Chapter 14

29th April 1925

Savoy Hotel

The rush with which she left the Savoy was overwhelming her as she walked with brisk steps towards the reception desk asking to bring her car at the entrance. Such were the circumstances when she spoke to the receptionist, she expressed her wish to act as fast as possible. The strain in her face was obvious for anyone to see and she thanked in silence for once the British etiquette for discreetness despite the glances she was getting. She was sure, if someone engaged her into a conversation over how terribly upset she looked, she would burst into sobs right there and then.

The internal fight she was preoccupied with, not to let those tears flow, took every inch of her mental strength. The more she pushed them down, the bigger the urge to just erupt in uncontrollable crying, was becoming. She practically had run when they brought her car at the entrance of the hotel. Jumped in while murmuring a quick "thank you" to the bell boy and sped off. Her nature was not to be so abrupt but time was of the essence. The air in her lungs was getting less by the minute, her throat was aching and she knew. The moment she would take a deep breath in she would let everything spill out.

Candy did not go very far. Once inside the quiet space of her Detroit Electric, she had only managed to drive around the corner from the hotel before the unavoidable took place. The suppressed tears she kept in check with all her might, blinded her in a matter of seconds. She switched off the engine just as her resistance to her feelings withered. Heavy sobs shook her body. She leaned forward and her forehead touched the steering wheel she was still holding. The distress she was experiencing over her strong argument with Archie just a little while ago was not going to be an easy thing to get over right now. Instead, the more she thought about it, the more physical its effects were becoming. She was hyperventilating, feeling her heart fluttering in her chest.

In front of her inflamed eyes she could see Archie's hurt face and could still hear their words of anger reverberating in her ears...the whole scene replaying in her mind minute by minute despite her futile attempts to steer her thoughts elsewhere. Her cousin had said awful things to her...and she had replied in accordance.

The morning after their wild tango dancing, Candy had woken up next to Christian with her spirits high albeit the tiredness she felt from a night of lovemaking with him. Soon after though, Archie came to her mind and the immediate guilt she felt evaporated her good mood.

It became imperative to her to try and find him, to tell him how sorry she was she had forgotten to tell him in person that she and Christian were leaving the Cumparsita. It was not long in the day when Candy realisedArchie was avoiding her, putting his secretary to pass her messages instead, telling her he was busy. So she had decided to wait for him in the hotel lobby from five in the afternoon. She was getting anxious. Almost after an hour and a half into waiting, she had decided to leave when she bumped to him on his way in. His eyes were serious when he looked at her. He suggested to better talk if so she wished in his room.

"Don't you realise you are looking cheap by getting up and leaving in a hurry with a guy from the club?", he had turned to criticise her once they had entered his room.

His words still echoed hard in her ears. Hearing him saying that fell like a thunder between them.

"That guy was Christian, Archie, my partner", she had retorted with a voice that was clear of how offended she was.

She took a handkerchief out of her purse and blew her nose after patting her cheeks dry. More tears were streaming down her face. It was impossible for her to stop crying.

He had poured a glass of whisky on ice which he had almost drunk in a couple of minutes. "You sure know how to pick them...", he voiced his opinion steeped in sarcasm. Blood had rushed to her head. Her eyes sparkled like forests after a storm.

The same anger had now turned into bleak sadness. Never he had been so angry towards her in the past. Was it so terrible, how she had acted in a moment of craziness in a dancing club?

"How dare you? Out of all people, you were the one that was never happy with them...in fact you even look determined to chase them all away", she had shouted to him.

Without even thinking, in that hotel room, she emptied the insides of her mind straight as they came to Archie's face.

He had been enraged. The vein on his temple was pulsating, his face glowing with perspiration. He had loosened his tie, taking the bottle again to pour his second whisky before he turned his eyes back to her. "I didn't need to chase Terry away, his own actions were his undoing Candy", he had said to her, sounding cold.

She wiped her tears away for the second time before lighting a cigarette to calm her down so she could drive to Christian's place. Her hands were shaking. She tried to steady them when she took in the first drag. She leaned back to the driver's seat. With eyes like glass she staring in front of her, looking at nothing while her lips quivered to the memory of Archie's mention of him. Yes, she had expected Terry's name would sneak in at a moment like that she thought, watching the smoke expanding into a faint cloud in front of her.

She had not been ready for the impact of his words because her eyes had filled up with tears, trembling like rippling lakes right after silence had dropped between them. The anger she had felt right then for the hurt he had caused her was running like hot metal in her veins.

"You were trying to make Terry's life miserable with the fights and your clear dislike when I had told you I wasn't interested in you...I am sorry you had fallen in love with me...", she had lashed out , "I did feel guilty about it but enough is enough Archie...it wasn't MY bloody fault! You weren't mature enough to get over it, by God!"

She brought her hands to her cheeks just as the sky was crossed by vast pink and violet strokes. Twilight had descended to mark the end of this day she knew she wouldn't forget. How could she have said such things? She experienced physical ache, she could not help it. Her body reacted by instinct to anyone who criticised Terry in a sarcastic or mean way. Had she repressed him and their doomed relationship so hard in her heart that it would make her say the most horrible things when someone blamed him over what happened between them? Or was it because Archie's words really did matter to her? Had she gone too far with Christian?

Whatever the verdict on that was, she did not care. She did not care if she showed how much this guy enthralled her. For the first time in her life she was feeling free as a bird when she was with him and if she had to be true to her feelings, she didn't want to stop this. What hurt her wasn't how others perceived her, she didn't care for them either. She cared of Archie's opinion though. That's why she had asked from him to accept her from the beginning.

Of course his reminder of Terry didn't help. To hear Archie's words so stark...her heart was squashed inside a tight fist when the hospital stares took shape in her mind. She and Terry hanging for a few minutes to each other before they left each other. She really wished time would push him away. His memory kept hurting her.

She rolled down the window, letting the cool evening air clear the smoke away. She welcomed that breeze on her face. She was a mess. The cigarette did its trick. She had stopped crying only just and made a conscious effort to lock her thoughts away when she looked to her reflection in the rear view mirror. The heaviness she bore inside had settled down like dust. She let a deep sigh and pushed her hair back gathering them together with a clip. With the window open she started the engine...on her way over to Christian's with all her concentration focused on preventing another breakdown.

Christian's sight when he opened the door to her call was a ray of warmness in her heart. She tried her best to hide her turmoil. They shared a brief kiss before he went back to his painting. He kept an eye on her however, while she was preparing for them some tea. Not her usual chattering self, he found this silence from her part strange.

"Are you ok sweetheart?", she heard his voice after a little while.

The whistle from the kettle bought her a couple of seconds. It would be difficult for her to tell him what had happened between her and Archie. She took the kettle off the gas fire, pouring the boiling hot water inside the tea pot without answering back to him.

"Rose...", he said once again, his voice now expressing light curiousness mixed with worry.

To the sound of her name, she stopped. Her hands grabbed at the edge of the sink. She couldn't go any further.

"I'm fine", she replied with a faint voice.

He was behind her. This attitude was unlike her. He put his hands on her shoulders.

"I don't think you are...Turn around, I want to see your face", he prompted her since she was reluctant to talk about whatever may have been bothering her.

She wished this awful quarrel with her cousin had never happened. It was a useless exercise from her part. The moment she faced his worried eyes she had already started crying. She dived in his arms without saying anything, letting her tears stain his shirt. Her muffled sobs on his chest were dragging her pain in the open spelling it quite clear she wasn't fine after all.

"Wow...wow!", he exclaimed and lowered his head, trying to get a look of her hiding face, while crying without control on his chest, "What brought this on love?", he said, his hand sweeping back the curls that had escaped the hair clip.

He started to worry when he didn't get a reply from her. It dawned to him that something serious had happened and his heartbeat quickening to this thought. He had to make her calm down first before he could get a word from her. He heard some sort of apology regarding her state coming from her lips in synch with her sobs.

"You don't need to apologise for the way you feel, Rose", he said to her, "Tell you what...how about sitting down, and you can tell me what happened, ok?", he added, attempting to get her talking.

She agreed with a nod and he walked her to the couch where she sat down. "Here...", he kneeled down to come into eye level with her before offering her his handkerchief.

He stared back and forth into her eyes for that spec of time she laid them on his face, thanking him for his offer. Come to think of it when he saw her outside his flat, she looked like she might have been crying already before.

"Shall I bring the tea then?", he asked her as she was blotting her eyes dry.

"Please...", she said almost in a whisper and nodded in agreement.

He couldn't get the look of her eyes away when he poured the tea into the porcelain cups. They confessed to him the magnitude of her feelings without having spoken a word yet about what had caused this. Brought the cups over, and gave hers before he sat down to face her. A strong feeling to protect her from anything that was hurting her was settling in his chest. For a while he watched her taking sips of the hot beverage, gathering her thoughts, calming down before she would start to explain.

It was almost two months since they had started going out. Christian was known to be fickle where matters of the heart were concerned. Everyone thought he was someone who was after sexual thrills and welcome distraction from the restlessness that characterised him by going out with different women most of the time and up to a point that was true. He was, after all, someone who preferred to live for the day rather than planning down everything that comprised his life till now.

With her it was different. He was behaving in a different way. Other women sooner or later would show their true colours. Some of them would become demanding all of a sudden, asking for serious commitment. Others just wanted to bag a little arm candy to compliment their sparkling lives, or even wanting to experience for a while the thrill of going out with someone who was unpredictable. Not that he minded, it had to be said. But that was up to a point. After a while those relationships became stifling or boring, predictable. There was nothing deep to keep him there, no love. He didn't feel any...

But Rose was unlike any woman he had met. Two months down the line she had never demanded a thing from him, always leaving him to choose of what he wanted to do. The mystery of a painful past life intrigued him but she was tight lipped about it and he didn't push it. She genuinely was with him for his company, she liked him as he was, with all the craziness his lifestyle brought.

Her emotional burst triggered emotions in him he had never felt before for any other girlfriend of his. The frailty in her reactions was for him as attractive as her smile. They may were diametrically opposite versions of hers but both equally drawing him in, bringing him closer to her. The moment she opened her mouth to tell him the reason she was so upset, he knew he loved this woman in front of him. He loved her for everything she was. To this sudden realisation of his, he did not panic. The situation presented in front of him may have been serious and he needed to concentrate to it although he couldn't help but feel his heart light.

"Me and Archie had a major argument...", he heard her voice soft and hesitant in his ears.

Another unexpected incidence attached itself to the surprises of the day. By the looks of her cousin the night before, he thought he was devoted to her. And if this revelation baffled him by knowing him only for a day, no wonder Rose was beyond herself given how sensitive she was in private.

"Over what?", he quizzed her finding himself also quite interested to know the reason, feeling that somehow he would be involved in this too.

She looked at Christian with moist bloodshot eyes. She told him what was Archie's problem. It had to do with their impromptu exit from the Cumparsita. For Archie, leaving in such a way, without telling him of all people, letting him know where they were going, at least on their first night out as a group of friends, was nothing less than offending, scandalous. It is one thing to act free and solely on impulse but that behaviour did not suit a lady who at least demands some respect from her peers. He called her cheap...

"And that matters to you...", he said it more like a statement rather than a question. His face looked thoughtful by what he was hearing from her.

She did not reply. He feared she was close to another breakdown. He left his chair and sat next to her, pulling her close to him before he looked down into her eyes.

"Do you feel cheap...?", he asked her with a low voice.

"No...", she replied after a second, "I'm not...you are not making me feel cheap...", she said after making certain to reassure him that he had nothing to do with Archie's criticism, "And I don't care for what everyone else thinks...", she also added before he would make her that question.

"Archie is not everyone though...", he voiced her thoughts.

She pulled her stare down. That was it...she cared of her cousin's opinion for her. To label her as cheap...then that must have been a major blow for her and her feelings for Archie. He looked like he was also not the type dressing his words nice when something was wrong according to his views. He sighed just to the thought.

"Would it make you feel better if I promised to cool down public displays of affection in front of Archie?", he asked her with a voice smooth as butter.

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. He was coming out of the blue with being so considerate that caused her to feel guilt over laying upon him all her despair from the argument with her cousin. Before she managed to speak, he cut her first.

"You don't need to worry about me...I'm not to the least offended or hurt...each to their own beliefs sweetheart...he has a right over his own", he said to her, "Not everyone will agree with you..."

She nodded agreeing to his convictions. "You're right...", she whispered.

"But sometimes it is worth to save the grief if you go along a little bit with what the another belief is...", he

continued, "provided it doesn't cause harm to anyone..."

She fluttered her eyelids to clear her eyes from the mist that covered them. "So we'll cool things down...yes...?", he asked her with warmth reflecting in his stare.

"Yes...", she replied.

He squeezed her on his body, feeling her curves moulding with his. His heart beat accelerated by the same warmth that was spreading inside him. "We'll patch things up with Archie too...", he stated to her like it was a certainty in his mind.

Her face was hidden at the curve of his neck. She was taking in breaths of bergamot and peppermint, coming from his cologne. She wanted to speak but all she could think of was to say "thank you" to him. She felt it was the only thing to say because anything else might have been poor for words to express.

When he heard her thanking him with her breath brushing his neck, his eyes widened with surprise. Had the words he said to her made her to thank him...? It saddened him if he had to be honest...Her vulnerability over what happened made him realise he loved her. Words were pushing to get out, to be known. But she was always scared to move closer to find more things about one another. It would be crazy to let her know of his feelings now.

He moved his head and she pulled back. He lifted her head, keeping hold of her stare, he leaned forward and kissed her. His lips brushed hers, taking away the saltiness of her tears. She felt his breath before he sealed them, brushing her tongue with his. Her grip around his waist tightened in response. He pulled back, succumbing to his urge. She could see tenderness in his eyes.

"I love you...", she heard him saying with a mellow voice. Her heart stopped for a brief moment. The temperature of her body increased, triggered by the uneasiness she felt in her stomach. She racked her brain to say something...

Two months later she kept finding sides of Christian, layers of feelings she did not think he had. He was tender, considerate but they weren't a traditional couple. Spending so much time together didn't mean they had found the love of their lives. Caring feelings yes, but love? Her stand didn't leave much room for thoughts of deeper commitment either. She had taken care not to mention the future of their relationship. It scared her. A big part of her didn't want to deal with it.

By the looks on Christian's face after several empty seconds had passed and the rigidity her body had acquired, she gathered he was puzzled, annoyed even. Inevitably she had to put some distance between them. She stood up feeling sadness deep inside her bones caused by her reaction. Christian right now was the best thing to have happened in her life. She would not lie about such an important thing to him. He deserved her outmost honesty and if that hurt...she thought with her back to him.

"Christian...I...". He also stood up. He couldn't remain seated after her reaction. He had hoped by admitting of his feelings in front of her, he would break the wall she had kept her heard hidden behind. Frustration made him start to pace inside the room, glancing at her, having turned her back to him. It was his fault, not hers...why was he feeling close to being angry though?

Going back to everything they had lived together as a couple, looking at all his actions around her, he saw them for what they truly were...he was doing his outmost to make her love him. Her reaction did not surprise him, he had counted for a possibility as such he could not dismiss. It hurt him though to know he had failed up till now to bring her next to him to the point of her feeling love for him.

"It's OK...you don't love me...I'm sorry for putting you on that spot...", he said back with gathered calm even if the tension in his voice expressed otherwise.

"It's not that, Chris...", she replied and turned to him, her face strained with worry.

"You either love, Rose, or you don't...it's not difficult to figure that one out darling", he said and poured some wine into a glass, forgetting about the tea which was turning cold in his cup.

"I was hurt before...I told you that", she said and sat on a chair next to the table. This was one conversation she never wanted to make, especially not on the same awful day she already had. She took out a cigarette from the case on the table and lit it. He was looking at her as he took gulps from his wine.

"You think that I'll hurt you?", he asked her with his lips pressed to a line. He wished to God for her answer to be negative, otherwise his disappointment over what she thought of him would be very hard for him to conceal. He knew he was pushing her in a moment she was already feeling low but he couldn't back down.

"No!", she reassured him with a raised voice of what she thought, "But...can you put your hand at heart Christian and tell me you know what fate has in store for you? For me? For "us" even!" The same fear over and over...he remembered her mentioning something at the beginning of their relationship.

"I don't want to know my fate...or anyone's fate...I prefer to deal with it every day as it dawns, whatever it brings...that's my way...", his frustration over her illogical fears was obvious in the tone he used, "Why are you so afraid, can you please tell me that at least?", he asked her in the end.

She pressed her lips, took a deep breath she exhaled right after. "Christian...it's a long story...I've told you that my past is not something I talk about...", she stated to him, crashing her cigarette after only a couple of puffs.

"It is always your past in the middle...and you're scared of the future...you're stuck in the present by necessity then...not because you want to live your life as it comes", he responded and crossed his arms on his chest.

He stood by the table, looking at her, feeling immense dislike over that someone who had ruined her life in the past in such a degree, leaving her with a crippled soul. Her eyes welled up, refusing to comment to his statement.

He noticed her reaction straight away. This time he was having none of it. His love would have to be a tough one, if he ever hoped to get through to this girl. He pulled his chair close, sitting down and poured some more wine. "Well now I'm getting intrigued to hear about that past...of yours dear...", he said with a pressure in his voice for he would stay there as long as it took her to spill everything out.