Okay, we've kinda skipped a couple weeks here in the time frame but it's pretty obvious when it is. You get a clue. All I'd like to say is that I am an Angel addict! I love her so much it's crazy. Other than loving Roger/Adam, Angel is my main woman! Lol!

Let the writing continue…

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Mark's POV

Seeing him with Mimi is like torture for the heart. Seeing him mope around the house, even though I know he's happy in some way. But I have to keep pushing. He needs Mimi, and she needs him. It's hard to believe that I was the one encouraging them to be together. I was the one pushing Roger to be with her, talking him into it, and getting them to meet whenever it was possible.

After Maureen's show, when we were at the Life Café, I wanted to lunge at him. Feeling him hug me, hearing the worry in his voice when I burst through the door. I tried to ignore all the signs that he cared, but it never works. Now he and Mimi and together. Roger is no longer up for grabs. Even if I didn't have him before, I could if I wanted. But now, he is Mimi's.

Sometimes being the same room with him is intolerable. He smiles at me like we are buddies, never to be intimate again. It's probably for the best. That's why I did this in the first place. Because it's the best for Roger. It's the best for Mimi. It's the best for me.

I think now that we have a huge group of friends, it's easier to hide myself between them. Occasionally staring at Roger isn't that hard when we are all together. I can sneak in little moments of depression and need without being noticed. However there is one way I can get noticed. If Angel is there.

She's so aware of everything I am thinking. She can sense when I'm looking at him, thinking about touching him, or sighing because I can't have him. I feel her fingers dance warmly on my back, rubbing up and down to soothe me. She knows, and to tell the truth, I'm glad.

"Honey, it's them now." She whispers in my ear as we wait for the ball to drop. Her blonde wig shimmers in the moonlight, and she holds her green purse with pride. White teeth show through the lipstick caked onto her mouth, and I nod at her. "He loves you though, I know it." I chuckle softly and deny it. He couldn't possibly.

"Sure." She frowns and then Collins taps her on the shoulder.

"It's almost time baby." He yells over the crowd. She smiles gleefully at him and then sweetly looks back at me. They are so in love, it's insane.

I watch as the countdown ends, and the New Year begins. I watch as Mimi and Roger kiss, Angel and Collins stare dreamily into each other's eyes, and Maureen looks ready to burst out of her cat outfit. How could anyone wear something that skin-tight? After letting everyone settle down, I pull my camera out and switch it on, pointing it towards Mimi.

"Mimi! Mimi!" She ignores me, too engulfed in the excitement of the night. "Mimi, gimme your New Year's resolutions." I ask, hoping inside that one of them will be to give Roger back to me.

"I'm giving up my vices. I'm going back to school."

"That's a good one." It's true. Maybe she does deserve him. Then I blatantly point the camera at Roger. "How about you, Roger?"

"Finish a song." He comments, and gives a little smile to the camera.

"Yea, maybe this year." I joke, not meaning to hurt his feelings, but he gives me the finger before plunging his mouth into Mimi's. I pretend to ignore it, even though it hurts like hell. Instead, I focus on what Collins and Angel are saying. I can tell they are both on the verge of being drunk, and it's only seconds after midnight.

"And Pussy Galore. In person." The camera shakes from my laughter, when I catch sight of Maureen in her costume. Joanne looks drunk as well.

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Our stuff is all gone. Benny took all of our shit. I knew he was an asshole, but this is just pushing it. Roger and I borrowed a few blankets from Angel and Collins, even though they offered for us to stay there, but we refused to leave our loft. Well, I did anyway. Roger will probably be with Mimi, leaving me alone in the cold, damp, dark room.

"Should we light some candles?" He asks me, laying out two green blankets on the floor and propping a pillow against the wall.

"Umm…do we have any?"

"Sure, I could borrow some from Mimi...she…" He stops and sighs. I feel a talk coming on. One that I definitely don't want to partake in. Ever since we broke up I haven't felt much like talking. "Mark, are you okay?"

"What?"

"Well, you have been really quiet lately, and I was just wondering if…"

"No." I interrupt, making a last feeble attempt to scrounge my pride together. "No, I'm fine. I've just been tired a lot lately."

"Okay." He seems to accept it before lying down onto the hard wooden floor.

"You're staying here?" I ask innocently. I could have sworn he would stay at Mimi's.

"Of course. I live here don't I? Where did you think I would go?" He grasps his hands together and brings them behind his head, his body covered by the fuzzy, thin blanket.

"Well, to Mimi's. I thought you would want someone to keep you warm tonight." I look down at my feet and imagine him holding me in his arms as we shiver together. "What with no heat and all."

"I have you don't I?" He smiles, but I find nothing funny in making a joke about us. I grab a pink blanket off the floor and spread it out, far away from where he has set up camp. I'm without a pillow, as he has used it for where he expected I would sleep, but I don't really care. "Mark what are you doing?" He sounds worried, and I finally hear his voice tremble from fear. "I'm sorry. Please. This is the only night I have away from…"

"What?" I turn my head towards him and he crawls over beside me.

"Mimi."

"What do you mean?" I ask again, I don't want to get the wrong impression. His body lies down next to me, and I feel his breath on my neck. It's so familiar; I've missed it so much.

"I mean I want to be with you right now, not Mimi." His lips make contact with my neck, and tears feel like spraying out of my eyes. But I hold them back, and I use my hands to push him away from me.

"Roger! I told you that Mimi is better for you."

"But ever since…I feel like you completely forgot we were even together! You act like you just want to be friends and forget we ever happened!" He screams and I see the hurt in his eyes. He does still love me.

"I didn't forget! I think about it every time I see you! Every time Mimi touches you, it rips away at me! I can't stand…"

"Then why are we apart?" We're both standing now, but our distance is substantial.

"I don't know. I…but now Mimi…" My voice breaks between words. I've screwed everything up. I had Roger, and I pushed him away.

"I love her. I really do. But I don't know if I would choose her over you." His words sound like poetry, flowing out of his mouth and into my ears like warm soup. He moves slowly closer to me, laying a hand on my shoulder and I let it stay. "I try to ignore it, but it's too hard. Mimi and I…"

"Don't say it. Don't say we should be together, Rog." I stop him even before he hints at it.

"Why not?" He takes a step away from me. I am so confused by the way my mind works. If I really love him, then why won't I let myself be with him? Something inside me wants Mimi to be happy so bad that I will deny myself happiness.

"Mimi. She loves you. I can see it every time she looks at you."

"If she loves me, wouldn't she want me to be happy?"

"You seem happy with her." He puts his thumb on my chin and lifts my face up, so that we are eye to eye.

"I'd be happier with you." I look away. I know if our eyes met again, I would give in to his lips. But I have to be strong. I can't do what I want right now.

"No, Roger." I break from his grasp and walk further from him. "Mimi is right for you."

"Why can't you just fuckin' let me decide what to do for once? I don't have to listen to everything you say. And I say, that we should be together."

"It's my decision too." The words won't let themselves come out of my mouth. It hurts so much I can barely stand the pain in my head. "And, I don't want to be with you." Hearing it out loud stings my ears. Somehow I keep myself from looking up at Roger. I'm too afraid to see how hurt he is.

"Mark." He persuades my eyes to meet his, and when I do I see compassion. "I know you're lying." Damn it.

"What?" I ask, trying to sound like I'm not. He can see right through me.

"I know you love me."

"I…"

"Mark, please." His voice is desperate and begging, and holding back from his touch is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. "I love you. Please."

"Roger…"

"God, Mark!" He forces his mouth into mine, into the most passionate kiss we have ever had. I don't dare resist, I need this so much. He thrusts me hard into the window and I feel his chest press against mine. My hands throw themselves out to the sides, and his soon follow. He lifts them up above my head, and I feel my shirt being torn off of my body.

"Holy shit..." I whisper. I can tell he is frustrated. Our tongues tangle roughly in my mouth, his twirling against the side of my cheek, begging to make contact with mine. "Roger!" I finally gain control of my thinking, and push his harshly away from me.

"I'm sorry." He apologizes when I least expect it. I was expecting him to run to his room, or to Mimi. But he stands in shock, breathing heavily and wiping saliva off of his chin.

"Maybe you should spend the night with Mimi." I hope he doesn't take my suggestion. I hope so much. I want him to convince me to do this, convince me that Mimi will be okay. I would believe it if he would just talk me into it.

"I…don't want to, Mark. I'll just wish it was you." He lies down on the blanket and before long I can hear sobs taking over his body. I hesitate before joining him, and pressing my body into his back. My face joins with his, grazing along the coarse hair on his chin. He needs a shave.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, and wrap my arms tightly around him. "I love you." My lips meet with his ear and his hands search for mine in the dark. When they find each other, our fingers entangle and I can barely tell which ones are mine. The feeling of Roger close to me, aligned with my body is all I ever needed this past month.

"You do?"

"Of course. But…" He sighs and grips my hand tightly.

"But…"

"We can't. It's just too hard." He turns around so we are facing each other. His thumb rubs my chin, and I see tears at the brim of his eyes.

"What are you so afraid of, Mark?" The question floods my mind, and suddenly I can't think anymore. He knows me way too well. What am I afraid of? Why do I believe that Mimi and Roger are so much better together than him and I? I feel like if I get too close… "I'm not going any…" His words cut like a knife, and both of our breaths catch at once. That's the problem. His is going somewhere, and so is Mimi. But I'm not. Someday, I will be alone, without Roger. That is what scares me.

"I don't want to lose you." Our foreheads touch briefly, and then I back away. I feel the need to have space.

"I know."

"So, you and Mimi are…"

"Better." He finishes my sentence with a sound of longing. We both wish it didn't have to be this way.

His hand moves down to mine, and we fall asleep in each other's arms.

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"Roger?" I shake him lightly, almost as though I don't want to really wake him up. The sun stings my eyes, and I feel the dried tears sticking to my face. Roger doesn't budge, so I cautiously take hold of his hand in mine. I take care in weaving our fingers together, cherishing the feel of his skin against mine before he is Mimi's forever. Soon, my hand will be replaced with hers.

His eyelids quiver, and I drop his hand in fear. Although, I doubt he would really care if he caught me. It would just make everything more difficult.

When he finally wakes up, he gives me a tiny smile before leaving my arms.

"Maybe I should go to Mimi's."

"If you want." Meaning that I don't want him to, but it will be better.

"What are you going to do by yourself with nothing in the loft?" He picks up his jacket off of the floor and swings it around his shoulders, slowly letting his arms dig their way into the sleeves. I look around at the empty room and sigh.

"I have no idea. Maybe I'll go out and film a little. I have that meeting for Buzz line later today."

"Oh yeah. Good luck."

"Mmm...thanks." He walks over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. At first it scares me, but I eventually just sink into it.

"I'll…I'm…" His mouth hangs open, and I lay my finger in front of it.

"It's okay. I think we said it all last night." Our eyes connect, and I never want to let go. Reluctantly, I let him slide out of my grip and he heads through the door. But not without a loving smile.

I rest my body against the wall and bury my face in my hands. I want him back so bad it hurts. But Mimi. I'm so afraid. It seems everything is crashing down on me, and I don't have the one person who could possibly make it better. Roger.

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Notes: This chapter took a while to type considering that I had a major case of writer's block and I got caught up reading another story, which I intend to finish! Hope you liked it, it was so hard for me to write because I want them together. Alas, I cannot have what I want at the moment. Review! I love them!