(The cat blinks confusedly as Wanda and Mystique eagerly place ribbons in her fur.)
Wanda: She's so cute. I wonder if she has a name.
Mystique: Knowing Toad, not yet.
(Laugh track.)
Mystique: Oh wait!
(Mystique checks the cat's collar. Her eyes widen with disbelief.)
Mystique: Her name is Princess! Who would give their cat a name like Princess!
(Princess' eyes perk up having heard her own name.)
Wanda: (Defensively.) Well I think it's a darling name…Princess…
Princess: Mew.
(Wanda puts the last bow in Princess' fur.)
Wanda: Beautiful.
(Wanda lets Princess down. Toad enters the medical room and Princess prances over to him. Toad stares down at her in confusion.)
Princess: Mew.
Wanda: Doesn't Princess look nice? We fixed her up good, so don't you mess up her fur!
Toad: (Still confused.) Princess! (Toad reads her tag.) Of all the bloody—
(Princess purrs and rubs up against Toad's leg.)
Toad: Don't try to win me over with your charm, kitty! It still doesn't make up for when you scratched me in the face earlier!
(Laugh track.)
Toad: (Shouting to the sky.) WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY! (To himself.) I could have gotten an iguana, or maybe another toad. But, no, I got a cat! What a thorn in my side you are! I should have thrown you for the helicopter the first time you hissed at me! I buckled your seat in real nice too, extra tight!
(Mystique and Wanda groan and hang their heads low with frustration.)
Mystique: Well if you hate the cat so much, why'd you get her in the first place?
Toad: Um…Companionship. It gets pretty lonely around her sometimes, you know.
(Audience: Aw!)
Toad: Ah, put a sock in it!
(The phone rings.)
Wanda: Don't get it. It's probably another make-up salesman.
(The phone rings again. The answering machine picks up.)
Answering Machine: (The answering machine music from Seinfeld begins to play.) Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun! Believe it or not insert Magneto insert isn't at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not I'm not home!
(Mystique, Wanda, and Toad stare at each other in disbelief.)
Mystique: Somebody likes Seinfeld…
(Laugh track.)
Toad: Oo! Ooo! I especially like Kramer. He's got a wild, whacky edge to him…Like me!
Wanda: Don't kid yourself. At least Kramer's funny.
('Oooo' noises begin to play instead of the laugh track.)
Toad: Ouch, Wanda…Ouch…
(Laugh track.)
Answering Machine: (Beep.) Hello, this is Anita Holm. I work for the Beautiful Women Corporation. I'm just calling to tell you about our new line of mascara that I'm sure you're just dying to purchase. We also have some new shades of lipstick including sensual strawberry, passionate peach, and wild cherry. Call if you're interested and have very Beautiful day! (Beep.)
Wanda: Told you.
Mystique: Them again! They always call here.
(Pyro is about to enter the room.)
Mystique: That damned make-up company! I definitely never bought from their store!
Wanda: Me neither!
(Pyro's eyes widen.)
Mystique: Well if you didn't then who did?
(Pyro slowly slinks away.)
Wanda: (Sighs.) It doesn't matter. Toad, did you get all the things Princess will need?
Toad: Well sure. She has a home and bed, doesn't she?
Wanda: Ugh! (She rubs her two fingers against the bridge of her nose in.) You clearly weren't thinking things through when you got this cat!
Toad: Huh?
Mystique: There's more to taking care of a pet than simply giving it a place to sleep.
Wanda: Princess needs food, water, vaccinations, a box and litter…
Toad: No problem. I can get her food in seconds!
(Toad shoots his tongue through the window and grabs a bird. He slams the partially dead bird in front of Princess.)
Toad: Come here, fur-ball!
(Princess happily skips over and starts taking bites from the bird.)
Wanda: Ugh! That's disgusting!
(Wanda runs out of the room.)
Mystique: And what about the shots?
Toad: We're in a medical room aren't we?
Mystique: I can't make the vaccines! My medical knowledge only goes so far! You'll have to take her to a real doctor.
Toad: (Sighs.) All right, all right! (Toad gathers up the cat in his arms.) Come on, you!
Princess: Mew.
Mystique: And while you're at it, go and get her some real food!
Toad: Define "real food!"
Announcer: We're sure to tell you in a fabulous commercial break!
Toad: Oh cripes! Not you again!