Chapter 10
12th April 1925
New York - Broadway theatre
The letter had been waiting at his dressing room backstage. Among many other fan letters. His routine flicking of those letters hadn't expected he would stumble to the one letter he had been waiting for - for a month and half almost. He dropped everything else as if he had been put under a witch's spell. Locked the door. Lit a cigarette, took his brass letter opener from the dresser's drawer and opened it. Inside, his letter lay unopened.
"What the heck...?", he murmured on his own.
An additional letter had been inserted inside the envelope. He took it out and begun to read it.
"Dear Terrence,
My son I want you to know that neither myself nor Sister Maria have taken the liberty to read your letter, addressed to Candy. I am therefore returning it back to you because she is not here to receive it. She has moved out of Pony's home.
Do not worry. She is fine. I think, since we were reading your troupe's news, you may be able to give your letter to her in person. She has moved to London you see, since January this year. I will not go into details why she decided to make that journey, but you know Candy...
When you are in London, you can visit her in this address in Camden, where she stays.
Candy White
17 Gloucester Crescent
Camden
I am certain she will be more than happy to see you.
Kind regards
Your most loyal fans
Miss Pony & Sister Maria
PS. Congratulations for your stellar performance in Hamlet. The reviews are nothing less than spectacular in all the newspapers. We are very proud of you!"
An hour had passed and he kept reading over and over the same brief letter. He read, folded it, put it back in his pocket and then ten minutes later he would repeat the same movements.
The fact that Candy was actually living in London unnerved him. Pony's home was her sanctuary, her haven, the one place she felt whole. Even at the time they were in St. Paul's together, she had named the hill inside the college ground, her "pretend Pony's hill".
What pushed her to move back there? To change even continents. Was it just freedom? The States were huge enough for the both of them! If she was so upset, she could have moved to California, not cloudy, rainy London.
On the other hand, Miss Pony gave him her address quite readily. It looked like Candy had just decided for some change of scenery. A big change that is, but nevertheless...it shouldn't be anything more than that. Whatever was going on, he would meet her, after all that time. Another eight weeks and part of him would travel back in time. It seemed that London would always pull him back one way or another...
He started to prepare for the night's performance. Inside his mind, he started planning. He had to speak to Robert. Somehow to start the performances in London perhaps later...Anyway. He would find something. Just enough to free up time for him to catch up with her after more than ten years. There would a lot of ground to cover.
Chelsea, London
Christian's apartment
She knocked at the door of his flat and waited for a few minutes, feeling nervous without knowing why. "Wasn't it her that had proposed to pose for Christian?", she thought to herself fixing her moss green beret as if it was out of place, smoothing the pleats of her white cotton skirt. She stared at the closed door in front of her for a couple of seconds. She placed her ear in silence at the wooden surface trying to hear for any noise from inside. She couldn't hear anything. Her hand, moved by her curiosity, slipped and gripped the door knob and gave it a twist.
The door opened with her push. Surprised by the lack of privacy from Christian's part, hesitant as she was, she entered his flat.
Candy moved in the room with careful steps. The kitchen area was just as unkempt as the first time she had set foot in his apartment. She heard a cricking noise and turned her head to her right staring at the open door that led to another room.
"Christian?", she shouted.
She moved closer to the open door. Christian's sight appeared all of a sudden from the room, half naked with just a thick white cotton towel around him, drying his hair with another; his body leaving water trails on the floor. Her heart twisted in her chest with nervousness and embarrassment at the same time.
His torso, glowing with moisture, was lean and sinewy. His arms looked strong and well defined; she stared at the narrow strip of hair that went downwards from his belly button disappearing beneath the towel, her cheeks reddened all of a sudden. She felt an intense yarning to be enclosed in his arms.
"Rose!", he said happy to see her with a wide smile that shattered the bubble of air that had stuck in her throat. "You came!", he continued and made a step towards her direction unaware of his appearance.
Her lost for words stare reminded him right away and made him stop where he was.
"Oh! I'm sorry! Stupid me...", he said, "Didn't realise...forgive me! I'll go and change"
He disappeared back in the room. Candy looked around her once more and left a silent sigh of relief.
"Make yourself at home!", he shouted back at her from the bedroom.
In between the mess of everything around her, she sat back at the velvet couch without saying anything. She let her hand feel the deep soft fabric.
"I'm sorry for the mess, Rose", he said with an innocent look in his eyes when he reappeared back in the room wearing a cream cotton t-shirt and dark flannels trousers that sat loose on his hips held by dark leather braces.
She broke in a smile on his admission.
"Don't worry...I have been here before...remember?" she teased him back.
"Quite right", he replied. "I'm incorrigible when it comes to house chores".
"Now, if I manage to find us some coffee, would you care to share a cup with me?", he asked her with a cheerful tone in his voice and moved towards the kitchen, glancing around him in search of coffee and a coffee pot.
"I sure wouldn't mind that at all", she said eagerly and turned towards his way. "Would you like me to help you?", she added.
"Only if you can find us a coffee pot sweetheart", he said with his head appearing from within the open cupboards.
"They say two pairs of eyes are better than one", she noted and got up on her feet.
Left her beret on a chair, before looking around for the missing coffee pot. Christian was busy opening and closing cupboards and drawers. Her eyes travelled around the big room. They stopped at the big table where the espresso pot was hiding among tall wine glasses.
"Here it is", she said with satisfaction in her voice.
"You're an angel!", he said and took the pot from her hands. Without delay, he added the coffee and water in the pot.
"You'd think how I manage to live on my own", he said while waiting for the coffee to brew and chuckled with his back turned on her.
She moved closer, leaning on the kitchen bench, watching his moves.
"Oh...it's all a matter of organising yourself I guess", she commented. "That...or finding a woman", she added and her laughter rippled around them.
He turned around with two steaming espresso cups, sugar cubes on the side, and looked at her.
"If you have any suggestions on the latter...please share", his words rolled slow as the cup passed from his hands to hers. Their fingers touched, causing Candy to concentrate more in order not to drop the cup.
"Once I do...I'll let you know", she said back to him with an air of gathered calmness.
They sat down. She took the couch and Christian pulled a lone chair closer to her. They enjoyed their coffee, talking about everything under the sun. She felt quite relaxed in his company for a change and the thought of posing for him settled comfortably at the back of her mind.
An hour passed like that. Their cups were empty with only some coffee remnants at the bottom. Christian took them and left them sitting on the floor. She noticed how everything was so easy and free, even at that most mundane thing, choosing to place the cups on the floor. She liked that attribute of him. She thought it must be very liberating to live your life like that. Her eyes travelled from the cups back to Christian. She found him staring at her but his eyes told her nothing.
It was enough, however, for the nervousness to come back like a punch in her stomach.
"So...", he started saying, "are you ready for me to start the painting?"
"Eeer...I guess so", she said and smiled trying to hide the conflicting feelings she was harbouring inside.
It was only a painting she told herself trying to reassure her that this was just a normal thing some people do.
"OK", he said and stood up. He moved towards the white canvas he had placed on its holder. "I have a robe on my bed...when you undress", he said as if it was the most natural thing to say to her.
"A robe?", she asked him. All her reassuring thoughts vanished into thin air like a puff of smoke.
"But yes...Rose, I draw nudes most, I thought I've told you before", he said. His eyes were playful, having realised her hesitant feelings colouring her voice.
She didn't add anything to his statement but her throat felt as dry as cotton wool.
"Don't tell me you're a prude...", he added quietly like this being a secret between them and smiled, "Trust me, when I paint, I look at my models with artist's eyes and nothing more"
His "prude" remark left her miffed, so she stood up with all the confidence she could muster.
"I left my prude self long time ago my friend", she commented, her voice trailing off a bit in the end.
It led towards faint and old scenes from her past. Her hand moved on its own and touched her cheek, feeling suddenly an almost forgotten slap. Christian's eyes fell intense of her for a few seconds, wondering if she could make it.
"OK, tell me when...and I'll start preparing my colours"
She walked towards his room determined to go through with this. Somewhat this liberation from everything seemed very important for her.
"You can start Christian, I'll be back in a short while", she said with confidence. She gave him a last glance before going in his room. He already was checking different tubes of paint, getting ready.
His bedroom was of the same dishevelled state the big central room was. Various things, a couple of thick cushions and clothes were thrown randomly here and there. Books on the bedside table, an ashtray on the floor next to the bed. She stared on his unmade bed; the white crisp cotton bed sheets were all twisted, his pillow still hollow where his head rested from the night before.
There it was. A dark blue silk robe spread, placed for her on the bed. She picked it up. Her hands were almost trembling. The soft fabric glided between her cool fingers. A float of butterflies were dancing inside of her.
Scottish summer nights... She left a sigh and pressed her lips. There is no old Candy! She repeated within herself like a mantra while she started getting undressed.
Several minutes after, she appeared back in the room. Her hair were ruffled up, her cheeks the colour of summer cherries. Barefoot, wearing just the silk robe, she walked quietly towards him. His eyes moved from his paints to her. A satisfied smile dawned on his lips as he took in her sight in the robe.
"Rose...you're beautiful", he just commented, his voice deeper and softer than usual.
A spark of unsure feelings and nervous expectation flashed in her green eyes in response to his remark.
"Thank you Christian...where...do you want me to sit?", she asked, while controlling her voice, she thought it was quieter than the loud heartbeat she was experiencing at that moment. She wished that her face was not scarlet red, but it felt hot. Christian took his eyes away from her without hurry and looked at the red velvet couch.
"There", he said and walked towards it, turning around to look at her. "I want you on your belly. Face sideways looking towards me. Your hands to be tucked under your chin, as if you're sleeping", he said looking at her with expectation.
She dry swallowed in silence. Christian realised her nervousness.
"Would you like a glass of water first?", he asked her softly.
"Yes...", she replied with a grateful voice.
He went to the tap and brought her a glass of cool water. He watched her a bit drinking it with fervour, turned around and walked back to his canvas.
"When you're ready Rose...", he said giving her time to take her robe off in peace.
She felt the tenderness in his attitude despite challenging her forward, so she slipped out in silence from the robe, and lay on her stomach on the couch, her naked skin coming in contact with the velvet fabric. It felt nice. Goosebumps trickled up her spine. She was desperate to calm her heart down, when he turned to examine her. Even if he felt something, his face looked serious and focused.
He came close looking at her from her toes upwards to her head. He kneeled in front of her, took her hands and placed them exactly where he wanted them under her chin, nestled in the hollow of her neck. His fingers were cool and light. Her eyes were firmly on his face while he looked at her stance from every angle. She felt as if she had swallowed the sun.
"I love your freckles Rose...how they spread on your skin...", he said with a warm smile at her, his eyes locking hers. "Now close your eyes...", he commanded her with a gentle voice, still kneeling in front of her.
She did exactly as she was told, almost keeping her breath at the same time. She heard his voice again.
"I find the lines of a woman's body amazing, when she sleeps like that. The curve of the neck...", he said. The palm of his hand stood so close to her skin, she could feel his warmth.
"The long lines of the back, curving gentle and deep towards the valley of the waist...", he continued and his hand travelled downwards.
She could feel the air of his movements like a awakening caress, drawing an invisible line along her silhouette.
"The upward soft lines of the buttocks...", he added and went on tormenting her inside even more as his hand slowed down when it passed over them, "...ending to slender strong legs", he concluded and his hand rested at last on her crossed calves.
His touch cool over her hot skin, had her almost jumped from the couch. She felt him getting up.
"It's going to be a beautiful painting, Rose", he said for a moment as she heard him trying to clear the hoarseness of his voice behind the canvas.
He picked up a tiny overused drawing pencil first, and started sketching the outline. His eyes were glancing at her, laying still as if sleeping. Her image was taking shape on the whiteness of the stretched linen fabric. But she could sense him looking at her all the time. Without helping it she felt her muscles tensing.
After ten minutes, it was obvious to Christian that she couldn't relax. He put the pencil down, his stare on her was tender mixed with controlled desire. It was unbelievable for him, how he kept his cool up to now. She looked innocent and vulnerable, and at the same time like she was sitting at the edge of her seat. He buried his fingers on his hair, pushing them back. He looked thoughtful. He pressed his lips before taking two strides for him to be by her side. She opened her eyes and looked at him kneeling down next to her, his fingers pushing away the fallen curls from her face.
"Rose...you need to relax sweetheart", he commented while his thumb was caressing her forehead.
She moved her head upwards and lifted her body slightly, her arms crossing in front of her breasts. In her eyes he could notice disappointment and frustration, hesitation. Everything were so clear in those emerald waters within them.
"I'm truly trying Christian...", she almost apologised, her cheeks looking flustered.
His eyes rested on hers for a while, examining them. He stood up.
"Put your robe back on...", he said before disappearing in his room, leaving her without a chance to ask anything.
She slipped back into the robe, feeling puzzled. "Was he rejecting her? Was she such a disappointment?", she thought and tried to battle with tears of frustration. Bursting to tears would be the utter humiliation for her right now. She took a few deep breaths. A second later he came back. He stopped and looked at her questioning face. A faint line had appeared between her eyebrows.
"Don't fret", he said and his finger touched the crease for the briefest of moments before he walked towards the kitchen. "We'll relax together", he continued and came back with a bottle of red wine and two porcelain mugs.
He stood over her as she was sitting on the couch and offered her one of them.
"Sorry...", he apologised, "no glasses...", he continued while glancing on all the used ones sitting on the table. She took the mug from his hands.
"That's OK by me, no need to apologise", she remarked and smiled.
He sat on the chair, just as before, pulled the cork off the bottle and filled their mugs up with wine.
"Here's to letting go", he said while staring in her eyes and his mug clinked to hers.
"To letting go", she repeated, keep her stare fixed on his with a heartfelt smile flowering on her lips.
Christian loved her smile, it was one of the first things that had drawn him to her. Never in his life had he seen such a warm sincere beautiful smile.
They both had a sip and he placed his mug on the floor. He buried his hand in his pocket and took out a silver tobacco case and a small bag of weed. He was going to roll up a joint, sprinkling weed on the laid tobacco. She looked at the whole ritual with interest. She never had the chance to try smoking marihuana. Christian licked the rolling paper. He added a makeshift filter, placed the joint on his lips and lit it. He took a deep drag off it and squinted his eyes, keeping the smoke down for a couple of seconds, always looking at her as he exhaled leisurely. He took one more drag and passed the joint to her who was a bit hesitant to pick it up.
"Don't worry, it is light", he commented on her hesitation. "It'll help us relax", he added with a smile and let the smoke out. She left a chuckle.
"That's what I need then", she said and mimicked his moves.
She felt her throat choking because of the smoke so she didn't keep it down for long. The sweet marihuana smell permeated the air. A couple of minutes after, she started feeling pleasurably numb, and the whole situation seemed to her really funny. She chuckled to Christian looking at her while his eyes smiled. She took another drag and passed it back to him. He leaned forward to pick it up from her fingers.
"Why did you want to do it Rose?", he asked her the moment he took a hit from the joint.
"What do you mean?", she asked back, feeling all her muscles relaxing.
"To pose for me...why did you want to do it...", he repeated, and flicked the joint in the astray, placing it there, as he took a sip from his wine.
"Well, I wanted to experience what it's like", she replied and sipped from her wine too.
"I see...", he added.
"So you didn't want to see how far you could go with something as daunting as posing nude for a guy that you just started to know of", he said and his eyes looked at her intently.
She couldn't stop smiling, despite his questions.
"That too...I guess", she said and tried to bury the laughter that was coming up her throat.
"That too...", Christian repeated.
"You're gorgeous when you laugh", he teased her changing the subject.
"I've been told that in the past too", she replied and pushed back the stray curls that were falling on her face.
"I expected it so...", he remarked.
"How are you feeling now?", he asked her as he started laughing too.
"I'm feeling great!", she said and let herself fall back on the couch, unaware of the effect she had on Christian's state, as the curves of her breasts showed from the opening of the robe.
He took up the joint from the astray and lit it again, taking one last long drag before handing in to her. It was quite small now, so she picked it up with careful fingers.
"Careful, it'll be hot, don't inhale too much", he said to her. Candy listened and took two quick puffs before asking for the astray to stump the joint in.
They both had a sip of wine from their mugs. His eyes smiled at her as they did.
"Would I be right to assume that you feel relaxed to pose again?", he asked her slowly with a playful tone in his voice.
"Aha..", she managed to say, looking at him with daring moist eyes, just as the years of old life were lifting off her mind and soul for that brief moment.
She felt as light as the wind...she'd love to be one with it. Nothing mattered, everything was what it was, living for the day and just that. No thinking about the past. Not worrying about the future. In that perfect medium of the present she sensed she could find the happiness she was striving for without any tormenting thoughts, or must do's.
Christian was looking at her with eyes that burned. The joint and the wine had managed to relax her but for him it had unlocked the feelings he kept controlled up to that moment.
He slipped from his chair and kneeled in front of her. He pushed her knees apart to fit his body between them. He kept his hands firmly on her knees while his face approached hers to breathing distance, and everything was rippling green for him, grass caressed from the faint breeze.
Candy dived into his eyes that had kept her there. They where the colour of the autumn sky, greyish blue and pale. She felt the depth in the blackness of his pupils. The hairs at the back of her neck stood up to the thought that if she fell into that blackness, she wouldn't be able to find the path to return. His breath, a mixture of wine and hash caressed her lips.
"And...now? How do you feel being so close to me?", he asked her, his voice low and hoarse to her ears, almost whispering.
It took a couple of seconds for her to wake up from the trance of his stare, to reply to his question.
"I like it", she said faintly maybe scared by her own admission, biting the edge of her lip by impulse.
"You do...", he said and the skin of his lips caressed the moistness of hers.
His palms slid up her thighs gathering the silk material, exposing their nakedness. He longed to touch her, to feel her.
"I do too Rose...like being close to you", he said.
His mouth covered hers, exploring her feelings, the moment. He could feel under his hands the light tremble of her body. He pushed his tongue into her mouth, moving slow, tasting hers, drinking the sweet wetness, her hot breath. He was feeling on the edge. He wondered whether to stop it, but he didn't have the strength.
She seemed to want to go further, but what he wanted was to tread carefully. He already had heard she wasn't into the intimacy feelings were creating. That she was afraid. And since he didn't know why for certain, he kept his feelings in check, keeping things casual. Would that account as casual sex between them? Hell it could be great, it could be passionate and it could be casual, at least that's what he had to show her.
He felt her moving closer enclosing him even more between her legs. Her hands wrapped around his neck, knitted her fingers within his hair, feeling like silk. His hands got her by her waist, prompting her to stand up. Their eyes were melting with the spark of desire.
"Come with me..."
He got her hand to lead her into the bedroom. She followed entranced, her heart beat having transformed to a wild palpitation. He turned around to see her. He moved backwards, and sat down on the bed, leaving her standing in front of him.
He opened his legs to close her in, and placed her hands on his shoulders. He lifted his head to see her. She was looking down at him, ringlets of hair falling golden towards him, She was lost for words, with desire in her eyes, for losing herself in his love. She lowered her head wanting to kiss him once more. Keeping her eyes into his, feeling her standing between his legs, his palms cupped the cheeks of her face and slid backwards, burying his fingers into her hair, pulling them back as her lips touched his, moving slow and hesitant first, her kiss becoming bolder, torturing him.
"I'm crazy for doing this Rose", he whispered on her parted red lips. Her eyelids closed once and opened again, her stare sparkled.
"No you're not...", she said back, brushing his lips, "We're just letting go...remember?", she added before his lips parted slightly, letting her tongue to delve inside his mouth, to taste him.
Her kiss had fervour, power, will to live. He reacted by tightening his grip on her with his legs. His hands pushed her face back more, forcing her to stop kissing him. He was looking at the question in her eyes wanting to reassure her. He slid the braces off his shoulders, taking his T-shirt off. Sitting down, naked from the waist up, he looked at her flustered glowing face. His hands untied the loose knot of her robe, revealing to him her beautiful nakedness underneath. His hands trailed her hips. Stopped behind them cupping her buttocks, squeezing them, with his thump caressing the beginning of the line between them. He started kissing her belly slowly, stopping, his tongue tormenting her belly button. She could hardly hold on standing up, she felt paralysed, breathless.
"Christian...", she managed to say with a faint voice.
He looked up to her, bringing his finger to his lips.
"Shhhh...", he said and his eyes smiled.
His palm touched the smooth skin of her belly, with his thumb sliding downwards between her soft curls, finding and trailing around her clit, teasing her. He heard her unexpected deep sigh. Her head fell backwards. The hold on her was tight, making his hard on even more painful for release.
He was determined though to make her lose control for once in her life, to erase everything from her mind, to free her from whatever pain she was running from. She was wet with desire. He kissed her belly once more, as he slid two fingers deep into her, feeling her buttocks tense to his intrusion. He twisted his fingers inside her moistened core and he felt her knees trembling. Her fingers griped his shoulders tight.
"Christian...please...", she asked him sounding desperate.
He stared at her being lost in their world. Her eyes clear wide pools, dark green fires dancing in them. He stood up slowly, his body rubbed on hers. He held her by the waist with his right arm while he pulled the robe off with the other and kissed her again. His kiss was demanding, wild, asking for everything from her. She held tight from his neck, tiptoeing to reach him, wanting to be close to the carefreeness of his life, to be close to him.
He pulled the hair away from her face to look at her, feeling his heart wanting to burst. He kissed her again soft this time, pulling her down to lie on the bed, before taking the rest of his clothes off. He took a new condom from the drawer to put on and he climbed above her. He took both of her hands and held them together over her head with his right hand. His free hand was going up her pale thigh, as he continued taking her swollen lips with his, their tongues mingling with each other. His naked body was firmly on hers, moving, making her feel him on every inch of her body, his weight pinning her down. His knee parted her legs, so he could rest between them.
He was kissing the curve of her neck, the hollows of her strong collarbones. His tongue trailed down, circled around her erect nipple. He was sucking her, closing her between his teeth, while he was teasing the other with the palm of his left hand. He could hear her shallow quick breaths, he could feel the light curving of her body underneath him. His hard on rubbing on her pubic bone increasing the agony he felt. Both were drawn to the ecstasy and the torture of their love making. He guided his hardened cock into her slowly at first, going only half way in, before pulling out, going back in, penetrating her deeply this time. She left a cry, unwanted tears started streaming downwards from the edges of her eyes.
Christian held her head between his arms that rested on their elbows by her shoulders, his eyes the colour of a bruised sky. He brushed her tears with with his fingers, kissing her gleaming with sweat temples.
"Let go sweetheart...let go...let me love you for tonight...", he whispered hoarsely to her ear.
Her eyes searching his, listening to his words.
"I want to Christian", she said, her lips trembling.
He kissed her in the most tender of kisses, as if touching the most fragile flower while still inside her.
"Then do...let go off the weight in your soul...think. We're just two human beings making sweet love...nothing else...let yourself feel", he said staring lovingly to her eyes.
To the sound of his words, she wrapped her arms tight around his neck, pressing her breasts on his bare chest, wanting not an inch between them. Her expression of neediness and trust confirmed to him that there was no way back for him as to what he was feeling for this young woman that was right there in his arms. He pulled her from her waist and started rocking inside her slowly, with deep moves.
"Wrap your legs around me...", he commanded her gently and she obeyed to his words.
He was holding her firm now, moving together, his penetrations intensifying. They were losing themselves, there were no words between them, only the share of their out of breath sighs and groans, being transferred to another dimension with just the pleasure existing between them, giving themselves to each other.
He held her and turned suddenly bringing her on top of him. She stayed glued on his body, her fingers lost into his hair. She moved on him slowly. Her nipples brushed on his chest, with him holding her from her hips, guiding her. He held her tight in his arms, trails of sweat rolled on their chests. He pulled his body to sit upwards facing each other while she was sitting on his lap, her legs bend on the sides of his hips.
They looked at each other, mesmerised. He held her close to him. His kisses had turned furious. His hands were slipping at the back of her neck, getting tangled in her hair, smelling of jasmines, while his cock was filling her inside, helping her move on it, to feel him to her core.
Candy was at the edge of reason, looking at the emptiness that spread in front of her. She felt free and weightless for the first time in her life. They bonded as one in this world where only them existed, being there for each other. The swell of release that Christian helped her build inside her was about to burst its banks, overflowing her being, washing away everything in its pass.
She arched her body all the way back while Christian held her from her shoulder blades, helping himself to her bad dreams, wanting to disperse them all together from the depths of her soul. He came into her. With the force of his release, he cried her name as they moved together in unison, their souls connecting, feeding from each other. Their moans of passion multiplied by the orgasmic waves that rippled fast through their bodies, an intense tingle spreading from their heads to their toes leaving a calming numbness behind, a sense of completion and serenity as he fell backwards with Candy on top of him, in his arms. Her head buried in his neck, he felt her deep breaths still caressing his skin.
"Christian...", she whispered softly without looking at him.
He brushed her hair with tender moves, while his other was wrapped around her waist holding her on top of him. Christian stayed there, as she was feeling sleep taking over. He stared at the ceiling with his grey eyes, letting the experience to etch its memory in his heart that he would carry with him forever.