Changes in the Wind

Missteps

The more he thought about it, the more appealing the idea of a romantic weekend getaway became. He had to admit some hesitancy on his part, because he knew how risky vacationing together could be to a new relationship, but he was nonetheless willing to take that chance with Calleigh. They had already successfully navigated both working and living together; a simple weekend away would be a breeze. And there was no better way he could think of to celebrate both their uncomplicated transition from dating to sharing a home and Calleigh's upcoming birthday.

For some couples, going away together turned out to be equivalent to crossing a minefield, an unpleasant experience marked by glaring missteps and differences of opinions that could lead to an explosion or two. Maybe he was guilty of exaggerating, but in his one previous experience, that's exactly how it turned out. That mini vacation, a couple years back, with a woman he had been involved with for a few months, turned out to be a disaster. The complete opposite of either romantic or fun, the trip did nothing but highlight all of the differences between them and culminated with a parting of the ways upon their return. Thinking about that trip now made him shudder. In the end, he was glad that entanglement was history, but the memory of that experience stayed with him a long time. A weekend away with Calleigh, however, wouldn't be a repeat of that trip; his relationship with her was nothing like any of his previous relationships.

Despite his initial hesitancy and their sluggish start, the relationship was now effortlessly moving forward. That, in itself, said a lot, because for Tim, simply adjusting to being in a relationship had been a bigger feat for him than adapting to living together. He still sometimes marveled at the very notion that they were even together, let alone in the beginning stages of planning a life together, especially after he fought their involvement for as long as he did, but here they were, sharing a home.

Their physical setting wasn't perfect in his opinion, but the actual living and working together day in and day out, had been going even better than he imagined it would. And the physical setting was an obstacle easily remedied. Calleigh's apartment, though slightly larger and nicer than his, felt small and cramped for the two of them and all their stuff, making the idea of a bigger home very enticing. But in all honesty, he couldn't think of a time he had ever been happier. What better way then to thank her for sticking with him the way she had than a romantic getaway.

It was beginning to look like this plan he'd been cooking up would work out even on short notice. He and Calleigh didn't often have the same weekend off, but with Delko willing to swap weekends, plus pull an extra shift for him, it gave them both a three day weekend at the end of the month, much sooner than he'd originally hoped. That the weekend happened to fall so close to Calleigh's birthday was an added bonus.

His destination of choice was Cape Elizabeth, Maine, a place he'd never been, but looked promising in print. As far as locations went, it met all of his criteria: a Northeast beach community, close to an airport, with luxury accommodations, including room service and a fireplace. The final and most important criteria were that it be both, secluded in late February and afford the possibility of snowfall. Hotel reservations made, he'd also found available flights out of Miami that accommodated their schedules, although he hadn't yet booked them. All he had to do now was clear the schedule change with Horatio and of course, fill Calleigh in on his plan.

Originally, he planned to tell her at dinner, but since the opportunity to finalize the schedule had arisen, he figured it was best to tell her now instead of waiting. He couldn't help but smile when he wandered into the ballistics lab and found her engrossed in bullet comparisons. She was so intent on the screen in front of her that she never heard him come in, allowing him a moment to relish the sight of her. Even from the back, he was captivated by her, admiring the way her golden locks fanned out across her back, swaying ever so gently, with the slightest movement, like a curtain in the breeze. Lost in his thoughts as he stood watching silently from behind, he could almost feel those same silky golden strands gently tickling his skin as she moved atop him making love, when the sound of her voice jarred him out of his head and served as a reminder of why keeping his distance from her, while at work, was a good policy.

"I know you're back there," she said with a smile in her voice, leaving him to wonder if she knew where his head had just been.

"How'd you know it was me? Could've been anybody," he responded with a chuckle while walking closer.

"No one else usually stands there staring at me while I work," she explained and the slight pink cast to her cheeks along with the knowing smile on her lips told him she did indeed know where his mind was. "They usually let me know they're there and what they want."

"I was just admiring your fine form," he admitted with a smirk, looking all around and making certain no one was in hearing distance.

"Well thank you," she answered and blushed again, further darkening her cheeks. "And what can I do for you this morning?" she asked still smiling.

"Well, we are at work," he said teasingly.

"Glad you remembered."

"Actually, I just have a question for you."

"Shoot," she said with a grin.

He shook his head. "You just never tire of saying that any chance you get, do you?" he asked, gently ribbing her. "Anyway, I was wondering what you thought about heading to Maine with me for a weekend at the beach, hopefully in the snow."

"Well, I'd love to. I can't think of anything nicer," she drawled. "When did you have in mind?"

"The end of this month, right around your birthday. I spoke with Delko and he's willing to switch weekends with me, as well as take on an extra shift, leaving both you and I with three days off. I found flights and I reserved a room in a very nice place; one that I think you'll be quite pleased with. All I have to do is clear it with Horatio, purchase the tickets and…"

"Check with me," she finished for him in a clipped tone, her expression now serious.

"Well, yeah, that's what I'm doing now," he responded, looking wary.

"But you made all of these plans without first mentioning anything to me?"

"It was spur of the moment. I thought you'd be pleased and surprised. Although, it's not completely out of the blue, we did briefly talk about wanting to go away together."

"Well, you're right, we did, but I thought it was something that we would plan together."

"I guess I thought it would be nice to surprise you. I wanted to plan something special, both for us and for your birthday," he replied, bewildered by her reaction.

"It's sweet that you went to all this trouble and it is a nice idea, but I could've saved you the time if you had come to me first with your plan. It might be nice to know about these things in the first place," she reprimanded.

He studied her with a perplexed expression as she spoke, having no idea where she was going with this. "Then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?" He knew he sounded like a sullen child, but he couldn't help himself, this was something he had been pretty excited about.

"Tim I can't go away with you at the end of the month. I'm speaking at a two-day conference in Atlanta, don't you remember? I know I told you about it," she said, sounding more businesslike than anything else and ignoring his previous comment.

"No, I don't remember, I think that it's likely something I would've remembered, since it involves you going out of town right around your birthday. But I don't remember this little detail, because you never mentioned it."

"It was kind of a last minute thing, but I'm sure I told you," she insisted, giving nothing away with her expression.

"I'm sure I wouldn't have gone to the trouble of planning this trip and coaxing Delko into working extra if you were going to," he paused, scrunching his brow while he thought and trying to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. "Wherever it is you're going, leaving me to go on a romantic weekend alone," he continued, shifting his weight and looking anywhere but at her.

"Obviously we've had a miscommunication," she offered tersely.

"Ya think?" he asked, unsuccessfully keeping the sarcasm out of his voice. "And since when are you speaking at that conference? That's not one any of us usually attend. It's not like it's a big name conference with well known lecturers," he commented, momentarily forgetting that she was one of the speakers.

"Since they asked me about a week ago," she responded defensively, "and I told them I'd be happy to lecture. Plus, I really like Atlanta, I have friends there," she quickly added, before dropping her eyes and allowing her voice to trail off at the end as if she wished she'd kept that to herself. His only response was to sigh heavily. "I'm sorry Tim, really I am. I'm sure it would've been nice. Maybe another time…"

"Whatever. It doesn't matter," he replied unconvincingly.

"It matters. I don't want this to come between us," she said softly, causing him to look up and meet her gaze.

"Me either. I'm sorry I didn't check with you first," he said, recognizing her sincerity and sighing once more. "I suppose there are worse places to spend the weekend than Atlanta."

"You're coming? To Atlanta?"" she asked, her eyes wide with surprise. "Why?"

"Well, I thought since I could still have the weekend off and it is your birthday," he responded, voice trailing as he gauged her reaction. "But I guess not, since you don't seem too thrilled with the idea." Looking anywhere but at her, he found himself intently studying the floor as he tried to wrap his head around this turn of events. Amazing, he thought, how a simple conversation could be so deflating.

"It's just that, I'm not sure you'll get anything out of it and it just seems like it would be better to save a long weekend for going somewhere other than Atlanta. It's not that I don't want you to come, I was just surprised you'd want to," she said, backpedaling.

"I don't know why you'd say that," he said, shaking his head and attempting to keep the emotion off his face. "I get the point, you don't have to paint a picture for me."

"Tim I'm not saying anything other than I was surprised you'd want to go to Atlanta. There's probably no lecture worth your time, that's all," she said, interrupting him. "Besides, I'll be home a couple days before my birthday, so we can still celebrate."

"Yeah, that's exactly why I was going, to listen to a lecture," he said sarcastically, shaking his head. "Look, I gotta get back to work and tell Delko he can go ahead and make plans for that weekend since I won't be spending it with you," he informed her without looking in her direction, as he started out of the lab. "Someone may as well have a nice weekend," he mumbled under his breath.

"Tim," she called to his back, but he continued on his way, pretending he didn't hear. There was nothing she could say that would make him feel better at that moment.

It wasn't that he tried to avoid her for the remainder of the day, more that he didn't go out of his way to seek her out and when he did see her, he pointedly avoided her eyes, uncertain if he was because he didn't want to see the disappointment in hers, or to prevent her from seeing it in his. Either way, a perfunctory nod of the head was all he had for her by way of a greeting when they passed in the hall. All afternoon he struggled to remember if she had indeed told him of the conference invitation and he simply forgot, or perhaps wasn't listening, but he just didn't think that was the case. It wouldn't have been like him to forget, though and he knew that.

Arriving home after lingering at work as long as he could and then running errands, he had finally reached the point where he simply wanted to put the incident behind them. Disappointment remained but no good would come from looking for trouble where none existed. A powerful aroma, one that instantly reminded him he hadn't eaten since morning, greeted him upon opening the door and led him to the kitchen where he found Calleigh putting the final touches on her specialty Cajun chicken and rice. The pair had decided once they began living together, that whoever was home first would start dinner and the other would clean up afterwards. His preference though, was when they got home around the same time and cooked together in the tiny kitchen. She turned at his approach and he could tell by her expression that she wasn't quite sure what to expect.

"Hey," he said, putting an arm around her waist and lightly kissing her cheek, before finding her lips. "I'm sorry about earlier." She kissed him back, though hesitantly at first, but she soon warmed up to him and it served to remind him that no matter how disappointed he was earlier, it couldn't last once he was home with her. He could only succumb to her, staying mad or disappointed, just wasn't an option.

"It's okay," she said smiling, "it was just a misunderstanding." she said, leaving it at that.

"No problem. Maybe we'll try for another weekend. Smells good. Need a hand?" he asked, looking at the array of pans, plates and utensils on the counter in front of them.

"I hope so," she said, before turning her attention back to the meal she was preparing. "You can set the table for me. This is just about ready."

Dinner was delicious and although the two talked, about the news, mutual friends and, of course, work, their conversation seemed stilted tonight. The subject of the Atlanta conference never came up, which Tim found a bit odd, since Calleigh was always excited about any chance she had to impart her love of firearms and ballistics on a captive audience, but he let it go. Both were probably still bruised from the awkward encounter they had at work earlier and there was no point making something of it. Instead, he found himself spending most of the meal focusing on the small, but tidy, cream colored kitchen, which barely contained enough room for the round table they were seated at, rather than the barely perceptible tension he was beginning to sense and worry about. After the meal, he took care of clean up, while she tended to some phone calls, before retiring to the small office they shared.

Sensing her presence in the doorway, he craned his neck to better see her. "What's up?" he asked, laying the marker and the newspaper he'd been looking at down on his desk.

"Nothing. Just trying to decide if I want to tackle anything in here or watch TV. You've been in here awhile, what are you up to?" she asked, moving in behind him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Just looking at the paper," he said with a shrug.

"The real estate section?" she asked with confusion, picking up the paper for a closer look. "Why? You're not planning on moving are you?" she asked with a nervous laugh. "Tim, these are houses you've circled," she said, her voice now serious after studying the paper a moment. "You're looking at houses?" He glanced up, finding her standing stiffly and staring at him with an intense gaze as if she expected to find the answer to her question in his expression.

"Just seeing what's available and doing some comparisons," he said, feeling decidedly uncomfortable and dropping his eyes from her intent gaze.

"Because you're thinking of buying a house?" she questioned, her voice having gone up an octave.

"It's just one option," he answered defensively, yet unsure why, as he squirmed in his chair.

"So you are thinking of moving? You're not happy here?" she asked accusingly and even though he wasn't looking directly at her he could still feel her eyes boring into his, making him feel twitchy.

"It's not that I'm not happy here, more like it's just a little crowded, I wondered what other options there were. I still have to empty out my apartment, remember," he said shifting in his chair and finally meeting her gaze.

"I see," she answered tersely, her mouth set in a tight line.

"Well, it's not like I was going to move without you," he said, chuckling, hoping it would lessen the tension that suddenly flooded the room.

"So we're going to buy a house together just like that?" she said, snapping her fingers. "Nice of you to ask me my opinion. How long have you been thinking about this?"

"Not that long," he answered sheepishly. "It's not like I planned to have us go out tomorrow and buy a house. It was just a thought, nothing more," he said wondering again why he felt so defensive when he hadn't really done anything. Or maybe it wasn't what he had or hadn't done, but more what he had assumed and shouldn't have. That wasn't a particularly pleasant thought.

"Were you ever planning to discuss this idea with me? What makes you think I'm interested in moving or buying a house?" she asked pointedly. Well that question was telling, he realized, all that was missing was a 'with you' tacked to the end of it.

"Obviously I would've discussed it with you and I would've asked if you were interested in moving… with me," he said emphasizing the two words she had left off. "But now there's really no point is there?" he asked, not bothering to hide his sarcasm. Taking the paper she still held from her hand, he tossed it back on the desk and moved to the doorway, leaving her still stiffly standing in place. "And to answer your question, I don't know why I thought you might be interested." Obviously a wrong assumption on my part.

She came up behind him and placed her hand on his arm. "It's a big step Tim. I'd like to think it was something we'd talk about. I'm surprised is all."

"Don't you think I realize that? All I did was look at listings in the paper, not just for houses, but apartments as well. I didn't hire a real estate agent behind your back," he said, sighing deeply, feeling the day's frustration hit him.

"It just seems soon to be thinking about buying a house," she said softly. "It's a big commitment."

"Yeah, I know. Look, just forget I brought it up, okay? I'm tired, it's late, I'm gonna turn in."

"Me too. C'mon," she said, taking his hand and leading him towards the bedroom. "We can still talk about it, if you want," she offered, although to his ears right now, it sounded forced.

He drew in a breath and exhaled loudly before answering. "No, I don't." Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he leaned down to remove his boots, feeling the bed shift as she sat down beside him. There was nothing he wanted to talk about because he really didn't want to delve too deeply into what was going on in her head, too afraid he was of what he might discover. It had already been an enlightening day. She clearly didn't want him planning weekends without her knowledge, accompanying her to Atlanta or making real estate assumptions about their future. Was it because she didn't like relinquishing control, especially when it concerned her, or did she regret having him move in? Or maybe, was it because she was having second thoughts about him? That was a troubling question he wasn't sure he wanted answered. There was just too much chaotic noise going on in his head. "What?' he asked, feeling agitated, sensing that she was waiting for something.

"I know it's a bit crowded, but I didn't think you were unhappy here."

"Cal I'm not unhappy here. I was just thinking about a place with more space. That's all it was. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable." She smiled weakly.

"I like us living together, but in some ways, I guess I'm still getting used to it. I wasn't thinking about moving at all and that you might be, kind of took me by surprise."

"Yeah, I kinda got that."

"If we're meant to move, then I just imagined we'd figure that out together." He nodded. "I love you, I certainly don't want you moving out. But we're still new at this, it takes time." Somehow, it was hard to hear those words, even though he knew they were true, but the simple fact remained that if they were still getting used to this arrangement, then they could still go far in screwing it up. Even an established relationship could get royally screwed up, but one with a solid base, might just survive, where a fledgling relationship might not be so lucky. He preferred it when he allowed himself to think they were doing better than maybe they were.

"Yeah, I know," he said taking a deep breath. He leaned in, resting his forehead against hers. "I love you, too. We're both tired and it's been a long day. We can just leave it at that." Tomorrow was bound to be another busy day the way this week was shaping up and he just wanted things to be okay between them, even if in reality, he couldn't shake the feeling that they still felt a bit off.

TBC