Hey All! I hope you've all had a wonderful Christmas and a very happy new year. Welcome to Chapter 1 of After The Pensieve. This was supposed to be a little one shot to get me back into writing Harry Potter, but it ended up being extremely long, so I split it into three chapters. Updates will be weekly, unless something unforeseen comes up.

Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever owned Harry Potter, as much as I'd like to I sadly do not. I did not make any money from this story, and I don't intend too. All characters and recognisable things belong to JK Rowling not me – as sad as that is for me.

Summary: Story is set between end of chapter 29 and beginning of chapter 30 of Order of the Phoenix, after Harry has spoken to Sirius and Remus about what he saw but still feels the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach when thinking about his Dad. On the advice of a friend, he seeks out a solution to his guilt.

Warning: Spankings. No Slash. School based Corporal Discipline. If this is not your cup of tea don't read.

A huge thank you to my amazing Beta and American Sister Jules Ann, who not only helped me pick which direction to take this story in but is always there to give advice and help me bounce my ideas off and is always there cheering me on and helping me. Without her I'm not sure I'd have finished any of my stories!

~o~

Harry had been so sure a talk with Sirius would have settled his issues with what he had seen, but it hadn't at all. In fact, if anything he now felt worse, Sirius may have tried to justify it to say they were only kids, but he was the same age as Harry himself and it left a nasty feeling in his gut. He found himself making excuses to Ron and Hermione to be alone as he knew he was miserable company. Not that he didn't have an excuse to be miserable, they all did with Umbridge continuing her campaign to make every living being in Hogwarts utterly miserable.

Getting fed up with the concerned looked both his friends were shooting him; Harry made his excuses and took off for a walk. It was warm enough that he decided to head down to the edge of the Forbidden Forest, he knew a place where he'd be likely left undisturbed until he could force himself to act normally again. He knew he must look quite the sight if anyone was to see him practically storming down to the Forbidden Forest, but the fast pace helped him work though some of his frustrations. However, he arrived at his intended destination far quicker than he would have liked; he considered continuing on, walking until he felt calmer, but that would look odd. Umbridge was constantly watching him looking for any excuse to punish him, he was sure she'd find something he was apparently doing wrong if he were to keep walking… if she couldn't no doubt it would become a decree. He rolled his eyes at the thought and slumped down against the tree, what he wouldn't give to be able to speak to his mother and father right now.

Harry was so lost in his own thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin when someone flopped down onto the forest floor besides him. The long length of dirty blond hair clued him into just who this was, especially when he found himself looking into a pair of uniquely protuberant eyes, "Luna," he gasped. He wanted very much to ask what she was doing here but found himself unable to find a way to do so without coming across as dreadfully rude.

"Harry," Luna returned with a slight smile. She stretched out her legs and buried her toes under the soft mud of the forest floor. "I'm not sure. I just had a feeling I needed to be here," she stated.

Harry's brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to figure out a way to ask Luna what she meant.

"You wanted to know why I was here," Luna pointed out before he could ask.

"Luna, are you a seer?" Harry blurted out before he could help himself.

Luna burst into laughter and shook her head, "not that I know of. You are just very easy to read," she gave by way of explanation.

Harry decided it was probably best for the sake of his own sanity not to ask what Luna meant by that exactly.

"So, what is causing you so much distress Harry? Perhaps an outside perspective can help?" Luna asked after a few minutes of silence.

Harry opened his mouth to immediately deny anything was bothering him but found himself unable to say it. Luna had proven so far to be a good friend, supporting him and even helping to get his story out via the Quibbler… maybe he could share some of his problems with his slightly odd friend.

"If you're worrying about me telling anyone then you shouldn't be, no one is going to believe Loony Lovegood," Luna quipped.

Harry frowned at the reminder of how the majority of Hogwarts treated Luna, hating that they bullied her. Thinking of that brought him uncomfortably back to the fact that his own father had been a bully. Trying not to think too hard he slowly, and haltingly, told Luna of what he had seen. He was sure that, if nothing else, Luna would not act differently around Snape or do anything to give away what he had told her.

Luna listened silently and without judgement to Harry, "and now you can't understand how your Mum could have come to love your Dad. Part of you feels sorry for Professor Snape and upset with your Dad, or more the memory of your Dad, perhaps even betrayed; after all people don't often speak ill of the dead and seeing him in such an unflattering light would have tarnished the image you've gotten in your mind about him. Finally, there's the fact that you feel guilty for giving into your curiosity and invading Professor Snape's privacy which is making everything else about a thousand times worse."

Harry stared at Luna wondering, not for the first time, just how she managed to pierce right to the heart of the problem. "I don't know what to do Luna… I can't seem to move past this and it's making me a right miserable git to be around," he confessed. He was surprised at just how easy Luna was to talk to, though her eyes made her look startled there was no judgement or condemnation in them, no pity, just raw honesty, compassion and patience.

"Well, I suppose it depends what part you feel you need to move past. Unfortunately, short of going back in time and spending time observing your parents I don't think you're going to get an honest assessment of them from anyone. Sadly, I do not believe anyone has uncovered a viable method for travelling so far back in time, even time turners are limited to twenty-four hours at a time. Even if they had the act of observing something often changes how it acts anyway so you still couldn't be sure of a completely honest assessment," Luna mused. "The only known way of communicating with the dead is via the resurrection stone and that's been lost longer than the elder wand. Plus, if you had that then you wouldn't be feeling so miserable and could have had many of your questions answered," she continued.

Harry almost asked what the resurrection stone or elder wand was but, as he frequently had to when it came to conversations with Luna, decided to hold his tongue to save himself a headache. Luna was brilliant and Harry would take his wand to anyone giving her a hard time, but some of the things she came out with definitely gave Harry a headache.

Luna gave Harry a soft smile, "so that leaves your guilt… and well the only way to remove your guilt is for you to feel as if you've made reparations or to feel like you've been suitably punished."

Harry stared at Luna incredulously and then laughed, "Luna, I don't think a couple of detentions or lost points are going to make me feel better," he pointed out.

"Of course not, those are far too impersonal. What you did was a massive invasion of privacy, these were memories that Professor Snape was protecting, the kind of memories that you'd never want anyone to see," Luna corrected. "For your guilt to be assuaged you need a much more personal punishment," she stated.

Harry frowned trying to figure out what Luna was on about and then his cheeks pinkened as he had an uncomfortable feeling about what Luna getting at. "Luna, you don't mean… you can't mean…" he whispered aghast.

Luna simply nodded, "it would work," she pointed out plainly.

Harry coloured deeper as he recalled the two previous times that he'd had a 'personal' punishment. The first had been in his second year, after Ron and he stole Mr Weasley's car and flew it to Hogwarts. They'd been sat in Transfiguration when Mr Weasley came in and asked politely to see Ron, seeing how pale and worried Ron had suddenly looked Harry had figured out quickly what was going to happen. The same thing that had happened when Mr Weasley had gotten home after Ron, Fred, and George had flown the car to rescue him. Taking a deep breath Harry had stood up as well, Professor McGonagall had looked at him, opened her mouth to say something before closing it, her lips thinning. She shared a look with Mr Weasley before giving a slight shrug. Mr Weasley had seemed to argue with himself mentally before nodding in acceptance and leading both boys out.

If Harry hadn't had overheard Ron, Fred, and George receiving their spankings at The Burrow, he would have been deeply ashamed to have been reduced to tears over Mr Weasley's lap. He had been sure he could take a little spanking without tears, but there was something about laying helpless, bare bottomed, over someone's lap. The guilt certainly hadn't helped and Mr Weasley's lecture about how easily they could have gotten badly hurt, coupled with his hand and then a hard backed wooden hairbrush landing hard on his naked bottom, had quickly had him sobbing like a toddler. It had been painful, and both he and Ron had sat very tenderly for the rest of the day, but Harry couldn't deny it had helped with the dreadful guilt he'd felt at Mrs Weasley's Howler that morning.

The second time Harry had received a spanking had been the very next year, Professor Lupin had taken a slipper to his boxer covered backside when he had caught him out wandering the corridor with the Marauders Map. Again, Harry might have been able to take this without sobbing, but Professor Lupin was rather good at making him feel guilty and the guilt had been the thing to bring him to tears. Once his tears had started, he hadn't been able to stop them eventually becoming heaving sobs.

The idea of allowing Snape to spank him like that was frankly horrifying and Harry was quite sure his expression said as much. "Luna… I honestly think Snape would kill me, or at minimum do me a serious injury," he pointed out.

Luna cocked her head to one side, "I don't think he would actually kill you, though it is possible he would give you a serious injury, but there are rules about what the teachers are allowed to do with corporal punishment. As much as Professor Snape hates you, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't think it would be worth his job for one savage beating," she pointed out bluntly.

Harry was feeling distinctly uncomfortable with the way the conversation had gone, but now Luna had mentioned it he couldn't help but think about it.

Luna sat almost silently, just humming absently as she let Harry think, fiddling with the corks on her necklace.

"Do you really think it would help?" Harry asked after more than five minutes of quiet. He looked back at Luna meeting her pale blue eyes with his own startling green ones.

Luna gave a small shrug, "in theory it should. At minimum you should feel as if you've paid for your transgression, even if he does take it too far. At best it could even have a chance of improving your relationship with him. I don't think you should have any more occlumency lessons with him, but I'd be happy to teach you. Daddy taught me and I'm good enough at legilimency to at least check your shields. I believe you'd be better learning my way than just trying to 'close your mind' it requires more creativity than simply clearing your mind and it's impossible for someone who doesn't know how to do it to teach it, but it should serve the same purpose."

"You know occlumency?" Harry asked desperate for any other subject to focus on instead of a 'punishment' from Snape.

Luna made a noise of agreement and nodded, "not traditional occlumency, I instead have something called a mindscape, but the memories I need to keep safe are hidden all the same." She looked down at the forest floor and for the first time Harry could ever remember Luna looked sad. "I needed to learn it, the memory of my mother's death tormented me something awful," she admitted softly

Harry immediately felt guilty for obviously upsetting Luna, "I'm sorry," he told her sincerely.

Luna gave Harry a warm smile, "it is quite alright, you couldn't have known."

It was true Harry supposed, but he still felt bad. "Luna how… I don't have a clue how to even start to approach talking to Snape though," he forced himself to say.

Luna looked at Harry in confusion, "well, you write him a letter of course. I can help you with that if you like?" She said it in such a way to imply she considered it the most obvious thing.

Harry was once again amazed at how Luna could see through issues to give a working solution, "that's brilliant Luna," he insisted honestly. He swallowed slightly nervously and – deciding to be a Gryffindor about it – figured he might as well get it over and done with as soon as possible. "Well, no time like the present. I would really appreciate your help," he declared.

Luna beamed and pulled out a roll of parchment and bottle of ink from inside her robes, and then pulled a quill that Harry hadn't even seen out of her hair.

Harry chuckled and summoned a flat rock he could see, "thanks Luna." He accepted the supplies and settled them on the rock, inking the quill carefully he could barely even work out how to start.

Heads together the pair worked hard making sure they were using just the right words to write the letter. Of course, there was a good chance Snape would just burn the letter without even reading it, but at least then Harry would have tried, and that in itself would be enough to sooth some of the guilt.

Professor Snape,

I would first like to offer my most sincere apology for the completely unacceptable and enormous display of utter disrespect I showed you by looking at your memories in your Pensive. I can offer no excuses or valid explanations for my actions as there is nothing that could possibly justify such a huge violation of your privacy. I am not writing in hopes that you will change your mind upon continuing to teach me occlumency, I understand the opportunity to learn this rare branch of magic from yourself is gone. I am writing instead to let you know I do not believe it is right that this should pass without consequences. I do not believe, and I'm sure you will agree, that a breech such as this could possibly be amended by detentions or loss of points. With this in mind I agree to submit to any punishment you feel would be appropriate, within the school rules, in the hopes you will allow me to offer you my apologies in person.

I await your response,

Sincerely

Harry Potter

Harry was still unsure about this, images of Snape beating him with a cane until he passed out dancing in his head, but he sealed the letter with a tap of his wand. He was still wary of sending anything via Hedwig, even if it was just a letter to a Professor in Hogwarts… if Umbridge was to read this.

"Call a house elf," Luna piped up easily.

Harry looked at Luna confused, "what?"

"If you don't know any by name, I could call one for you, but they are usually happy to pass on letters. I don't have an owl, so I use the elves to send any of my letters to Daddy," Luna explained.

It solved the issue of risking Hedwig and Harry knew the elves did not answer to Umbridge, not seeing her as the true Headmistress. "Dobby," he called softly.

"Mister Harry Potter Sir calls for Dobby?" Dobby almost squealed in excitement as he appeared, wearing at least twenty hats.

Harry wondered briefly if Snape would be annoyed with him for subjecting him to the presence of Dobby, but other than Winky and Kreacher he didn't know the names of any other house elves. "Yes, could you make sure Professor Snape gets this letter, don't tell him who it is from and make sure he is alone when you give it to him," he instructed.

"It might be best if you aren't seen when you give it to him Dobby," Luna suggested lightly.

Dobby nodded his head, the hats wobbling ominously. "Dobby can bes doing that Mister Harry Potter Sir and Mister Harry Potter Sir's friend," he agreed. He accepted the letter and disappeared with a loud crack.

Harry shook his head, "thanks Luna, I wouldn't have thought of using a house elf and since Umbridge intercepted Hedwig and broke her wing I've not wanted to risk her," he admitted. He still felt foolish for resorting to having to break into Umbridge's office to talk to his Godfather when he apparently had a mirror that allowed them to talk. A mirror he had taken to carrying around in his robes just in case now.

Luna just nodded sagely.

Feeling, if not better, at least like he was making progress, Harry stood and stretched. He offered his hand out to Luna to help her up, "come on, if we leave now, we'll get to the Great Hall in time for lunch," he urged.

Luna smiled, "I do hope there's pudding," she mused. She accepted Harry's hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet.

The two friends walked together up to the castle. Harry stopped Luna outside the Great Hall, "I want to say thank you again Luna, you've really helped. I'm lucky to have you as a friend," he stated honestly.

Luna looked up at Harry with wide and slightly glistening eyes, "you really see me as a friend?" She asked in a small slightly insecure voice.

Harry nodded firmly, "yes Luna, you are my friend… I hope I am yours too?"

Luna nodded almost as rapidly and eagerly as Dobby did, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill down her cheeks. "Would you like to work on making a mindscape after lunch?" She offered to prevent herself from crying.

Harry gave a wary smile, but nodded gamely, "sure," he agreed.

They went their separate ways as they entered the Great Hall, Luna heading off for the Ravenclaw table and Harry for Gryffindor. He looked for Ron and Hermione but couldn't see them, instead his gaze landed on Ginny, and he made a beeline for her, "hi Ginny," he greeted as he took a seat next to her.

Ginny turned to Harry with a beaming smile, "hi Harry," she returned happily.

The two shared an easy conversation, Harry feeling lighter than he had before so able to joke about with Ginny. Ron and Hermione joined them soon enough and the four had an enjoyable lunch.

~o~

So, there you have it, Chapter 1 of After the Pensieve. Please, let me know what you thought, some of Molly Weasley's homemade treacle tart for those who do review! See you all next week for chapter 2!