Chapter 22

She left both men behind her as she headed to the powder room. Her cheeks felt flustered and her eyes were stinging. She had to hold herself from running away. This was what her relationship with Terry had always been. A string of sudden events, practically finding her every time she would turn a corner. A continuous road of highs and lows, testing the limits of her emotions. She entered the bathroom. Thankfully alone, she walked towards the sinks. In whatever privacy she had, she realised there was only a door separating her from the man she had loved and had tried to put behind her for so long. A door and ten years. How could that space be bridged between them? The enormity of what just happened hit her. Hit her on her chest. Her breathing was hard, rushed. She was panicking. She held for a moment from the porcelain sink trying to slow her breathing down as if battling to jump out of quicksand. She had to go back out. Turned the tap on and splashed a little cold water on her face. She looked at herself in the mirror. As desperate as she was for someone to advise her, her reflection wasn't going to be the one to give the advice. She had to accept the facts.
Terry was in London. Not only that, but on the space of one hour he acquainted himself with her lover and everything that her life with him entailed.

With all thoughts and feelings inside of her having turned into tumbleweeds rolling aimless under the wind, she must have stood over the sink she didn't know for how long but realised it must had been quite a bit of time as the door flunked open and made her heart jump. She blinked a couple times and turned her head. A young woman had entered the bathroom. They smiled to each other. It was time for Candy to go out. Took a deep breath before pulling the door open.

Back in the opening space of the gallery more people had gathered. The place was buzzing. Her eyes moved in the crowd searching for Christian and Terry. After taking a few steps, she saw Christian. Still standing in front of Scarlet Rose, talking to two men. Her eyes travelled further. The more they did, she realised Terry wasn't there. She didn't expect it but her heart sunk somewhat to this realisation. He'd gone.

She put a wide smile on her face and approached Christian. He was in conversation with Robert Hathaway and John Barrymore of all people. Christian made the introductions. They were charmed.

"Unfortunately Mr. Graham had some rather pressing obligation and had to leave." Robert said right after.

"He gave his apologies. A most peculiar chap", Christian remarked to Robert's statement.

"Ah, but you see! Actors are a different kind of animal my dear man", Barrymore cut in, "Governed by all sorts of impulses."

Candy couldn't help but noticing Hathaway's stare examining her. Did he also know? She wondered. Questions one after the other made her head spin. She struggled to concentrate on anything said.

"Rose, sweetheart are you really ok?", Christian asked her once more prompted by her glazed stare. She had hardly said a word. She was standing there, nodding her head, smiling her smiles but she may had been an automaton.

"Rose...?", Christian repeated her name a couple more times without a response from her.

To the touch of his hand on her shoulder, she jumped. Confusion was in her stare when her eyes met with his. They bore questions.

"Please don't worry about me darling", she dismissed his words, trying to put a lid to all the questions which may had sprung in his mind.

She needed some distraction. Christian was getting thoughtful. She put as much effort as she could to close the door to her thoughts of Terry, a door which by now was as thick as a castle's stone wall, weighing as much as a cauldron of lead. But she had to do it. She turned and flashed her most dazzling smile to Christian. "I'm fine," she said, grabbed a flute of champagne and started mingling within the crowd. After all, her name was on the lips of everyone in the room, as much as Christian's was. Within a warm evening of June, Candy became the talk of London. Under other circumstances, she would find it exhilaratingly exciting. Now, the way things had turned out, she wasn't too sure. Despite what had happened earlier, she hoped Terry would show up later on. She knew his temper and was not at all comfortable to know he was all by himself somewhere in London. Alone with just her and her lover boy in his mind.

Candy had left in a hurry. The moment she turned her back to them, an awkward silence fell between the two men. Terry's feelings once more, burned with the intensity of the sun, risking of burning everyone around him. Unable to hold his tongue and barely being in control of his temper, he has screwed up royally. Part of him felt satisfied he had upset Candy so much. At least he found out he wasn't just a faded memory in a dark corner of her mind, despite of having another man in her life...in her bed...in her heart? That was the one question which had started eating him inside.

With the corner of his eye, he realised Robert and John were heading their way. Before they were in ear's distance, he turned his eyes to Christian who's face still looked annoyed. Mostly because Terry's rude remarks and his insistence to buy Scarlet Rose came out of the blue like a lightning on a clear summer sky.

"I'm really sorry Christian", he managed to say quietly between his teeth. "I'm not used to not having things my way and I step on toes some times." Christian remained quiet. "This is not the place to analyse my faults further, so please accept my apologies", he repeated raising the tone his voice just a tad.

Christian's stare on Terry's face remained firm. He squinted as if trying to get into Terry's mind before accepting his apologies. His companions were there. Terry turned to greet them.

"Gentlemen, this is the artist, Christian Blake", he said after he had swallowed all those feelings that burned him and had stuck in his throat like a brick. "I have to say...I was very impressed"

He let the men do the introductions, and turned to Robert.

"Robert, you will have to excuse me", he said, sounding almost urgent, while Christian was in conversation with Barrymore, a keen appreciator of art himself. Robert's eyes awoke with worry.

From the moment he decided to go, he did not want to stay there any longer. He had to leave before she came out of that bathroom. Part of him was tempted to just quietly disappear in that bathroom himself as he wondered what she was doing, what she must had been thinking. But he would only make matters worse. The best thing he could do was to just leave. Get a drink down his throat. Extinguish what burned him. That bloody painting, her image in his mind. The way she looked when she came in the gallery. Not a teenager any more, pigtails and innocent lips, shy eyes. She was all woman. Perhaps not fully aware of the attraction she caused to men's stares but she carried the confidence of a woman well-loved in the physical term.

"Is everything alright Terrence?", he replied, dispelling Terry's train of thoughts.

"Yes, everything is fine...but I prefer to have a walk if you don't mind," Terry tried to calm the sudden worry his statement had caused Robert to feel.

"Sure my boy...", he said back, not feeling absolutely certain about Terry's excuse, "Please be careful, will you?"

Terry promised he would, then turned to the other two men who were still in conversation about the paintings.

"Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me, I remembered there are some phone calls I must do to New York, so I apologise for my abrupt departure.

"Christian, very pleased of yours and Rose's acquaintance. Please give her my apologies", he said, gave them a brief smile and left.

Back to the streets of London, the summer sun was on its descent. Its light fought with shadows in every corner. It beamed through windows, colouring the floating dust gold. He had sat on a bar stool inside the first pub that got his eye. While waiting for that double whiskey, he stared on that dust like lost. For a moment, he had shut his mind to everything that took place in that gallery. There was too much noise in his head, too many things to process, feelings, memories. He had to switch off for a moment, to leave space for silence. Let that golden dust settle. Otherwise, he thought he was going to explode. Took his cigarette case out, lit one up and took a long welcome drag. He downed his whiskey in between his drags, relishing the smoke mixed with the burn of the alcohol. With eyes that watered, he asked for another.

There...now he could let his thoughts of her come back one by one. Starting from that painting...He had to be careful. Like the marathon runners training for enduring the physical pain caused by running the whole distance, he too had to learn to keep everything in check. Everything he was feeling. He could have floored Christian down. Grab Candy by the arm and drag her out that bloody gallery whether she would hate him or not. But would he solve anything that way?

A decision had been made. He had made it. He had crossed an ocean for her. An ocean and ten years. He was willing to fight, realising he had never fought for her in the past. Not one time. Well, he would be damned if he wasn't going to fight for her now.

He took Ms. Pony's letter out and read it again. It seemed that it wasn't long ago that Candy had moved to London. Why she had just done that, he would find out. What pleased him however, was that her relationship with Christian must have been rather fresh, give or take a few months. Hope crept inside him.

As far as he was concerned, it was fair game for him. No rings were exchanged. Whether vows of love were expressed, he could not say for certain but if he played his cards right, he could find out how deep Candy's feelings run for this fellow.

What he knew was what they both felt when they broke up. That fateful winter's evening when fate tore their future apart. For all those years, there was a certainty in his mind. Theirs was a once in a lifetime love. He had slept with other women. He even had short flings in secret. But his heart had remained locked. Not because he chose to do so, but because no other woman managed to reach that deep to awaken it.

He could say to anyone, that yes, it was selfish of him to think the same applied for Candy. But on that moment, when she was between his arms, he knew. She was leaving him, but her love was real. Candy wasn't a woman who took love lightly. Yes, she had changed. And had changed a lot from what he had seen and experienced. Was he comfortable with that?

He realised it angered him, just because they hadn't experienced that change, their growing up into adults together. Jealousy could destroy everything. The fact that he knew, there was another man with Candy right now and enjoyed all her affections, he could feel the fire inside him, behind his eyes, taking over his mind. This was dangerous.

Having had his second double whiskey he felt better. He would go to that party later on. He would even stay to London for some time. He could be as gallant and a gentleman with Candy like those Arthurian knights. Sir Lancelot and she his Guinevere. And he would make sure, he would not put even a foot wrong where she was concerned. This was an attitude he wasn't used to. But things changed. Candy had changed. And perhaps it was time for him to change too.