Changes in the Wind

Forward Motion

First to leave work yesterday, he managed to be the last to leave today. He'd seen little of Calleigh all day. A brief passing in the hall and an exchange of information in the trace lab was the extent of it. All afternoon as cases and evidence piled up for him, he wondered if he would ever get out of the lab. He feared he'd miss Alexx's party completely the way things were shaping up. He also worried he'd miss his only chance to see Calleigh before she took off on vacation. Fortunately, he caught a break and was able to escape the lab for the night. He was grateful that luck was on his side tonight, for he knew it was going to take luck and a whole lot more to convince her that he was worthy of yet another chance.

From the look of the cars parked up and down the street, it appeared he was among the last to arrive at Alexx's. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Calleigh's car parked amongst the others. He had hoped she would still be at the party and even though she hadn't called him to tell him otherwise, he couldn't be certain. It wouldn't surprise him if she wanted to get started on the road and not wait around for him; she'd already done her share of that.

One glance was all he needed to see that Alexx and her husband had gone all out with the decorating. Their home was decked out in twinkling lights and holiday greenery, making it a sight to behold. He stood shaking his head, allowing the hint of a smile to tug on his lips. Letting himself in the front door, he gave the crowd inside a quick once over. Besides his hosts, there was only one person he sought. Looking around, he noticed it was even more decorated inside than it was outside. He thought of his own place, where the only outward signs of Christmas were a few scattered cards on his desk, an assortment of various wrappings and a pile of wrapped gifts. Rather dismal compared to this. Calleigh's place had fared not much better since her Christmas spirit went missing. She at least had her cards displayed, but little else to remind one of the fast approaching holiday. Her decorations remained boxed and the little tree sat in the corner of the room unadorned. He knew now it wasn't her upcoming trip that had deflated her holiday spirit, more likely he was the culprit.

Greeting folks he knew and a few he didn't, he gratefully accepted the beer from one of them when it was slapped it in his hand. He tipped his head at Alexx, after spotting her in the far corner of the room involved in lively conversation and she smiled warmly in return. He heard Delko's jovial voice above the crowd, but still hadn't spotted Calleigh.

He finally spied her on the opposite side of the crowded room standing by the beautifully decorated Christmas tree. His heart sped up in anticipation of the talk he hoped they'd finally have. The urge to go to her was strong and proving difficult to keep restrained. The urge to take her in his arms was proving even harder to deny. He could close the distance between them in record time, but meeting her across the room would do little to close the distance that had been steadily growing between them. Mindful of where they were and who they were with, he stayed rooted in place and sipped his beer while he continued to watch her chat with various people from the lab.

She looked up finally and met his gaze, offering him a smile in greeting. But it was a sad, wistful smile, one that only served to emphasize their current situation. Neither motioned to join the other causing that feeling of discomfort he'd been carrying around with him for days to once again resurface. Delko chose that very moment to come over and chat. He didn't see Calleigh again until Delko left to freshen his drink.

She stood by the lit tree, illuminated by the glow of the tiny lights. Holding someone's baby, she was pointing out the tree ornaments while carrying on an animated conversation with the little one in her arms. The smile was back on her face, the real smile, the one that reached all the way to her eyes and made his heart flutter when it was directed at him. He knew in that instant what they needed to get them out of whatever it was they had gotten mired in: forward motion.

She never told him what she wanted and he never asked. Maybe it wasn't something she even admitted to herself, but until now, he'd always known how committed she was to him and he'd never had reason to doubt it. Sadly, she couldn't say the same about him. He knew he hadn't been honest with her, or with himself, about what he wanted or even how he felt. It was time now, had been for some time, it just took him awhile to realize it and he hoped it wasn't too late. He knew if he looked deep in her eyes, he'd see the truth along with the secrets she kept there. And he'd see something else as well; he'd see the hurt he'd caused her.

For a moment he lost himself and allowed his mind to wander as he watched her with the baby. Another Christmas maybe, another tree, another baby in her arms... For the first time these thoughts didn't cause the panic they usually did, instead, they felt nice. The feelings and images these thoughts evoked finally felt comfortable and somehow right.

Deep down, he'd always known she was the only one for him. He'd known it on some level ever since that very first night on the beach, he just never allowed himself to fully believe it. Somehow, he'd gotten stuck, unable to move forward and he'd unwittingly pushed her away. Afraid of his own feelings, he'd been unwilling to embrace them and even more afraid of sharing them. But those fears were gone now. The real panic, that came at the thought of losing her.

She handed the baby back to its mother and seeing this he made his move. Rapidly closing the gap between them, he was at her side and grabbing her hand before she realized he was there. Wordlessly he sped her along, stopping just shy of the front door, in Alexx's small foyer. It was the only close, quiet space he could think of and his thoughts were spinning so quickly, it was best not to add to the chaos in his head right now by thinking.

"Tim, what is it? Where are we going in such a rush?" she asked breathlessly.

He positioned her with her back towards the door, while he faced the door itself, knowing if he thought about where he was, or who was around, that he'd lose his nerve in a heartbeat and this, this simply could not wait. She looked at him wide eyed and he saw the bewilderment all over her face.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, still waiting on some response from him.

"No, not leaving." He shook his head and pulled her close, wondering if she could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly. He didn't answer, just nodded, looked down and met her eyes. "Tim what's going on?"

"I just wanted to talk to you." But instead of talking he leaned in and placed his lips on hers, deepening the kiss as he felt her begin to respond to him. Pulling apart, he opened his eyes and caught her studying him intently. Green pools of confusion were staring back into his eyes.

"Calleigh, I miss you."

"It was just one night we spent apart Tim. And I've decided not to leave until tomorrow, so we still have tonight."

He shook his head and took in a deep breath, hoping it would somehow help decrease his heart rate and steady his nerves. "No, that's not what I meant. It feels like you've been leaving me little by little for awhile now and I haven't done anything to stop you." She didn't respond, but it was most telling that she didn't try to rebut his words. "I don't want to lose you Cal. I don't want this distance between us. I don't want to spend any more nights apart."

"Tim..." she started, but stopped, as if she didn't know quite how to respond.

"I just want us to move forward, to whatever that next step is. Decorating Christmas trees, telling our friends, sharing a closet, whatever it is that you want, as long as we're together. That is, if you still want me at all. Because I know I want all those things with you and I don't know why I've been so stuck the way I have been, so unable to move forward." Her eyes shimmered with the tears he knew were close to the surface, the same ones he knew she wouldn't let fall. He watched as she nodded her head ever so slightly. "I've been searching for almost a month for exactly the right Christmas present for you, the one that would tell you exactly how I feel. And I was going round and round to the shops, driving myself crazy, when I realized that I've never really told you how I feel." He took in another deep breath and swallowed hard before continuing. "I love you Calleigh. I love you more than you can probably imagine and I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to tell you. You've already given me more chances than I deserve... and here I am asking for one more... but Cal, I do love you, with all my heart."

"It's okay Tim." He watched as she took in a breath and let it out slowly. She smiled then, the one that he'd been missing and she lightly placed her hand on his cheek. "I love you, too and I have all along. I'm not going anywhere, not the way you think." He responded to her admission by capturing her lips once more. This time he kissed her with all the emotion that he had been holding back. Needing to breathe, they pulled apart and as they did, he noticed her eyes peering to the side of him while her cheeks reddened. "We've, uh, attracted a bit of attention," she said very softly as she leaned into his chest.

He chuckled lightly, tilted her chin to him and lightly brushed her lips with his own. "I can't say I'm surprised. We are in the midst of a crowded Christmas party." He turned then and faced a small gathering of curious, wide-eyed onlookers, which included their two closest friends, Alexx and Delko, but fortunately not their boss. "You might want to look elsewhere for your own," he said as he motioned upwards with his head. "Cause this sprig is taken."

Calleigh, along with everyone else, looked upwards then, to the small green sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling above them. She dissolved into laughter and leaned into his chest as he tightened his hold on her.

"Oh Honey, I wouldn't dream of interrupting what you've got going on," Alexx said with a sly smile. "I just wanted to make sure you weren't leaving without saying goodbye. We'll leave you two to your mistletoe. And Timmy, you can thank me later for remembering to hang it this year." She laughed and he could picture the grin on her face, but he didn't turn to look because he was too busy taking advantage of his place below the hanging sprig with the woman he loved in his arms.

"You know, you might want to consider giving someone else a chance." The voice and laughter of Delko loomed from behind him.

"You'll have to find your own girlfriend. I'm not sharing mine," Tim told his friend, acknowledging publicly for the first time, the relationship between himself and Calleigh.

"You know, you've got a lot of explaining to do. Quite a lot. Both of you," Eric said in mock seriousness, although Tim knew there was truth behind his friend's teasing words. "And I'll be waiting, too. Don't think I'll be letting you off the hook. So whenever you think you'll be through under there, come and find me. 'Cause I can't quite believe what I'm seeing," he said with a laugh before leaving them alone. He heard Delko's continued laughter and mumbling as he wandered away.

"So our secret's out. You sure you're okay with that?" she asked.

"It's a little late now," he chuckled. "But yeah, I'm okay with it, except having to explain it to him. Well, him and Horatio. Honestly though, I'm sorry it took so long. I know it was pretty uncomfortable for you at times and I appreciate the fact that you stuck it out as long as you did."

"You had your reasons. It was hard, but I didn't want to push. I figured you'd come around sometime. Well, at least I hoped you'd come around and you did, in a most unexpected way." They both laughed. "So I was thinking... you said something about decorating a Christmas tree and I happen to know where we can find one. Along with boxes of decorations that someone I know keeps tripping over. Interested?" she asked with a gleam in her eye. He nodded. "I think I can probably be persuaded into sticking around for a few days and making a much shorter trip to Louisiana."

"Yeah? You'd do that?" he asked hopefully, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Yeah, I would. 'Cause there's really no place I'd rather be and no one I'd rather spend Christmas with," she paused, "and there's certainly no one I'd rather share a closet with." Standing on tiptoe she reached up and gently placed her lips on his.

And nothing had ever felt better, because this Christmas he'd given and received the only gift that truly mattered.

tbc