Chapter 56
Terry gave one last look at himself in the mirror, having finished tying his bowtie. He looked pretty sharp and the light tan he had achieved by spending his free time at parks close to the theatre, suited him rather well. The summer sunlight was hiding behind his green-blue eyes.
His heart wasn't there though. He had finished from the theatre and he had to pick up Marion from her house. That kiss he had given her unnerved him. More or less, by now, Candy would know and the moment he brought this thought in his mind, he gritted his teeth. On the other hand, he couldn't undo what he had already done. What if he tried to give Marion a chance?
In any case, he had to go the party. There wasn't two ways about it. He had to. He pressed his lips, picked the invitation from the fireplace mantlepiece and put it on his inside pocket. Of course, Archie jumped to the roof when he told him. Such was his surprise that he started swearing. In seconds he pushed the temperature of his blood to skyrocket.
He defended himself. He said something about how many times can he get kicked in the gut by his ex girlfriend. Something like that. He was actually angry with her. He felt strung along. He understood her turmoil but he felt second choice. And Christian had proven to be a bastard. He hoped he wasn't planning anything regarding his father. Another day, another time, he would have called himself paranoid, but in this case, the facts weren't lying. Christian did nothing to persuade him otherwise.
He looked at the bottle of whiskey. He had drunk already a fair bit. Tried to be sober, but it was impossible. Just the thought of seeing her there... How would she react? Probably cool? Perhaps standoffish. She could even ignore him. Just for punishing him for what he done. Not knowing, it killed him. It was time.
Let the dice fall where they may
The ball of the season was underway. There was a steady stream of people entering the mansion. A carnival of colours and sounds filled the rooms. Elation floated almost palpable in the air. People were watching, chatting, drinking, dancing, kissing. The jazz band was on full swing. The lanterns inside the mansion were lit. They gave a soft red glow in the space. Angels and demons dancing side by side. Chiffon wings floating from one room to the other, followed by horns and long tails of red leather.
Rose had the time of the life. Lost in the dancing crowd, she was changing dancing partners with every new song. Getting complimented and courted from every single one. She felt euphoric. She was spinning around the dance floor with Nicholas, her latest partner, when she thought she had spotted Archie in the crowd entering the room. She stopped and excused herself to Nicholas who looked puzzled. He smiled politely and let her go.
Was it a cocaine hallucination?
Surely, Archie was in France. There was no way for him to be here. She was walking through the crowd when she saw him again. She shouted his name.
What the heck was Archie doing there?
She thought everything Archie did, and she remembered her anger. But her surprise to see him there, dampened down the urge she had to let him have it, right there and then. Tell him how stupid it was what he done and how he hurt her deeply. She was even unsure whether she could forgive him. Right now, all she wanted to ask him was what he was doing there.
Their eyes met. He saw the move of his head, showing surprise.
"Archie!" She shouted once more, both getting closer.
"What are you doing here?!" She asked him when they actually met.
"Aren't going to kiss your cousin hello?"
Candy looked at him.
Seriously asking THAT question
"Archie... I'll have you know that I shouldn't even talk to you, after what you have done." She said to him, trying to keep calm.
"I love you too, Rose." He said back to her with an apologetic smile.
"Don't try to sweet talk me, mister." She said back to him, and looked elsewhere, having crossed her arms over her chest.
"Rose..." He said and paused. He got hold of her arm, wanting her to turn and face him.
"Candy..." He repeated, this time calling her by her real name.
She turned. The anger this time overcame her initial surprise. Archie had come here with an agenda.
"I am sorry, truly sorry." He apologised. This wasn't the place to have this discussion. Asked her to walk towards a quieter room. She agreed.
Once they moved away from the ballroom, the found themselves in a big sitting room. The crowd was less packed there. He could at least not shout.
"I am very very sorry, Candy." He apologised once more, when he had her full attention.
"What are you doing here Archie?" Candy repeated her question, not giving any clue whether his apology was accepted.
"I wanted to talk to you."
Candy stopped him. Put a finger on his lips. He wondered whether she was drunk. She looked different. Not only her looks; she looked breath taking. But her attitude. She was ballsy. And angry; it was obvious.
"I don't want to talk, Archie." She said to him. "And I'm pretty certain of what you want to talk to me about." She removed her finger from his lips.
"Are you here with Isabel?" She asked him.
He said no. She had stayed in France. He wasn't going to stay long in London either. To Monday morning at the latest.
"I see... So you just came for me?" She asked him this time raising her brows. Archie must have been pretty determined to persuade her of how dangerous Christian must be for her. She remembered Terry's talk. She could have been calmer when she heard all those absurd claims of him having ties with the London mob.
Christian... Where could he be?
"As you said Candy, we shouldn't talk here." Archie admitted. He looked around him. Asked out loud what she was thinking already. "Where is Christian?"
"He'll be here in a while." She lied. Worry tugged her heart. She had no idea where Christian could be. "He was running some errands with the closing of his exhibition."
"Oh! That is right! How did it go?"
She didn't reply. She had no idea what to reply. She would have to lie again. "What's with the third degree, Arch?!" She shouted almost. Grabbed his hand. "Let's dance, cousin." She pulled him back to the ballroom. She wasn't up to talk any longer. Talking, thinking, feeling. She wanted to shut down everything. She grabbed two glasses of champagne from a wandering tray. Handed one to Archie.
"To good times." She cheered.
He laughed. Candy was drunk. He lifted his glass and repeated her cheer. "To good times!" They both swung back their glasses. Left them empty to a nearby table and moved to the dance floor. There was something with Candy, he couldn't put his finger on. He had heard everything from Terry but not from her. Last time Christian was late at the party of Lord Wooster, she was beyond herself with worry. Now, all she cared for was dancing and drinking. She didn't mention Terry at all and Christian... at best she sounded cagey.
The band started playing a quick waltz. He put his hand over her waist and made a swirl. She let a cry of happiness. Archie had been an excellent dancer. "Isn't this so much better than talking?" She said to him.
He noticed the dilated pupils of her eyes. It was as if her eyes widened to absorb every single ounce of happiness she could get. "How many glasses of champagne have you drunk already?" He asked her.
"I didn't know I should be counting..." She said and stuck her tongue out.
He didn't respond. There was definitely something with her though.
"Mr. Chaperone..." She continued teasing Archie and started laughing out loud as they whizzed around other dancing couples.
Marion was ready. Dressed with a jewelled crimson red gown which ended with hundreds of beaded tassels that started from high up her thighs down to the floor, she felt devilish enough for the Angels and Demons ball. The dress had an exposed back which ended at her waist and all she could think of was Terry's touch on her naked skin. She shivered. He should be there any minute now. She put her sparkly red horned hairpiece on her hair and left her room.
Just as she was approaching the staircase, she heard the bell on the front entrance. She hurried. She was coming down the stairs when her eyes met Terry's. He was in conversation with her parents. They all stopped and turned to see her coming down. Terry looked gorgeous, she thought. She would arrive at the party with the most handsome man in London. The most intriguing. She wanted to pinch herself, this was true. He smiled to her. She was burning. She smiled back as she was approaching them.
"Terry, you've met my parents." She said .
"Marion, you hadn't told us that Mrs. Graham was to accompany you to the ball!" Her father exclaimed.
"I didn't so you wouldn't pester me." Marion said back to her parents.
"They would!" She repeated and turned to Terry who looked at her amused with her entrance. "They are big fans of yours, Terry!" She added and turned to them.
"That has to be said." Her mother added, and smiled like a caught schoolgirl to him.
He dry coughed. "I'm very honoured to-" He started saying.
"Mum, dad, you're embarrassing Terry." She pretended to reproach them and she looked at him with a smile. She was actually loving putting him in a tight spot. "Ready?"
"Very honoured to have met you both." He said to them and nodded to Marion. She slipped her arm inside his, said goodnight to her parents and they left.
"So you dressed like a little devil." He said the moment he opened the door of the passenger seat for her. "Why am I not surprised?" He laughed.
"You look beautiful even with those horns on your hair." He commented when he sat at the driver's seat and turned the engine on. His compliment made her beam with happiness. She thanked him.
"Since I managed to persuade you to accompany me to the party, knowing well you don't like them, I feel a little devilish." She turned and said to him, five minutes into their drive to the party. He had kept quiet at the wheel.
"Hm?" He asked while his mind was elsewhere. "Well, you're definitely not an angel." He continued, realising what she had said.
He heard her laughing, and pressed the pedal down. The quicker they were with other people, the better. He wasn't in the mood to flirt.
"Are you not fed up with all those parties you go to?" He asked her while he had his eyes on the road.
She opened her eyes wide. "What else is there to do Terry?" She asked him. For all her peers from her social circle, partying and having fun was all they were doing. Life was too short to take it seriously. Having experienced the Great War as adolescents removed the sense of stability for them. For the young ones, living a life of excesses made sense. You only lived once.
"Darling, you're a bit of a fuddy-duddy, you know." She said and put her hand over the back of his neck. Her fingers lost in his hair.
He tensed. He chose not to answer her. They were almost there.
Archie was standing at the edges of the dance floor, within an ever moving sea of people. A lot of them intoxicated and high on whatever was their drug of choice. Others were making out, completely absorbed in kissing each other with fervour. Roaring laughters would rise above the music on occasions. It was a complete chaos. He kept a close eye to Candy who had been determined to be crowned dancing queen of the night. At the same time, his eagerness for Terry to arrive grew. He wouldn't be pleased to see Candy acting the way she did, he was very much aware of that.
Right now, both her and Audrey had lifted their skirts up to their knees, dancing a mad charleston. Sweat made her skin glow. How he loved seeing this wide smile of hers.
He felt guilty in a way, as he looked at how happy she was. Candy's life hadn't been one covered by roses. Not by a long mile. Even while she was adopted. She had pass through the mill before that. Bullied by the Leagan siblings, accused to be a thief of their mother's jewels. She was made to live in their stables and was even sent away to be sold like cattle to Mexico. She was just a child. If Albert hadn't intervened under the disguise of Great Uncle William to adopt her and give her the Ardley's name... He shuddered to think what would have had become of her.
If there was one who deserved all the happiness in life, it was her. And here he was, trying to ruin everything for her. Having gathered all the courage she had to travel all the way here to start again. Even if she's was on her way of becoming a wild child. Doubts sprung in his mind. There he was meddling in her life, armed with the belief he knew better than her where her happiness lied. Couldn't someone say the same for him? A married man having a relationship with another woman, just because he decided his marriage was over. Definitely, his own actions wouldn't find wide spread approval as being wise and right. Most would try to push him back, patch things up with Annie. He was in no mind of leaving Isabel, and his decision was final. If Candy had tried to talk him otherwise, or try to interfere, he sure would have been crossed with her.
The band were changing their rhythm. Slowed it down. Guitars were playing an old Argentinian tango. The pianist joined them. Before he took even a step towards Candy, someone else had managed to ask her. He recognised the man. He was a friend of Candy's with whom he had seen her dance before. Alexander looked smitten with her. She had nested her head on his chest and their bodies were close, following the music.
Archie followed them with his eyes for a little before he turned in search of a drink. That was when he realised Terry had arrived with Marion in hand. She walked by Terry's side, with cat like moves, glitter horns in place, eager to show she had bagged for a partner the current "talk of the town".
Well well well, Grandchester, if someone told me that I'll see you one day as a "trophy" man, hands clutching with a young aristocrat heiress...
He couldn't but laugh out loud. Caught Terry's eye. He leaned to Marion's ear. She turned to Archie also, smiling. The both of them walked towards him through the crowd.
Poor Terry, he must be counting the minutes to leave...
"Where are your horns, Graham?" He said to him, when they stopped by his side.
Marion burst into laughing, while Terry glared at Archie.
"Trust me, you don't want to test how much longer I can remain a saint, Cornwell." He said back to him, through gritted teeth and a fake smile.
"Archie, what are you doing here?!" Marion yelled to be heard.
"Archie here is very fond of surprises, Marion." Terry jumped in, while his eyes - Archie could see - were searching in the crowd.
"Nonsense!" Archie said. "I had some urgent business to attend, Marion." He turned and said to her.
They all saw Audrey approaching. Her friend jumped in excitement. The two women embraced, air kissing, eyes smiling, happy to see each other. Audrey greeted everyone.
"Where is Rose?" Marion asked her.
"Oh! She must be somewhere here dancing!" Audrey chuckled and glanced at Terry. "I think I'll give her a medal for dancing with the most partners tonight."
She felt Terry's stare and ears all on her and what she was saying.
"Oh? Christian not here?" Marion asked sounding surprised.
"Nope... He must show up at some point." Audrey commented. She turned to Terry and Archie. "Gentlemen, feel free to mingle... drink, dance." She said. "If you excuse me Terry, I'll steal my friend for a while." She added and grabbed Marion by the hand.
"Have you seen what Elaine is wearing?" She asked her. "Girls gossip..." She looked at Terry and Archie and chuckled. She prompted to Marion to follow her. They kept the stares from the two men, till they disappeared to another room.
Terry turned to Archie.
"She's dancing." Archie said to him, without waiting to hear Terry's question.
"How is she?" He asked him, while looking. Before hearing Archie's reply, he saw her. She had practically draped herself over that man, he had no idea who he was. His jaw twitched.
"Judge for yourself." Archie said realising Terry had seen her.
"Where is Christian?" He asked him, his voice restrained, seeing how intimate Candy was dancing with this stranger.
"I have no clue." Archie said. "Running some errands, she said."
"You spoke to Candy?" Terry turned to Archie.
"I have..."
"And?" He asked with great interest, hoping to gauge what her reaction would be if she saw him.
"I don't know, Terry. She acted weird. She is angry, no doubt. With me at least..." He said back to him. "But she didn't bite my head off as I feared. In fact she didn't want to talk about anything. I suppose, this is not the place to talk anyways. But then again..." He looked around and then continued. "She didn't look worried about Christian not being here either. All she does is dance and drink like a fish."
"Candy?" Terry said, his brows jumping on his forehead. His stare turned to her. "Drink like a fish?"
"Oh, believe me she does. She would have danced with the bottle of champagne if she could."
Terry didn't need to hear anything else. She was a modern woman, and she was free to do what she liked. She had told him as much with her behaviour, all that time. But if she was getting out of control... easy prey for anyone who would have her in his sights.
Where is that damn son of a bitch, leaving her alone like that?
He excused himself and walked towards the dance floor. Stood behind Alexander and tapped his shoulder. Candy raised her head from her partner's chest. She stood as if lightning struck her. There he was. The man that once again had managed to invade her dreams and thoughts. Turned her life upside down. Her heart was beating so fast...
"May I steal your partner?" He asked Alexander and without waiting for his response, he came between them, took her hand. His eyes travelled from her head to her toes and back again, taking in her appearance. He tried to appear calm. He knew he also had drunk a few but the heat on his cheeks wasn't because of the alcohol.
"Are you sure you're dressed as an angel?" He asked her when he put his arm around her waist. A new tango song was starting. He brought her close to him and they turned on the floor. Feeling his body on hers drove her insane.
"It depends." She said.
"On? He asked her intrigued.
"On your behaviour..." She replied.
His tightened his hold on her. They turned again. "Is that so?"
She set her eyes on him. They were playful. "If you're good with me, I'll be an angel. If not, I can be something else."
There were very few times, Candy had managed to make him lost his words. She was drunk, he could tell.
"Where is Christian?" He asked her.
"He'll be here soon." She said. "I doubt you miss him."
"Is there something wrong Candy?" He asked her. She held her dress between her hand and his. Her bare leg grabbed his and she let her calf slide down his.
"Nothing's wrong." She shrugged her shoulders. "Perhaps, there is something wrong with you?" She took the turn to ask him.
He didn't say anything. Kept looking at her. He knew she knew. He had to say something. Say something. "It is not what is seems." He said at the end.
"Really?" She raised her eyebrows. Wrinkles on her forehead. She searched inside his eyes. Sensed his hesitation. "You know what?" She said and turned her head. "It shouldn't be of my concern."
"It doesn't look that way." He noticed. They took one more turn. Her skin was on fire and she felt her nipples hard against his chest.
A knot on her stomach. Ghosts in her heart. Her throat was dry.
"You do what you want, Terry." She said again, her voice hoarse. She closed her eyes.
He saw the freckles on her eyelids. "Those freckles..." He whispered close to her ear.
She opened her eyes. They sparkled. Green emeralds. "Didn't you say, Terry do want you want?" He played innocent. And then he turned serious.
"Talking about wrongs...it's not me who leaves on holidays." He said to her.
His comment made her wriggle under his hold. He kept her close. "This is not fair, Terry."
"Oh?! And it is fair, that I made a question if I remember not that long ago and you never answered." He said.
The song finished, and they stood still, holding on each other, not able to break their stare to one another.
Candy pulled her eyes and her body away from his first. She walked towards Archie, Terry following behind her. Archie gave them a coy smile. He could tell by the way they danced, nothing had changed. And the doubts he had at the beginning turned into thin air. They belonged to each other. Without a doubt. Of course, he kept his opinion to himself.
"I guess, you two were very happy to see other." She remarked when she reached Archie. She turned towards one of the servants holding the trays with drinks. Picked a flute of champagne. She brought it in front of her and then Terry grabbed the flute from her hand, before even having one sip. She turned and glared at him.
"I think you have enough." He said to her.
"You don't get-"
She didn't manage to finish her sentence when she heard Marion arriving.
"Oh! Here you are!" She yelled. Her eyes fell on Candy.
"Rose!" She rushed to hug her friend. "Oh bejesus! You look amazing!" She commented. Marion too, looked breathtaking, she thought. Sexy. Confident.
"Oh, you exaggerate! You look spectacular, darling." She said in her turn. She didn't fail to see her arm slipping over Terry's back. She cringed.
Terry took Marion's hand off his back and held it into his. He felt as if he was walking on eggshells. He seriously asked himself whether he could bare this situation the whole night. To add, he still didn't know what was happening with Candy. She wasn't behaving like herself.
Marion pulled Terry's hand. "Let's go dance, Terry!" She prompted him with sweet eyes. He smiled, excused himself and followed Marion to the dance floor.
Candy and Archie were left looking at them dancing. "So they are an item now..." He said to her.
"It seems that way..." She said, not entirely being there. She kept looking at them.
"And you're ok with it?" He asked her.
"It doesn't matter what I think Archie. Terry is a free man." She answered him.
"I believe he cares to know what you think, Candy." He said while looking how absorbed she was following the dancing couples.
"Archie," She turned her eyes on him. She felt feverish. She also felt fed up with this whole situation. "Perhaps if you kept out of what's happening between Terry and me, things could have been better."
He opened his mouth to defend himself but she didn't let him. "You have been so hell bent against Christian, you only achieved bringing us closer."
"I have good reasons to worry!" He raised his voice.
"Yes, I know. You put Terry out of all people to tell me."
She was right. His plan had backfired as bright as a firework tail. For that, he had apologised to her. "As I said, I'm truly sorry for that. I know that was wrong of me."
"It's too late now though, isn't it?" She responded immediately, her eyes burning. She left right after. Left the ball room all together. Disappeared between the labyrinth of the chiffon drapes that were hanging from the ceiling. She wanted to breath. She wanted to cry. She hated seeing Marion held within his arms, her hand into his and her eyes melting when she set them up on him. She rushed upstairs, found Audrey's room and locked herself into. She fell on the bed. Staring at the ceiling. Tears streaming down her temples, quiet and hot.
It was no use. This was not fairy tale. She let a loud sigh. Dried her tears and stood up. She could just take that damn dress off and go home.
Marion kept Terry for a couple of dances more. She was enjoying every minute of having Terry's total attention. He was a confident dancer. Dancing with him felt like heaven, the way she leaned on him, leading her around the floor. Her naked thighs showed through the beaded tassels of her dress and touched his. Blood rushed on her cheeks, painting them red.
The music stopped. The band was taking a break. Terry and Marion walked towards Archie and Audrey who were already in conversation.
"Such an amazing party, Audrey!" Marion exclaimed. She patted the sweat off from her forehead. "Where's Rose?" She asked.
"She wandered off." Archie said and looked at Terry first before turning to Marion.
"Our friend is on fire tonight." Marion said to Audrey and chuckled. "Has Christian arrived yet?"
"Not that I know of." Audrey said. "He's rather late." Having been privy of Rose's confession earlier on, she doubted he would show up. It would set tongues wagging, that was certain, but as she was always saying - will cross that bridge when we come to it - At the moment, what worried her was Rose's disappearance. She was supposed to be there with them. With Terry.
"Had she said anything before leaving?" Audrey asked Archie.
"Oh, not really! But I did comment about her drinking and I think she's a bit crossed with me."
Audrey noticed the glances Archie was throwing to Terry. "I'm sure she'll be somewhere around here. Perhaps she went at the balcony at the back of the house to take some air. She came in early and I'm afraid I'm responsible for the extra champagne glasses she had." She said to the group. "I'll go and check." She added and this time her eyes fell on Terry.
When Audrey left them behind, Terry looked at Archie. He widened his eyes and nodded his head towards Marion. He realised exactly what Terry wanted to do. He turned to Marion and gave her his best smile. "Marion, since Terry monopolised you till now, care to dance with me? Without my dancing partner, I feel rather left out, now that Rose seems to reached her limit in champagne."
Marion, jumped to the chance. Remembering Terry's words from before, she tried to play cool and not too clingy. Archie, she knew as a dancer. And he was easy on the eyes too, it had to be said. He took her hand. "Have you seen me dancing the fox-trot? He asked her.
She shook her head. "Oh, you're in for a treat!" He said to her when they stepped on the dance floor. She laughed out loud. "Archie you're funny!"
Terry stayed for not more than a minute, looking at Archie and Marion dancing together. He owed to his friend - this was something he never expected to say for his once rival - Cornwell had stood till now a real friend. His eyes scanned the room in the slim chance, he'd spot Candy coming back. When he realised she wasn't anywhere near them, he started walking through the partying crowd. With the passing of the time, the atmosphere was turning wild. Cocaine was snorted out in the open, the kisses had become deeper, the laughs louder, the caresses more daring. The sweet smell of weed hit his nostrils. His worry for her increased. He looked at various rooms, on his way to the back of the house. The people were getting less and less the more he distanced himself from the main area of the party.
She stood in front of the window in Audrey's bedroom. For how long she hadn't realised. The burning torches on the front of the house had hypnotised her when she started staring them, looking at the people who were coming and going from the mansion. There were still some photographers left who were snapping some of the more known guests.
She couldn't find the will to leave Audrey's room.
What if Christian had arrived? Had he been there?
She had begun to wonder where he could be. Perhaps he wouldn't show up, knowing that most probably she would be there. Sadness touched deep to her bones. What a mess she had created...
She heard loud knocking behind her.
"Rose!" Audrey shouted from the other side of the door. "Rose! Open the door please!"
She turned. Realised she must had been absent for quite some time, she rushed to the door.
"I'm so sorry Audrey!" She said right away when she saw Audrey standing in front of her.
Her friend came in the room. "What are you doing here for heaven's sake?"
She didn't answer. Just bowed her head and looked at the floor. Audrey had been such a friend, so amazing with her and she had run away like a spoilt child when Archie stepped on her toes, about Terry. Everything she had said to him were true, however. She didn't want him to interfere any further between her and Terry. There was nothing to do in any case. She hadn't the stomach to come between Terry and Marion. That was so against her grain, it was as if she had to break herself apart and put the pieces back together but in a different order.
"Look at me, Rose!" She said to her friend, prompting her to raise her head. "As we speak, I've hinted to Terry and the rest that you may be at the balcony at the back, breathing some fresh air. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and claim him!"
"I can't do it, Audrey." Candy said to her.
"Yes, you can!" She said and pushed her outside the room.
Darkness had spread in the sky. A light breeze was blowing. A sweet night it was... Christian had arrived home. He was tired, felt deflated to say the least. He had set out with high hopes for some answers, even if he knew well that he could come out from this search, empty-handed.
That woman he met didn't want to help him one bit. He had given her his card having the address of his flat in London. He doubted this would make any difference, but he had to try everything.
He came in the house. All that he had to push in the back of his mind. He had to change, take a taxi, and head to Audrey's place. Rose would be there... He longed to see her very much. She had asked him to leave her alone for a few days till Wednesday when they were supposed to leave for the isle of Barra. Would she be happy to see him? If he hadn't the MacDonald mob on his tail, seeking for his head, he wouldn't set out for that party. He would have stayed clear from Rose and respect to the letter her wish. For now, it was safer for him to be there. Though to be said, knowing he would see her... It was the one and only thing he looked forward now. Especially as he knew by now the possibility to not see her again after that night, was getting more and more real.
He had a quick shower, shaved. Hurrying to get ready for the party made him forget - if only temporarily - of his failed attempt to find Abigail Fowler. He put on his tuxedo. Took a look of himself in the mirror, tying his bow tie. He had lost weight. Hadn't eaten well since the night he had found out about Terry at the gentlemen club. Even if he fought with him, and had call him a loser who wasn't able to keep Rose by his side, part of him felt it was the beginning of the end of his relationship.
Hindsight is cruel sometimes. Now that he knew everything, things he had ignored or never made him think twice, were making complete sense. He came to doubt everything. Even her over enthusiastic care and devotion while he recuperated from the stabbing. He wasn't doubting her sincerity of her actions. Though it didn't mean either that her guilt over having feelings for Terry wasn't an extra factor that pushed her to overcompensate in their relationship.
It was too late for him to confront her, ask her to confirm or not his suspicions and doubts. Everything else that took place were fast taking precedence over his private affairs. Given he hadn't decided of the course of action he would take, he preferred to just be with her.
He pushed his hair back. Put his jacket on and left. Soon after, he was on a taxi on his way to the party of the season.
She went down the stairs, and headed towards the balcony, under the stern stare of Audrey who followed her for a little while, before leaving her on her own. Myriads of butterflies flew insider her. She stopped a few times, taking breaths, trying to calm her nervousness down. Would he be there? What would she say?
Hi, Terry...
Hello...
Oh, you're here!
Enjoying yourself?
She reached the French windows of the balcony. They were closed. Her heart sunk. He wasn't there. The feverish anticipation she had felt so overwhelming had made her sweat. Her palms were moist. Decided to go ahead, breath some fresh air, gather her thoughts nevertheless.
She came out, closing the doors and all the chaos behind her. The full moonlight lit the sky silver blue. She breathed in the air smelling sweet, of lilies and Angel's trumpets planted at the garden beneath the balcony. Compared to the pandemonium which dominated the front end of the house, everything out there felt so serene, quiet. She turned to face the garden. Looked around.
At the end of the balcony she saw him. Her knees turned weak. She gathered every ounce of courage she could find inside her. Walked towards him. All of a sudden, she remembered.
That first night she laid her eyes on him. Through the ocean night fog, standing on his own, outside at the deck of Mauritania. Holding from the handrails, eyes already sinking at the freezing waters of the Atlantic on New Year's eve. She shivered and crossed her arms for warmth.
He didn't turn to see her. Saying nothing, she took a few more steps, till she reached him. Stood by his side and let her eyes rest in the night horizon where shadows cut through the moonlight.
"Where have you been?" She heard him saying, angered worry evident in his voice.
"Does it matter?" She asked him.
"It does to me." He said back, still not turning to see her.
"Very well..." She said to him and took a deep breath. "I was in Audrey's room, trying to decide whether I should go."
"I see." He said and paused. "I'm not used of you staying."
She was aware of what he was referring to. She never stayed...
"I'm here now." She said back to him, lowering her voice, feeling her heartbeat in her ears.
He turned. Looked into her eyes.
He doubted her, she could tell. But that night, she needed to finally come clean. Answer his question.
"I lied before, Terry."
He didn't say anything. Waited to hear her out, what she was about to say, trying not to show the raging battle of emotions he felt inside.
The question that was left unanswered.
"I still have feelings for you." Her confession was like an out of body experience. She had never imagined saying those few words to him.
He wanted to hear this from her. Even if in real time, there were not more than a couple of weeks since he had asked her, for Terry, waiting, wanting to know, was like an eternity. When he wondered how would she act when she saw him - a few hours back when he was getting ready - this, now, there at the balcony, hadn't even entered his mind. It found him unprepared, knocked him off his feet. Stole from his mind, everything he wanted to say.
His silence unnerved her. She didn't want to stop however. She couldn't stop. Trying to deny the truth had been so exhausting.
"How do I know, you won't deny all that you said, by dawn?" He asked her. Despite her admission, and how it hit him like an electricity jolt, he was reluctant to believe her.
She longed to feel him kiss her like he did in front of her stairs. Boldened by the champagne and the cocaine in her bloodstream... "Kiss me..." She whispered, trying to steady her voice.
"You'd want that?" He asked her, him testing her while his whole body was on edge.
She swallowed slowly and nodded with her eyes closed. Fearing to see his eyes. The end of the waltz on a Scottish summer afternoon, by the loch.
"Hmm...how things have changed...since I knew young pious Candy." He dragged his words like fingers on her bare skin. "You're high." She heard his voice close to her ear, so close she felt the moistness of his breath.
There was where his doubt lay. She was intoxicated, that was certain, and those dilated pupils of hers were as dark as a starless night.
"So?" She asked. "It's great not being a saint. Besides, you seem to fancy those women." Said sounding defiant.
"Those women?" He asked her, puzzled.
"Please don't act dumb, Terry." She pleaded with him, and closed the distance between them, her stare having dived inside the moonlight mirrored in his eyes. "Marion told me everything."
What he feared and worried about, she let it out in the end.
"If you have feelings for her, I'll learn to accept." She said looking elsewhere.
"Nothing goes on with Marion." He rushed to say.
"Really?" She asked him. "I somehow know otherwise."
He grabbed her arms, wanting to erase her doubts. "Listen to me." He said. "It was just this one time - but I had been hung so unceremoniously out to dry by your lover when he told me you'd leave for two weeks. And you saying nothing."
"Oh Jesus! You did it for revenge?" She asked him, not believing in her ears the excuse he gave her.
His anger matched hers, but it was directed to himself. He was talking bollocks. This conversation about Marion, the one he feared, pushed him further into a deep hole. It was impossible to tell her he tried to escape her as hard as she did try to escape him.
"Damn it!" He said through gritted teeth. He brought her closer to him. Before he had time to think what to say next, his body took over. He kissed her. His hands slid down her arms and held them from her wrists, when her body tensed, his move being so unexpected. Unlike the other two kisses they shared, and despite the fire that was burning inside him, this time everything between them unravelled in slow motion. Savouring how her lips felt on his, warm, soft, moist. She let him push his tongue in her mouth, deepening his kiss, a thousand goosebumps on her skin, tasting him, wanting to melt inside his arms. He brought his hands over her cheeks. She tilted her head back. She sighed. He was going insane. He kissed her neck and could feel her heartbeat, running wild, beneath her lips. His breath hot inside the groove between her collarbones.
"Terry..." She whispered, having lost her breath.
He took her lips one more time, harder this time, the intensity of the last few days materialising inside their kiss. Felt her body on his, her breasts crushing on his chest, her thighs rubbing against his. They were setting on a path with no return and he had to stop before it was too late. This was the last thing he wanted to do, but he had to. With every ounce of self restraint in him, he pulled back and for a moment they were looking at each other, completely hypnotised.
"I don't want you to go." He said. He could feel his heart in his chest beating strong.
"That's not fair, Terry! You know it isn't." She protested. "Christian-"
"And it's fair for me you think?" He cut her before she ended her sentence.
She didn't respond. "I can't..."
He took a deep breath. He ached to take her in his arms once more; to keep her close to him forever, but it wasn't his decision to take. "Candy, it's not complicated. It's either him or me..."
She felt her breath hot inside her throat. This dilemma she had lived with since she had kissed her inside the theatre. It wasn't that simple however and she felt angry with Terry thinking that it could be just a decision she had to take in the same manner as deciding what to have for lunch. "Can you not wait till we come back? Give me time at least..."
He laughed and set his eyes on her once again. Desire mixed with anger were burning inside them. "I won't answer and I'll blame the drugs you've taken...otherwise I would be tempted to spank you for such a stupid question."
His response left her without having more to say. Only anger shimmered inside her eyes.
"I won't share you Freckles...consider me selfish if you want, but I want you all for myself. If you aren't prepared to accept this, then you are free to go..."
She pressed her lips. "You leave me no choice, Terry." She said, her hands retracting into fists by the side of her body. "I refuse to discard Christian, like he means nothing for me, because this isn't true. I care for him very much, I need time... if you don't recognise that, then I'm afraid, I can't... really can't."
Her eyes stayed inside his, the time it took for her last words to turn to bitterness inside her mouth. She refused to be his, despite wanting this more and more with each day passing. She couldn't hurt Christian in such a way. Bring him so abrupt to a conclusion she had reached to just by herself.
When Terry's sight begun to blur in front of her, she turned.
"I am sorry." Terry heard her say, just as she took her first step away, leaving him behind, not believing that once more, she was walking away.