CHAPTER 25: GASP

The next day, it was Saturday, which severely shocked Harry and he had to be sent to the hospital wing because he thought it was Wednesday. After he had been discharged, he was walking back up to the Gryffindor common room when he realised that it was February and there had not been a single Quidditch match all year. He turned and went to Dumbledore's office to ask him if there could be one.

Dumbledore was bouncing around the room hyper on vodka and cherry drops when Harry walked in.

'YES MISTER POTTER?' asked Dumbledore loudly.

'Can we have a Quidditch match?'

Dumbledore stopped bouncing and paused for a second, looking almost sober.

'YES!'

'Thanks.'

Harry walked out.

On the way back up to the common room, Harry felt he was being watched. He stopped and looked innocently around for a while when Romilda Vane walked out from under the staircase trying to look all pretty and seductive.

'Hi Harry,' she said, with a scarily creepy grin on her face.

'Errr… hi…' said Harry.

Romilda transfigured into what looked like an extremely desperate rapist and her eyes turned to cat eyes. She threw herself at Harry with great force, causing him to fall over. Romilda towered over him, looking as though she may get finally get her "turn" with Harry. Out of nowhere came Ron waving a random stick with a random leaf still attached to the end.

'BACK YOU FIEND! BACK!"

Romilda hissed loudly and backed away into the shadows of the stairs.

At that point, two very drone, monotone commentators, with microphones that weren't working, dragged around the corner, followed by very enthusiastic American tourists with loud shirts and mahusive cameras.

'And on the left we can see a young Mister Potter having just had one the of the most frightening experiences of his life.'

'How very exciting?'

This was followed by a murmur of amazement of the American tourists and unnecessarily large flashed coming from their unnecessarily large cameras.

Draco Malfoy turned the opposite corner at his moment, only to be severely shocked by the cameras and shirts, causing him to run around at top speed with his arms held out in front, eyes open wide, screaming: "I'm temporarily blind!" over and over again.

'And we also see Draco Malfoy trying to be the centre of attention.'

'Again.'

'I'M NOT LIKE IN THE BOOKS, YOU KNOW!' Draco screamed, still running with his arms held out. 'J.K ROWLING. SHE LIES!'

There was a loud gasp from the American tourists, although the commentators didn't seem bothered at all. Professor Stock rounded the corner.

'OH! CAMERAS!' he declared, and ran to pull over enthusiastic poses for the cameras.

'OH MY GOD.'

They all turned to see Hermione standing there with a large disapproving face. One of the commentators rose his microphone to his mouth.

'And on the right, a pompous arse stands with hair to big for her hairbrush.'

'So she doesn't use one.'

'YOU TWO ARE THE MOST FOUL THINGS THAT EVER WALKED THE PLANET!'

The commentators just looked at her.

'I thought I was,' said Harry.

'Shut up, Harry.'

Harry gasped deeply.

'No.'

'What?'

'You heard me. NO!'

Hermione looked like she was about to growl.

'Miss Granger revs up at Harry in an effort to maintain control.'

'Even her hair is going red with fury. Did I say hair? I meant nest.'

Harry looked at Hermione. The commentators looked at Hermione. The American tourists looked at Hermione. Professor Stock looked at Hermione. Draco looked at Hermione. Ron looked at pigeon that had perched itself outside. He wondered if it had rabies.

All of a sudden, Hermione had returned to her llama form. Louise came out of the shadows, blowing her smoking wand as if she had just won a battle. Everyone gasped except Ron. Who, when he heard everyone else gasp, turned and let out a very fake, unconvincing gasp.

'Well thank God that ferret nest is a bit tamer. Though with slightly more split ends…' said Louise. 'Who's for pizza?'

'Oh, me! I am!' said Harry.