(AN: I'm back from my mission trip! Obviously. ;) Ain't it funny how you think for days of an answer, and then you finally come up with one so obvious that you're shocked that you didn't think of it right away? Well… that's what happened when I was desperately trying to come up with how our farm friends were going to get rid of Buck. The answer was so obvious… but anyway, you'll find out. Here's the next chapter!)
O.o.O
Later that day, Joanna called a meeting in the hen house. Somehow, Orson, Roy, Wade, Bo, and Lanolin managed to squeeze in to the small space already occupied by all the hens and chicks.
"I'm sure you all know why I called this meeting," Joanna began, quieting down the chatter. "There is an abomination living on our farm with us—an abomination by the name of Buck. Now, I know that most of you hens seemed to be infatuated with him, but you've got to agree with me that—"
"—he's a sexist jerk? Yeah, that's putting it lightly," one of the hens interrupted.
Joanna, although expecting that the hens would finally come around, couldn't help but chuckle. "Wow, I knew I was gone for awhile, but your opinions changed that fast—"
"He doesn't care about us at all!" cried another hen. "We're just objects to him—we're not even individuals!"
"Exactly!" Joanna shouted, pounding a fist into her wing. "So will you girls help me get rid of him?"
"YES!" all the other hens shouted.
Roy smiled. "I love you girls!"
"So…" Joanna dusted off her wings thoughtfully. "Anyone got any ideas of how to get rid of him?"
"Sure, I've got a couple of ideas," said Lanolin darkly. "Grabbing him by the neck and literally booting him out comes to mind—"
"We can't do it like that," Orson interrupted. "Remember, as much as we really need him out of here, Buck is still—"
"—the farmer's property!" Booker, Tonya, Lanolin, and Bo all finished in unison.
"But how do we get rid of him then?" asked Sheldon. The sound of his voice brought Tonya into a fit of giggles.
"You really do look ridiculous, bro," she said.
"Aw, be quiet!" cried Sheldon, as all of his siblings, even Booker, began to giggle.
"We could humiliate him and make him want to leave," said Roy, getting back on topic. "I mean, that's how you guys got rid of me on more than one occasion."
"True, that could work, but be specific, dear—how do we humiliate him?" Joanna asked.
"Well…" Roy hesitated.
"Maybe, like, get some other rooster on the farm, have all you girls like him, and announce that Buck has been dethroned?" Bo suggested.
"But where do we get another rooster on such short notice?" Orson asked.
"And what if he wants to stay?" grumbled Roy.
"And what if the farmer wants Buck to stay anyway?" Tonya threw in. "You said, Orson, that the farmer really wants to keep him, since he's a prize-winning rooster and all."
"Well, then, we make the farmer see what a jerk Buck is!" cried Lanolin. "Maybe we could get Buck to cause damage to the farmer's property, or insult his wife, or something!"
"That's a good idea," said Orson thoughtfully. "It would rally the farmer around, that's for sure, and Buck's got to respect his authority."
"Again, guys, that's a good idea," said Joanna, sounding a bit irritated, "but you're being too vague. How do we get him in a situation like that, and make sure that it works as planned?"
There was a long silence.
"Wait… wait!" Wade suddenly shouted, the first time the duck had spoken during the meeting. "Methinks I have an idea that might actually work!" He ran over to Orson and began mysteriously whispering something in Orson's ear, causing Orson's expression to transform from annoyed to curious to "sudden revelation" to triumphant.
"You're right!" said Orson, as everyone else looked on in utter confusion. "And Buck won't be expecting that at all either—because I haven't had time to do that lately, and he doesn't know!"
"Doesn't know what?" cried Roy.
Orson grinned. "Buck doesn't know what happens when I… read a book."
"Ooh…" Roy, Lanolin, Bo, Booker, and Sheldon all breathed.
"I don't get it," said Tonya. "What happens when you read a book?"
"When Orson reads a book, he gets into it, and whether they want to or not, everyone else does too," said Roy with a sigh.
"I can't help that I have an overactive imagination!" cried Orson. "How else do you think I cope doing menial chores on a farm in between being constantly bullied by three gorilla-like brothers?"
"Could you please explain what's going on?" Joanna cried. "How does a pig reading a book get rid of a rooster?"
"Whenever Orson reads a book, his mind goes wild!" cried Roy. "He gets so completely immersed in whatever it is he's reading that the rest of us do too! There was that time he was reading Brave New World and I suddenly began muttering that I was sure glad that I wasn't an Epsilon—"
"Or the time he read Hunchback of Notre Dame and I began ringing bells in a tower," Wade threw in.
"Or, like, that time he was reading that book on the history of Looney Tunes and I suddenly grew rabbit ears," added Bo.
"Or the time he was reading the yellow pages and I turned into a Laundromat," Sheldon sighed.
"That's… weird," said Tonya doubtfully. "How come your reading didn't affect us here in the henhouse? We're on the farm, too."
Orson shrugged. "My fantasies tend to involve what I know. I didn't know you guys, so you weren't in them."
"But now you're saying that you're going to read a book and imagine Buck in the worst situation someone could possibly be in that book and…" Joanna asked.
"And either it will cause him to do some damage to the farmer's property in real life, or it'll confuse him so much that he'll want out," Orson finished.
"Alright." Joanna shrugged her wings, obviously doubting this dubious talent that Orson supposedly had. "So what book are you going to read, huh?"
"I'll go look through my bookshelf right now," said Orson, hurrying out of the henhouse.
"This is insane," Joanna muttered. "How am I supposed to believe we're going to get rid of him just by some pig reading a book?"
"Trust us on this one, Mom," said Booker. "Orson reads like nobody else you've ever seen before."
"Shh!" Alexander, who was standing by the door of the henhouse, suddenly silenced everyone still in the coup. "Someone's coming, and he's yelling really loudly—I think it's Buck!"
"Oh—" both Roy and Tonya began. The "Oh" was probably about to be followed by a questionable word which might have bumped up the rating of this story, but luckily they were interrupted when the visitor, who was indeed Buck, stormed into the room…
…a small crab dangling off his butt.
Everyone—all the hens, all the chicks, Roy, the sheep, and even Wade all burst out into laughter.
"SO!" Buck bellowed, silencing everyone in a heartbeat. He grabbed Roy and flung him against the wall. "So you are back and decided to get even with me, huh? You put some of your little crab friends in my bed, huh? Thought you'd be so clever!"
"Why would I put crabs in my own bed?" Roy gasped out.
"It's not your bed anymore, it's—" Buck suddenly stopped. "No…" he said to himself. "No, you wouldn't have put them in there, because you wouldn't have known that I was in your coup…" He spun around and glared murderously at Tonya. You!
"Of course it was me," snapped Tonya. "Don't give Roy the credit for my hard work!"
With an inhuman (inchicken?) roar of rage, Buck lunged for Tonya, undoubtedly aiming his wings at her neck once again. Tonya, forgetting to keep her emotions in check, gasped.
And Alexander flung himself between his sister and her aggressor. "Don't touch my sister!" he shouted bravely.
Buck snorted in laughter. "I can push through you like you were made of Jello, little kid."
"You'll have to push through me too!"
Buck blinked at who was standing with Alexander, blocking the rooster from Tonya. "Duck? Oh boy, you sniveling coward, all I have to do is snap my fingers and you'll be running off in the other direction!"
"M-maybe," said Wade, his voice faltering a little. "But I won't let you hurt my friend!"
"And I won't let you hurt Wade, or my brother, or my sister," said Booker firmly, joining them.
"Me too," said Sheldon, now also standing defiantly between Buck and Tonya.
And without a word, the other siblings—Ryan, Logan, Alison, Karley, Julius, and Nicole—had joined their brothers and Wade.
A split second after that, and Tonya's parents—understandably—were added to the mix.
"Don't—" Joanna snapped.
"—you—" Roy continued.
"—dare—"
"—touch—"
"—my—"
"—daughter!"
Buck's jaw dropped, looking for the first time to be a little overwhelmed. "But—you—get out of my way, seriously!"
All the hens joined the group, giving Buck defiant stares.
"What? Not you ladies, too!" gasped Buck. "I thought you liked me!"
"Face it, creep, nobody likes you anymore," Lanolin spat out. She and Bo were also standing between him and Tonya, who, although nobody could see her, was smiling shakily and even tearing up.
"I've never felt so loved," she squeaked out, in a voice so quiet that only Alexander and Wade heard her.
Buck stared at his opposition, blubbering for words. "But—but—you—Listen, dammit!"he finally roared. "Whether you guys want me here or not is out of the question! The only thing that matters is that I am here, and I am here for good! No matter how many crabs that terrible monstrosity Tonya puts in my bed, and no matter how many of you defend her nasty little ways, I'm here for good, whether you like it or—"
He stopped short, lurched a bit, and blinked in confusion. "What the—?"
Most of the others in the coup shared his confusion, but Roy, Wade, Booker, Sheldon, Bo, and Lanolin all exchanged knowing winks.
They knew all too well the sensation of reality being bended when Orson was immersed in a book.
O.o.O
(AN: Sorry for leaving you on a cliffhanger, but now I need to come up with the book! LOL. Don't worry though, I like to read about as much as Orson, so I probably won't have too much trouble. The next chapter will probably be the last, sniff—I'll miss this story, but I'm anxious to move on to new things as well. (cough) But I'll save all the mushy stuff for the next chapter's author's note. See you all then!)