I don't own anything. I also have an obligation to say that this was inspired by watching my little sister (the skinny emotional eater…no clue how that works) eat an entire basket of Easter candy in like ten minutes. Pre-series.

X

Wash stared mournfully down at the pile of candy and wrappers that littered the console. He always ate when he was upset. It had never really been a problem until now, because he was never really upset. But if things continued the way they had been going in the past few weeks, he was going to end up so big that the ship wouldn't be able to take off with him on board. And when he really thought about it, the ship wouldn't be able to take off with him not on board, either. He was the pilot, for gods sakes. His head swam with the paradox as he chewed on another handful of sourballs.

"Wash?"

"Hey, Kaylee," he greeted sadly.

Kaylee came quietly onto the bridge and leaned against the console. "How are you doin'?"

He sighed and clasped his hands on the top of his head, leaning back in his chair. "I don't get it. I just don't get it. Kaylee, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure. Shoot."

"Why do you think Zoe doesn't like me?" he asked earnestly. Kaylee sighed.

"I don't think…she doesn't not like you. Maybe you're just…comin' on a little strong?"

Wash shoved half of a chocolate bar into his mouth to offset the sourballs. "She hates me. I can tell she hates me," he said thickly. "Why does she hate me?"

"She doesn't hate you-"

"What then?" He ate the other half of the chocolate bar. "What is it? What's wrong with me?"

"Wash," Kaylee asked gently, "how much candy have you had?"

Wash shrugged. "A lot. I eat when I'm upset."

"It doesn't look like you have any left."

"Wh-…oh, gods!" he groaned. He began sifting through the pile of wrappers, desperately searching for any overlooked candy. "It can't be gone! I don't feel better yet! It can't be all gone!" Finding nothing, he collapsed face-down onto the console. "I want candy."

Kaylee, displaying insight beyond her years, shook her head. "No you don't. You just wanna have something to take your mind off it all."

"Huh?" came his muffled retort.

"My big brothers were all like this, all four of 'em. They'd come home and swallow the fridge every time a girl passed 'em over."

Wash sat up, scattering candy wrappers everywhere. "Maybe you're right. I don't want candy, I want Zoe," he lamented. "Candy isn't as good as Zoe."

"How d'you know?" Kaylee asked curiously.

"Huh? Oh…shut up, kid, I just know. Zoe…she's just…amazing. Don't you think she's amazing?"

"I dunno, but if you talk any louder about it the Captain'll hear you all the way down in the cargo bay. Not to mention Zoe's right in the kitchen."

"She's…she's in the kitchen?" Wash spoke in a frantic whisper. "She probably heard every word I said!"

"Mmm…maybe."

She was smiling. He'd be lucky if Zoe didn't kill him, and the kid was actually smiling. "You horrible little-"

"I gotta go check on the engine, maybe take a look at that old compression coil. See you later, Wash."

Great. He was going to die. Sooner or later, Zoe was going to come up here and kill him. He briefly considered sending a quick WAVE to his mother on Chengdu to let her know, but realized that he probably wouldn't be able to get to the screen under all the debris from his eating-fest. Oh well.

"Wash?"

"Z-Zoe?"

"Are you set to land us on Hyderabad in a few hours?"

"Y…yes. Yeah, I'm ready." Ai ya, stop stuttering! He hadn't stuttered since he was a little kid.

"Good. What's with all the trash?"

"That? Oh, just…leftovers."

"Hm. How's Kaylee?"

Damnit. Here it comes. "She's good," he responded warily.

"Notice you and her spendin' a lot of time talkin' lately. Are you two…?" Zoe let her statement drift off, the unsaid question hanging in the air.

"Huh? Are we…oh! Oh, guay, no. I mean, Kaylee's a sweet kid and all but…no. No," he repeated emphatically.

"Good. Glad to hear it." Wash's heart leapt into his throat. "Shipboard romances complicate things." It fell back down to where it belonged, even sinking a bit into his stomach.

"Yeah. Yeah, I hear ya," he muttered, somewhat bitterly. His fingers roved through the wrappers, and this time found an uneaten chocolate bar.

Zoe's face broke into a seldom-seen smile. "Is that chocolate?"

"Uh-huh."

"Real chocolate?"

"Yeah." A thought occurred to him. "Want half?"

"Really?"

"Sure." She looked so happy. Even if she was smiling at the candy and not at him, Wash loved to see it.

"Xiexie. Thanks a lot." Zoe broke off half of the candy bar and bit into it, delighted. "This is amazing, Wash."

"Hey…why don't you have the rest?"

She stared at him incredulously. "You're kidding, right?"

"No, no. Go ahead. I'm not really hungry."

The more he thought about it, the more it was true. Seeing the usually austere first mate smiling was better than candy. Hah, Kaylee, he thought. This is how I know.

No, he had never really been hungry.

X

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