two best looking girls to have ever set foot in that room. He closed his eyes as he entered. Nothing. He waited a little longer. Still nothing. Harry bravely opened his eyes to see the common room deserted for the exception of a man in a painting who was blinking blankly as though he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He dropped his sherry glass on the floor in front of him and then toppled over and landed on his table with a stunned look on his face.

Ron and Harry made their way across the common room to the stairs and climbed them. They got to Draco's dormitory and pressed their ears against the door. They could faintly hear the sound of Mmmbop playing in the background and Harry felt Ron's foot tapping the rhythm against his.

'Don't.'

'OK.'

Ron wrapped on the door without warning and Harry thought that running was a cunning plan right now. Surely Draco would notice it was them. Everyone else had been far away when they saw them, Draco would be close up, staring them right in the face. A dress, wig and a tonne of make up wouldn't be able to mask six years of pure hate. The music floored and the door swung open to reveal Draco's inquisitive face staring at them He didn't move for a short while, then a smile (which was rather scary) spread across his face.

'Oh, to what do I owe this pleasure, ladies?'

'We heard you were running a brothel,' blinked a seductive Ron.

Draco looked momentarily confused as to how this beautiful stranger knew this, but didn't dwell on the fact.

'Come in,' he said, smiling.

Ron and Harry minced into Draco's only-too-familiar dorm room, in which the three of them were alone.

'Sit down,' offered Draco gesturing towards his bed.

Harry sat down on the bed and then remembered he happened to be female and then crossed his legs. Ron, on the other hand, stood still.

'Oh, no thank you!' he bleated. 'I'll stand.'

Harry thought he'd better do the same. He stood up next to Ron and copied his every move. They were both leaning on their left hip with their hands holding it.

'So, what're your names?' Draco asked. Harry wanted to throw up so he thought of something that was less vulgar at this moment. Aunt Petunia in a corset! Aunt Petunia in a corset!

'I'm Jenny,' said Ron in his voice that seemed no longer to be broken.

'Oh right! And yours?' He turned to face Harry with a look of actual, plane interest on his face. Harry said the first thing that came into his head.

'Ralph!'

'Ralph?'

Ron covered his 'Oh, God' face with his hand.

'Did I say Ralph? Ha ha! I mean… Delilah…'

'That's a pretty name.'

Why had Draco bought that?

'Thanks…' said Harry wanting to leave. Ron was laughing at him behind his innocent blue eyes, Harry knew it.

'So, why do you ladies want to work in a brothel?' he asked, casually.

'We're out of work,' added Ron. Draco turned again. 'We need somewhere to work.'

Draco turned around back to Harry.

'Even a pretty thing, like you?' he asked., breathing a stench of burnt herbs and grass at them

'Someone smokes,' said Harry to break the silence.

Draco smiled back.

'Weed. Only the finest! Want some?'

'Err…' No, of course Harry didn't want any weed! 'OK!' Harry said he wanted some, but don't worry! He is no junkie! It was just to get Draco away from his womanly physique.

Draco moved away to his bedside table and started rummaging around in his draw where he kept his arse-cork.

'Here we go!' He branded a white roll of paper in his left hand.

'Is that… a spliff?' asked Ron.

'Yep!' answered Draco with evident triumph in his voice. He pulled a lighter from his trouser pockets and lit the spliff and started smoking it. The aroma of herbs and grass filled the room and Harry didn't like it at all. He began to cough and Draco looked up at him.

'What's up, babe?' Ew thought Harry. 'Shall I put it out?'

Harry nodded so Draco stubbed his spliff out on his bedside table and put it back into his draw. 'So, have you girls worked in a brothel before?'

'Yes,' said Ron. 'C.V.' He thrust a few rolls of parchment in Draco's face and Draco slowly took it from him, eyeing him with suspicion. He read what Ron had written quoting bits from it.

'"…good people skills…ability to answer awkward questions… will do anything if it has to be done… is not shy…" It's a good C.V.' He turned to Harry. 'Have you got one, princess?'

'Err… no. Sorry. Didn't think I'd need one.'

'Don't worry. You've got the job,' he said quietly.

'We'll start next week,' said Ron.

'What's wrong with now?' asked Draco.

'Well, we have to be some place else.'

'Where?'

'Our dad… he's in St Mungo's… he needs us…'

'I'm sure he won't mind if you're a little late…'

'Oh, yes he will!' argued Ron. 'He needs us… both… right now! We're already late.'

At that moment, Harry started crying and Draco looked around at him with alarm on his face. It was as though he had just found out what causing some innocent person pain felt like for the first time.

'Please let us go,' wailed Harry to Draco.

Draco sighed.

'OK. I hope your dad gets better soon.' He walk Harry and Ron to the door and opened it; Ron walked briskly out and Harry promptly followed. No way was he staying there ANY LONGER. Harry ran down the stairs and Ron slammed the door shut.

When Harry and Ron were out of the common room and where getting changed where they had hidden their clothes earlier, Harry quite happily wanted to die.

'Sorry,' said Ron, shortly. Although, he really did mean it.

Harry said nothing.

'Harry?'

'What?' asked Harry in a stage whisper, very angrily.

'I am really sorry. I shouldn't have suggested that.'

'Where the fuck did you get that C.V from?' asked Harry after a while. He could think of nothing else to ask.

Ron shrugged.

'Thought it might come in handy one day.'