Changes in The Wind
Inroads
Gradually, he fought his way out of sleep, like he was finding his way through a thick fog. Struggling to open his eyes, the best he could manage was a squint as he sought the time on the nightstand clock. Unable to bear the discomfort of the light shining in his eyes any longer, he swiftly closed them. At just after five, it was still early, meaning he'd woken well before the alarm for the second morning in a row, the by-product of another restless night. Now it appeared he was going to spend the day paying the price of too much stress and too little sleep. His head ached, like a vice had been clamped around his skull during the night and tightened repeatedly, causing both temples to throb with every beat of his heart. Moving made the pain worse. Even the simple act of blinking hurt, so he kept his eyes shut and rested back down on the pillow, in no hurry to get out of bed.
This was going to be a killer headache, the likes of which would be with him all day and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. If only he could stick his head under the covers and sleep it off, but that wasn't practical considering how much work he had waiting for him at the lab. Besides, his sleep had been fitful the past two nights and likely wouldn't be coming any easier this morning, not with this headache, not unless someone was kind enough to drug him senseless or knock him unconscious. Of course, right about now, both those suggestions sounded good to his ears and he figured he knew who'd be first in line to offer her services.
Shifting slightly in the bed, hoping to find a more comfortable position, he felt her snuggled under his arm, using his chest as a pillow. Funny, he thought, how for the second morning in a row they woke entwined and tangled, despite purposely going to sleep with as much distance between them as they could manage in a queen sized bed inhabited by two adults. Betrayed by their bodies and barely awake selves, the physical gulf between them had been crossed during the night, but he knew the same could not be said for the emotional one.
It had always been that way for them, right from the beginning. They would instinctively seek each other during the night, no matter what had prevailed earlier. There existed between them an inherent trust that comfort and security could always be found in the other's arms. And it could, for neither one of them had ever turned away the other. Not enough to take away the hurt or eliminate the current strain in their relationship, it was still enough to nourish the hope that they would see their way through this. While she lay in his arms, he knew only that he loved her. Now, if only they could stay like this all day without moving, it would do wonders for his raging headache.
Awake now, she squirmed off his chest and onto her side, but didn't yet move out from under his arm. Yesterday, she fled from him the moment she reached consciousness and realized her sleeping self had betrayed her. Awkward and uncomfortable when she woke, she somehow knew that she had been the one to close the distance between them, needing his arms around her while she slept, like it or not. But this morning she stayed put, perhaps realizing he had been the one who reached for her in the middle of the night and she wasn't yet sure if she should leave his side.
Her squirming jarred his head and he winced silently, unaware that she was studying him. Motioning up onto her elbow, she placed her hand lightly on his cheek, causing him to open his eyes. "What's wrong?" she asked very softly. He shook his head, squeezing his eyes tight at the discomfort the movement and light caused. "It's your head, isn't it?" she asked, though it was more a statement than a question since she was well aware of his occasional serious headaches. "How bad is it? Did you sleep at all?"
"I'm fine. It's not that bad," he lied. Hearing that she immediately sat up in the bed.
"No you're not. I can tell you're in a lot of pain and probably didn't sleep a wink. And I bet you haven't taken anything for it have you?" she questioned while she climbed out of the bed. "You should've woken me, I would've gotten you something. You try ignoring it, like it's going to go away on it's own and all that does is make it worse. I'll be right back," she said as she padded into the bathroom. He sighed deeply, only Calleigh could mix concern with equal parts displeasure, a sure sign all was not yet forgiven. At least though, there was concern and that was better than nothing. "Here," she said, handing him his pain reliever and holding out the cup of water.
"Thanks," he mumbled, sitting up with a groan. She felt his forehead with her fingertips. "It's just a headache, I'm not sick," he groused, placing the cup on the nightstand, but she was not to be deterred.
"Maybe you should stay home. Eric and I can cover for you," she offered, ignoring his pronouncement of wellness.
"I don't need to stay home," he said, regretting immediately the caustic way it came out of his mouth. "I'll be fine. I just need some coffee," he said with less of an edge to his voice this time.
"Caffeine will only make your headache worse. It's still early, will you at least lie here a little while longer till the pills work?" she asked with warmth in her eyes and voice.
"Yeah, for a few minutes," he grumbled, lying back down on the bed.
"Alright. I'm going to take my shower." He nodded as he watched her go and then closed his eyes, already missing her presence in the bed.
Dozing, thanks to the magic of the meds, which turned the blinding ache into a dull throb, he opened his eyes when he felt the bed shift. She sat beside him and placed her hand on his cheek, gently stroking the rough stubbled skin. "Any better?" she asked. Wet hair pulled back in a ponytail, she was dressed for work and smelling of flowers, which normally he liked, but right now only served to turn his already unsettled stomach.
"Yeah," he answered, squinting at the clock. "Shit, I gotta get going," he said, getting up and wincing at the sudden movement.
"Don't worry, you have plenty of time. Want some breakfast?"
He shook his head. "Coffee." She opened her mouth, but he stopped her by putting his hand up. "Please," he pleaded. "I'm gonna take a shower. You still be here when I get out?" he asked, wondering if the frost had fully thawed between them yet.
"For a little bit. I have some things to do," she answered flatly and moved off the bed. He still wondered about things between them. It had been a strained day yesterday and he was curious if today would be a repeat. They were talking, but not talking. Their conversations with each other were stilted and filled with awkward silences, not their usual easy banter. And to top it off, they completely avoided talking about the very thing that had fractured their relationship. When had they forgotten how to talk to each other, he wondered? Yesterday evening, she spent packing for Atlanta and readying for her lecture, basically keeping to herself in the small apartment. Whenever he looked at her, there was a distance in her eyes, as if she were somewhere else completely. It was an unsettling feeling to say the least and he was beginning to question if she were having significant doubts about their relationship. No wonder he couldn't sleep, he thought with a shudder.
Slowly he dragged his body into the bathroom, his head throbbing with each step, his stomach doing it's best to put him off food forever. There was no point putting the light on, it would only make him want to clamp his eyes shut. Squinting into the mirror, he debated shaving, as he really wasn't up to it, but thought he'd try anyway. It ended up being a half assed job and not at all close, but was maybe a slight improvement. Turning the shower on as hot as he thought he could take it, he stripped out of his shorts and stepped inside. He leaned against the stall wall and let the steamy water rush over him until it was no longer hot. By that point, he figured it was time to drag his ass out of there, because ready or not, it was time to face the world.
Grabbing the first available shirt he found in the closet, along with the jeans he discarded yesterday, he dressed quickly, unsure if he was alone in the apartment or not. The answer came just as he sat on the bed and bent over to put his boots on. He looked up as she came to rest beside him, holding a glass of apple juice.
"You okay?" she questioned, eyeing him closely. "I was afraid you'd fallen asleep in there. Did the shower help at all?" she asked, absently smoothing his unruly, uncombed hair with her free hand.
"I guess," he answered, sighing deeply and sitting up.
"Think you can eat anything?" she persisted, still fussing with his hair. It aggravated him, his head already hurt enough and bending over hadn't helped, but he didn't want to do anything to make her back off, so he'd gladly put up with it.
"Nah. Not hungry this morning," he said, wishing only to lie down again for a few hours, or maybe days.
"Here," she said, offering him the glass. "I brought you some juice." He looked at her warily.
"We out of coffee?" he asked, knowing full well they weren't, before hesitantly taking the glass from her.
"No, you know we're not." She smiled as she answered, a beautiful sight and something that had been missing the past couple days. "And you know you can't drink it right now, it will only make you feel worse. Will you try drinking the juice, so you at least have something in your stomach?" she asked, stroking the back of his neck, apparently having given up on trying to smooth out his hair. The intimacy of the gesture was not lost on him. He drank down most of the juice, knowing they wouldn't be leaving for work until he complied with her request.
"I need some coffee to help keep me awake," he grumbled, before finishing the remaining liquid.
"Sure you don't want to stay here and lie down for awhile longer?" she asked, taking the empty cup from him and apparently choosing to ignore his coffee needs. Shaking his head, he started off the bed, grabbing her hand and pulling her up as well.
"No, too much to do today. I'll be fine. C'mon, we're gonna be late. Thanks for the non-caffeinated juice," he said, attempting humor. They stood face to face, her hand still in his and he wondered what she would do if he kissed her just then.
"You're welcome," she answered brightly. With no further thought, he leaned into her and lightly brushed his lips against hers, afraid to linger for too long, but needing this as badly as he needed any headache reliever. It was clear from the brief glimpse into her eyes and the way she stiffly held herself that the kiss was unexpected, but she didn't back off, instead relaxed against him, which was the only encouragement he needed. His lips caressed hers in a brief, but soft and gentle kiss. Pulling away, he opened his eyes, finding hers locked on him. Missing was the far away expression he'd gotten used to seeing over the past couple of days, instead her gaze was clear with an almost hopeful glint in her eyes. "We should get going," she said. He nodded his agreement and gave her hand a squeeze before dropping it. "I thought I'd drive you in. I really don't want you on the bike this morning," she said firmly with an expression that told him there'd be no point in arguing.
It wasn't much as far as kisses went, but the look in her eyes had given him something to hold on to. Maybe, finally, they were making inroads towards mending this rift between them. But he knew they still had a ways to go and it would have to include an explanation of why he reacted to her threat the way that he had. Which of course meant figuring it out for himself first. That ought to do wonders for his headache, he thought sarcastically. Following her out of the room, he grabbed his stuff and headed out to the car on her heels. Grateful for the offer of a ride, he got in the passenger seat, sat back and closed his eyes. His head still hurt and he wished he had considered staying home this morning, but his workaholic tendencies and stubborn streak had gotten the better of him, as usual. At least he could rest on the drive and if he were lucky they'd get stuck in some traffic prolonging the ride.
Mercifully, he'd been able to doze a little in the car and woke to her gently shaking his shoulder. "Tim we're here. You okay?" she asked, sounding worried.
"Mmm," he mumbled, opening his eyes and squinting at her. "Okay," he responded, gathering up his stuff. "Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks for driving today."
"No problem," she answered, getting out of the car. They walked in silence and once inside, he turned to her before heading off.
"I'll see you later," he said, briefly brushing his hand against her arm. "I gotta go take care of some stuff in trace."
"Okay. I hope you feel better. Maybe you can stay in the lab today and take it easy. Talk to Horatio, okay?" she pleaded. Shrugging, he tipped his head to her before heading down the hall.
Slumped over in his seat, he rested his throbbing head in one hand while he struggled through his paperwork. The headache had actually improved as the morning wore on, but he still had a ways to go before he felt like himself. He sensed her as she stood in the doorway and recognized her familiar perfume as she approached. Looking up when he finished writing, he noticed she was still eyeing him with worry, the way she had while they were still at home. Surprised to see her, he wasn't sure if this were a personal or work related visit.
"Hey," he said, inclining his head.
"Hi," she said warmly. "How are you feeling? You still look uncomfortable."
"I'm okay. It's a little better," he told her and that was almost the truth. Curious, he pondered the reason behind this mid morning visit, fiddling nervously with his pen while he waited.
"Eric's looking for you," she announced. He glanced sideways in surprise, having just spoken to Eric, not fifteen minutes ago.
"Yeah," he answered, quirking a brow. "He found me. He actually knows how to use his phone when he's too lazy to walk, from however many feet away he is, to find me," he said with a smirk and earning a laugh from her in return. "Is that it? Or is there something else you need?"
"No," she replied, shaking her head as she sidled up next to him. "Just thought I'd stop by. I wondered how you were, if you felt any better." She was still regarding him closely. This apparent concern for his well-being was the real reason behind this visit, he deduced. "I think it's time for you to take some more of the pain reliever. Here," she said, stuffing her hand in her lab coat pocket, pulling out the pill bottle and then reaching into the other pocket for a bottle of water. "I wasn't sure if you'd have anything with you or if you'd remember when to take more," she explained then stopped, probably because he was looking at her so strangely. "You know, if you got too busy you might not think of it till it was too late and then you'd be in the same state you were this morning," she continued. "I don't want to see you that uncomfortable again."
"Thanks?" he said, not meaning the word to come out sounding like a question, but he didn't expect this much consideration from her considering how displeased she'd been with him lately. "I appreciate it. I'm not sure I have anything in my locker," he said quickly, hoping to remedy his earlier slip. She smiled. He didn't have the heart to tell her he probably could've found something for his headache somewhere in the building or from Alexx. Her concern was touching.
"So, Eric said something about a basketball game tonight."
"Yeah," he answered, nodding. "That's what he was calling about. He came into some tickets."
"Oh. You going? Think you'll feel better by tonight?" she asked, giving nothing away in her voice or expression. He shook his head. "No? You don't think you'll feel better?"
"No. That's not why. I'm sure I'll be fine by tonight." He could tell by the confusion on her face that she wasn't following. "Cal you're leaving tomorrow. I don't want to go out and end up not seeing you." She was studying him as he talked and he was doing the same with her. It was obvious his answer surprised her, just as her visit surprised him. "I was kind of hoping we could work through this, this whatever, that's going on between us," he said very softly, dropping his eyes from her intent gaze. He drew in a sharp breath as he waited for her response.
"I'm glad you're going to be home tonight. And we will," she said, placing her hand on his arm.
"I think I may get out of here early today. Okay if I take your car?" he asked, needing to change the subject, not ready to discuss their relationship any longer and especially not at work. "I can come back and get you when you're done."
"Don't be silly. I can get a ride. It's good you're leaving early. It's kind of slow. We'll be fine without you. Are you alright to drive? If not, I can probably steal away to drop you off."
"Yeah, I'm fine Cal. Honest," he added for emphasis.
"Okay. Try to rest. I'll take care of dinner tonight. Do you have your keys?" He nodded. "I'll try not to be late," she said putting her hand on his shoulder. "See you later?"
"Yeah. Thanks Cal," he said waving the pill bottle at her and earning a warm smile in return. Maybe there was hope for tonight after all. After she left, he chose to finish only what was absolutely essential, so he could leave. The sooner he got out of there, the sooner he could lie down and put his aching head out of misery. He could almost feel the pillow nestled under his head as he scribbled the rest of his notes.
Some hours later, the pillow nestled under his head was the only thing he felt as he sluggishly opened his eyes. He was uncertain how long he had been asleep, but the dark bedroom provided evidence that evening had descended. The throbbing in his head was finally gone, but sleeping the afternoon left him disoriented and groggy. Still, he felt much better and was grateful the day had been slow enough to allow him the chance to skip out early, because it was exactly what he needed. That, plus the knowledge that Calleigh was thawing towards him, put his mind at ease and eliminated some of the stress he had been feeling. Climbing out of the bed, he first stretched out his back and then searched for the clothes he had carelessly tossed on the floor earlier. Finding them neatly folded on the bench in front of the bed told him Calleigh was home from work.
The sounds of chopping became evident as he wandered towards the kitchen, setting off a feeling of hunger for the first time all day. "Hey," he called to her back by way of a greeting.
Turning around at the sound of his voice, she eyed him carefully with a mixture of concern and hesitation. "Hi. I didn't wake you, did I?" she asked, putting down the knife and wiping her hands on a nearby towel. Shaking his head, he joined her by the counter. "You look a lot better than when I saw you last," she said, sounding relieved. "Do you feel better? Is the headache completely gone?"
"Yeah, I'm good. Sleep helped, although I'm sure to pay the price tomorrow for leaving early today and not getting everything done," he said with an exasperated sigh.
"We were quiet most of the day. Eric took care of some stuff for you. You might not have that much waiting for you. It was more important that you got some sleep. I think it made the difference. She paused, looking at him like she wanted to say more, but was uncertain. He waited, not wanting to push her. "I was concerned about you today," she paused again, taking a deep breath before going on. "And I was worried that I was at the root of your headache."
"Cal, my headache wasn't your fault. It just happens sometimes," he said, wanting to reassure her. "If anyone's to blame it's me."
"Yeah, but I think I've had something to do with why you haven't been sleeping very well. The other day, I might've overreacted," she said apologetically.
"And you don't think I overreacted?" he interrupted, raising his brows in surprise.
"Maybe we both did. But what I said to you that night that was really uncalled for. I don't think that little of our relationship, I hope you know that," she said, her eyes conveying the emotion she kept out of her voice.
"Yeah, I know," he answered, keeping his gaze on her. She was sincere, but he still had a hard time believing with his whole heart. Surprising him, she slipped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. He responded by wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. Neither spoke for several long moments, both needing this reconnection after the icy distance of the past two days. "I missed you," he whispered and felt her nod against his chest. "C'mon," he said, pulling away and taking her hand as he led her from the kitchen.
"What about dinner?" she asked, confused.
"Dinner can wait, this can't," he said in a commanding tone.
"But aren't you hungry? You haven't eaten all day," she persisted.
"Calleigh," he said with complete exasperation and it was enough, because she said no more and joined him on the couch. "I need you to know that I never repeated anything to Horatio that you told me in private," he said, leaning forward with his hands on his knees. She gave a small nod. "But I can't tell you that I regret talking to him, or that I wouldn't do it again." Her mouth opened to protest, but he held up his hand, giving her a look that indicated he wasn't done. "All I did was tell him I was concerned, knowing full well that he would look into it himself and that was enough to satisfy me. Maybe I should've waited and let you talk to him first, but," he paused, feeling the weight of what he was about to admit, "I can't say that when it comes to you I'm always able to think with my head," he said softly, dropping his eyes from her steady gaze. "I'm just sorry if my actions hurt you or made you think I don't trust you to do your job. I do Calleigh, you know that, but if I think you might be in danger," he stopped, unable to finish his sentence, because the idea of someone hurting her was just too much.
"I shouldn't have accused you. I know Horatio has his ways of finding out everything. And Tim, I understand your concerns, it's not like I don't worry about you as well, but it is part of the job and you have to deal with it, especially when it comes to me." Taking in a deep breath, he nodded, knowing she was right, but knowing also, it wasn't that simple. "I'm not used to it, mattering this much to someone," she said unexpectedly, dropping her eyes. "It can take me by surprise sometimes, yet it's also something I count on and that's important to me, maybe more than you know. But I don't always handle it well and it makes me wonder if I can do this."
This threw him, because he wasn't at all certain what it was she was saying, but that far off look was back in her eyes and he wondered exactly where she was. "I'm not sure I'm following you."
"It's easy with you Tim, but it's hard at the same time." He looked at her then, feeling her eyes on him. "Judging from your expression, I guess I'm not making a lot of sense. Sometimes I just think I'm not very good at this," she said sadly, but didn't elaborate.
"Well, I suppose I could say the same thing," he said. There was a part of him that wondered where this was leading them, but at the same time, he didn't really want to know.
She nodded, readily agreeing with his assessment. "But somehow, we make it work, in spite of everything, don't we?" she asked, looking at him as if he could eliminate all of her doubts, doubts he never expected her to have.
"Yeah, I always thought so," he said, now filled with doubt himself. Calleigh always believed in them. She was the one who waited for him. She put up with him and seemed happy with him most of the time. That was what he counted on. Chuckling, he remembered something Delko had said when he and Calleigh first moved in together, something he hadn't thought about since.
"What?" she asked, her curiosity piqued.
"Oh, I was just thinking about something Delko said. He wondered how our relationship worked because we were so different and he asked if we just canceled each other out." He shook his head, chuckling again. "Maybe it doesn't really make sense, but I kind of get what he meant when I think about us now. Despite the differences and the doubts and the screw ups, we've still been able to find our way back to each other, like that's all that really matters and the other stuff just cancels out."
"Do you believe that?" she questioned, giving him a look that seemed to signal that maybe she wasn't so sure.
He shrugged. "I don't know. I love you Calleigh. That I do know. It hasn't changed, it's still what matters most to me," he answered honestly. The thought that there was more to this, something she was still holding back from him, took hold and froze in his brain, but he wasn't ready to delve further.
"I love you, too and that's what I hang on to. These past couple days have been pretty miserable," she said and he couldn't agree more. Turning to face him, she reached her arms around his neck, pulling him close and eagerly found his mouth. Parting her lips, her mouth moved against his, insistent and needy, to which he responded ardently. His heart pounded in his chest as his desire for her began to override the thoughts still spinning in his head. Her admission of doubt weighed heavily on him, but the movement of her tongue exploring the depths of his mouth was making quick work of helping him to forget. Pressing herself flush against him, her hands snaked up his shirt, causing shivers to run along his spine and he quickly moved them off the couch, never moving his lips off hers.
Somehow he led them to the bedroom, while managing to remove various articles of clothing and avoid damaging body parts on furniture and walls along the way. His earlier hunger had been replaced by a more pressing hunger of a completely different sort. Dinner and doubts were, for now, on hold.
TBC