CHAPTER 28: Return of the Niiiige!
Harry was sat in the common room in the evening of the first Wednesday of the Easter Holidays, reflecting on the events that had happened over the past term. Louise and Ron had stopped talking to each other thanks to Ron's rather mean comment. Although, Louise did sometimes talk to Ron in an impression of Hermione by saying:
'Ronald,' rather sourly.
Talking of Hermione, she and Ernie Macmillan of Hufflepuff had been found getting kinky in a broom cupboard, by Harry who was innocently looking for his owl, since she had been terrified by flying in on Draco trying on his new Matalan underwear his mother had sent him. Draco and Ginny had broken up because Ginny wanted to see other people, although Draco (and everyone else, for that mater) was under the impression she was seeing other people during their relationship, anyway. She'd hooked up with Slytherin, Will Howells who had mahusive lips and girl hair. Will Howells was Hogwarts' equivalent to Barry Scott, except he wasn't the spokes model for Cillit Bang and he was very snobby and thought he was better than everyone else. So, he was in actual fact, nothing like Barry Scott at all.
So, all in all, it had been quite eventful. However, Charms was still boring. And so was History of Magic. Potions was hard to live in as Snape kept setting four foot essays just to piss Harry off (he knew this as everyone else got one foot essays). And also, just to piss Hermione off in Defence Against the Dark Arts, Stock set everyone else essays, whereas she had to write five, short, one-sentence facts on the subject at hand. This made Harry laugh. It really did.
As he sat there, he heard the portrait swing open slowly and quietly. Harry slide down his chair and peeked around the side of it into the deserted room. He saw a shadowy figure all in black emerge through the portrait hole and close it carefully. Harry turned back around and though to himself. Right you sexy hero, there's an intruder and he's going to kill everyone you love. And maybe Hermione. Oh, that would be good…. Hopefully he'll kill her first. NO! he's going to kill Ron first! And then you! He's evil. He's probably on a mission from Mouldyshor- I mean Voldemort. It could be Lucius! It could be one of Crabbe or Goyle's parents! It could be Aunt Marge! Oh no, she's much bigger… It's up to you to stop him! You could get a medal! Or a cup! Or more love from the general public! Come on, Harry! Come on…
Harry got up and edged his way quietly up to behind the random guy who'd just come through the door. He was a bit smaller than Harry. And on closer inspection, he was wearing black Converse All Stars, black drainpipe jeans, a black skinny-fit t-shirt and his hair was all spiky at the back. Harry raised his hands above his head, and then brought his knee quickly up into this guy's arse. From then on, every second or so, Harry hit this guy hard and within half a minute, the guy was curled up in a ball on the floor. Harry stood a meter away from him with his hands in the air and his knee raised.
'Hi-yooooorrrr… Hiiiiiii-orrrrrrrrrr… Haaaaaaayorrrrrrhaaaaa… Hi-Nigel?'
Ron had come down in his footie pajamas and turned on the lights.
'Yes?' squeaked the ball.
Nigel was the guy in the fourth book/film who brought Ron his mail if he got him Harry's autograph.
'Sorry,' said Harry, helping him up. 'I thought you were an intruder.'
'Well, if I were, you'd have definitely stopped me from intruding anymore.'
Nigel had just got to his feet, shaking, when Harry hit him round the shoulder.
'Thanks mate! Oh, sorry,' he said, helping him up again.
'NIIIIIIGE!' said Ron.
'Ronaaaalllld!' said Nigel.
'How's the emo going?' asked Ron.
'Well, all the chavs hate me, and I've been called a metla 265 times today… so, I'd say it was going pretty well!'
'Excellent! Have you been camera whoring for your myspace?'
'Oh yes! And making them all broody and black and white with photoshop!'
'Wonderful!'
Harry, who had been standing there looking overly confused, said,
'Huh?'
'Nigel's become emo, Harry.'
'Emo?'
'Yeah! Look at him! Check out his tight, black clothes, his thick, black glasses and his flat hair at the front but spiky at the back. Black, also!'
Harry looked observing for a moment, and then went upstairs. He came back down five minutes or so later completely transformed. His hair was black, long gelled flat with a side parting at the front and short and spiky at the back. HE had a tight black t-shirt on, baring the saying "Hermits Have No Peer Pressure" and tight black drainpipes held up by a baby pink belt with silver studs on. His Converse All Stars were old and worn but also baby pink with white laces that had cup cakes on them. He stood in front of Ron and Nigel whose mouths were hanging open. Harry took out a digital camera and started camera whoring with it, pulling broody poses.
At that moment, Louise popped in holding a sheep bag and pulling a very surprised expression at Harry.
'Hey!' said Harry.
Louise took a running jump and pounced onto Harry.
'Where do you want to Honeymoon?' she asked.
Harry smiled at her. Louise pulled out her wand, magiced up a tent around them and a sign that said,
"Baby Making in Progress"
Ron and Nigel ran faaaaaaarrrr away. Well, upstairs.
But still.