Believe it or not, this was actually HOMEWORK! I really enjoyed doing this, even though Slade is pretty OOC. I just really wanted to explore his character more by putting him in a difficult situation: being a guide through Hell. He's really OOC as a result, but that could be because I gave up Teen Titans for Lent (yeah, lame) and Lent ended only a few days ago. So I had 46 days with no Titans and I tried to write a story about the hardest cahracter to write about.
I do not own Slade, Jack Bauer, Dante, Teen Titans, Cartoon Network, Gilderoy Lockhart, Dr. Light, Clayton, Radcliffe, Satan, Terra, Trigon, Bellatrix Lestrange, Garfield, the Cartoon Network logo, or Kid Flash. But I really really wish I owned Kid Flash. Maybe Cartoon Network/DC Comics will sell him to me...
And I also changed my name in the story. My fake name is always Lark.
I sat on my bed, reading. Instead of the five-hundred or so paged book that normally rests on my knees, I was holding a piece of paper. This piece of paper had been printed out from a website on the seven deadly sins.
"This is really weird," I said aloud. "How is pride a deadly sin? I mean, we grow up learning that it's good to be proud of ourselves. We should be proud of what we do, and now I find out it's a deadly sin?" I shook my head, frowning. "And what's up with this one called 'sloth'? Being lazy is a sin too?"
I slid off my bed and crawled on my knees over to my closet door, which was covered with pictures. I found the picture I was looking for, and began talking to it, something that was a routine for me and came naturally.
"So I guess you're guilty of," I consulted my paper, "wrath, aren't you Slade?" I smiled as I looked at Slade's picture. I laughed as my eyes traveled across his familiar masked face. "Yeah, you're totally guilty of that. Way to sell the world to the incarnation of evil for your own gain." I paused, thinking. "You know what, that would make you guilty of three: Pride, Greed, and Wrath."
I gasped and leapt back from my closet, landing on my knees. A light was coming from my closet door, exactly where Slade's picture was. I squinted as a shadowed figure came into sight, growing larger every second. It was silhouetted against the light that still blinded me.
"What the heck?" I breathed as the light dimmed and a life-sized, living replica of Slade stepped into my room. Well, at least I hoped he was living. The full body armor made it rather hard to tell.
"You're Slade!" I screamed, getting over my shock of seeing a cartoon in the flesh in a second. I leapt to my feet and ambushed Slade into a hug. "You're my hero! I want to be just like you when I grow up!" I stopped talking and began thinking that sentence over. "Well, like you except for the selling our world to the incarnation of evil and trying to kill the Titans. But you're still my hero!"
"Thank you, Lark," Slade said in his deep, robotic monotone. "Now please let go."
"Sorry!" I said, hastily releasing him from my death-hold and taking a step back to see him properly.
"Why are you in my room?" I asked. "I mean, you're a cartoon. You're not real. Supposedly…"
Slade gave a dry laugh at this remark.
"I happen to be just as real as you are," He said. I could hear a note of amusement in his voice, something that I had never heard before. "I am here to guide you through a journey to find answers to your questions."
I never realized how important facial expressions were before this moment. With his entire face behind a mask, it was impossible to see if Slade was being sarcastic or if he was serious.
"Are you serious?" I asked, my eyes widening as he nodded. "What questions?"
"Your questions regarding the seven deadly sins," Slade said at once.
"Dude, that's awesome!" My face broke into the widest smile it could handle. "Let's go!"
"Very well," Slade put one foot through my closet door (my eyes widened as big as saucers when he did this), and held out a hand. "Take my hand, and don't let go."
"Got it," I nodded and grasped his hand in my own. I felt a chill run up my arm and down my spine as I did so, and it was not just because he was wearing cold metal gloves. I was holding the hand of my favorite cartoon character!
Slade pulled me through my closet door. It was the strangest feeling I've ever felt in my life. Not only did I pass right through a solid object as if it was not there, but the messy arrangements of clothes and other random possessions that were inside my closet were not on the other side. Instead, Slade and I were standing in an open field, completely vacant of anything except grass, not counting a trapdoor that was sticking out of the ground.
"Where are we?" I asked immediately, looking around my in suspicion.
"We are at the entrance to Hell," Slade explained, tugging at his hand to free it of my tight squeeze. "You can let go now."
"Oh, sorry," I quickly released his hand. Slade began walking over to where the trapdoor was sticking out of the ground.
"Hey Slade," I said as I followed, "why are you guiding me?"
"I have experience," Slade shrugged, "and Jack Bauer was not able to think of a punishment that I deserved. So I was chosen to guide people on journeys through Hell."
"Sweet," I nodded. "Well I can't think of a better job for you. Will we have to fight flame demons?" I raised my hands in fists hopefully.
"No," Slade looked back at my crushed expression and laughed. "Besides, you need to enter Hell before you do anything."
"Right," I stepped over to the trapdoor stood over it, reading the inscription carved into it.
If you were bad in life,
You'll come and rot in here.
Yeah, this is Hell,
So suck it up and deal, dear!
"That has to be the worst piece of poetry I've ever heard."
"Dante had the day off when we inscribed the trapdoor," Slade explained. I laughed as he pulled the trapdoor open and stepped down into it. He held out his hand again. "You have to hold onto me on all the escalators."
"Hell has escalators?" I asked, laughing even harder as I took his hand again and stepped through the trapdoor as well.
"We decided to modernize," Slade explained as the escalator began carrying us down into the first circle of Hell.
"So what comes first in Hell?" I asked, squeezing his hand tighter as darkness overtook us.
"The waiting room," Slade said, sighing. "It has to be the most boring place in this entire hole."
As the escalator carried us deeper, the air around us grew colder. I involuntarily shivered and moved closer to Slade, not that his metal armor did anything to make me feel warmer.
Suddenly, a light appeared, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Finally," Slade said impatiently, pulling me off the escalator. "These things are so slow."
I looked wildly around the place we had just entered. It looked exactly like a waiting room in a doctor's office. People were sitting on overstuffed sofas and chairs, slumped down low as if they could hide just by showing bad posture. There were out-of-date magazines on wooden tables, sofas that you couldn't find anywhere else, not even in a tacky old lady's attic, and a television that was currently airing a blizzard at midnight. Elevator music was playing softly from somewhere, and not the tolerable kind that normal elevators have. This was the kind that makes you want to claw at your ears and writhe on the floor until the elevator opens and you can make your escape.
"Hello, Slade."
I looked around to one of the corners of this room, searching for the source of this familiar voice.
"Jack Bauer!" I exclaimed, running over to the desk Jack was sitting behind. "What are you doing here?" I felt something heavy on my shoulder, and looked back to see Slade standing behind me, a hand on my shoulder.
"Telling people where they have to spend eternity," Jack said tonelessly.
"Well, good for you!" I said, giving him the thumbs-up and trying to look positive.
"Come," Slade said, steering me toward the door at the far end of this room. "We have a lot to see, and we'd better hurry if I'm going to be back in time for Teen Titans at four o'clock."
"Bye, Jack!" I said, smiling and waving over Slade's shoulder. "Remember to give Bellatrix the worst punishment in this place!"
"Already did!" Jack gave me a thumbs-up as Slade pushed me through the door and onto another escalator.
"Oh yeah, Slade, about the whole getting back by four thing, I don't think that we have to," I said, my cheerful tone immediately changing to sadness.
"Of course we do," Slade said, chuckling. "I can't miss Teen Titans! I have the leading role in this one. It is going to be a very intense episode. It is the double conclusion of season seven!"
"Season seven?" I whispered, feeling my eyes widen as we descended further into Hell.
"What other season would we be on?" Slade asked, the still unfamiliar note of amusement prominent in his voice.
"Six would be nice," I murmured, frowning. "Stupid Cartoon Network."
"Why six? That season was boring!" Slade said, but immediately closed this matter by introducing me to a new area of Hell. "This will have to wait, because we have reached the next circle of Hell."
We stepped off the escalator, and I raised an eyebrow.
"Slade, I think these escalators are broken, because this looks nothing like a Hell of any kind."
Indeed it did not. We were standing in a place that looked exactly like the Earth that was supposedly above us. A sun was shining in the bright blue sky, and there was grass underneath my feet. Houses lined a paved street that seemed to go on forever. But that was not even the biggest surprise.
The people here were happy. Children were laughing and playing in the sun while their parents looked on. There even seemed to be some sort of birthday party going on at what looked like a park.
"It is not supposed to," Slade explained. "This circle of Hell is called 'Second Chance.' It is where those who did not get a chance to follow Christianity in life get that chance."
"So they're reincarnated?" I asked, watching a little boy chase a football that had been thrown by his father.
"You could say that," Slade shrugged.
"That is so cool," I said, following the football's progress as the father threw it for his son again. "Can they remember anything from their lives? I mean, technically they're dead."
"They remember nothing. In this circle they are reborn as infants and live their life with a family. They look nothing like they did in their former lives either. They get, obviously, a second chance at believing and going to Heaven."
"What sort of people go to this circle?" I asked Slade as he began to steer me onto the paved road that cut through this second Earth.
"People who never got a chance to believe in life. That would be unbaptized infants and young children, people born before Christianity, and basically those who were never told about Christianity."
"How big is this place?" I asked as we continued to walk down the paved street.
"Very large," Slade said. "It is just as large as Earth is."
"Whoa," I whistled. "That's a lot of people."
"Yes," Slade nodded. "However, we do not have the time to visit this entire circle. Thankfully the escalator to the next level is close." He paused, looked to his left, and then steered me off the road. "It is right over there." Slade pointed with the hand that was not still on my shoulder, and I could see a small opening in the ground.
"Can't they see it?" I asked, gesturing to the people who were now behind us.
"No they cannot," Slade said. "It wouldn't be a true second chance if they knew they were in Hell, would it?"
"I guess not," I said, nodding. "That makes sense."
"Well, we've seen enough here," Slade applied pressure to my shoulder again, and steered me down to the next escalator. We were engulfed in darkness again, and I again shuffled closer to him as the temperature dropped.
"So, why six?" Slade asked.
"What?" I asked, momentarily lost. "Oh, right! Well, Cartoon Network decided to be evil at the end of the–"
"Well of course they're evil!" Slade exclaimed. "Why else would they be in Satan's mouth?"
"Wait, what? How can Cartoon Network be in Satan's mouth?"
"You'll see when we get there. And speaking of, we have just arrived in the next circle of Hell."
We stepped off the escalator, and I looked around, my eyes widening. We were standing in what seemed to be an unending plain. People with lost looks on their faces were wandering aimlessly around. Many of them had dark circles under their eyes and bored expressions on their faces. They were murmuring quietly, their faces turned towards the ground.
"What did they do?" I asked, feeling my face soften in sympathy.
"They did not believe," Slade said simply, and that was all that needed to be said.
"So they're just walking?" I asked, frowning at what seemed to be a rather simple punishment. "That's not that bad."
"It is a bit more symbolic than just walking," Slade corrected me. "They did not follow God in life, so they have nothing to follow in death. They cannot even see each other!"
"Harsh," I said, wincing. "I would die if I had no one to talk to. Well, I guess that's not really an option for them anyway."
Not caring if Slade stopped me, I walked up to one of the people who was walking and held out my hand. The person took no notice of my friendly gesture and simply turned the other way and kept walking.
"Can't they see me?" I asked, confused.
"They cannot see each other or us," Slade said, emphasizing the 'or.'
"Oh," I said, my head automatically drooping, as if I had been denied a treat.
"We had better keep moving," Slade said, putting his hand back on its regular perch, my shoulder. He led me to the next escalator, and we stepped onto it.
"I'm feeling a twinge of déjà vu here, Slade," I said, rolling my eyes as we were plunged into darkness again.
"I told Dante we should renovate these soon," Slade said. "Maybe put a few candles in. He might give us lamps if we're lucky."
This comment awarded him a laugh.
"So, what comes next?" I asked, although we were still in complete darkness.
"Sloth," Slade said, and from the tone of his voice I could sense a long explanation coming my way. Sure enough, it did.
"You would think that Sloth is not that bad, since it is generally defined as 'lazy,'" Slade began, and I could tell he was gesturing with the hand that was not on my shoulder. "But these people are not simply lazy. They were all unsure about whether they believed in God or not during their lives. However, they did not take an initiative to firmly decide whether they believed or not. They were too, I know this will sound repetitive, lazy to try to find out more about religions they might wish to follow."
"So, they pretty much sat back and didn't care about their religion?" I asked."Exactly," Slade said as we stepped off the escalator.
The people here were running. In front of each one of them there was a brightly colored something, moving so fast that they had to run to keep up with it.
"Are they just trying to catch those… things?"
"Yes," Slade pointed out a bright red something flying through the sky. "It represents how they never had a religion during life, and will never be able to have one."
"So basically they're running forever?"
"Precisely."
"That's so sad," I said, watching as the person nearest to us staggered after his own orange something, clutching his stomach with one arm and his chest in the other. His breath came in wheezing gasps.
Although the people in the Atheist circle had not been able to see me, these people obviously could, for the staggering man called out to us.
"Please," He begged, his eyes shining with tears, "help me."
I had barely taken a step forward when the man's orange thing, which had been quivering tantalizingly only inches in front of him, shot off quick as lightning.
"When will you learn," Slade shook his head as the man ran after it, almost bent double.
"Slade!" I turned to face him and balled up my fists in fury. "This is awful! When I pictured Hell, I saw a mass of flames where people crawled around, mumbling and groaning. And I thought that was bad! But this is just…" I trailed away, too shocked to even attempt to find a suitable adjective. "Take me back to Earth, Slade. I don't want to see anything else!"
"But you must," Slade insisted, and his hand found my shoulder once more. He turned me from the agonizing sight of people running and started pushing me down onto the next escalator.
"I thought this would be interesting, Slade," I said, my eyes filling with tears now, which I hastily wiped away. "But it's not. I just want to go home!"
"And here is the next circle!" Slade said rather loudly, as if to stop me from talking.
This circle looked like a poor reconstruction of the 'second chance' area. There was a feeble light shining down from the sky above us, which was not quite strong enough to warm this place. There were dilapidated shacks along a narrow dirt road that was lined with what seemed to be hoboes.
"Who are they, Slade?" I asked, turning around to look at him rather than the people.
"Proud people," He said tonelessly. "They were over confident in life, and their pride caused others harm. Now they are forced to 'live' a homeless 'life' for all of eternity."
"Basically they have nothing to be proud of?" I asked, still staring him in the eye.
"Yes," Slade answered. "Go and see them, for you may recognize quite a few."
As if hypnotized, I found myself walking along the dirt road, almost as if my feet had brains of their own. Slade was right; I recognized many people.
There was Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter, clutching a threadbare shawl around his shoulders. A little ways on I saw Dr. Light from Teen Titans huddled between Clayton from Tarzan and Radcliffe from Pocahontas.
"There's so many of them," I said, looking down the street to see the long line of huddled figures, all clutching threadbare clothes close to them. Some were crying.
"Can't I help them?" I asked Slade.
"There is nothing you can do," Slade said, putting his hand on my shoulder again. "Come, it is time to go."
I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and took off my jacket. Picking one of the sinners at random, I held out my jacket.
"Here, take it," I said, feeling my eyes start to water as they turned their dirty and tearstained face upward to look at me.
"Thank you," They whispered, taking the jacket from me in trembling hands.
"Lark," Slade's voice was harsh. I looked back at him, almost expecting him to remove his mask so he could yell at me properly. He did nothing of the sort; he simply put his hand back on my shoulder and steered me down into the next escalator.
"That was a very kind thing you did back there," Slade said as we descended. Although his voice was calm, I could tell he was using every ounce of self restraint he had not to scream at me. "Just know that the goodness of your deed will not live on long. The jacket will become threadbare as well, much quicker than it would on earth."
"I don't care," I said, my voice hard. "I just wish all these people could have known what would happen to them down here. Then they might have changed their ways when they still had time."
"It is too late now," Slade said, a not even more unfamiliar than amusement in his voice: sadness. "It does not do to dwell on thoughts of what might have been."
"I'll try," I said, turning to where I knew he was in the darkness and smiling, even though he could not see me. "So, what's next?"
"Gluttony," Slade said tonelessly. "And just to warn you, these people don't look any better than the ones in the circle we just finished visiting."
"Great," I said sarcastically.
As we stepped off the elevator, we were immediately bombarded with both light and people. The people knelt at our feet clawing at our legs. Their clothes were so loose on them I was surprised that they had not slipped off completely. Their emaciated cheeks and bodies were so painfully obvious that I staggered back (though this was helped by the fact that at least ten of them were leaning on me).
"Do you have any food?" The one nearest me asked. He crawled on the ground towards me, an obsessed and almost manic glint in his eyes. He was about to wrestle me to the ground and no doubt search my entire being for food when Slade stepped in front of me.
"You," Slade said, and I was sure he was frowning as he said it. "No one is giving you food. Now go away."
To my amazement, everyone obeyed Slade, crawling or limping back the way they came.
"What happened to them?" I asked, watching the man who had begged me for food attempt to straighten up to walk and fall back down to all fours again.
"They gorged on food in life, not giving any to those who really needed it," Slade explained, still standing between me and the gluttonous. "Now they will starve forever."
"Can we go now?" I asked, watching the man try to stand up and fall over again.
"Of course," Slade turned and took my arm in his hand this time and led me down the next escalator.
"You definitely need some light on these escalators," I said. "The living are the only ones who go on them, so why make them so dismal?"
"You can ask Dante when we get there," Slade sighed. "Really, I can't see why he's suddenly in charge of everything. Things were better when Trigon ruled it all down here."
"Trigon ruled Hell?" I asked, bewildered. "Why? That's like a reward!"
"I know," Slade said. "But Dante just had to change everything."
"Just like Cartoon Network," I said.
"Well, they must have done something bad, because they are in the lowest circle of Hell," Slade said, obviously confused. "I can't see why; all their shows are doing great. Did you know Teen Titans is scheduled for an eighth season?"
"You get eight seasons?" I asked squeakily.
"Naturally," Slade said, chuckling. "A fan like you should know that."
"Well, actually–" I was cut off again as we reached the next circle of Hell and Slade began talking once more.
"We'll talk about this later," He said matter-of-factly. "The next circle of Hell is for the lustful."
"Okay," I said, walking slowly around in this mountainous circle and trying not to lose my nerve, "I've seen some pretty scary things myself, but this is just wrong."
Countless people were tied around their waists with thick ropes and tied to the sides of mountains. Their eyes were open, but they seemed to be glazed over. Their mouths hung open, drool falling onto the ground, creating permanent puddles beneath their feet.
"Why aren't they moving?" I asked, taking a tentative step closer to the nearest person. "Or talking, for that matter."
"They are not able to," Slade answered. "Their punishment is to remain tied up forever with their senses not working. However their brains still do, so they are technically trapped in their own minds."
"But how do they exist?"
"They know they are here. They have a sense of being, but they do not know where they are or who they're with. They just know they are somewhere."
"That is so…" I trailed away as I watched a drop of drool fall from one person's mouth and land with a soft plop on the ground.
I dug my hand into my jeans pocket, silently thanking my mom, who made me bring tissues with me everywhere. I took one out of the ball they had formed into and wiped the person's mouth. Then I tilted their head downwards so their chin was lying on their chest. Their mouth closed in this process.
"That was really bugging me," I explained as I turned back to Slade. I wrapped the tissue in another clean one and put it back into my pocket.
"You need to stop caring," Slade said.
"What!" I asked, thunderstruck. "I'd be a terrorist or something if I didn't care!"
"At least stop trying to help," Slade said, a pleading note in his voice. "It will only make it worse."
"All right," I said. "Can we just go down to the next circle? I want to get this over with."
"Come," Slade reached for my arm again, and pulled me onto the next escalator.
"Where are we going now?"
"We are going where the greedy and envious spend eternity. They are grouped together because their sins are so similar."
"Let me guess their punishment," I said, a note of sarcasm in my voice. "They get to see other people enjoying the things they wanted."
"Actually no," Slade corrected. "They got what they wanted, but they only get the negative effects of it."
"How so?" I asked as I walked off the escalator, but my answer was right in front of my eyes.
One man was dragging sacks full of gold everywhere, his arms drooping and his brow shining with sweat. A woman was wearing a very fancy outfit which kept snagging and her feet were blistering in her heeled shoes. Another man was being chased around by a very pretty woman who was brandishing a rolling pin and yelling.
"Wow," I said, my eyes widening as I watched the pretty woman catch the man and smack him over the head with the rolling pin.
"Good hit," Slade said softly. I looked around at him to see him watching the woman with the rolling pin. I laughed.
"Now this circle isn't that bad," I said, smiling as I watched a woman bang on the door of a large mansion, yelling for someone to let her in. "Well, it is for them, but I can actually watch the people in this one without going crazy."
"I am very glad you found time to laugh before going into the two next circles," Slade said seriously.
"Thanks, Slade," I said sarcastically. "Well, let's go so I can get it over with quickly."
We stepped onto the next escalator, and this time the temperature dropped so low that Slade actually pulled me closer to him.
"It gets worse," Was the only thing he said the entire way down.
And indeed it did.
The first thing that hit me when we reached the next circle was the smell. The entire place smelled like someone had just died and was slowly dying. No, more like slowly decaying.
To my horror, the smell described what was happening perfectly.
Everyone in this circle was killing someone, being killed, dying, decaying while still being alive, or lying motionless with their eyes closed.
"Um, Slade?" I asked, a note of fear creeping into my voice.
"This is the circle the wrathful go to," Slade said, putting a protective arm around my shoulders. "They are murderers. They killed in life, so now they are being killed endlessly in death."
"What about them?" I asked, pointing a shaking finger in the direction of the people lying on the ground.
"Those are people who killed themselves," Slade explained. "They are tortured with nightmares of what they could have done in life, and how their family and friends miss them in life. They will never be allowed to wake up."
That was enough to make me lose it completely. I broke down, crying loudly, my shoulders shaking so violently that Slade's arm was jerked from my shoulders. He awkwardly turned me away from the tortured murderers and pulled me into a stiff hug.
Although his full body armor made this rather uncomfortable, I buried my face in the crook of his elbow and allowed myself to be led down the next escalator.
"I must warn you," Slade said gently (so unlike his normal personality), "that this circle is perhaps the worst of them all. What you will see here may haunt you for the rest of your life. However, to complete your journey, you must see what the entirety of Hell is like."
"Okay," I told his elbow.
Slade slowly half carried half led me into the next circle of Hell. With my head still in his elbow, I shut my eyes tightly, squeezing any remaining tears out of them. I took a deep breath, and lifted my head up.
"I can do this," I told him determinedly.
I could see him smiling under the mask. I cannot even say why I thought he was smiling. I just knew it.
I turned around, feeling Slade's arm rest itself on my shoulders again.
The people here were not talking or screaming. They were simply sitting, standing, or lying down, letting their torture happen. It was almost like they not only expected it, but were used to it.
I cannot express the horror of some of the things I saw. Suffice it to say that many of the tortures these people were undergoing seemed so gruesome and horrific that I could not possibly imagine what they had done in life to deserve such pain.
"W-what did these people do?" I asked, tearing my eyes away from the sights that were now forever burned into my brain (and unfortunately my eyelids as well, which I found out as soon as I blinked).
"They committed more than one of the seven deadly sins," Slade said, his voice hard. "What happens to them is an exact mirror of what they did to others when they were alive."
"You mean, they thought up of these tortures themselves?" I asked, horrified.
"Yes," Slade said softly. "They are kidnappers, rapists, torturers, and so many more it would take a lifetime to mention them all."
"Then they deserve it," I said in a shaky voice, blinking the tears of sympathy out of my eyes. "If they could do that to others, then they deserve it."
I tried to remain emotionless, but unbidden tears were soon streaming down my cheeks. I was not crying for those trapped in this circle of Hell, but for the ones that had had to undergo these tortures during life and carry the scars with them until they died.
"How could they?" I asked, my voice cracking.
"They were evil," Slade said simply. "Just like me."
"You're not evil," I said, looking up at his masked face. "Sure, you've had a colorful history, but nothing you did, not even selling the world to Trigon, can come close to some of these things."
"Thank you," Slade said, pulling me into another awkward hug. "You have no idea how much that means to someone like me."
"You're my hero for a reason, Slade," I said, smiling through the tears that were still flowing from my eyes down my cheeks. "Come on, let's go meet Satan."
"Good plan," He said, keeping an arm around my shoulders and leading me to the next escalator, careful to keep the tortured people out of sight.
Thankfully the temperature went up as we traveled down into the deepest depths of Hell, as there were multiple fires blazing around us.
"Let me guess," I tried to sound at least partially happy, despite the tears that still ran down my cheeks. "This is where Satan lives."
"Yes," Slade said quietly. "Now, I'm not insulting you or anything, but you might want to stop crying before you meet them."
"Them?" I said, hastily pulling a clean tissue out of my pocket and holding it to one eye while the other cried to its little eyeball heart out.
"Satan is technically three people chewing up three sinners," Slade explained. "The three heads are Dante, Terra, and Trigon. The three sinners being chewed up are Bellatrix Lestrange, Garfield, and Cartoon Network."
"Thanks for the warning," I said, successfully stopping both of my eyes from crying. "Let's go."
Slade took my hand in his and the two of us passed through the fire as if it was not there. This was even stranger than walking through my own closet door.
A large, hulking figure came into focus as we walked through the fire. I felt a cold fear grip me, even though I was surrounded by fire. I grabbed Slade's arm with the hand that was not already holding his, and clung on as if my life depended on it (for all I knew, it probably did).
I felt my breath catch in my throat as Satan came into view.
He was huge. He must have been at least ten feet tall, with blood red skin and black wings sprouting from his back. Three heads were perched on his shoulders, all of which looked familiar.
"Dante?" I asked, watching as the center head turned and looked at me.
I hissed at it.
The head gave a girly sigh and slumped. Something black and white fell out of its mouth as it did so.
"Did you just make Satan faint?" Slade asked me, obviously impressed. The two of us, me still clinging to his arm, walked over to where the black and white thing had fallen out of Dante's mouth.
It was the Cartoon Network logo. It was dripping in saliva and torn so violently that I would not have recognized it had it not been something I see everyday.
"Now that's just wrong," I said, nudging the logo with my toe. When nothing happened, I jumped on it, pulling Slade with me. The two of us jumped up and down on the logo, me screaming things such as, "Vile betrayer of mankind!" and Slade just jumping with me, obviously confused.
"What was all that about?" A muffled voice from above asked.
The two of us looked up and jumped off the logo just as Satan's arm grabbed it and popped it back into Dante's mouth.
"Cartoon Network is evil," I said to the three heads. "They cancelled Teen Titans at the end of the fifth season!"
"Wait, so you never saw anything after season five?" Slade asked, his voice having the tone of someone who has just figured out the reason for life as we know it.
"Yep," I said. "And to think I sent them five letters too."
"No wonder they're being chewed up!" Slade said. "Thanks for solving one of the biggest mysteries of Hell."
"Any… time?" I said, confused. However, I shrugged this news away and looked back up at the other heads.
"Terra," I said, frowning.
"Hello," She said in a muffled voice, smiling wickedly.
"Traitor," I muttered.
She answered this by spitting whatever was in her mouth at me.
A very damp, bloody, and disheveled Bellatrix Lestrange was suddenly lying at my feet.
Seeing Bellatrix like this, I began to laugh insanely, saying, "That's what you get for (supposedly) killing your own cousin!"
Satan reached down again, picked Bellatrix up, and put her back in Terra's mouth.
"And Trigon," I said, looking at the last head. Trigon's four-eyed head turned towards me, smiling its own wicked smile. He showed me something orange between his teeth, what I took to be Garfield.
"Mind explaining this group to me, Slade?" I looked at him, smiling.
"Well, Dante is here because he put so many innocent people into Hell in his book," Slade began. "Terra is here because she betrayed the Titans to me. Trigon is here because he tried to take over the universe. Cartoon Network is here for obvious reasons, as is Bellatrix. Finally, Garfield is here because he makes little children lose concentration in school and promotes obesity."
This whole explanation seemed so absurd that it made me laugh again. I let go of Slade's arm to put a hand to my mouth to stop my laughter.
At once, the fire around us blazed higher and higher, singeing Terra's long hair. Slade yelled something, and I fell to the ground, utterly bewildered.
A hand grabbed my arm, and I looked up into another familiar face.
"Kid Flash?" I asked, looking at the redheaded teenager with curiosity.
"The one and only," He said, winking. "Come on," He pulled me to my feet. "We have to get you out of here."
"But why?" I asked, still confused. "What happened?"
"You weren't supposed to let go of Slade," Kid Flash explained. "Now I have to get you out before you're sealed in here forever."
"But what about Slade?" I asked, looking around wildly for the man who had been so nice to me for one bent on destroying five teenagers.
"He'll be fine," Kid Flash assured me. "This has happened before. Now quick, onto my back!" (A/N: Insert fangirl squeal here.)
Without pausing to think over how absurd that sounded, I jumped onto Kid Flash's back.
He began running at once, so fast that I was sure we were just a blur. I clung on for dear life, knowing that if I fell off his back, then there was no hope of getting out of Hell.
In a second, we were standing back outside the trapdoor in the field Slade and I had been in before. Kid Flash lowered me to the ground, and I immediately collapsed onto the grass.
"Well, that was fun," I said, my vision blurry.
"Are you all right?" Kid Flash asked me, and I felt his hands grab onto my arms and pull me up so I was standing again.
"Sorry," I said, shaking my head, trying to clear it of the light that was shining at me from all angles. "I'm just not used to traveling that fast, obviously. Thanks for getting me out of there."
"Anytime," Kid Flash said, saluting and running off.
I watched him go, a feeling of both sadness and joy coursing through me. I was out of Hell, which made me feel relieved, but for all I knew, Slade was still stuck down in Hell, burning with Satan for all of eternity.
I sighed heavily, and looked around.
"How do I get out of here?" I asked the empty air.
As soon as I said this, I was back in my room, kneeling in front of my closet. My paper on the seven deadly sins was in my hand.
"Whoa," I breathed. "That was weird."
I stood up, and, feeling tired, crawled onto my bed and instantly fell asleep.
All during my nap, I was plagued by nightmares. First I was gorging myself on every food imaginable, and then I was starving. Next I stabbed someone, only to have them stab me back. After that rather disturbing occurrence, I was trapped in a ring of fire fifty feet high. The flames were licking at my clothes, coming closer every second…
I awoke with cold sweat covering every inch of my body and a gurgling sound coming from my stomach. I pushed sticky strands of hair off my face, and bolted out of bed for the bathroom. I fell to my knees in front of the toilet, and waited as my stomach began to empty itself.
As I stumbled to the sink from the toilet to brush my teeth, I looked into the mirror. Instead of seeing my own face, I saw horrific images from my trip through Hell.
"Help me!" I whimpered, immediately sitting down and rocking myself back and forth on the bathroom floor. This did nothing to make me feel better. All it did was sharpen the disturbing images I had in my head.
In the days that passed, I found myself dwelling on thoughts of my journey to an almost obsessive level. I was drawing pictures of Hell, outlining what happened in each level, and even giving graphic descriptions of what went on in my journal.
The worst part was that I was still having awful nightmares about the tortures I had seen. Try as I might, I could not get them out of my head, and I would not write or draw anything that dealt with the last two circles of Hell.
Then, one night during a thunderstorm, my nightmares became so bad that I immediately started writing about the last circles of Hell. I described everything exactly as it had happened, right down to when I let go of Slade's arm.
That was when my nightmares ended.
And that was how I came to write down the adventures I had had in Hell.