Mark's POV
I feel the goosebumps crawling on my skin as the employer stuffs the chocolate chip muffin into a brown paper bag.
"That's two dollars." She snaps chewing her gum loudly and letting her mouth hang open so I can see the pink blob.
"Here." I stuff the money into her hand, intending not to tell Roger how much it was. He would kill me. Even though it was two bucks, we need every penny. Anything to scrounge together for the rent every month would do. Ever since Benny moved out, it's been impossible to pay.
I grasp the bag between my fingers and once again head out into the wind and cold. Fuckin' September. I'm surprised there isn't snow. I grab my arms, attempting to wrap my hands around them, but my fingers are too cold. I stuff them back in my pockets and walk faster. Maureen better not be home, all I'm gonna get from her is how I'm wasting money on Roger. I see kids on the street, red noses, tiny faces. They're having fun, playing, ignoring the cold. If only I could find some way to do the same. My face burns and my hands tingle, but I still manage to take out my camera.
"Zoom in on the only happy New Yorkers. Ignoring the freezing temps on this fine September morning." I whisper, and one of them catches sight of the machine in my hand. She waves and giggles, and then another girl hits her on the shoulder. She gives me a hateful and exhausted look, then turns around to run after her friend.
"No fair! I wasn't payin attention!" She yells, her blonde hair blowing sloppily onto her face. Both of them reach the corner and I switch my camera off.
I get to the door and turn the knob slowly, hoping to see Roger at the round table. All I see is Maureen, reading the paper. She points at the door to Roger's bedroom.
"Where'd you get a paper?" I ask, rubbing my hands together and slipping my jacket down around my shoulders.
"Lady handed it to me. I hope she didn't think I was homeless. My shirt is supposed to look torn!" I roll my eyes at her and she gives me a cheesy smile.
"Lazy bum! Roger, get up! I let you sleep till I got back!" I knock on the door and barge in without permission. He looks so peaceful sleeping there, his body curled up in a ball to stay warm. I sit down lightly trying not to disturb him, but the mattress is a piece of shit. His eyes remain closed, but I can tell he was awake. "You need food." I say quietly, he looks emancipated. His face is pale and the bones are visibly square. His fingers look frail, so vulnerable but warm. I would give anything to hold them, kissing his palm, but instead I grasp my hand around his bony wrist. He groans and slides to a sitting position, opening his eyes and revealing green gems. I smile at him, not even making sense of the words coming from my mouth.
"Why?" Roger's voice cracks and his face shows confusion yet need.
"Thought you'd want it." My hand slips away from his, drifting down and landing intentionally on his thigh.
It took convincing, but eventually we were at the table eating. Maureen gently rubs the top of my hand, but my eyes are focused on Roger contently eating the muffin.
"We got a paper?" He asks, crumbs coming roughly from his mouth.
"Yea, some woman thought…"
"Don't Marky!" Maureen takes her hand away from mine and grasps tighter to her mug of coffee.
"Sorry. Yea, we got a paper." I say, meeting eyes with Roger before I reluctantly look down. His hand lays sprawled on the table next to me. My hand comes free from Maureen and crawls next to it, grazing his fingertip on accident. His eyes shift towards me innocently, and I look back to give him a smile, reminding me of something I can't have. He sighs. I feel anxious. Want overpowers me, and I have to move. My hand pulls the chair out from the table and I get up, Roger's eyes following me the whole way. I don't dare meet them, I already knew what was there. Disappointment. I hear him clear his throat before taking another bite.
"I thought you wanted half?" He sighs, looking down at the table.
"Nah, I don't feel like eating."
"Sure?"
"Mhmm" I put my hand on his shoulder and grip it tightly. "Take it." I look over at Maureen cringe in disgust as Roger devours the rest of the muffin in one bite.
"My God, Roger, you're sick." She giggles, but I throw her an angry look before picking up my camera on the table next to the door.
"Don't turn that thing on. I look like shit." Roger says. You always look perfect I think to myself before shoving the camera in his face.
"Marky, you never shoot me anymore!" Maureen whined and I give her a minute of attention before turning back to Roger.
"Zoom in on Roger, who has just been treated to two bucks of heaven." Shit. I told him it was $1.50. Here it comes.
"Mark! You said it was a buck fifty! Stop spending money on things that I don't need." His face is red with anger, yet he still takes bites out of the muffin. I can tell he enjoys it, but he doesn't want to.
"It's fine, I told you! I just won't buy new film."
"Then save the stuff you have and get that damn camera out of my face." Roger pushes the lense away from him, and I turn it off.
"I gotta get to work. Bye, Marky." Maureen plants a kiss on my lips, and skips out the door. Roger and I are alone. He turns his head and smiles. I melt. I want to kiss him, run my fingers through his hair, tell him he's beautiful. Only in my dreams.