Chapter 30

She didn't object. In fact, her cousin's words intrigued her. Though she also kept her reservations and those reservations reflected in her eyes and lifted her eyebrow while Archie got up. He hadn't been the best companion while he had been in London. Most of the times, they quarrelled more than anything else. Archie had failed to realise she wasn't the goody-two-shoes teenager she once was, and neither she was like her friend Annie, his wife.

Annie...there was a time in Candy's life that she would actually do anything for her friend. She loved her still, all those years since growing up together at Pony's home. But as they were leaving their adolescence behind, she also recognised Annie's faults and weaknesses and some of them, if she had to be frank, deep down, she had found them to be irritating. Like for example, her insistence to the etiquette of the proper society. Annie had always been prim and proper, under every situation. Since marrying to the Ardley family, she had become even worse. The disapproval of her wedding to Archie by Aunt Elroy, the matriarch of the family, made her strive to become the embodiment of the perfect wife. While Albert was alive, his relaxed attitude towards everything kept her behaviour slightly more balanced. After his passing, although initially she excused the gradual change in Candy's behaviour as the coping mechanism to get to grips with Albert gone, once she realised that Candy had decided to move to London to live her life as a single young woman, her disagreement was showing up in her words and every little grimace on her pristine face.

"Darling Candy has decided to sample a flapper's life for a while...", she would say in gatherings with friends, "so she's leaving us here in boring Chicago for the bright lights of London." Candy was keeping it all in, despite her frustration rising like a plume of smoke inside her. She was nevertheless determined not to quarrel and to travel to London without leaving dark clouds behind her. A coolness may have tinted their relationship, but the tears when they said goodbye to each other were decidedly real.

"One more drink?" She heard Archie's voice as he stood by the trolley. She accepted his offer with a nod of her head. Her eyes followed his movements while his silence made her wonder whether this was Archie's way to calm her down. By keeping her wait to hear some wise truth, where in fact he was biding his time trying to think what he would say to her that could sound profound. He sat down, his eyes fell square on her questioning face.

"Without knowing what happened exactly, may I presume that your..."discontent" also involves a woman?"

His unexpected question filled the silence and widened her eyes under his unflinching stare. For Archie, it was the perfect moment to have Candy hear some truths and perhaps...without wearing his dislike for Christian obvious on his sleeve, plant some questions in her mind. Let them grow. Because he was almost certain that the questions he would ask her, would do nothing else but grow in Terry's presence.

"How...?" She whispered and she leaned back on the chair. Archie's perceptiveness didn't keep Candy's anger away for long. Once the surprise withdrew like the wave drawn back to the sea, she narrowed her eyes.

"And what if it did?" She asked him in return and took a sip from her drink, welcoming the heat that run down her throat. Archie copied her move, and brought the glass to his lips. He realised, Candy was seriously wound up with what looked like it involved Terry and in all probability her friend Marion. He remembered very well the look on Candy's face when she introduced her to him.

"Can you hear yourself Candy?" The frustration became evident in his voice. "You know me and Terry never really saw eye to eye in most things but...do you think that whatever you feel right now, is justified?"

She took a breath, absorbing Archie's words at the same time as they floated in the space between them. "You don't understand Archie..."

"Candy...Terry is single...he's a man of his own." He pushed on with words that she didn't want to hear. "What else is there to understand?"

She felt restless all of a sudden. Restless and warm. Her whole body was radiating heat. It made her uncomfortable. Or perhaps it was her cousin's comments which joined her own thoughts. She had already thought all of what he had said. But had pushed them back in denial. She lit up a cigarette with hurried moves and stood up. Paced the room under Archie's stare. Leaving the trails of the cigarette smoke chasing her.

"He could have stayed in New York with any woman he wants." She confessed just as quickly, with one breath, once she stopped the pacing. She met with Archie's examining eyes. "And stop looking at me like you do!" She protested, raising her voice. He got up, and reached her before she said anything else. There were facing each other on a breath's distance, as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Come and sit down sweetheart" he said, his voice came out soft and gentle. She felt lost, not recognising any of the feelings that had stirred inside her since Terry showed up in London. Especially the ones she resisted confronting the moment Marion had thrown her eyes and everything else she had on him. Of course, Archie was right. She followed him without bringing any resistance. She sat down and he kneeled in front of her. Rested his arms on her knees and held her hands in his, all the while not leaving her stare on his face.

"I understand that Terry showed up all of a sudden."

"And yes, there is a past between you two."

Carefully, he chose each phrase, leaving pauses of silence between them.

"So what if Marion is throwing her nets towards him?"

"Should you care...?"

"Archie..." she said. She really wanted to explain the rise of all the unpleasant memories she had shoved deep down to the dark corners of her mind. When she became aware, another woman had claimed Terry. All those years back when Susanna uninvited had entered their lives and with everything fate threw on them, finally forcing Terry to stay with her. Of course, now it was different. Terry wasn't in a relationship with Candy. He was free to do whatever he wanted with women that threw themselves to him. She simply shouldn't care...She sighed in defeat. Not having the will to continue whatever she wanted to say.

"Aren't you happy with Christian, Candy?"

Suddenly, his questions came into focus, sharp like knives, carving truths. She now realised why he had asked her not to get mad. A deep frown was born between her eyebrows.

"What are you implying Archie?" She asked while her body tensed.

But he didn't back down. Instead he squeezed her hands inside his.

"Candy, have you asked yourself whether you still have feelings for Terry?"

It was as if a bolt of lightning fell between them both and the moment it reached the ground, Candy sprung up like a wound up coil. "What?" She said without leaving any time for thoughts, her surprise sounding like an arrow in motion. She left the chair. Blood rushed on her face as anger stirred the green lakes inside her eyes. "What the hell Archie?"

"I did ask you not to get mad, Candy" He defended himself, raising his voice too in response.

"No, I know what this is..." She said, feeling a fire spreading inside her. It was Archie's time to be silent. "For the hundredth time Archie! I don't give two hoots of what you think of Christian!" She started saying. "I don't believe we are again fighting over this!"

"Candy you are wrong"

"Am I?" Words were pushing to get out from her mouth. "You are just trying to make me doubt my feelings for Christian!"

"Yes, I've got nothing better to do with my time than to spend it thinking of ways to break your relationship with Christian!" He retorted, wanting to defend himself against her accusations. But she was hearing none of it.

"I don't believe you would stoop so low Archie!"

"Oh! Don't flatter yourself Candy! The world doesn't revolve around your exciting love life." The sarcasm in his voice glaringly obvious.

She grabbed her bag. It was a mistake for her to visit Archie and she was very bitterly aware of that at this moment. "Why don't you go to your little dancer and leave my exhausting love life alone!" She shouted.

"With happiness!" He commented to her last words.

She reached the door and paused for a moment with her hand on the door's handle. Just enough time to catch her breath, compose herself. "It was such a mistake to come here" She added with her facing the door.

"Truth can be hard to face, Candy"

She shut her eyes with all her might, clenching her jaw. Archie's words infuriated her. She turned the handle and opened the door. Started walking with a firm pace without responding or saying anything else. Heard the door opening behind her.

"You never answered my question Candy..." He shouted to her.

"Oh, go to hell...Archie..." She mumbled between her teeth. She had enough of this. Of Terry and the women that chased him, of Archie and his smugness. The know-it-all who had fucked his own love life up and he played the expert with the other's. She felt the absence of Christian all the more complete now. She longed to see him. There shouldn't be too long before she did. Whatever problems they had arose between them, they could work them out. She was certain of that...But she had to do something else before she distinguished every single doubt about it.

Archie let his back rest on the hard surface of the closed door behind him. He sure had hit a raw nerve with Candy. The moment he mentioned about Terry and her feelings, she reacted like a dry pine tree catching fire on a hot summer's day. He glanced at his pocket watch. Almost time to leave office. He had enough drama for the day. He was supposed to pick Isabel up. Work at the dance studio was almost complete, and soon she would have the official opening. But before that, she had suggested to Archie for the both of them to take some time off to spend together in France. He actually didn't remember when it was the last time he had taken a holiday and Isabel was keen to show him her own little corner in the world as she put it. Regardless, location didn't matter much to him. Just the thought of spending some time with her, the two of them away from everyone and everything else, made his head spin with thoughts he never had before, so full of things a married man shouldn't be doing with another woman, passionate, full of life, he felt the hair at the back of his neck stand up. To that prospect, his lips curled up to a wicked smile, having already forgotten about Candy's angry burst out of his office.

—

It only took a breath and a half for Christian to realise that he wasn't alone. The moment he opened the door of his flat, something was not right. Had things moved inside the room? He treaded with light footsteps on the wooden floor, having taken his shoes off. Faint whispers reached his ears from behind the closed door of his bedroom. Was it Billy? Who was he talking to, prompting them to leave his things as they were?

With the outmost quietness in his moves, he reached the kitchen cupboard beneath the sink. He always kept a gun there for emergencies. Fully loaded. That fucker Billy...sold him off to the gang. He could just kill him right there and then. Send a message to MacDonald. He shouldn't have messed with him. His blue eyes had turned metal cold the moment he reached the closed door. He gritted his teeth, breath rushing in, and opened the door.

Stretched his arm up, gun in hand, cocked it with his thumb and let the barrel rest at the back of Billie's head who stood with his back in front of him. The bloke froze in his place.

"Hi Billy." He heard Christian's voice behind, empty and determined for everything. Including firing that gun.

Christian's stare shot beyond Billie. His eyes locked at the woman who was standing with her back to the both of them, having opened his wardrobe, nosing around his things.

"What. The fuck. Is she doing here?" He added without moving from where he stood, gun still pointing at Billy's head.

"Boss wanted her with me, mate." He answered Christian's question. The woman turned to face both men with a smile stretching from one ear to the other, her cunning eyes open wide, feigning innocent surprise.

"Hi Christian darling..." She said with a voice dripping in honey.

"Don't mate me, you bastard." Christian said through his teeth, ignoring the woman's greeting. "Tell me why not to blow up your brains right here." A shade of worry flashed through Alice's eyes as she assessed the situation. The calm determination in Christian's voice had hit his target. Noticed the slight tremble on Billy's shoulders while he tried to steady his voice.

"Calm down Christian, please..." He said sounding quiet and steady as he could. "Am still your mate, man."

"Mates don't fuck each other the way you did"

Christian's words came out hard, just as hard was his stare on Alice who kept still, in front of his open wardrobe.

"I did try to warn you Chris...did say certain people wouldn't like you retiring," he heard Billy trying to excuse what had happened, reminding him of the last time they were the two of them alone, "but you wouldn't listen..."

"No one tells me what I can or can't do with Black Feathers!" Christian raised his voice, pushing the cold metal on Billy's skull.

"Oh come on Christian!" He heard Alice saying, sounding tired of the whole scene. "Did you seriously believe, you would prance inside rich folk's homes, stealing their valuables, riding your high moral horse, and didn't even think once, that people like Charlie wouldn't take notice?"

By the time she finished talking, she was standing next to him. He kept the gun where it was. Regardless whether she was right or not.

"Come on Christian...you know Alice is right..." Billy prompted him also.

Who was he kidding...Even if he killed them both, still he wouldn't be able to escape McDonald and the Elephant boys. All that time, without realising it, he had become one of his posse also. Working for him. Alice's words rung in his ears. He had been royally stupid, naive as fuck. The best he could do was to point the gun to himself instead. That way he would have ended it all. MacDonald's plans, the danger in Rose's life...He lowered the gun.

His move made the breathing of the other two normal again. He left them standing there and walked to the living room.

"Man, it's not that bad... you know." Billie said as he followed him.

Christian stopped and turned. His stare fell like daggers on Billy's face.

"Don't tempt your luck Billy." He said with his grip tightening round the gun that was still on his hand.

"OK mate, forget I said anything..." Billy replied, while taking a step back. The three of them were in the living room. Christian looked tired. Defeated even.

"Make it quick and tell me what needs to be told." He said to Billy. Desperate for some time alone to gather his thoughts, he wanted for them both to leave as quickly as possible.

Billy took a breath and exchanged glances with Alice. "Lord Wooster's mansion..." He said. Christian listened without letting any emotion or thought show on his face. Billy stood for a moment silent before continuing. "You know the place...," he said and paused, "Alice knows the place..." Another pause.

"Alice?" Christian turned his eyes again on the woman who kept quiet, looking at his paintings. Billy in turn, looked at her. He hated his place. They had let him take all the shit. He knew Christian would refuse point blank to what he was about to say.

"Alice will be with you, Christian..."

Christian stood still. His stare hardened. Became almost non-human. "No" He said.

"That's Charlie's orders." He heard her voice, carrying the confidence of a woman having the boss's ear amongst everything else. Christian turned to Billy who didn't try to add anything on Alice's statement.

"I'm not working with gang whores." He said, leaving no alternatives, no further discussions. Billy's lips tightened to a line.

"It's not up to you Chris...the boss...doesn't trust you..."

Christian's eyes darted between the two. His blood rushed boiling hot inside his veins. "Then, it's a fucking no to the whole thing, you tell him."

Alice took a step forward. Stopped in front of Christian, fixing her eyes on his face that could hardly mask his rage.

"You listen here Christian." She said, "You may be the bee's knees to many right now, and I know you hate me, but if you want to keep your darling safe and keep yourself alive to paint many more rick folk, you do as Charlie says...otherwise..."

A haze of rage, red and thick enveloped his mind. Especially when Alice brought Rose in their dealings. The control over his actions was turning into thin ice. Without further thought, he brought his hands up and grabbed her neck. She had a slim neck. Enough for his hands to close around it completely. He could have snapped it very easily if he wanted to. Billy's eyes widened with fear. He shouted his name but he didn't respond. Instead his grip tightened around the veins on her neck which had started to show like snaking rivers under her skin. "Do you think I'm scared?" He asked her with a stare ablaze with everything he was feeling at that moment.

"No...I think you are stupid." She struggled to answer, the air running desperately low through her throat. Nothing else was said. It was as if time stood still for the three of them. Balancing on a knife's edge. If Christian insisted just for a few moments more, his life would change for ever. Having taken a human life. He noticed the pearls of sweat on her forehead. Her face that was turning red by the minute. Her glazed stare. Billy shouting his name. He was reaching the point of no return. Adrenaline pumped inside the veins of his hands. He could hear his heart beating. Something stopped him. It could be the fear he saw in her eyes for one moment. It could be Rose's face in his mind. Whatever it was, he loosened his grip. His breathing was hard. She collapsed on the floor, coughing.

"Get the hell out." He said quietly. "The both of you."

Alice stood up. Glanced at Billy. He looked scared. Regretful even. They made a move to the door. Christian had his back turned to them. From where he was standing, he could see the open window in his bedroom. He was there but already his mind was flying to Rose. He had to see her.

"Tell MacDonald, I'll do it."

Billy and Alice stopped on their tracks. He looked at her. He whispered something and she continued walking. Billy stared at Christian. He wished he had handled things differently. But it was true. Despite what he thought of Christian, and in all honesty, he liked him, he had come to think of Christian as a friend. But Alice was right. What the both of them were doing, robbing all those mansions...the publicity. His boss came sniffing like a dog. He had cornered him way before Christian decided to quit. When he asked for Billy to become his ears and eyes where Black Feathers was concerned, he gave him no alternative. There were no alternatives with Charles MacDonald. If you wanted to continue breathing. He could have warned Christian and in his own way he did. But he wasn't listening. Especially after he got involved with that Yankee lass.

"Am really sorry, Christian..." He only managed to say, trying to pour all his remorse inside those few words.

Christian didn't turn. He already had his eyes shut, not wanting tears of regret to escape.

"I know Billy..." He said, his voice sounding blank.

Billy waited for just one moment, waiting perhaps for Christian to turn. But he didn't. Instead, Billy walked outside, closing the door behind him.

—

It was early evening when Terry passed through the door of the Whitechapel gallery. What was he doing there, he didn't know for certain.

When Candy left the way she did, he had returned to the dressing room to find Marion looking puzzled. "I hope I didn't step on any toes..."

"You didn't." He had said back to her but his fists were clenched and she had noticed. Terry may had confirmed to her that she hadn't stepped on any toes. By the looks of him, someone had.

"Are you sure?" She had asked him, sounding hesitant at the same time. "Don't know what's the story between you and Rose but is there a story?"

Terry had turned his eyes to face her.

The whole scene was playing inside his mind, while he walked towards the room where Christian's paintings were. It was early evening and there was only a handful of people, quietly examining the painter's work.

Back to what had happened in the theatre, having a strange woman interrogating Terry, whether there was a story between him and Candy was the last thing he had wanted right at that moment. But if he flew the handle in front of her and kicked her out of the dressing room, it would have enforced her suspicions. Candy's behaviour had been, to put it mildly incredibly frustrating. However, she had moved to London to escape her past.

Revealing that exact past to people who knew the present Candy, was the last thing Terry wanted to do. He sighed. At the same time, he had put a lid over his feelings with a control which surprised even himself. "There is no story, Marion." He had replied with a dry smile on his lips. "You women imagine things in every situation."

Still she had looked not convinced. "Look, I hate gossip, especially when it involves people I don't know well...but, your friend Rose was upset by Christian last night." The hook Terry had thrown her had been effective. Marion looked like she was all ears. "Don't ask me anything more because she didn't say anything else."

She had let a disappointment sigh. "I escorted her home and stayed for a drink. She calmed down, and I left."

Marion had smiled. "That sounds like her. Since she met Christian, she's become quite intense."

He saw Scarlet Rose from afar. Walked towards the painting, full of thoughts, still replaying his discussion with Marion.

"What do you mean?" he had asked, taking care not to sound too interested. Perhaps he could learn a few things about Candy and Christian. Marion had smacked her lips, as if she was going to share something juicy about her friend.

"What I mean is that since Christian, dear Rose's feelings, whatever they may be, went up a notch, or two for that matter..." Terry hadn't comment.

The naked silhouette of Candy reflected over the turquoise waters inside his eyes. Inside his mind, the words from Marion kept ringing.

"She went a bit crazy. Whatever Christian says, goes. She follows him blindly." Those words, sort of had caught his breath. He had felt more confused than ever. He was certain, he had felt something between them the night before, when they were alone at her place. She had flirted with him. In the cold daylight, it could have been the drink talking, or even the fact that Christian had upset her a lot from what he had sensed.

Terry had not managed to respond to what Marion had revealed. He had heard Robert asking for him. For once, he had felt very grateful for that call. And so they had parted. Not before, promising to an insisting Marion to meet her again. That was how his unplanned encounter with Marion and Candy had played.

Candy's skin on the painting glowed. It looked translucent even. He was almost certain, Christian must had painted her after making love to her. He could tell by looking at her face. The quietness that follows the satisfied completeness, felt by after reaching the highs only reached by the intensity of lovemaking. He pushed his left hand inside the pocket of his jacket. He took a deep breath. Felt the note he had shoved inside. Given to him by the man behind the hotel's reception desk. He had shouted his name when he passed by on the way to the elevator. A young woman had left it there. It was Candy. Apologetic.

"Terry,

I am terribly sorry for my behaviour earlier today. I think, I still was affected by the events from the night before, although I am fine now. I have no right and I shouldn't care of what you do in your private life. Marion is my friend and I really like her. You two looked good together! I hope we will still see you while you spend time here.

Your friend always

Rose"

He let the air come out of his lungs. If she thought that with that note she was making things better, she had failed. The fact that she had added about how he and Marion looked good together, told him she was trying too hard to sound fine. Not to mention Candy hiding behind Rose.

The note had brought him in front of her painting. He kept staring at her, trying to find answers he couldn't find. Or perhaps he didn't want to find after all. The woman on the painting bore only a slight resemblance to the Candy he once knew. A physical one. The rest had changed. And with it, she had left him behind. The look on her face, that serenity that lay soft on her closed eyelids, the half formed gentle smile on her lips...it was another man that had been responsible for those.

—

Christian left his flat, not long after Billy and Alice left. He was shaken down to his core. Being almost time to pass by Rose's house did not make things easier. It made it much worse. The determination he felt the morning over what he had decided to do was slipping through his hands like sand. He would hurt her by what he wanted to say to her. It hurt him already, only by thinking about it. He had to clear his head before facing her. He went out the road, climbed on his motorbike. Started the engine. The need to find himself around his paintings dawned in his mind. He set off for the Whitechapel Gallery. Arrived not long after. Went inside the gallery, like a man with a mission. So deep in thoughts he were, he realised someone else was standing in front of Scarlet Rose, only when he had been closing towards the painting himself. He put a brake and walked with quiet steps for the remainder.

He arrived in front of Rose. Let his eyes rest on her for a while. He hadn't turned to see who was looking at her either. By the time he was there, he didn't care. Didn't have the will to talk to anyone else. All he could think of was the day he had painted her like that. The moment when everything changed for the both of them. How they had ended on his bed. Her not having had another man taking her body like he did. Her complete surrender, the trust she had placed on him. His eyesight turned moist. A big and difficult lump had risen on his throat. Thoughts bearing doubts turned inside his head. He could protect her. How about both of them going away? They could run away. Could he explain everything that had happened?

"She loves you, you know..." The man next to him spoke. Only a handful of words that snuffed out all thoughts and feelings Christian had right then. Left only a wave of unexpectedness. Both men turned to see each other. It was that Terry bloke. The expat. Who had behaved in the most bizarre way. Who had taken his woman back home. The muscle on Christian's jaw twitched.

Before he replied to his comment, Terry turned his stare back to the painting, leaving Christian wondering whether he was dealing with someone who had lost his marbles.

"I know how crazy I sound right now...I hardly know you...and Rose..." He said, keeping his body completely still, without even his eyelids moving. And then he turned again, his eyes looking green under the lights of the room. He fixed them on Christian who looked dishevelled, carrying a dumbfounded look on his face.

"But it was me who escorted her back home last night..." Terry continued.

"I know that." Christian immediately revealed.

"I know you do." Terry said back, surprising Christian even further. "You tried to hide around the corner, further down the road but caught your sight by chance."

Christian's eyes narrowed. He had no idea where Terry was driving this conversation to. To add to that, he felt tired. He hadn't gone to the gallery to solve puzzles with a madman from what Terry sounded like.

"What is your point, may I ask?"

Terry examined his face. Christian didn't look like a bad person. His eyes kept a lot of secrets. Terry knew of that look. He wasn't stranger to it. God knows the secret he kept behind his eyes for years now, since he was a child. He felt sympathetic towards that guy who stood opposite him. They must had been the same age even. The way the light fell on Christian's face, the bone structure of it, reminded him of his mother. Another secret behind his eyes. He stood there, increasingly not believing he actually wasn't going to punch Christian's face. Not only that, but in a way conceding defeated. Perhaps he had lost Candy, but she did deserve happiness. Judging from the painting, she had already found it.

"My point is to advice you...don't screw it up with her." Terry said in a moment that felt so surreal, he actually thought someone else had entered his body, talking to Christian.

Christian could not believe what he was hearing. He found it difficult to think that a stranger would start handing him such personal advice. Over Rose, moreover. There was no way, that this guy had some hidden agenda. Despite Terry sounding earnest, his words did not dispel the suspicion that had clouded Christian's stare.

"And what is it to you?" He asked, sounding more curious than surprised. "You hardly know us as you said yourself..."

Terry turned back to the painting. He had to look at Candy's face once more. To confirm what he was saying, what his thoughts were. He realised, it was even a sort of goodbye to the Candy he knew.

"She reminds me of a woman I once knew, long time ago..." He confessed, trying not to heavy his voice with what he felt the moment he revealed some of his past to Christian. "Last night...I don't know what happened...she didn't say," he continued with his reasoning to Christian who had hid complete attention, "but whatever it was, it hurt her."

He paused. Turned once again his eyes and this time fixed them intently on Christian's face. "I felt close to her"

Christian felt jealous all of a sudden. His woman confiding to another man. Not only that, but it was himself who had caused that. The realisation, how the night's events had affected Rose, made him feel even worse. He had to see her.

"So that's all because you developed a soft spot for Rose." He said back to Terry.

"I won't hide it, yes." He said while he tightened he grip on his walking cane. He had to leave. "If you excuse me now...I'm expected for dinner."

He turned his back to Christian. Would he see them again? That he would. He had promised to Archie. Hadn't forgotten about Christian's strange behaviour, his disappearance. He had to make sure that everything was fine. Then he would leave them be. But to fight for her...At that moment, Terry was pretty certain that he had lost even before he started.

"Wait..."

Terry stopped walking, but didn't turn.

"What if I cannot fix what happened?" Christian shouted.

His question rung ironically familiar to Terry. Hadn't he faced such question all those years back? Perhaps, his fate was to stop this guy repeating his mistake. Letting Candy go. Chasing a forever fleeting happiness.

"You talk and fix it." Terry replied and paused. Then he continued with his walk, letting Christian standing behind him, not believing the conversation that had taken place right there.

—

Candy had been at her place for some time. She had concentrated on checking up the time every now and then, having been fixated on Christian's words. He would pass by he had said in the evening. Time was nearing to 8pm. Surely he would have to show up sooner rather than later. Her focusing on the time and Christian's visit wasn't without its reasons. The last couple of days had pulled the rug from under her feet with such an unexpectedness, she felt her reality having become fluid, with no indication of where it headed, or where it would stop, where it would turn. A perpetual state of not knowing what would happen next. It was as if the events from those two days were like a river passing through her, moving everything, turning everything, things she thought she stopped feeling, and others she already felt, changing, taking centre stage. It made her head spin. It made her anxious. It made her long for the time she was with Christian, the two of them, taking pleasure from each other's company. When things were simple. While waiting for his arrival, having poured herself a glass of wine, she reminisced about those days. Their excursions to the countryside, herself sitting at the back of his motorbike. Wind sweeping her face, making her cheeks glow red. Like apples, Christian had said between kisses.

In the quietness of her living room, she brought the previous night in her mind. Where Terry was sitting, on her armchair. She, in front of the fireplace. The remnants of the fire lay cold in front of her. It wasn't his fault. It was her fault, he managed to unsettle her so. It was her resistance to let him go. Christian had been right all along. She should had let him go. In a way, she thought she had. Only when he showed up so out of the blue, only when Marion's eyes flashed with want when she saw him, only then she realised. She hadn't let him go. It would be fair for the both of them if she did. She had to turn her attention to Christian. The man who had changed everything for her. She heard the doorbell and jumped from her seat, the same way her heart jumped inside her chest. She rushed to open the door.

The man she saw in front of her, caught her breath. He looked tortured. The same look a man who would strive to return home after years of struggling to find his way. Blue grey skies spread inside his eyes. They sparkled. A wave of intense feelings washed over her. They stood there for a good minute, taking each other's sight in. Each dealing with what they felt, what they wanted to say.

"I am sorry..." the man's voice heard.

"I love you..." her voice followed almost immediately.

Her confession found him unprepared. So unprepared, he hadn't had time to control himself. The love he waited for, rose like a wave inside his chest, washed away everything else in its path. His resolve to break up, his dealings with the gangs, his secret life, everything he had shoved under the carpet.

He made a step inside her house. They fell in each other's arms like two broken pieces that were looking for their other half. He found her lips and took them with a need that he never had experienced before. Between kisses and breaths, they kept repeating themselves. Love and regret were together in one tight embrace. He took her in his arms. He wouldn't let her go. Feelings turned into desire. To feel her skin on his, the same as she longed for herself, to be covered by his body. Cloak themselves by what they were felt for each other, right at that moment, hide behind their moaning, the grasping of hair, the rubbing of skin.

They fell on her bed. She started unbuttoning his shirt, love was burning inside her emerald eyes. The sight of his bruised torso made her gasp. She was brought back to the ground like a heavy rock. Her eyes blurred in an instant.

He had to come clean. He just had too. Just the look on her face...he hated himself for making her feel like that, worry, anxiety.

"You talk and fix it." Terrys' words rung inside his mind.

He took her hands inside his. "My love...it is not easy what I'll say." He sat upright on her bed. She was sitting right next to him. "Who did this to you Christian?" She said with a voice wavering under the weight of her feelings, having realised that those bruises must had happened while they waiting for him to show up at the party.

"I run into gambling debts, Rose..." He confessed. At the last minute he changed his confession to another lie. How could he explain Black Feathers to her? Right when she declared her love for him.

"They did this to you because of the debts?" She asked him again, not believing neither her eyes or ears. Deep dark blue and purple bruises stained his sides.

He nodded. "Yes." He admitted it.

"That's why you disappeared yesterday on the way to the party..." She added, voicing her suspicion.

"Yes", he added once again, feeling his eyes stinging by tears gathering at their corners. "I'm so sorry...I hadn't come here to do this" and he glanced at the bed. He then turned again, his pained stare dived inside her full with worry eyes. "I don't think I'm good for you Rose" He finally said.

She was taken aback with such an admittance from his part. She wasn't going to abandon him. Especially right now. She shook her head from side to side, not accepting what he said. "No, no, no." She said. "I love you, I'm not leaving you Christian."

He fought with himself. He wanted to do the right thing. Get up and go. Instead, those eyes of hers...determined. Love shone bright. He took her face between his hands. Before covering her lips with his, before they surrendered to each other, body and soul, he confessed his love too. It was true. Despite everything that said inside him to leave her, he couldn't. He would open up. Talk. Fix things. That he felt determined of doing.

Before losing his mind, her deep sighs caressed the skin of his neck. She kept the grasp on him light, as not to hurt him more. "Love me Christian..." She whispered without breath. He loved her even more then.

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