CHAPTER 13: The LIMERICK ON LEGS

Harry didn't enjoy the following day. Or the day after that. The good part was that none of the pictures in his advent calendar were anything to do with that unfortunate event that had happened. Around eleven o'clock on Christmas Eve, Harry was sat in the chair closest the fire and staring endlessly and longingly at it. Why did the fire get to not be alive? It wasn't fair!

'Mince pie?'

Ron had appeared through the portrait hole carrying a tray full of mince pies from the Great Hall. Harry still wasn't talking to Ron, although, it's not clear why as Ron had meant that idea sarcastically and Harry was the one who took it too far. He looked at the tray of pies but turned away again.

'They're still warm…' added Ron. 'But not too warm.'

Harry looked at the fire a little longer, thinking about the mince pies.

'Do they have that little blob of cream on the top?'

'Yeah, slightly towards the left of the centre, and exactly three and a half fifths of a teaspoon.'

Harry sighed.

'With only the finest quality mince?'

'Read the box myself.'

'And… the pastry…'

'It's not too thick, but not too thin.'

Harry eyed the mince pies.

'No,' he said abruptly. 'I don't want any.' He turned away to the fireplace.

'Harry, you do.'

'No I don't!' he said defiantly. 'I do not want mince pies.'

'OK,' Ron shrugged. 'More for me.'

Ron sat down at a table near to Harry, in his eye-line, and put the tray down. He picked up the mince pie closed to Harry and slowly took a bite out of it, letting the mincemeat slowly ooze out. He started to breathe heavily as he sluggishly chewed.

'Oh, get a room!' Draco Malfoy's voice came from the portrait hole, which was open. He was holding Seamus Finnigan's head by its hair in his left hand, and was supporting Seamus' limp body in his right.

'What happened to Seamus?' Ron gasped.

'I beheaded him,' answered Draco. 'Thought the blithering idiot could do with taking a good long look at himself.'

'Couldn't you have just given him a mirror?'

'Don't be stupid, Weaselbee. That wouldn't have been half as fun.'

Draco dropped Seamus' body on the floor at the portrait hole, for he hadn't come any further into the Gryffindor common room.

'One of you wanna come and collect this brainless hair-do before I drop that, as well?'

Ron jumped up and carefully took Seamus' head from Draco. While Draco carried on talking, Harry and Ron decided to use their time constructively and try to attach Seamus' head back to his body.

'He was lucky I didn't shrink it, the way he spoke to me. Filthy little Irish geezer. Thinks he's so 'ard. What's he got? A posse? Nah. Stupid bloke couldn't get any friends to back what he said up.' Draco eyed Ron and Harry for a while, as though waiting for something. 'Are neither of you going to ask me what he said?'

Ron looked up at Draco.

'Erm… well, I wasn't planning to-'

'"Silly blonde ponce" he called me.'

Harry and Ron let out a slight giggle.

'Yeah! Can you believe it? Me? Silly blonde ponce? Nah. Me? I'm a legend.'

'Yeah, on your own cereal box, Malfoy,' Ron said.

'What? What was that, Weaselbee? I've seen you at breakfast. You eat the same cereal as me.'

'Really? You like Honey Nut Cheerios, too?'

'Yeah! No one else does! How pathetic are they?'

'Well, pathetic's going a bit too far, I think-'

'Nah. Pathetic.'

'Erm…'

'Oi, Potter. You like Honey Nut Cheerios?'

Harry pulled an expression of dislike and shook his head.

'Pathetic,' breathed Draco, looking away in disgust.

'He's my best friend!' retorted Ron.

'Ew. Why?'

'He's… he's… he just is!'

At that moment, Harry had managed to somehow attach Seamus' head back to his body that was now sprawled across the floor. Seamus got up dizzily and when he found his balance, you looked up at Draco.

'You!'

'What? Are you gonna sing me your little choir boy song, or something? And do your puddle dance to go with it?'

Seamus' face turned scarily bull-like. Even smoke came out of his nose. He charged at Draco, putting his forefingers to his head as horns and crashed into his enemy, which resulted Draco hurting his leg and having to walk like his uncle.

'You imbecile! Look what you've done!'

Draco hobbled around a bit so that Seamus could see what he'd done.

'Oh yeah, sorry about that,' Seamus said. 'I was aiming for your head so I could crack it open!' Seamus ended in a roar and took charge to Draco again, this time without the horns. Seamus struck Draco's head against the wall, but it didn't crack. Seamus kept slamming his head but it just wouldn't crack.

'What are you, a robot or something?'

'Quite possibly,' said Draco with a thoughtful expression. He didn't seem to be in any pain from what Seamus was doing. 'I've never looked into it.'

'I give up,' said Seamus, getting up off the floor. 'Your head is just weird.'

Draco rubbed the back of his head thoughtfully and said:

'Hmmm…'

'Get up, robo-Nazi!' Seamus shouted at Draco.

Draco got up.

'Don't ever speak to me like that, AGAIN. You limerick on legs!'

And with that, he stormed off. But was somewhat delayed by his Gestapo-like limp.

'"He's… he's… he just is"?' Harry threw at Ron.

'What?'

'What the hell was that?'

Ron looked over-dramatically perplexed for around ten seconds.

'Why am I your best friend, Ron? Why me? Why am I so special that I get to be your best friend?'

'You're cool,' Ron said shortly.

'What? Because I'm The Boy Who Lived? Because I've been through so much pain from VOLDEMORT that I get the honour of being Ron Weasley's best friend?'

'No, now you're just being big-headed. You're just generally cool… a part from when you're big-headed…'

Harry beamed his embarrassment again, and quickly turned away so Ron wouldn't see.

'But when you're just you, you're cool.'

'Oh,' said Harry after a while. '…I see… erm… well, thanks for that… erm… you're pretty cool, too.'

A smile spread across Ron's face as Harry said the last sentence. He hadn't felt this much of not knowing what to do with himself since a random person in Carnaby Street, London told him he should model for the beauty store. He then later found out the beauty store was for girls and the midget who had told him had made off with his wallet.

'Damn! That had 11 galleons and my Tamagotchi in it!' Ron had wailed. 'Feed him well!' he shouted after the guy who stole it.

Harry continued to stare at the fire in the Gryffindor common room until Ron appeared beside him hold a badly wrapped bundle that looked he had just screwed up Woolworths wrapping paper into a ball and sellotaped it randomly.

'What is it?' asked Harry.

'Your Christmas present.'

'It's Christmas tomorrow.'

'I know, but I think you should have it now.'

'I see…' Harry pulled a thinking expression as though he were stroking a goatee he didn't have. 'And why's this?' Harry moved a way from his thinking pose to a social worker pose where he had one leg crossed over the other, his hands holding it in place and an face that was supposed to be understanding and caring but just said 'Hey you, money, now.'

'Because I think we should have Christmas tonight! It'll be fun!'

'You're just too excited to sleep, aren't you?'

'Yes sir!'

Rather accustomed to his new title, Harry took his present off Ron and held it for a while. He got up and walked around towards that back of the common room.

'No,' he said, putting the present under the tree. 'I think we should wait.'

'NOOOOO! That's not fair!' wailed Ron. 'I want to have Christmas noooowww!' Tears were actually streaming from his eyes, by now.

'Nope, it'll wait until tomorrow.'

'Damn you!' shouted Ron after Harry as he made his way up the stairs. He shook his fist in anger, too, just for dramatical effect.