Father and Son – A Freebird Games Story
Neil left the Christmas party silently, everyone was either too drunk or too preoccupied with the food on offer to see him leave, he wasn't sure exactly where Eva was, her sister had called her earlier in the night and Eva had politely excused herself to take the call.
He made his way to the elevator and pressed the button. Why was it that this thing always came immediately when Eva needed it? Neil let out a heavy sigh as he waited.
With a slight ping the doors parted, to reveal Taima and Willas fondling each other against the wall of the small cubicle.
Neil stared at them in awkward horror and covertly diverted his gaze as Taima straightened her clothes and the pair exited the elevator and passed Neil without a word.
Neil considered the still open lift for a moment then turned away and headed for the stairs.
A few minutes later he let himself out of the wide double doors of Sigmund Corp and carefully stepped over both patches of ice and the remnants of the days donation of tomatoes to stand by the huge billboard outside the building, leaning his full weight against it.
He took the phone from the pocket of his lab coat and unlocked it with trembling fingers. He scrolled through the address book to the number he attempted….and failed to phone the previous Christmas.
Q. Reynard
Surely some psychologist somewhere would question the name he assigned to this phone number, but what did they know about the human mind that he and his colleagues didn't know better?
Was this really a good idea? Or would it just unlock a can of worms better left alone? Before he could think better of it, Neil hit the dial button.
It rang limply in his hand, his eyes narrowed on the name flashing on the screen.
"Hello?"
The voice was tiny and static coming from the phones speaker and Neil brought it to his ear reluctantly.
"Hello?" The voice sounded irritated now, then a beat later hopeful
"Neil? Neil is that you?" Desperation filled the voice in Neil's ear. "Neil? Please son if that's you-"
"Hi Dad"
"Oh, thank God"
If he didn't know better, Neil would think his father was sobbing on the other end of the line. It made him uncomfortable. He hasn't spoken to this man in several years, and hadn't seen him for longer, not since his graduation party come to think of it.
"Neil? Are you...are you still there?"
"Yeah. I'm here"
"Its good to hear your voice son"
Neil made a noncommittal noise as he rubbed at his nose beneath the rim of his glasses.
"How… how are you?"
Now. Thought Neil wryly, there's a loaded question. What did that mean? How's work? How is your research coming? Any thing to tell me about that Eva girl you work with? Or have you been rushed to hospital lately? Still swallowing a fistful of pills every day? Not dropped dead yet?
"I'm fine." Neil sighed heavily, fighting back the tears that were threatening "Considering"
"Neil, can I see you? Please son. Its Christmas Eve..."
"I know. I'm at a work party right now"
"Are you still working there?"
He could hear the tension in his father's voice. His insistence on following in his mother's footsteps in neuroscience and cognition was always a point of contention between them.
"I'm still at Sigmund yes"
Even through the phone he could sense the disappointment in his father's sigh.
"Are you sure that's the field you should be working in"
"Yes. I'm sure." Neil snapped back acidly
"Alright. Alright. I'm just worried about you son"
Neil didn't say anything to that, He knew his father was worried about him, how could he not be. The urgency in his voice at the beginning of the call. As if he was afraid his son was already out of his reach for good.
"I could do with a coffee"
"Neil...?"
"This party is dull anyway, there's a late-night coffee place I go to on night jobs"
"Where?! I'll get there as soon as I can"
I must be crazy. Neil berated himself. Or else giving in to the spirit of the season which was even worse. Still, he related the directions to his father while walking across the parking lot to his car.
"I'll be there in twenty minutes."
"Mmmm"
"Neil. Thank you"
Neil hanged up the phone and returned it to his pocket. Should he tell the others he was leaving? Why bother? The only one that would care was Eva and he didn't know where she'd gotten to. He let himself into the car and fumbled in his pockets for the keys. Instead, his fingers found his pill bottle. He hadn't had an attack all night long, but knowing his luck, the instant he stood in front of Quincey Reynard he'd convulse into fits or outright collapse. That was all he needed. Neil uncapped the bottle with practiced ease and dry swallowed two tablets. Hoping that would see him through the night untroubled, or at least let him put on a brave face for his father.
Pocketing the bottle and finally fishing out his keys, Neil slowly pulled out of the drive way and headed towards the coffee shop.
Neil pulled in to the car park some time later, it was thankfully mostly empty at this time of night, despite the festive season. He made his way into the shop and was immediately assaulted by Mirah Carey. Why was he putting himself through such torment? The alluring smell of coffee drew him closer to the counter. Neil ordered a black coffee and took a seat at a double booth by the window.
And waited.
The coffee house was filled with tacky decorations and a large, ornamented tree in the centre of the room. This was precisely why he had left the party. He was out of his mind to agree to this, to suggest this for cucumbers sake.
He frowned at the Evaism. Taking an experimental sip of his coffee. The falsetto tones of All I Want for Christmas blessedly receded, only to be replaced by Lonely this Christmas. Perfect. Nice to know the universe has a sense of humour.
The door chimed and Neil looked up at the grey haired man who stood in the entranceway scanning the interior. When his eyes met Neil's a shy smile broke his face and he made his way over to the booth.
"Hi"
Quincey said awkwardly as he sat down opposite his son, Neil gave him an half wave
"Hey"
"It was so good to hear from you Neil"
Neil nodded and took a long satisfying gulp of the coffee. He liked it black. Not that he didn't sometimes have a sweet tooth but he drew the line at coffee. This way how he liked it. He had down ever since though Star gazing trips with his grandfather.
"Oh.. I'd better order myself something"
His father waved over a waitress and put in a request for.. a hot chocolate with whipped cream and mini marshmallows. Neil chuckled softly and then grinned as his father added a slice of carrot cake.
"Would you like some Neil? I used to make this for you and your mother all the time, of course mine is superior. That was the best carrot cake in the world I promise you"
It was at times like these when he saw himself in the man across from him..a pang of longing stabbed at his heart before he swallowed down exactly why he'd been so determined to sever ties with him before.
"Sure. Might as well."
The waitress smiled at them both and departed. Leaving Neil to be stuck in this endless loop of awkward silence and inane small talk.
"So.. you're still working for Sigmund. What about that… colleague of yours? The one from college, Eve…? Evelyn?"
"Eva"
"Right, Eva! Are you still seeing her?"
Neil looked up sharply
"We work together.. but we're not… I'm not seeing her"
Quincy's face reddened
"Ah, I didn't mean.. that is"
The waitress blissfully returned at this moment with his fathers drink and the cake. Sparing them both from that conversation.
He decided to take pity on his dad
"We're still friends, but we don't see each other outside of work very often"
Quincy had a mouthful of cake already and so had to take a moment or two to swallow it down.
"Well..I'm glad you have a friend"
There was such tenderness and sincerity in that statement that Neil was taken aback.
"She … found out. About me"
His father immediately put his mug back down on the table and gave Neil his full attention.
He looked pained, as if he'd been dreading this moment as much as Neil had.
"What did she say"
Neil sighed heavily and removed his glasses, placing them delicately beside his coffee cup.
"She told me I wasn't special and that everyone was going to die someday"
"She what?!"
It was almost funny to see his father explode into indignant rage even if he felt bad for Eva. He'd stood to his feet, hit chocolate and cake forgotten, all but storming out of the café into the cold night in a belated show of paternal protection.
"What gave her the right you talk to you like that?! I have half a mind to find her and"
"Dad, Dad. Sit down"
He was laughing now, one thing that was not on his planned list for tonight. Quincy retook his seat but didn't look any happier.
"It's okay.. really. She was just.." he ran his finger across the rim of his coffee cup "looking out for me in her own way. She wanted me to..you know. Live everyday to the fullest, appreciate what I have and all that stuff"
His father huffed shortly and folded his arms.
"She even wanted me to make retirement plans with her, we're going to have a garden apparently"
Just talking about that lifted a weight from his chest. He might not make it to that garden. He might not even make it to next Christmas, but the thought of it? It gave him something to hope for, something to live for.
Quincy seemed mollified by that, but Neil suspected it was more to do with his tone than his words.
"You care about her"
He considered that for a few seconds, no point denying an obvious truth
"Yeah, I do"
His father gave him a look so full of love that Neil had to look down at his half empty cup.
"I'm happy you have that, hold on to it if you can"
Neil made a start eating the slice of carrot cake, it was easier than having to think of a response to that.
"Oh, wait I forgot..I have something for you"
Quincy began to reach into his coat pocket and brought out a small object hastily wrapped in newspaper.
"I'm sorry it's in so poor shape, but your call caught me by surprise.. I used to get you something every year just in case but.."
His father was babbling now and put the parcel on the table between them.
"You got me a present?"
"It's Christmas Eve Neil. You're my son. Of course I did"
Neil took the package tentatively in his hands feeling suddenly ashamed that it didn't even occur to him to purchase anything for his father.
"Go ahead. You can open it"
Neil did so. The black and white paper falling aside to reveal a small hardback book.
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
He ran his fingers across the familiar cover. The little boy with hair the colour of golden wheat standing on his tiny planet.
"That was your mother's favourite book as a child, she used to read it to you every night, do you remember?"
A single tear drop fell on the cover, streaming down the artificial sky like another star.
"I remember"
Neil's memories of his mom were fleeting. He remembered sitting in bed with her, her arm wrapped around him tight, painting with her words a story of a proud rose, a friendly fox and a snake. His memories other than that weren't as pleasant. His mother sitting in her wheelchair, unable to play with him, sitting with his father on those cold uncomfortable seats at the hospital, watching her waste away unable to leave that bed. The funeral.
If his feelings for his father were complicated then he wasn't sure what he could say about his feelings towards Lynri. For his mother. He loved her so much, so much that it was still painful even now but.. a tiny part of him hated her. For sacrificing her life and everything she could have accomplished in exchange for his life. Then he hated himself even more for thinking that at all.
More tear drop stars appeared on the cover and Neil suddenly felt a firm hand grasp at his shoulder.
"Neil! Neil I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry son I thought you'd like it"
He rubbed furiously at his eyes, grateful that he'd taken his pills prior to coming here, high strung emotions tended to trigger it these days.
"I'm fine. I'm fine" he said through a gasp, putting the book down on the counter.
"I didn't mean to upset you"
He looked so forlorn, standing there, looking so much older and greyer than Neil remembered him.
"You just.. caught me off guard. It's nice dad. Thank you"
His father still looked like someone had slapped him in the face with a wet fish.
Neil took deep, calming breaths and told himself not to have another attack. Not now.
"Are you…do you need your pills?"
He did want a pill yes, but he'd already had two an hour ago.. surely one more wouldn't hurt?
Neil took his bottle from his pocket and placed a single pill under his tongue, swallowing it down with the dregs of his cold coffee.
He put the bottle and the small book into his coat pocket.
"Well." He said standing up slowly
"It was nice seeing you again dad but, I really should getting back to the party, Eva will have my head if I just upped and disappeared on her"
"Wait, you're leaving already? Because of something I said? The book? I'm sorry Neil I just wanted to"
"No.."
Neil carefully picked up his glasses and placed them on his head.
"I just need to go, it's a little too much for me"
Quincy looked distraught
"Can I call you tomorrow?"
A refusal was on his lips, he almost said it. Instead he nodded.
"I'd like that"
And his father beamed at him with a smile that filled his wrinkled face.
MAIN FRAME – ACCESSED
GREETINGS — DR. NEIL WATTS –
DO YOU WANT TO DISCONNECT?
YES —
NO
Neil removed the headset and placed it heavily it's in dock.
"Well.. that was interesting"
"Leave me alone Faye"
"I thought you were already alone? The party is still going on downstairs you know?"
"Yes. That's why I'm up here in my office"
The clear image of Faye, half girl, half bird.. whatever she was appeared beside him. Twirling her hair with her fingers
"Why don't you just call him? It's obvious that's what you want"
He massaged his temples with his forefingers trying without success to block out her voice.
"I've studied Lynri's tapes on your fathers personality and I can say with 98.7% accuracy that he would be happy to receive your call."
That wasn't the issue.
"I just can't face it Faye, you wouldn't understand"
"Because I'm not real? I'm as real as your father in that little simulation you were just in, or the book you shed tears over that isn't in your pocket?"
Neil tapped at the empty space in his coat pocket, the only item he could feel was his ever present pill bottle.
"You could always just buy a copy"
"No thanks"
She danced over to stand in front of him, leaning against the computer terminal desk
"So… you won't call Quincey, you won't go downstairs and see Eva, you're just gonna sit there all by yourself feeling sorry for yourself"
Neil looked up at her. She wasn't here. Not really. Maybe that's why he liked talking with her so much.
"I'm not alone"
"I don't really count as conversation do I?"
"It was good enough for Colin"
She was momentarily saddened by that, then brightened
"Colin was different. We were a part of each other. In some ways, I'm all that's left of him"
Neil considered that
"There's Sofia. And Asher"
Faye played with her hair again and gave him that smug, calculated look that said he'd just walked straight into her trap.
"And if Asher could pick up the phone, right now and call Colin?"
Damn her.
"I'll…think about it. Not tonight though"
"I'm sure he'd be happy to hear from you"
"Maybe"
Neil said quietly as he shut off the computer and silenced both the image and the voice of his AI companion.
With a kick he pushed off away from the desk and stood up. That was the danger of this technology. It was at times, both comforting and devastating and all too easy to ignore reality for.
Neil uncapped the pill bottle he carried with him and swallowed a couple of pills, his first actual pills of the night.
Maybe the party was still going even now? Maybe he and Eva could go out and talk. They could get coffee. Neil knew a great place, and wondered if they had carrot cake.
With a smile, he left his office shutting the door behind him with a click and made his way downstairs to the party.
The End
Credit to Kan "Reives" Gao of Freebird Games for creating these characters, I'm just playing with them.