CHAPTER 14: Just Call Me "Louise "the cheeze""

Harry strolled down the stairs on Christmas morning to find the common room exactly how he had left it the night before, except for a few extra presents here and there. Ron came sprinting after him yelping:

'Has he been? Has he been? Has he been?'

'Has who been?' asked Harry.

'Father Christmas.'

Harry gave Ron a doubtful look, and then turned to the Christmas tree where the presents had multiplied. Ron had that excited expression on his face a young child has when they, well… look under the Christmas tree. He bent down and picked up a rectangular present for him and a star shaped one for Harry.

'Jesus! That must have taken ages to wrap up!' he commented on Harry's present.

Harry turned the star over and on the bottom was a sticky label.

'Marks and Spencer's,' Harry read aloud. '£3.50.'

He turned it over again with an impressed look on his face and removed the lid. In the star shaped box was a small piece of parchment on top of what looked like a lot of glitter. Harry took out the parchment and read:

Dear Mr Potter,

Professor Albus Dumbledore has requested for you to have a treasurer while he was running the Order of the Phoenix. We realise this was two years ago but some members of our staff went on strike so we haven't had enough Fairy Godmothers to go around for all our customers and clients. But we have sorted this problem now and you have been assigned to a Fairy Godmother. To start your treasuring, simply say the words "Fairy Godmother" and then blow on the Fairy Dust.

Yours Sincerely

Ermintrude Shybank

of FAIRY GODMOTHERS INC

www.fairygodmothersinc. Godmother?"' Harry quoted, dimly.

At that moment, Ron sneezed all over the box, which caused all the Fairy Dust to escape. A teenaged looking female appeared out of nowhere in the common room. She was wearing a red vest top with yellow glittery wings on the back, a red tutu, yellow and red striped tights and red converse all stars with yellow laces. Her hair was dark brown with bright pink streaks and she wore purple glittery eye make up. She was holding what looked like a stick with a silver paper star glued on the end of it.

'Oh, muma, muma, muma!' breathed Harry, stomping his foot uncontrollably.

The fairy seemed completely oblivious to the fact that she had just been transported into the Gryffindor common room.

'So then I said, I said… WHAT THE HELL! THIS ISN'T MY HOUSE!'

'You're Harry's Fairy Godmother,' announced Ron.

'I prefer "cool, young sister" as apposed to "godmother",' she said, ambling towards them.

Harry grinned pathetically at her as she got to them and in reply, she clicked her fingers, pointed at him and said:

'Right on, HP!'

'You're my Fairy Godmother?' Harry managed at last.

The Fairy nodded.

'Louise the Cheeze is the name. Here's my card.'

She handed over a small rectangular piece of card:

Louise "the cheeze" Conway

Fairy Godmother

Of

Fairy Godmothers Inc

LOUISE "THE CHEEZE" CONWAY FAIRY GODMOTHER

www.fairygodmothersinc. on the back:

I, Louise "the cheeze' Conway hereby promise to love myself and my country. I will attend to my client: HARRY POTTER whenever he needs me. I will do what is in my capabilities to grant wishes or the like. I will offer him advice and will tell him information I feel that he needs to know immediately, unless he is on the toilet, in which case, I will wait until he is done and tell him then. I will respond to his calls as urgently as I can and will defend him wherever and whenever possible.

'WOW!' Harry exclaimed. 'My name's on the card! Why is my name on the card?' he asked.

'What did you expect me to be, some sort of Genie or something? Grant you three wishes and then I'd move to Florida and you'd never see me again?'

'Well, kinda…'

'Bloody… NO! A Fairy Godmother is for life, not just for Christmas.'

'I'm sorry,' pleaded Harry.

'You will be!'

'I am now.'

'I'll put a stop to this!'

'How?'

'YOUR AUNT IN A CORSET!'

'NOOOOOOOO!' Harry recoiled in terror and pain. 'How do you know about that?'

'Well, I had to do my research before I began to treasure you, didn't I?'

'What so, can you like, delve into peoples' pasts using some sort of unknown magic to us and find out anything you want?' Harry asked, excitedly.

'No, I just Googled it…' said Louise, slightly confused.

Harry looked somewhat upset at this news and looked at his shoes. Louise followed his eyes down to his shoes and also looked at them. Ron, who noticed that he was the only one who was interested in his shadow puppets, did the same, so everyone in the room was looking at Harry's shoes.

'Why have you got shoes on at nine thirty in the morning?' asked Louise.

'I was just thinking that, myself…' pondered Harry.

'Well,' said Louise, straightening up, 'what can I do for you?'

'Erm…' Harry wondered what he could do with his Fairy Godmother's powers.

'Hurry up! I haven't got all bloody day!'

'Sorry, what… I don't understand,' said Harry.

'Hold on…' Louise stopped him.

She looked as though she was receiving a message from some other world or something.

'Hermione Granger wants to kill you,' she said at last.

'What? Why?'

'Sssssssssssomething to do with a mouldy wooden box…' she said, thinking and listening.

'Oh right… well, she deserved it!'

'I'm sure she did, dear. Now, I have to go study for my flying theory, so just call me when you need me, yeah?'

'Yeah, OK. Erm... How do I do that?'

'Oh right, yeah…' She dug around in her pocket in her tutu (she's a hip Fairy) and took out what looked like a silver plastic outline of a star with a purple plastic gem in the middle from Claire's Accessories. 'Now, you rub the gem and say something that will grab my attention. "Pamphlet" is always good. Or, you can just think it strongly,' she added at the 'oh my god' look on Harry's face.

'Oh, ok then. Thanks,' said Harry, not really sure of what to say. He didn't want her to go.

'Well, so long!' said Louise.

'Bye,' said Harry.

And Louise walked out of the portrait hole.