CHAPTER 23: There's a LLAMA IN THE ROOM, MOO MOO MOO

The weekend after that, Harry awoke on Saturday to the smell of bacon chops and porridge. Strange combination he thought, but it still made him waft down stairs to the common room where Ron and Louise had built a campfire and were cooking bacon and porridge. They were sat in the middle of the room with their handmade campfire, because obviously the common room fire was just too simple.

'Well, you can have the bacon because I don't like it. It's skanky,' Louise said.

'OK. I was brought up to eat bacon in my house!'

'I like bacon!' announced Harry, running towards them extremely happily.

At that moment, Ginny limped down the stairs into the common room and sat on a chair next to them.

'Busy night last night?' asked Ron.

Ginny looked quite guiltily at Harry. Who noticed and took it in his pride to lean over to Louise and kiss her very slowly, taking her so much by surprise she branded her wand at him as though it were a sword.

'Sorry,' she said.

'It's alright,' said Harry.

Ginny returned upstairs and was annoyingly replaced by Hermione. She stalked to them and flumped down next to them.

'I'll have some eggs, please. Sunny side up,' she shot at Louise.

Louise glared at her, whilst making her the sunny side up eggs that she asked for. She didn't take her eyes off Hermione at all. Eventually, when the eggs were cooked, Louise flipped them onto her spatula and flung them in Hermione's face.

'Ketchup?'

'No, thank, you,' said Hermione, scooping bits of egg off her face and trying to fish it out of her wild ferret nest that sat not so neatly on her head. She stood up, looked enraged and then started screaming at Louise.

'I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A BITCH! YOU TREAT ME LIKE CRAP FOR NO GOOD REASON! YOU JUST INSULT ME! AND HUMILIATE ME! AND YOU ARE SUCH A TART! YOU CAN GET LONGER TUTUS! AND THAT WAND…' She was really having a dig now, 'THAT ISN'T EVEN A REAL WAND!'

Louise got up and pulled out her wand. She wrapped Hermione round the head with it and then Hermione disappeared in a cloud of smoke and in her place stood a large, bushy, bucktoothed llama mindlessly chewing on it's own hair thinking it was a nest.

'WHAT?' said Louise. 'THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE A HAMS- ahhh… it's close enough.' And then she left through the portrait hole.

Draco was slumping down the stairs sleepily.

'Ahhh! Did I miss the Fairy?'

'She has a name!' demanded Harry.

'What is it?'

'Louise.'

'Boobies?'

'LOUISE!'

'Ohhh… Louise… Slightly more normal.'

Louise stuck her head back round the portrait hole.

'Who are you calling normal?' and then left again. But Harry was sure he heard a faint 'GAYCO!' in the background.

'What the HELL?' said Draco. 'Is that a lion?' he said, looking at Hermione.

'It's a llama!' said Ron, disgusted by Draco's lack of knowledge on farm animals.

'A what?'

'It's ugly,' Harry told him so that no one had to describe llamas.

'Very,' agreed Draco.

The llama let out a very annoyed 'hhuummppphhh'.

'What the?' said Draco again. 'Is that retarded Granger in that lion suit?'

'Well, she's not in a suit, she is it.'

'Louise's work,' added Harry.

'It's good!' said Draco.

Harry nodded in agreement.

There was a long pause.

'So…' said Ron. 'You're with my sister?'

'Yeah…' said Draco. 'She's alright. Few nits here and there bu- OW!'

'Hermione!' Ron shouted. 'Stop chewing Draco's t-shirt!'

'Disgusting lion,' muttered Draco, and then he returned to Ginny upstairs.