Just got back from Minnesota, and I'm dying from lack of my computer! I missed it so much I wanted to cry. Okay, I didn't get to write much because of dogs in the car and people reading over my shoulder, but I did as well as I could. Hope ya like it!

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Mark's POV

Somehow Roger and I are still able to be around each other. We talk, but it's not the same. We don't have the same connection we used to. It's not Mimi or Angel or even that he's leaving after the funeral, it's the fact that we can never seem to make it work. There's always something holding us back. Something in the way.

He talks about writing Mimi a song, like we were never together. He never acknowledges me like we were together. It's the same thing all over again. Sometimes he completely ignores loving me. Maybe he doesn't anymore. Maybe it was all an act, then he saw real love with Mimi. But how could he fake it? It all seemed so real.

Whenever our eyes meet I feel a cold, long distance. It's only been two days since he told he was leaving, but it seems horribly long and drawn out. Time is moving slowly, every second painfully ticking by.

"Are you ready to go?" Roger peeks his head in my room, dressed up as nice as possible for the funeral. He looks handsome, but terribly sad. His eyes are weary and burnt out, looking for life.

"Yea. Just putting on my shoes." I sigh, and wish I could muster up the courage to say something more.

"Okay. We walking or what?"

"Uhh…" I tie my shoelaces and wonder what the temperature is. It's most likely warm enough to walk, and we are slightly early. "Yea. Sure."

"All right." I can see anguish in his face, and I know he doesn't want to attend the funeral. He loved Angel too much to go. He doesn't want to see Mimi either, to fight, to hear her beg him back, to refuse. Angel's death is not the only thing that is bothering Roger. He has so much shit to deal with I'm surprised it hasn't exploded inside him yet.

"Do we need to..talk or anything?" I whisper, immediately becoming uncomfortable.

"What? No…" He looks away before walking closer to the bed. "Do you think we need to talk?" He sits down next to me, yet relatively far away.

"Uh, I don't know. I don't want to fight."

"Me neither."

"Then, maybe later."

"Didn't we say enough before? When we b…" He slides away from me, and I feel a cold rush run through my body. He does think that we broke up. It suddenly hits me that Roger and I might never get back together. That might have been my last chance with him. Now it is Mimi's turn. Part of me is ready to accept that, no matter how much it pains me to say so.

"Maybe you should just get back together with Mimi. Wouldn't it be bett…"

"Mark! Don't start that shit again. Just let me live my life, okay?"

"Roger, Mimi loves you. You love her."

"Do I? You know what I feel now?" He looks me square in the eyes, but I choose to ignore him. I know he loves Mimi, even if he loves me too.

"I'm just trying to do what's best."

"What's best for who? Mimi?" He tries to get away from me, walking briskly into the living room and looking out the window. After a second I follow, hesitantly putting my hand on his shoulder. I expect it to be pushed off immediately, but he lets it stay.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to him, and he takes a long time to speak.

"It's okay. I'm starting to think…" He pauses and takes a deep breath in. "that you're right." My hand jumps off his shoulder in shock. Could he actually be considering going back to Mimi?

"What? You mean…"

"Well, she needs help. I can't just give up on her like April did to." It's like he's an entirely different person now. He turns his body to face me, looking directly into my eyes. The sort of thing he only did when we were together.

"Oh."

"Mark?" He notices my gaze drop away from his, and tries to find it again.

"Yea?" I see his staring intently at me, confused by my regret. Now I don't want Mimi in the picture. Before I knew he wouldn't follow my advice, but now he's actually considering it.

"Why do you always take care of me? I'm always an asshole and you just…" He glances out the window, looking into the fog of leaves and city turmoil. "You're always there." I see a red blush come over his cheeks, in spite of his best attempts to hold it back. He does still love me, but he doesn't want to. He really wants to love Mimi, and now I'm the one who needs to accept that.

"You would do the same thing for me." He looks up at me, compassion burning strong in his eyes.

"I would try." I feel a shiver repressed in my body, and I want to pull him into an embrace. To feel his arms around me is what I need right now. But that is why he is leaving; to get away from my hugs.

"We should go. We're kinda late." I pull away from him reluctantly, wanting to return the second I can't feel his warmth.

"I know. I said that before." He smiles playfully, obviously not missing my body next to his like I do.

"Right. Sorry." I stutter, walking to the door and slipping on my jacket simultaneously.

"Something wrong?" He asks. Yes, everything is wrong. How can he just pretend like we were never us? We were never anything? Is that what I meant to him? I meant enough to forget two days later.

"Uh, I guess not."

"Mark, what is it?"

"We're going to a funeral, do you expect me to be beaming with joy? Unlike some people I loved Angel." My words hit hard, even for me. I feel him cringe and wait for my impending doom. I know he loved Angel, saying that was a death sentence for sure. So much for not wanting to fight.

"What? Mark you know that is a lie."

"I know."

"I loved Angel as much as you. Don't start this shit, you are mad about something. What is it?" He's pounding it out of me, and I'm going to have to tell him eventually.

"It's nothing. Just not being…never mind." I decide that I should keep it to myself, he's already confused. But now that he's going to be with Mimi, he won't leave for Santa Fe. At least I will get to see him.

"All right. Well, I'm here to talk." He's more passive today than usual, like he's in a better mood. Somehow that is impossible to believe. Maybe this is how Roger is when he's grieving. "You ready?"

"Yes for the millionth time. Let's just get outta here."

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Once we walk inside the church, it really hits us that Angel is gone. Before Roger and I were talking like it was a normal day, but now it's here. Our last day to pay respects to the center of our lives for the past year.

We walk closer, seeing the coffin in view, as well as everyone who is there. A cold sweat overcomes my body at the sight of who is in a pew near the front. Mimi and Benny. I look over at Roger, who stares angrily at the couple. I'm not happy that Roger can't be with Mimi, in my dumb mind of confusion. First I force him on her, then I don't want them together, and now I wish they were. What the fuck?

Roger sits down in a pew and I place myself next to him, glancing over every few seconds to see if he's okay. Tears roll down his cheeks, and I see him looking at Angel's coffin in sorrow. I think he wants Mimi there with him, holding his hand and telling him it's okay. But she's with Benny, wishing it were Roger. What a twisted world.

One by one everyone gets up to say something, including me, before Collins slowly makes his way. His speech crushes me inside and out, showing me what real love is. What is missing with Roger and I? Angel and Collins were always perfect together, telling each other "I love you" all the time. But so did Roger and I. I said it as often as I could. Maybe it wasn't enough.

Angel and Collins weren't afraid to kiss in front of us. They would show their love, without being distasteful. They were in love, and they were best friends. Roger and I were always afraid to show our love in front of the group. We were always hiding. Maybe secrecy is our problem. Now I can't fix it. It's gone forever. He's gone forever.

We all walk through the graveyard, emotionally spent. I can't seem to cry, even though I cry in Roger's arms almost everyday now. It's like my tears are all gone. Mimi and Roger fight, tearing the group further apart with every cold word. They both love each other? Why are they fighting this? Me.

I have seemed to screw everything up for everyone. If it weren't for me, Mimi and Roger would be happy together, in a blissful state of romance. But I had to happen.

I walk back from the funeral, after attempting to drink with Mimi, Benny and Collins. I tried, but I'm not a big drinker. It doesn't help me in the slightest. I walk slowly into Roger's room, and see him packing his suitcase. He is actually leaving. We fight, and I see anger and grief in his face, like reluctance. He's leaving yet he doesn't want to?

Seeing him leave even when Mimi is staring him in the face, practically begging him back is infuriating. Roger always has to be the stubborn one, unable to just let his heart lead him through life. He uses his head too much. His eyes quiver, building up tears as his feet move beneath him, running away from the only family he has. I don't quite understand why he has to leave. I never understand anything that Roger does. He's always such a mystery.

The door closes, after consoling Mimi, after offering help, after doing all I can to help everyone, after denying all of my feelings to make everyone else happy. I collapse on my bed, breathing in salty tears that are finally able to come. I cry for Angel, for Collins, for Mimi, for Roger, for myself. I want him in my arms, in my grip. That way I have control over him; I can't let him get away from me. Love is all I have to think about, and I can't feel it next to me.

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That was Goodbye Love strung in there in case you couldn't tell, so yea…hope you liked it! I'm hoping to post the next chapter really soon to make up for the fact that I didn't post this one last night…oops. Read and Review! Thanks guys, love ya!